-Three Months Later-
I sighed as the water ran over my fingers, washing away the day's grime. Glancing up at the mirror, I could hardly recognize myself. I ran a hand through my tangled hair and looked wearily at the slight figure in the reflection.
Travelling alone can do that to you, I guess. I thought that revenge would just fix things. Once I found Ruby, everything would get better. Somehow, I'd find Sam. I was wrong.
After killing Ruby, nothing changed. I drove back to the motel and washed the knife. I took a shower and went to bed, hoping, expecting, relying on the pipe dream of Sam. But now I know that he's gone. No one knows where he is now. The only remnant of the awkward, nerd, but courageous Sam I fell in love with is the picture I carry around in my wallet. But even that picture has grown worse for wear as the months passed.
I turned off the tap and shook my head at my reflection. Smirking at the sorry sight, I spoke.
"You know he used to pray every night. Not Dean, Sam. Kind of ironic, you know? But at least now he knows why there would never be an answer back." The angels gave up on Sam when he was six months old. Unlike them, I would never give up. I guess now, looking at the reflection of an overworked, tired person, it isn't healthy.
My phone rings, the sound cutting through the silence. I'd like to ignore it, to continue to contemplate how I even got to this stage, but the caller ID throws me off. Reeling inside, I picked it up.
"Tara? I haven't spoken to you in a while." I hear someone else, presumably Dean talking in the background.
"That's because you've never picked up." I don't have a response for her. It's true, but I haven't been avoiding her. I've just not been talking to anyone recently.
"Oh. Well you caught me at a good time. You called? " I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed.
"Irene, you know what this is about. I'm worried about you." She lowers her voice and continues.
"I mean, ever since Sam ran off-"
"I'd-I'd rather not." Of course, I knew that there was a catch.
"You know the demon blood wasn't your fault. You weren't even born when Azazel-"
"I could have helped. You don't-" I paused. There was no right way to say what I was going to say right now.
"I knew. I knew something was wrong with him. I could tell, Tara. There was a darkness in his heart, and I could've ASKED-"
"Irene, we both know how that would have turned out. The Winchesters are class A liars-" There was a yell of indignation from Dean in the background.
"Sam might not have told you even if you asked. I know it hurts to hear that, but it has been three months. You have to understand."
I couldn't respond. I couldn't open my mouth. He wouldn't have told me. Ofcourse not. Class A Liars. Get a grip. I choked down the hurt in my throat.
"Alright.", I said. Not like I had the capacity to say anything else. A voice inside my head told me that I'm getting soft. Get a grip. You're supposed to be a hunter, not the host of a pity party.
"Hey, listen to me. We'll find him, no matter how long it takes, you know that."
"Yea, I know. I have to go now."
"Ok. We'll talk soon."
"Bye."
I put the phone down and thought for a minute. All I have been doing for the last three months has been sitting, thinking about the past. Occasionally calling hunters asking about Sam. As cliché as it sounds, he wouldn't want that. It was time to go.
Once I came to this realization, I was itching to get out of that motel. I grabbed my bags and hastily checked out. Too preoccupied to care about small talk with the receptionist, I climbed in my car and tore down the road.
As I was driving down the narrow stretch of road, I was realizing something. I just pulled a "Dean". Rushing out of that motel for Sam, regardless of what state he was in, was fairly characteristic of the hunter. I chuckled to myself but the humor faded as soon as it came. I didn't even know where I was going. Following the "spur of the moment" nature that was prevalent, I made a call.
"Hey Dean."
"Who is this?" Dean's voice sounded gruffer than I remember.
"Dean, it's Irene. Do you know anything about Sam?"
"Irene, if I knew, I'd be finding him right now." I furrow my eyebrows.
"Yeah, I guess I should have known. I'm driving aimlessly right now, hoping that somehow, I'll see him. It's gotten to that level of desperate."
"We'll find him, Irene, don't worry."
But it seemed every time someone said that to me, they were assuring themselves rather than me. It's time for me to comfort myself. I quickly said goodbye and drove on.