"Are you incapable of respect?" Jenna's voice snaps me out of my reverie. She sat next to me with a huff of exasperation. Then, she reached under her skirts and I noted a garter belt. I cocked an eyebrow at the fancy lace that was both seductive and unbelievable, but that wasn't what really caught my eye. The flask she pulled out, grabbed my attention.
"You are either extremely reckless or completely insane." I said simply and she laughed delicately, putting the tiny metal rim to her lips and taking a quick swig. She held it out and I took it. I could not believe I was drinking with my sister. A woman who hated me. A woman I hated, yet we sat in a comfortable silence drinking whiskey. Was this what family did to you? Was this what the sharing of blood meant? That love was always under the hatred and burning fury? Did love charge it?
"What are you doing home, Jenna?" I sighed, relenting and closing my book in my lap. She shrugged both of her shoulders and rocked on the metal bench.
"You were raped." She said and I was a little confused as to why she wanted to point that out.
"I am not in the mood for your bitchiness, Jenna-." She cut me off.
"No, no, Elena, you were raped." Her eyes held so much clarity it was as if she was just finding out. Like the last decade plus two years had not occurred. I watched her carefully. Jenna was barely a child when it occurred. Barely above the age of six, but still. She had been told. She had been aware. Right?
"Elena, I am sorry. I had never really given it much thought. I was too young to understand and the resentment just kept building and building, because you got to do whatever you wanted and all I saw was my jealousy. Then when I was of age to know, I did not allow myself to believe it. I did not allow myself to truly accept it, because that would mean my anger and frustration towards you was built out of petty insignificant idiocy." Jenna sounded disgusted with herself and it suddenly occurred to me that she was apologizing.
Family was thicker than water. Thicker than blood. I knew I loved Jenna, even though I hated her all the same. She glanced at me, "Listen, what I am trying to say. Is that I am sorry. I am sorry for shutting you out and being such a bitch to you. I am sorry for the comment I made earlier in the throne room. If you wish to leave, we could go stay in Paris for a little while. Look, I am just sorry. For it all." Her lips were quivering. This wasn't some bullshit. This was real. A feeling of dread settled inside me.
I had enough life experience to know that to have an epiphany this huge something traumatic would have to have occurred. I cleared my throat and blinked the sudden tears away. "Were you raped?" I asked. Not sure if I wanted to know. Her response was not as immediate. In fact, she gave no response.
"How bad?" I asked and she inhaled shakily.
"I was so scared. Did you have that fear? I bet it was a billion times worse and I cannot think of anyone, especially my sister going through that. At ten years old, no less." She sobbed and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
"What happened, Jenna?" I press, needing to know. My sister and I were in no way reconciling, but she was still my sister and I was allowed to hate her and bitch at her and even strike her, but anyone else would die by my hand if they dared hurt her.
"I did not want him. I just wanted to go to sleep. It happened about four days ago? Yeah, that sounds about right. Anyway, he tried to hike up dress, but I bit his neck. I was so close to getting away, but he got me pinned and he bound me with his knees. I could not move. I begged him to stop. I begged and I do not beg, but I just wanted him to let go!" She cried out, tears streaking her face as the sobs escaped her. I brought her head down to my shoulder. Waving away guards who rushed over. They obeyed and stepped back to a comfortable distance.
"He told me to shut up and when I did not he hit my stomach, but I still did not keep quiet. Then he said that he was ready to silence me. I thought that meant he was going to kill me, but he shoved . . . he put it in my mouth." Her breath was still coming out in sobs and gasps, but she whispered the last. She could not say it any louder. I could practically see the shame burning in her eyes.
"Jenna, where is he now?" I demand and she shrugs both of her shoulders.
"Good question." She mutters and I sigh, shutting my eyes tightly.
"Jenna, listen to me. I understand the shame and hatred that burns behind the soul. I understand the tears that can well and fall at a moment's notice. I understand the fear and apprehension whenever in the room with men, but there is one thing that you need to constantly remember. It was not your fault. It does not matter if the dress was racy or if you were flirtatious or if you even offered it. You are always able to say no. He is the pig and the only one to blame. Tell me you will always remember that." I beg, tears filling own eyes. She stared at me and nodded quickly. We hugged and for the first time in my life. I felt close to a sister. I felt calm in her presence. I felt right.
