So a few people said they're really uncomfortable with cheating, and I'm really sorry about that. I obviously don't condone cheating, but I just got inspired and wanted to write this. I hope you guys think the ending is alright, I rewrote it a couple of times to try and get it right.
Clarke assumes things will go back to normal once they're back home. Things do not.
Bellamy insists they have to keep pretending they're a couple, at least for a little while. He says it doesn't make sense for them to break up as soon as they're back from Paris, and Roan will get suspicious. Clarke agrees reluctantly, under the impression they won't ever actually have to prove it.
Of course, Roan doesn't actually give a shit as long as their "relationship" doesn't interfere with their work, and Echo knows it isn't real, so Clarke thinks they're in the clear. They'll just give it a couple of weeks and then Clarke will casually mention to Roan that it didn't work out between her and Bellamy and they've decided to go back to being friends. What she doesn't count on is Bellamy being a complete idiot.
First he convinces her to keep pretending to be his girlfriend.
"Please, Clarke," he begs her. Roan has decided he doesn't need her this afternoon so she's helping at reception and Bellamy is supposed to be picking Roan up to take him to an appointment, but Roan is running late.
"You said it would only be a little while," Clarke hisses, glancing and the other person working reception to make sure he isn't listening. "It's been two weeks. I'm breaking up with you."
"You don't even have to do anything," Bellamy protests. "You just have to not tell Roan we're broken up. It's actually more effort to stop pretending."
"This isn't convincing," she tells him flatly.
"Look. It's not going to be forever. It's just until Echo and I are done. It's not like you're seeing anyone else, and Roan's never going to suspect me and Echo if he thinks I'm with you."
"I don't want to help Echo cheat on her husband," Clarke says through gritted teeth. They really shouldn't be discussing this here.
"You're not helping Echo. You're just giving me an alibi should Roan find out Echo is cheating on him," Bellamy corrects her.
"Why are you acting like you don't have any accountability in this?" Clarke snaps. "Maybe you're not the one cheating, but that doesn't rid you of all blame. Don't you care about Roan at all?"
"I do," Bellamy sighs. "I know what I'm doing is wrong. I'm not proud of it. It's just…" he stops, unsure how to continue. "If it wasn't me, it would be someone else. And…" he trails off again. "It's only temporary." Clarke screws up her nose. She doesn't miss the fact that he still doesn't tell her exactly what his reasons are. He only ever mentions Echo. She's sure he must have his own reasons, but whatever they are, he's not giving anything away.
She doesn't want to condone this. But then he's giving her a hopeful look and somehow she can't bring herself to let him down. Besides, she's not the one doing the wrong thing, they are. She's just protecting a friend.
"Fine," she sighs dramatically. "But on the condition that should he find out about you and Echo, I never knew about it. Deal?"
"Deal," Bellamy grins. She expects him to go away after that but he just keeps grinning at her.
"I have work to do Bellamy," she hints.
"Okay, see you later, babe," he winks. Clarke rolls her eyes,
"Don't call me that."
"What should I call you? Sweetheart? Darling? Sugar? Snookums?"
"No."
"Peaches?"
"Roan's here," she nods towards the elevator.
"Peaches it is!" Bellamy says, a little too pleased with himself. Roan strides over and Bellamy nods at him. "Sir."
"I'm going to miss my appointment if we don't hurry up," Roan says in annoyance, as if he's the one that's been waiting around for twenty minutes.
"Yes, sir," Bellamy nods again, heading towards the front doors. "See you later, Peaches!" he calls back to Clarke and she flushes as Roan gives her an amused look.
"Bye, Kitten!" Clarke calls back. Roan gives a snort of laughter and Bellamy almost trips over his own feet.
For the next couple of weeks, it's the easiest relationship she's ever had. No deciding whose place to stay at, no fighting over what to watch on Netflix and no subtle but awkward hints that she needs some alone time. She stops giving Bellamy subtle reminders that he's being a shitty person. He's a grown man, he can make his own decisions.
Roan never asks about her love life, so she never has to pretend she's been seeing Bellamy outside of work, and since no one else knows about the faux relationship other than Echo, she doesn't have to discuss it with any friends or family members.
