Monday 13th May 2013, 07:45

After a quiet relaxing walk Stan was at the bus stop before quarter-to-eight, and his face lit up when he saw Cartman and Kenny standing by the road next to the tall sign. "Hey dudes," he greeted to two calm replies.

"You guys, that was crazy last week huh?" Cartman said.

"Yeah, I don't think we'll be playing wizards and warriors again for a while, I'm sure glad that's over with."

Stan's plan to start a conversation about the latest sports news was cut short when he noticed his best friend Kyle running towards the group, looking out-of-breath and dying to share something with them.

"You guys! Guys! I have awesome news!," the green-hatted boy panted.

"You have AIDS?" Cartman asked.

Kyle took a few seconds to catch his breath, and angrily replied: "What? No! I thought you learned your fucking lesson last time! Anyway, you know it's my birthday the Sunday after next, in 13 days..."

"Well we're not exactly keeping a calendar of all things Kahl Broflovski, but please continue Jew, this should be interesting at least."

"Hey, shut up fatass! So my mom and dad said since I'm turning 10, they wanna do something special for my birthday... and they said I could take some friends to Sugar Splash!"

Stan and Cartman threw their arms up in the air and cheered with a 'cool' and 'awesome' respectively, but Kenny looked puzzled. "What the hell is Sugar Splash?," he questioned with a muffle.

Stan was the first to pitch in with an answer: "Dude, don't you remember, I think you were with us when Butters had his late birthday party last year."

"Yeah Kenny, Sugar Splash, its halfway between South Park and Springfield by train, you must have heard of it. It's like a giant indoor waterpark, but most of the pools are made of jell-o, candy or soda instead of water."

"Yeah, it's really cool, man, they even have that 5-metre diving board into a really deep jell-o bowl, you end up right inside it and have to eat your way to the exit," Stan added.

"Oooohhhh, that Sugar Splash. I remember now."

"What the hell did you think we were talking about, you poor piece of crap? There's also the, uh... lemonade slahd, the Coca-Cola rain room, the gummy worm lazy river with chocolate boats. Aww, Sugar Splash, it's like a dream you guys, like Disneyland and Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory combiiiined. You know, I think I like you again Jew-boy, I knew you'd come in useful again someday."

Stan butted in before Kyle could: "Wait, I think I see where this is going. How many people are you taking Kyle, let's just get this part over with."

"My parents haven't decided yet, but I know for sure I'm inviting you two, Stan and Kenny."

"Ay!"

"...But I don't know about anyone else yet. I could only be taking 2 friends, it could be 5 or 6, I honestly don't know yet. And... as much as I hate to admit it... you'll probably be on the list Cartman."

"Sweeet."

"...As long as you don't piss me off too much or go overboard and annoying over the next two weeks talking about it. You know, Casa Bonita was really cool after you got arrested, but it was still just a Mexican restaurant, it wasn't as 'totally awesome' as you said it'd be, and Sugar Splash is probably the same. I'm really excited about this, but I don't care how good it'll be, it's not gonna be better than Disney and Willy Wonka combined. It's not perfect dude, or have you forgotten that rule they have?"

"Dude, what rule... let me think nyah... wait, ooohh, that thing with the speedos? Oh yeah, you're right Kahl, that rule does piss me off."

"What the fuck?" Kenny asked.

Stan looked relieved to get away from Kyle and Cartman's arguing: "Dude, you still don't remember? Cause, there's like, loads of food there, they have to make sure there's no germs around, so they don't let anyone use their own swimsuits or anything, you have to go through a shower before and after every ride, and they make you wear a pair of disposable speedos. They say it's, like, cheaper to have boxes with hundreds of them, so you just throw one away and get a new one when they say it's too dirty. It kinda sucks and it's embarrassing at first, but everyone else has to do it, and it's totally worth it to go on all the candy rides."

"Yeah!"

"True 'dat," Cartman added.

Kyle thought for a second: "Yeah, in fact, I might not uninvite Cartman for being an asshole, I'm just worried I'll be put off candy for life at the sight of him like that."

The three thin boys burst into laughter, before Cartman interrupted: "Ay! You better shut your god-dam Jew mouth, 'else I'll kick you in the neeuuts."

Kyle was less and less intimidated by Cartman's threat every time he used it, since the last time he actually followed through was weeks ago: "Whatever, it's better than finding some guy's fallen-off shorts in the ice cream you're eating, so it won't be that bad I guess, I had to wear them at the pool I went to in Germany last year, my host family said its the rules for a lot of places in Europe, especially France. Hey, you guys all have your forms today for the trip? I hope they find you somewhere else soon Kenny, but where's everyone else going? I'm back at that German village Himmelmert, it was nice and peaceful there even if I couldn't understand much of what they were saying."

"Well, let's see nyah, since I said I'd rather be in faggy France than stupid Hackleberg, Alabama, they paired me up with another Eric Cartman who lives in... let's see... Cape Town, Western Cape Province, South Africa."

Stan noted: "Well that's kinda cool I guess. Isn't that the one with that really flat mountain-"

"-Table Mountain," Kyle corrected

"Yeah, Table Mountain over the city?"

"I don't know you guys, I've never heard of a giant mountain shaped like a table, that's retarded, I've heard South Africa's not that great anyway. I was looking it up this weekend with this educational website called The KKK, it said that it was a really awesome place that didn't take shit from anyone until some pussy-ass president called Mandela went and ruined it in the 90's."

"Dude..." was all Stan could say, with Kyle and Kenny too surprised to even speak, but the blue-hatted boy knew an argument would be pointless right now so tried to change the subject as their bus arrived: "So I'm going, to, err... Meadow Lakes, Alaska again, Stan said I could help look after the wolves and ride a snowmobile, pretty cool right?"

