Ok, so this is my entry to the FanFic Challenge Round Three: Dealers Choice. My prompts were JJ/Morgan; a pillow, New England Patriots, a Red Bull.

As usual, I don't own anything you recognise, including the title, which came from an episode of M*A*S*H.

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No Laughing Matter

"Grandpa Jack, when did this happen?" one of his grandchildren asked him.

Jack took the scrapbook from the child and looked at the displayed page. "Well, Ethan, I'm pretty sure that's the day my cousin Gabriella, your Grandpa Henry's sister, was born."

"Really?" he asked in wonder. Jack nodded. "Can you tell me the story? Please!"

Jack shook his head. "I'm sorry, buddy, but it's a story Grandpa Henry has to tell."

"Which story do I have to tell?" Henry asked, wheeling himself into the room.

Jack smiled at his brother-in-law. "The one Aunt Pen described as 'No Laughing Matter'."

Henry smiled as he remembered the story. "Ah, yes, I love that one. Dad's hand was never the same after that; he always complained in the cold, and the rain, and the heat, and… well, I don't think he ever didn't complain about his hand."

"What happened to his hand?" Ethan asked, suddenly curious.

"Well, Ethan, it all started when my Uncle Derek laughed at my dad's misfortune," Henry began. "You see, the Rossi family are a very stubborn one…"

March 2014

Jennifer Jareau Rossi lowered herself back onto the couch, slipping a pillow behind her lower back. She sighed heavily, dropping a hand to her swollen stomach, and diverted her attention back to the football game on TV. Derek Morgan moved slightly next to her; he was the day's babysitter while the family were working.

"I'm so sick of being pregnant," JJ moaned, propping her feet on the coffee table. "I swear, this little girl is going to be the death of me."

"How late is she now?" Derek asked, opening his third can of Red Bull. He was waiting for the next game on ESPN, the rerun of the New England Patriots against the Pittsburgh Steelers.

"Ten days."

Derek started giggling.

"Man, why are you laughing?" she almost screamed. "Your wife is pregnant with triplets, and you're laughing at me!"

"No offense, baby girl, but my wife is sitting on her ass in front of multiple computer screens every day while you roam the country talking to the press and hunting down unsubs. You went into labour in her office with Henry!"

JJ glared at him. "What does that have to do with anything! This kid is ten days late! Ten days, Derek! And every minute of those days she has either been playing soccer with my bladder, or getting one of her feet stuck in my ribcage! Once, she even had the hiccups for what felt like eight hours! Do you know what it feels like when your unborn child has hiccups?"

At that comment, Derek started laughing again.

"No, Derek, it's not funny!" she shrieked. "I just want her to drop her head already. Hell, even Henry will be happy when she's born! He's almost scared to come anywhere near me. Do you know what it's like to have your son scared to even hug you? Dave's avoiding me, Aaron's avoiding me, Emily's busy with the twins when she's not at work, and everyone's hovering! I can't take it any more!"

Derek kept laughing, obviously on some kind of caffeine high from the Red Bull he kept drinking, and JJ slapped his bald head.

"Woman, what did I do to deserve that?" he asked, rubbing the spot where she hit him.

"You don't laugh at a pregnant woman's discomfort, idiot," she growled. Derek shook his head and returned his attention to the end of the football game; he wasn't the biggest fan of the Patriots or the Steelers, but it was an important game for the season and he had missed it due to an interstate case the weekend before. He was so focussed on ignoring his friend, he missed the pained look ripple across her face as she rubbed her lower back.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, JJ silently plotting her way to kill him, and Derek wondering what he had done to deserve the punishment, when Natalia broke the silence.

"Miss Jennifer?" the Hispanic housekeeper interrupted.

JJ looked over the top of the couch, still rubbing her lower back, to give her attention to the woman who not only ran her house, but saved her from the men and their stupid behaviour. "Yes, Natalia, is everything ok?"