It's also the most depressing relationship she's ever had, and that's including the time she was dating a guy who already had a girlfriend. Which is totally different from Bellamy's situation, seeing as Clarke never actually knew Finn had a girlfriend. Still, it's actually a little surprising Bellamy never brought it up when she was interrogating him about his relationship with Echo. He definitely knows about it, seeing as she cried about it in the car on the way to pick up Roan once.
But as depressing as that whole fiasco was, she at least got the benefits of an actual relationship while she was with Finn. Sex, for example. Dates. Someone to hang out with. Someone to bring her chocolate when she was on her period, someone to rant to about Game of Thrones. She gets none of that with Bellamy. Instead she gets the overwhelming guilt of lying to her boss, a sense of hopeless pining over a man who doesn't actually want her, and a patronising pet name. And to be honest she could deal with being called Peaches every now and again if was saying it as he kissed her good morning. Or at least brought her some fucking coffee when he comes to pick her up for work in the morning.
Neither of those things happen. Instead what happens is he asks her for another favour.
"My sister thinks I'm seeing someone," he tells her as he drives her to work. Technically he's Roan's driver but since Roan lives at his place of work he doesn't exactly need driving there.
"You kind of are," Clarke points out, though she hates to be reminded of it.
"She wants to meet her," he continues, and Clarke should probably wonder why he doesn't sound particularly worried about this development.
"I knew this would come back to bite you one day," she gloats. "How is your sister going to feel when you tell her your girlfriend is a married woman?"
"Can't say she'd be impressed," Bellamy agrees, and he still doesn't sound at all concerned. "Which is why I didn't tell her that Echo's my girlfriend."
"What exactly did you tell her then?" Clarke asks, and she has the distinct feeling she isn't going to like the answer.
"I told her you were my girlfriend."
"Bellamy," Clarke says warningly. She knows where this is headed now, and she's going to be mad if he asks her to meet his sister. She'll do it, of course, because she's pathetic. But she won't be happy about it.
"I told her we'd have dinner with her this Friday," he says, and he at least has the decency to sound a little guilty. "I'm really sorry!" he says quickly, before Clarke can berate him. "I panicked, and we were already pretending to date so it just sort of popped out."
"I hate you."
"I know. I get it if you don't want to do it. But will you?" he asks, hesitant. Clarke closes her eyes. They're almost at the hotel, and if they can make it there without her answering she might be able to just run away and let her silence be her answer.
"I'll do it, but you better start bringing me coffee." But honestly, Bellamy's beaming face at her answer would have been reward enough.
Getting ready for the dinner with Bellamy's sister is stressful to say the least. She tries on seven different outfits before she decides on the first one she tried on. She's going for sexy and sophisticated with a dash of I-want-to-have-your-brother's-babies. The last part is less to do with the outfit and more to do with the fact that she actually does want to have his babies and she's having more and more trouble hiding the fact.
She's meeting the Blakes at the restaurant so she nervously makes her way there alone, then stands outside the restaurant for five minutes willing herself to go in. It's not just that she's nervous about trying to convince Bellamy's sister that they're a couple. It's whether she should be trying to do it in the first place. Do they really need to bring more people into this horrible sham?
"Not sure if you're in the right place?" some random lady asks.
"I'm in the right place," Clarke assures her. "I think." The woman nods and heads into the restaurant and Clarke takes a deep breath and follows her in. She spots Bellamy as soon as she walks in, the woman he's with presumably his sister, and next to her must be her husband.
"I'm with them," she points to his table before the greeter can say anything. He nods and Clarke heads over to the table. The butterflies in her stomach only get worse as Bellamy spots her and stands up. She's planning to go in for a hug, but he gives her a soft kiss instead, and she does her best to act natural though she can feel her face heat up.
"Cute," his sister says and it's only then that Bellamy seems to remember they aren't alone.
"Right, uh, Clarke, this is my sister, Octavia, and her husband, Lincoln. Guys, this is my girlfriend, Clarke," he introduces, and Clarke hates how good it sounds.
"Nice to meet you, Clarke," Octavia smiles.