•••
"Majesty." Damon greeted as I made my way through the stables.
"Damon." I greeted myself and he gave a slightly mocking yet slightly respectful bow of his head and torso, then his eyes met mine again.
"What can I do for you?" He asks.
"Well, I would like you to find a man and then I would like you to kill him. Castration preferred." I say with a simple shrug. He watches me carefully as I run my hand along the wooden stable door. Daisy, a beautiful purebred with a dark nearly black coat, stood there, the only audience to this conversation.
"I will need details, majesty. There are many men, everywhere." He said and my hand shot out, striking him across the cheek. His jaw tightened and he swallowed. His head jerked from the force of my hand before resting his eyes on mine. Before I could blink or tell him to watch himself, he grabbed my upper arms. A move that both shocked me and excited me. I was sick.
His lips met mine, hard and demanding. I opened my mouth for him, allowing his tongue to probe and prod as he sucked and licked the inside of my mouth. I sighed against him, I could fuck him, but I did not want him the way he wanted me. Forming an intimacy with this man like that, would be stupid and reckless. I was neither. So, I let the kiss go on for a few more seconds, then I pulled back.
"He wears a gold ring on his right pinky, the band is large and masculine with a red ruby center. It is a one of a kind because there are two initials within the emplacement." I trailed off on a moan as his lips suck just below the skin of my jaw. I push my pelvis into his. I was not shocked to find him hard. His erection prodded my upper thigh and again, I thought about allowing him to take me. I could be quiet, but again, I was not stupid. So, I pulled back.
"I'm not fucking you, Damon." I say and he groans against my mouth.
"Majesty." He breathes. Tempting, but not enough. I pat his cheek and push him back.
"You want a whore, go to Katherine's. Now, the initials are HM, do you understand?" I demand and he nodded once, looking annoyed.
"And what exactly do I get in return?" He asked and I nearly winced, because I did not want to ask my next question.
"Well, what do you want?" I ask, crossing my arms over my chest and an excitement lit his eyes.
"You. Naked. On my bed. Spread wide and wet. Waiting." He said and I would be lying if I said a soft throb did not form between my legs. I had not had sex in four years and I was feeling the effects. Perhaps, I was stupid.
"Just fuck me. Here." I say and he smirks.
"I thought I had to go to Katherine's for a whore." He commented and I did not have the chance to react before Matt appeared. I sucked in a sharp, stunned breath as he pinned Damon to the stable door. My older brother was extremely close to the older man's face. Nearly nose to nose.
"I'm a nice man, Damon, but when you are sucking face with my little sister, telling her how you want her in your bed, and then immediately calling her a whore, well, that makes me not so nice." Matt snarled. Damon's face lost color. I scoffed and shoved Matt back.
"Calm yourself, brother." I say and then turn back to Damon.
"You do this, you get what you always get. The amount and my loyalty. It is a fair trade and you know it. As for the other thing. I apologize Damon, it has been a while and I am not in my right head. Go to Katherine, tell her it is on me. Is that enough for you?" I ask and he stares at me for a moment, I could see the resignation in his eyes well before he nodded. I nodded and he cast Matt a look before turning and leaving.
"Damn, Elena, I thought you were going to let him hike up your skirts right here." He said and I turned, staring him straight in the eye.
"I was." I say simply and he sighs.
"I figured, what was all that about anyway?" He asked and I shrugged.
"I merely needed a job done." I say sweetly and he blinked.
"Something that I could not do for free?" He asked and I sighed.
"No, dear brother, you could not complete my task. Tell me you will have a nice night?" I ask and he continued to just watch me, big baby blue eyes and light blonde hair framing gorgeous aristocratic features. If the fact that we shared a father and he was my best friend, didn't completely turn me off and dry me up, I would have found him excruciatingly attractive.
"I will have one. Go have your own." He said and I smiled, pushing up and kissing his cheek.
"Love you, Matt." I promise and he nods, returning the sentiment before sending me off to bed.