"Forgive me for being so forward, Miss Jennifer, but are you in any pain?"

Derek, overhearing the older woman's concern, immediately turned his head to the woman next to him. "JJ, are you ok?" he asked seriously.

"Mm hmm," she nodded. "The baby's just wiggling around and she's kicking my spine; I'll be better when she stops moving."

"Are you sure?" all hint of teasing was gone from his voice. "Dave said you're bound to drop any time now, I just want to make sure…"

"Derek, if you value your life, you'll shut the hell up now," she groaned, rubbing her back further.

"Miss Jennifer, do you want me to call Mister David?"

JJ looked up at the housekeeper, then to Derek's face, and then back to Natalia again. "No offense, Natalia, but all I want right now is to sleep, and she's not going to let me, so no, I do not want you to call David. If you do, you won't have a job to come back to."

Derek and Natalia shared a reprehensive look, but the woman nodded and left the room, heading to the kitchen to cook dinner. Derek himself turned back to the television, but was more focused on the pregnant woman next to him. He could see her hissing every so often, rubbing her back all the time, but he tried to ignore it, if only to keep his manhood intact. There was nothing worse than an aggravated JJ with a gun; she never missed.

Five pm came and went, and before either of them knew it, six o'clock rolled around. Henry still hadn't appeared, and Dave was still in the BAU office covering for the unit chief currently camped out on his couch. Natalia kept checking in, but JJ waved her off almost immediately.

The pair continued to sit in silence, the TV showing an interview with one of the Patriots players, but they weren't paying attention.

"Ok, I've had enough," Derek broke the silence. He turned to JJ to confront her. "You've been hissing and rubbing your back for almost two hours now; I want an explanation, and I want one now."

"Can you hand me that pillow first please?" she asked, pointing to the one on the next lounge. Derek handed it over.

"Why?"

"So I can do this," she said evilly, whacking him across the face with it.

"Damn woman, what did you do that for?"

JJ shrugged. "I needed to, and you were just asking for it."

Derek shook his head. "JJ, I swear, one day I'm going to hurt you."

JJ laughed, and Henry ran in at the sound of his mother's voice. "Mommy!" the seven year old screamed.

"Hi, baby."

"I'm not a baby any more," Henry said proudly.

"No, little man, you aren't," Derek said from next to him.

Henry beamed and placed his face on his mother's belly, ready to begin telling the baby about his day, like he always did. JJ sat back and relaxed while Henry completed his ritual while Morgan took the opportunity to grab another caffeine drink from the kitchen.

"Mommy, why is your belly moving?" Henry asked innocently.

"What?" Derek asked from the door. "You said she was just moving like h-e-double-hockey-sticks on wheels."

"I may have lied," she trailed off quietly, rubbing her hand against her lower back again.

"If you say you're in labour, I swear…"

"I think I'm in labour," she whispered.

"Seriously, woman?"

JJ nodded. "Seriously."

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Gabriella Margaret Rossi was born in the early hours of the following morning, March 16, 2014, weighing in at 8 pounds, 12 ounces, 46 centimetres long. Jennifer Rossi was totally exhausted, but completely happy with their new addition. Henry, totally enamoured with his new baby sister, sat on the other side of his mother, his eyes and hands never leaving the newborn.

David Rossi, on the other hand, was deliriously happy. This was not only due to his firstborn daughter, but the morphine given to him when his wife broke his hand during labour.

The team slowly filtered in after everyone had been cleaned up and settled into a private room, each expressing their congratulations to the new parents. When they found out about Dave's 'injury', and the method in which he received it, Derek started laughing loudly, much to everyone else's disgust.

"Derek Morgan, this is no laughing matter," JJ chastised him. "Don't forget you will probably be in the same position in a couple of months, and who will be laughing then?"

The look on Morgan's face, as both his wife and her best friends watched on with undisguised glee at his discomfort, was captured for posterity by a stray digital camera, much to the delight of everyone else.