"Likewise," Clarke returns and she and Bellamy sit down.
The rest of the night runs surprisingly smoothly. Clarke allows Bellamy to take the lead, and just agrees with whatever lies he makes up about their relationship. He's just as good at acting as he was the night with Roan and Echo, and when his hand lands on her thigh for a moment, out of sight of Octavia and Lincoln, she wonders if maybe he's forgotten that she's not actually his girlfriend.
In any case, Octavia and Lincoln seem to fall for it and Octavia decides to accompany Clarke to the bathroom after dinner.
"He really likes you, you know," Octavia says as they wash their hands side by side.
"I really like him too," Clarke says, and it's not even a lie.
"No, like he really likes you," Octavia says meaningfully, though Clarke doesn't catch what the meaning is. She kind of assumes Bellamy has mentioned Echo a few times around Octavia, without actually going into detail, and that maybe he likes Echo more than he's let on.
"Does he talk about me a lot?" she asks, meaning, does he talk about Echo a lot.
"A bit," Octavia shrugs. "But that's not how I know. I can just tell. I always know when he's close to telling a girl he loves her."
"Love?" Clarke chokes out.
"Yeah, fair warning. He's definitely going to tell you soon. So you might want to have a response prepared," Octavia warns her.
"How do you know?" Clarke squeaks.
"How do you not know?" Octavia scoffs. "His fucking heart eyes are so obvious they make me sick." Clarke wants to tell her she's wrong. He doesn't have any heart eyes because he's still sleeping with Echo. And maybe he doesn't love Echo, but if he loved Clarke then he'd be with her for real, not living in this ridiculous charade. But obviously she can't say any of that to Octavia.
"Okay, I'll be ready," she says instead, smiling as if she and Octavia are sharing a private joke. Octavia seems satisfied and leads them back out to the table.
Bellamy drives her home after dinner, and it's probably a bad idea, but she invites him inside.
"Just to hang out," she clarifies. "We never spend any time together outside of work." Bellamy hesitates then nods his assent, unbuckling his seatbelt and following her inside. She pours him a glass of wine and turns on the TV and Field of Dreams is on.
"If you build it, they will come," Bellamy quotes solemnly.
"That's not the quote," Clarke informs him. "It's if you build it, he will come. Meaning his father."
"You're a nerd," Bellamy tells her.
"Oh, says the guy who can quote the entire opening monologue from V for Vendetta. Not to mention that time you spent the better part of an hour about different types of battle armour," Clarke scoffs.
"There's more where that came from," he grins. "You think that's nerdy? I can name every single Roman Emperor."
"Kuzco," Clarke guesses, purposefully trying to wind him up.
"That's the llama from The Emperor's New Groove," he huffs, and Clarke can't help but laugh at how much of an old man he sounds like. "And that's clearly Peruvian."
"If you say so," Clarke grins. There's a silence then and they go back to watching the movie until Bellamy speaks again.
"You think we fooled them?" he asks, clearly referring to Octavia and Lincoln.
"I know we fooled them," Clarke smirks, then she remembers exactly what Octavia had said and her smile falters a little. "You should have heard what Octavia said. It's pretty funny actually," she forces herself to sound amused.
"Oh?"
"She said she was certain you were going to confess your love to me in the near future," Clarke grins. Bellamy grins back, thought he doesn't laugh out loud.
"Guess we got her good," he says, then turns back to the movie again.
Of course, they can't fake break up after that. Bellamy says Octavia's already become attached, a fact which Clarke well knows because apparently Bellamy gave his sister her number and Octavia has no boundaries and no qualms about double or quadruple texting someone.
Clarke doesn't really mind, in fact she finds it kind of endearing. She likes Octavia a lot, and she likes Lincoln, and worst of all, she likes Bellamy. And the longer they pretend to be together, the more he starts acting like her actual boyfriend. He starts bringing her coffee like he promised, but he also brings her flowers and the casual touches that he'd practiced during the dinners they'd had with Roan and Echo and Octavia and Lincoln become commonplace. Brushing a hair behind her ear, placing a hand on the small of her back. It's a sweet kind of torture.
