A/N- hey guys, thanks, A LOT for the reviews, followers and favorites. Loads of love to all of you.
Quite a bunch of you asked that you couldn't get the first chapter. Well, let me clarify that it was an introduction of sorts to all the characters. And the instructions were little incidents from the story, which you will get to read in details as the story goes.
Hope you all like it.
Please don't forget to review, you know I love them a lot.
"Oh, my god! Will you look at those boobs?"
I looked up from the Quibbler, I was reading.
"You are jumping ships, Amy? Do I have any reasons to be afraid of my sanity or you jumping on me, when I am otherwise busy?" I asked.
"Bitch! You will be damn lucky if I gave you the time of my day. But anyway, I am not talking about jumping ship, I love wands, the other kinds, you know. And the day I switched from 'wands' to 'ta-tas', will be the day when, Voldy can kiss my pretty ass."
Okay, first of all, let me introduce you all to Amanda Janehoff (if you don't want to get punched, do not call her that, call her Amy).
Amy or rather known as my BFF extraordinaire. She is a graduate from Salem School of Witches (or rather Salem School of Bitches, as she gladly calls it) and joined St Mungo's along with me. And if she wasn't my best damn friend, I would have hated her guts.
I looked at her lustrous raven locks of hair falling down as a waterfall and then to my riotous curls (Medusa would have been rolling in her proverbial grave!). Her flawless skin, black as night eyes, and if you think that guys don't buzz around her like bees, then you are fucking wrong. But everything aside, she would be one person, I would like to keep in my corner. Her blind faith and un-fucking-movable loyalty make her more beautiful all the same.
Just pardon her language which is… kind of unacceptable amidst company. But if you can't love her… umm… utter linguistic brilliance… you don't deserve her.
And coming back to the matter at hand.
What the hell! Whose boobs is she talking about? I looked down at mine, thinking if I was popping out a nip or something. No! Huh! They were all covered by the green colored scrubs.
"And no, I am not talking about your… uh… fun bags" she replies dryly.
"Hey! What's wrong with mine?" I asked, getting affronted.
What they are, well nice. I mean they are perky and beautiful and pretty and… who am I kidding… and small.
"I mean they are all nice and stuff, but they just don't scream out for guys to come and stuff their faces in them," Amy said.
Well, there's that. I can't argue. Because I can count on both the hands, how many guys have stuffed their faces in them or otherwise. Well to tell the truth, they all fit in one hand, actually.
"Hermione, don't fly off to la la land. Look at the matter at hand. Just look at them, " she said outrageously.
I pushed aside the Quibbler I was reading (something about how dirigible plum tea can help you to have wet dreams. Sighs. What has the world come to?)
I grabbed the daily prophet Amy was shaking in my face and scanned the headlines.
Hmm…
'Harry potter saves someone'... Blah blah… nothing new in that, and no boobs too.
'Kingsley passes a new rule', well hurrah!
'Ollivander lunches a Swarovski studded line of wands'… hmm… have to check my bank account.
'Ron Weasley, a chaser for Cuddly cannons chased his 'fiancée'… and caught her. Turn to page three and a quarter for the full news.'
And below that, was a picture of Ron with a tall leggy blond… Ah! There were the boobs. And a lot of it too.
My heart stopped for a minute. I mean I know it's medically impossible and shit. But it did. Deal with it.
I know. I know. It's been a long five months since I have broken up with him. Or rather caught him with someone else doing the horizontal mambo, while his pale ass was hanging for the world to see.
And I thank my lucky stars that, I was saved from that horrible fate.
But it kind of still hurts a little.
Look at me, here I am sitting with a cold as shit coffee, reading about non-existent fruits that may or may not induce a lust-addled coma. And there he has literally stuffed his face into those humongous… I mean ginormous… I mean really big boobs of some bitch-faced harlot.
I always wondered, doesn't gravity do its work, why don't they fall down. That's one of those unsolved mysteries of life, I think. Hmm… maybe there is a book somewhere about gravity defying boobs. Maybe Dumbledore would have known about this (he is kind of omniscient, you know). Or maybe not, seeing as he was a rather 'wand' guy and six feet under.
"Hey, babe? Are you alright? You aren't going to turn into some crazy serial killer or something and take revenge. " Amy asked, her eyes lighting up.
Oh man! Look at her face, even the idea of crazy revenge might just give her an orgasm.
Shaking my head with slight disgust, I replied.
"Amy, you know right, I am not hung up on him. He can marry the whole witch population of Britain, and I won't bat an eyelid. Hell, he can marry an alien, I simply don't care anymore."
"You sure?" Her eyes softened, probably worried about me. See, that's why she is fantastic.
"Totally."
"Anyway. Did you see those boobs on her?"
"Looks like 'goddess-boobies' was extra attentive to her."
"Yeah!" Amy scoffed. "More like the 'the god of plastic surgery' was extra attentive to her."
I snorted. And let me tell you, that was a totally un-lady like snort, it sounded something like a mix between Buckbeak and a blast ended skewrts. And I had sworn on my leather spike studded Jimmy Choo never to let that unholy sound amidst anyone carrying an XY chromosome card. The reason being, as I said earlier, guys and their tendency to stuff their face in some part of my anatomy or… not.
"Have you ever imagined, how these 'enhanced fun centers feel like?"
"How would I know?' I replied.
"Hey, if they fell down boob first, do they just bounce back or something?"
"You mean like those center of gravity dolls, you punch their noses and they just bounce back?"
"Yeah. That's what I am talking about. Girl! Your nerdy-ness sometimes comes in handy for sure."
Before I could reply back, the door to our staff common room opened and Stacy walked in.
And let me introduce all you fine people to Stacy Neils or as we like to call 'Stacy Nails-all'. To describe her in one word she is a 'Grade-1-Bitch', well, that's three words but who cares.
Amy hated her, starting from her makeup laden face to her blood red painted toes. She hated her like the fires of the pits of hell.
Something about 'man-stealing slut'… you get the rest, right?
"Healer Granger! Still drinking your tea, I see. Well, what can I say, some people take really long breaks" she said, elongating the syllabi of the word length.
I checked my watch, yep! It has been just twenty minutes and I had a half an hour break.
Let me just clear something. At the starting, I hated her, just because of the general principle of 'Thou shall hate the enemy of one's best friend' but then, the feeling became mutual. As you can see why.
Before I could reply back, again, Amy shot off.
"What is it, Stacy? What crawled up your obviously magically enhanced fake ass? Didn't find any man to steal this fine morning."
Oh god! This is not good. And before this could escalate into scratch your eyes out and rip your hair bitch fight. I replied, finally.
"Stacy?" I asked in my no nonsense voice.
Something unhealthy glinted in her eyes and you could see that she literally cackled with evil laughter. And just like that, something heavy settled in my tummy.
"There's a patient waiting for in exam room A, high profile. So if I were you I would start running now. And I think, you absolutely are going to love them." She said with surprising delight.
That bitch didn't even give us time to reply back with a smart ass comment.
I got up, picking my tea cup to throw in the bin.
And giving a 'don't worry' look to a seething Amy I headed towards exam room A.
Little did I know that my day was going to hell in a hand basket.
Sighs.
Next- MODEL WANNABE'S AND CAT VOMIT!
A/N- please don't forget to review.
I live for your comments. Pretty please!
Tada.