Plus the hanging out outside of work continues, and the more she finds out about him, the more she likes him. Apart from the sleeping with a married woman thing, which she assumes he's still doing seeing as he hasn't said they can stop pretending to be together.
She manages to keep it up for another month. That's two whole months of desperate pining, of replaying the times he'd kissed her in her mind, fantasising about him doing it again. Of battling with her better judgement, deep down knowing she shouldn't be doing this. After two months she decides she can't do it anymore. They have to stop before it gets anymore out of hand. Before her mom finds out and gets all excited and starts planning her a wedding.
"Bellamy, I can't do this anymore," she tells him firmly as he drives her home from work. "We have to fake break up." She glances at him to gauge his reaction. He looks… resigned. Like he knew it was coming but didn't want to admit it to himself.
"Okay," he agrees.
"You'll tell Octavia?" Clarke ensures.
"I'll tell her," he agrees.
"We don't even have to tell Roan. He won't even notice but if the topic comes up I'll just casually mention we broke up," Clarke shrugs. "That way you still kind of have an alibi for Echo for a little while." Bellamy frowns for a moment, looking a little confused.
"Right. Echo," he finally nods. "Thanks for covering for me. For doing all that. I know you didn't want to. Still don't know how I managed to convince you," he grins and Clarke smiles with him.
"About that," she says. "Why did you never bring up Finn and Raven? When you were trying to get me to see it differently?"
"You really think I'd throw that in your face?" he says, surprised. "Come on, Clarke. That was completely different, we both know that." Clarke nods, feeling like she could kiss him. "Besides, there's plenty of other stuff I could have mentioned, but I didn't need to, did I? You helped me anyway. 'Cause we're friends."
"Yeah," Clarke agrees.
The thing is about fake break ups, is they actually feel a lot like real break ups. It's dumb, because Clarke never really had him to begin with, but it feels like she's lost something anyway and she has to keep reminding herself she doesn't actually have anything to be upset about. It wasn't real.
Octavia stops texting her a few days later and Clarke supposes Bellamy told his sister they broke up. Good. It's a weight off her shoulders, honestly. She wonders what Bellamy said, if he made it sound like Clarke broke up with him or that is was mutual. She doesn't really want Octavia to hate her.
She and Bellamy stop hanging out outside of work as well, both claiming they're too busy. Which Clarke is, since she has to help organise a party for Roan to celebrate the announcement of the new hotel he's opening in Paris. The contracts have been signed and the property has been purchased, so he's decided it's time for a celebration, where he can reveal his plans to the rest of the employees and the investors.
"Have you double checked with the caterers that there are vegan options?" Roan asks her. He's been firing off questions at her about the party non-stop for the past two days, seeing as the event is tomorrow night. He's asked the same questions over and over, but Clarke is happy to humour him.
"Triple checked," she assures him.
"And our French guests have the best rooms in the hotel?"
"Of course," she nods.
"Did you help Echo pick out what to wear?"
"I tried."
"Okay," Roan nods, and it seems like he's done for the time being, but Clarke knows he'll remember something else in twenty minutes.
"You and Bellamy can have the night off, of course," Roan tells her. "I want you to enjoy yourselves."
"Oh, uh," Clarke says awkwardly. "Bellamy and I broke up." Roan laughs. Not exactly the reaction one expects when informing someone of a break up.
"Good one," he says. "Just make sure he does something with that hair of his, okay?" Roan tells her before striding out of his office with another laugh. Clarke stands there dumbly, wondering what just happened.
"Roan doesn't believe we broke up," Clarke tells Bellamy later that day while Bellamy waits for Roan to come down from his office. He's supposed to be taking him to the airport to pick up the last of the French investors, but apparently the most important.
"Yeah, I had a similar problem with Octavia," Bellamy rolls his eyes.
"I don't get it," Clarke huffs. "People break up."
"Apparently we were so good at acting that people think we're perfect for each other," Bellamy says in amusement.
"How did you convince Octavia?"
"First I told her I broke up with you. She didn't believe me. Then I told her you cheated on me. She didn't believe me. Then I had to tell her we were so in love that you got scared and ran off," Bellamy recounts.
"And she believed that?"
"No."
"So what did you end up telling her?" Clarke presses. She needs to figure out to convince Roan she's not dating Bellamy anymore. Bellamy sighs.
"The truth," he shrugs. "I told her we were never really dating and that none of it was real."
"And what did she say?" Clarke asks, astonished.
"Well, she mostly believed me," Bellamy says wryly, and he pauses, seemingly about to say more, but then Roan walks into the lobby.
"Look, I think it will just be easier if we go to this thing together tomorrow night," Clarke says quickly, before Roan can reach them. "I'll try and convince him some other time." Bellamy nods.
"I'll pick you up," he tells her.
"Let's go!" Roan calls as he strides past and Bellamy gives Clarke a small shake of his head and hurries after his boss.
Honestly, Clarke secretly loves fancy parties. Of course, she'd never let her mother know that, but she likes dressing up and maybe the people are kind of snobbish most of the time, but that makes it all the more fun to make fun of them behind their backs with whoever she manages to drag along. On this particular occasion, Bellamy is all too happy to oblige.
"That guy's face is the same colour as his tie," Clarke points out to Bellamy.
"I think his tie is more blue than purple," Bellamy muses. "What about him? Fake hair?"
"Definitely. And his wife's boobs are also fake. In fact I'm having trouble locating any part of either of them that's actually real," Clarke laughs.
"Ah, well I guess we can't judge. Fake is our specialty," Bellamy grins. A waiter whizzes by and Clarke manages to grab a couple of glasses of champagne from him, handing one to Bellamy.
"To things that are fake," she says by way of a toast. Bellamy shakes his head in amusement, clinking his glass with hers.
"Enjoying the party?" Roan saunters over. Echo is nowhere to be seen.
"Yes sir," Bellamy nods. "We were just trying to work out if that man's tie was blue or purple." Roan looks over.
"Purple," he decides. "Same colour as his face." Clarke gives Bellamy an I-told-you-so smirk and he rolls his eyes. "I'm going to give my speech soon, so make sure you have full glasses so you can toast my success," Roan instructs them before weaving his way back through the crowd again. A minute later he's taken to the stage and Clarke swears she's listening to him, but after he's finished she can't remember a single thing he's said.
"To old friends and new adventures!" Roan finishes, raising his glass. Clarke copies his motion and downs the rest of her champagne.
"I'm going to the bathroom," she tells Bellamy, handing him her empty glass and making her way towards the bathroom. The stalls are all empty bar one, seeing as most people were out in the hotel ballroom listening to Roan's speech, so Clarke takes her pick and it's only when she's sitting on the toilet does she realise how drunk she is. She hears a toilet flush a couple of stalls over and two seconds later she's flushing her own, stepping out of the cubicle to see Echo washing her hands. Clarke does her best to keep her face impassive and her voice polite.
"You missed Roan's speech," Clarke tells her.
"Did I?" Echo says. "Shit." She sounds genuinely concerned, but Clarke just scoffs.
"Like you care."
"He's my husband, of course I care," Echo snaps.
"If you care so much why are you cheating on him?" Clarke hisses. She'd probably have the sense not to confront Echo if she wasn't so drunk, but as it is she's ready to speak her mind. Echo snorts.
"Look, I get it," she says, a little patronisingly. "You're jealous because I fucked you're boyfriend before you did."
"That's not it at all," Clarke huffs. "Roan's my boss and my friend. I don't want to see him get hurt." Echo studies Clarke for a moment, then her sneering mask seems to fall.
"Fair enough," she says, glancing down. "I talked to him," Echo says. "We've agreed we can see other people. An open marriage if you will."
"He's okay with it?" Clarke asks in astonishment. She's not surprised that Roan would agree to it, she's just surprised Echo had the decency to talk to him at all.
"He suggested it," Echo tells her. Clarke nods.
"You told him about Bellamy then?" Clarke assumes. Echo gives her a look of horror.
"God no," she grimaces. "I didn't tell Roan I cheated on him. Besides that ended weeks ago and you and Bellamy seem happy now, so-,"
"Wait, what?" Clarke cuts her off.
"Look, Roan may be understanding but he wouldn't be impressed if I found out I cheated," Echo huffs.
"Not what I meant," Clarke says. "You ended things with Bellamy weeks ago?"
"I mean, he was the one who ended it, but yeah," Echo confirms. "Just after Paris I think it was. Did he not tell you?"
"No he did not," Clarke says, more to herself than to Echo, before turning on her heel and sweeping from the bathroom. Her head spins as she marches purposefully through the ballroom, towards Bellamy, and it's not from alcohol this time. In fact she's sobered up completely in the last two minutes. He ended things with Echo weeks ago. So why the fuck was she pretending to be his girlfriend all this time?
"I need to talk to you," she says evenly when she reaches him, grabbing him by the arm. Somehow her voice comes out steady though her hands are shaking. Bellamy murmurs an apology to the people he was speaking to before Clarke leads him out of the room and into the hallway.
"What's wrong?" Bellamy asks her, visibly concerned.
"Did you end things with Echo after Paris?" she asks. Better to get straight to it. Bellamy looks uncomfortable, and that's proof enough but she waits for him to answer anyway.
"Yes," he finally admits.
"What the fuck, Bellamy?" she cries. She's angry and hurt and confused.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to get this far," he says defensively.
"Was this all some stupid game for you? Let's see how fucking dumb Clarke is? Let's see how much she'll do for me, how far I can push her," Clarke spits.
"No-," Bellamy starts but Clarke isn't having any of it.
"I can't believe I trusted you," Clarke shakes her head in disbelief. At her own actions and at his. "I really thought we were friends, but I guess I'm just a big joke to you."
"Clarke," Bellamy pleads, and Clarke can't look at him because those deep brown eyes will suck her in with their soft desperation, but she knows by now how good at acting he is. "Let me explain."
"There is nothing you can say that will make this any better," she says, her words laced with a venom she didn't even know she had. Bellamy flinches.
"Okay," he says quietly. "I'm sorry." She expects him to say more, to try and explain, but he doesn't and it catches her off guard. She realises she kind of wants an explanation. And it will probably be stupid and unforgiveable but she deserves it nonetheless.
"Is that it?" she snaps. Bellamy hesitates.
"I never told you why I was sleeping with Echo," he says, glancing at Clarke cautiously. "The truth is I… I needed something temporary. Something that was never going to be anything more. She initiated it, and I guess I felt like that relationship represented how I saw my life. Like it belonged to someone else." He pauses to see if Clarke is still with him. She understands what he's saying, but she doesn't see how this explains why he lied to her.
"I didn't want to start something with someone I really liked while I was living a life I didn't. I didn't feel like I deserved that until I actually made something of myself." he explains further. Clarke tries to ignore the way her heart squeezes at that. "But then you found out and you said it made you think less of me and I knew you were right, and what I was doing was selfish and wrong, so I broke it off."
"None of that explains why you decided we had to continue to pretend to be a couple," Clarke points out.
"I know. The truth is, I wanted to ask you out ages ago," he admits. The words aren't as satisfying as Clarke would have imagined. "Before I started sleeping with Echo. But like I said my life wasn't right yet and I wasn't ready to date someone I actually liked. And I got it in my head that we could just pretend for a while until I got my shit sorted out and I could spend time with you and stuff without leading you on or bringing you into my mess of a life," he sighs.
"That's really fucked up."
"Yeah," he agrees. "But uh, Octavia was right. I'm in love with you," he says, and it should make her happy but instead it just feels wrong. Clarke shakes her head slowly. She's less mad now, but she's still hurt and confused.
"How can I believe you?" she says, and she hears her voice crack. She's not going to cry in front of him, she's not.
"I really fucked this up, didn't I?"
"Yeah," Clarke nods, her voice barely a whisper.
"I know you hate me, I don't blame you. But believe me, you could never hate me as much as I hate myself," he laughs humourlessly. Clarke thinks he's probably right, and with nothing more to say she gives him a nod and decides it's time to go home.
"I really am sorry, Clarke," he calls after her.
As mad as she is at Bellamy for lying to her, she's even angrier at herself. After all, she made the decision to help him. She let her feelings for him get in the way of her better judgement and she's paying the consequences.
She's planning on taking a taxi to work on Monday, and she's surprised to see the black sedan on the street outside her apartment. Does Bellamy really think she's ready to see him after what happened?
She walks over to the car cautiously and the window rolls down. She peers in to find that it isn't Bellamy behind the wheel at all and she wonders if this isn't Roan's car at all.
"Clarke Griffin?" the driver asks.
"Yes…" Clarke says warily.
"I'm Miller. Roan's new driver," he tells her.
"Oh," Clarke says. She wonders what happened to Bellamy, but she doesn't want to ask, so she just gets into the car and lets Miller drive her to the hotel.
She goes to Roan's office immediately when she arrives, knocking on the door lightly before entering, even though it's open. Roan looks up and gives her a look she can't quite decipher. Somewhere between sorrow and anger, and maybe even a little pity. He looks tired, like he hasn't slept properly, and his normally neatly tied back hair hangs around his face. He gestures for Clarke to come and sit opposite him and Clarke hurries to do as he wishes.
"What's going on?" Clarke asks. "What happened to Bellamy?" Roan's face contorts at the mention of Bellamy's name and Clarke's stomach drops. She's so dead.
"I guess he didn't tell you," Roan says flippantly. "I fired him." He pauses. "I'm really sorry to tell you this but he's been cheating on you. With my wife."
"What?"
"He told me yesterday morning. Naturally I couldn't keep him around," Roan says matter-of-factly. "Echo will also be leaving as soon as possible." He glances at Clarke who still hasn't said anything. Honestly, she can't quite believe what she's hearing. Bellamy told Roan the truth. Well, most of the truth. "I'm sorry," Roan says, gentler than before. Clarke nods, swallowing.
"Thanks," she says, and she's about to stand up and go, relieved her part in the deception hasn't been revealed. But then she realises that if she doesn't tell Roan the truth then she's no better than Bellamy and Echo. In fact she'd be worse than Bellamy, because he'd actually owned up to what he'd done and faced the consequences. She was an accomplice, and she realises now that what she did was just as bad as what Bellamy did.
"He didn't cheat on me," she blurts out.
"Clarke," Roan says pityingly, as if he thinks she's in denial.
"We were never together," she admits. "I—," she falters, then takes a deep breath. "I knew Echo and Bellamy were sleeping together. I promised not to tell and I pretended to be Bellamy's girlfriend so you wouldn't suspect."
Roan stares at her, his face impassive. He doesn't yell at her, doesn't fire her. He doesn't even really say anything except, "okay." Clarke hovers, waiting for him to say something more. To tell her how she let him down, how disappointed he is with her. "You can go now," is all he says. Clarke stands and turns to go but she reconsiders, turning back to him.
"Aren't you mad?" she asks. Roan shrugs.
"What do you want me to say, Clarke?" he shakes his head. "Of course I'm mad. You should've told me. But you already know that." Clarke nods. "Besides, I understand. People can make stupid decisions when they're in love."
"Like lie to people they care about," Clarke says flatly. She's talking about herself, but she's thinking about Bellamy too.
"Or get married," Roan snorts. Clarke grins.
"Do you think you and Echo will work things out?" she asks. Roan raises an eyebrow.
"Not sure there's much point," he sighs. "I obviously can't trust her." Clarke nods, looking down at her hands, knowing he's right. You can't build a relationship with someone you can't trust. Roan seems to sense what she's thinking. "What Echo did isn't the same as what Bellamy did," he tells her. Clarke looks up.
"He lied to me for almost two months. He let me believe he and Echo were still sleeping together so I'd continue pretending to be his girlfriend," Clarke tells Roan, and he winces.
"Look, I'm not Bellamy's biggest fan, obviously. But I also don't think he set out to hurt anyone," Roan shrugs. "I'm not saying you should give him a second chance. I'm just saying maybe don't write him off just yet."
Clarke thinks about Roan's words a lot over the next week. It's radio silence from Bellamy, which is what she wanted, but at the same time she wishes just a little bit that he'd call to check on her.
She dithers over whether or not to call him. She doesn't entirely forgive him. But she knows she can forgive him, and he deserves to know that. And she goes to bed and she thinks about him until she falls asleep, and she thinks about him while she's working and while she's cooking and while she's watching Field of Dreams and she knows she'll never be satisfied until she works things out with him.
She gets Miller to drop her off at Bellamy's apartment after work one night, instead of her own, and as the driver speeds away Clarke stares at the intercom, willing herself to press the buzzer.
"You okay, dear?" a woman asks, coming up beside her.
"Yeah," Clarke assures her.
"Who are you here to see?"
"Bellamy Blake," she says.
"Oh, he lives across the hall from me, come on," the woman says, letting Clarke into the building. The woman prattles on as she leads Clarke into the elevator and up to the third floor, but Clarke isn't really listening, except when she finally says, "that's Bellamy's apartment there." Clarke walks slowly to the door while the woman goes into her own apartment.
Bellamy's door is slightly ajar and Clarke peers through the crack as she knocks, jumping back when she hears footsteps coming towards her. He's obviously not expecting her. He freezes when he sees her and he looks like he's seen a ghost.
"Clarke," he manages to croak. "Hi."
"Hi," she returns, her stomach churning. He looks good despite his recent unemployment. "Can I come in?"
"Yeah, of course," he nods, standing aside to let her in. She glances around as she walks in, noting the boxes placed around the room. The walls and shelves are all bare.
"Are you moving?" she asks, surprised, turning back to him as he shuts the front door.
"Yeah," he says. "With Octavia and Lincoln for a while, until college starts in the fall."
"You're finally going," she smiles, feeling proud of him.
"Yeah," Bellamy smiles bashfully. "I figured now was a good time. I'll try to get a part time job while I'm studying."
"That's… great, Bellamy," Clarke says honestly. "I'm really happy for you."
"Thanks."
"So," Clarke says. "I obviously didn't come just to catch up."
"Right," Bellamy nods, his jaw tight.
"Roan told me you came clean," Clarke informs him.
"Seemed like it was time," Bellamy shrugs. "Echo hates me now though."
"She'll get over it," Clarke snorts. "She made her own bed." Bellamy nods in agreement. "Thanks for not telling him I was involved."
"That was the deal," he reminds her.
"I told him myself," she admits. "He deserved the truth." Bellamy nods. He studies her carefully, still not entirely sure why she's come. "Bellamy," Clarke says, almost ominously and she doesn't blame him for the way his shoulders tense. "All that stuff you said at the party… did you mean it?"
"I meant every word," he says firmly. "And I feel like such an idiot for how I handled things. I'm sorry." Clarke nods.
"I don't entirely forgive you," she says. "But I'm getting there."
"Okay," Bellamy says, still watching her.
"So, you're going to college," Clarke muses, looking in a nearby box. "Does this mean you're ready to have someone you actually like in your life?"
"Theoretically," Bellamy replies, swallowing. Clarke looks back up from the box.
"And you like me, right?" she ascertains. A smile twitches at the corners of Bellamy's lips.
"I like you," he confirms.
"Do I recall you saying you might even be in love with me?" Clarke continues.
"That sounds like something I would say," Bellamy agrees. "Are you saying you'd like to be in my life?"
"Would you like me in it?"
"Yeah," Bellamy breathes. "I'd like that a lot." Clarke breaks out into a grin and Bellamy laughs in relief, the tension draining out of him. He reaches for her but she quickly stops him.
"I'm still mad at you," she reminds him.
"Okay," Bellamy says, but he doesn't stop grinning. "Will you let me know when you've stopped being mad? Because I'd really like to kiss you." Clarke rolls her eyes but she's unable to control the smirk on her face.
"How about I pretend I'm not mad, just for like, half an hour," she suggests.
"If you're sure," Bellamy says, and Clarke is already pulling him in, brushing her lips against his and he kisses her like he kissed her in Paris, holding her like he never wants to let her go, and she feels like maybe she should have realised then that it was never really fake at all.