"Yeah, that's awesome," Kyle replied as they sat down.

"Yeah, at least it's scheduled well again so I'm not away for my birthday."

"Hmm, it's two weeks after mine isn't it, any idea what you're doing dude?"

"I don't know yet, my mom and dad said I could have a sleepover with a few friends, and they might take us to go go-karting in Denver. It'll be fun whatever happens, but you've got the best treat by far dude."

"Thanks, but I think anything with my friends around is better than what I had last year," he explained as he got out his BlackBerry and found a picture: "My mom just had a family get-together for me, it was okay, except she made me hang out with my cousin Kyle the whole time, and he's no fun at all cause he's a total wimp, and even then... 'video games play up something naesty on muy epilepsy'," he finished while putting on an accent out of Cartman's earshot.

In the middle of shuddering at the memory of that annoying kid, Stan noticed something on Kyle's family picture: "Dude, the banner and the cake... why the hell does it say 10? You're 9 right now, turning 10 this month. What gives?"

Kyle studied the image curiously: "Hmm... that must be some kind of mistake,right? I mean, we were all talking about it being my 10th birthday this year, were we doing that the year before? Can't be. I know dude, what about the picture you have of your party a couple years ago at Whistlin' Willys, you know, the one where you got all depressed and shit after?"

Kyle knew for a fact that his best friend didn't like bringing up that chapter of his life too often (and had put it all behind him, aside from the occasional drink when the entertainment on offer reaches below 'Honey Boo Boo' levels of shittiness), but Stan understood why it was mentioned, and scrolled through his iPhone to find the picture his mother had taken of him and his friends.

"I hate my hair so fucking much..." Kyle noted, before drawing attention to the most important part of the picture. "There it is dude, right in the middle of your cake, a giant '10'."

"That is wierd, I think I have something from my last birthday... lemme just check... what the hell?! It says '10' on this cake too. How is that even possible, do our bodies just go, like, backwards each year or something and then we turn 10 again?"

The boys looked at eachother puzzled, and climbed up to face the pair sitting behind them, as Kyle asked "Cartman, Kenny, we're just checking something... how old are you?"

"Jesus tapdancing Christ Kahl, I knew you guys were stupid but Jesus Christ you guys."

Stan stuck up for his best friend, pressuring the other boys: "Please dude, it's really important, how old are you?"

"I'm 9 years old buttfucker, same as I was yesterday, Christ! I have to wait till July, don't fucking rub it in you... you fucking Juney pussy!"

"I'm 10," Kenny simply chipped in, not as much of a surprise to Stan and Kyle since his birthday was months ago.

"And you're absolutely sure dude?" Kyle asked

The oldest of the four mumbled something about not getting what he wanted on his special day, leading to the other three boys looking puzzled (with Stan asking what a 'lapdancer' was) and triggering a fit of laughter from the hooded kid.

"Just... look at these pictures guys," Kyle interrupted, and showed the images from the two phones: "My 10th birthday is meant to be in two weeks, not last year, and Stan's got two pictures of him turning 10 on different years, it doesn't add up. How long have we been in Mr. Garrison's class?"

"Since 3rd grade if you wanna get technical, but that was... years ago. Wait a minute, dude, do you think we're all in some sort of time loop or something?" Stan appeared to be the most knowledgeable of the four on this sci-fi subject, but both Cartman and Kenny had never been told why.

"Look you guys, maybe this is something that you shouldn't worry your fragile little Jew and hippie brains about, it sounds too complicated so maybe just... go with it, you know."

It was the first sensible idea that Cartman had said in ages, and made Stan stop and think, but out of habit Kyle quickly retorted: "But don't you think this is a really wierd thing to happen to us, Cartman, I mean, what about all those teen celebrities from a few years ago, huh, like Justin Bieber, he was a whiny little girly bitch a few years ago, now he's just a regular little bitch. How can they have aged and not us?"

"Wait, Justin Bieber is still alive? I thought Cthulu and I... fucking mint and berries. Look Kahl, maybe we are in some kind of wierd 'time loop', maybe its all in your head, but just drop it, okay. I say this because you're my friend and I care about you... and I'd really appreciate a trip to Candy Splash."

Kyle opened his mouth, but was dumbfounded and couldn't think of anything to say, and didn't have time to as the bus stopped outside the school. After talking it through with Stan on the way into the building, Kyle agreed that they would forget about it for the time being, but not before he has 'one question' for Mr. Garrison, who was in his teacher's desk ready to start the day.

The boys approached the area near the blackboard, and after a nudge from Stan, Kyle asked: "Err... Mr. Garrison, how long have you been our teacher for?"

"Well I was your 3rd grade teacher and now I'm your 4th, I thought you boys were meant to be some of my brighter students, especially you Kyle."

"I know all that, but-"

"Then don't try and be a little smartass Kyle. Okay children let's take our seats," the teacher spoke louder as he finished.

After Kyle grumbled after turning away with Stan, the class took around a minute to get organised and in place, as Mr. Garrison continued: "Alright fist things first, does everyone have their permission slip for the 'Same Name Cultural Trip'?"

"Aaaa, shit."

"What's wrong Tweek, did you forget yours?" Mr. Garrison asked as the majority of the class took the letters from their backpacks and handed them over.

"Err... yes sir, god! Does that mean I don't get to go to, gah, Hong Kong? Too many people... way too much pressure!"

"Probably not Tweek, it was meant to be in today and you blew it. Okay children our first lesson today is history, America joined World War II in 1941 but were originally neutral for the first two years, can anybody tell me-yes Token?"

"Uhh, I'm still not sure what this whole trip is meant to be about, I didn't go last year."

"Yeah, me neither," his girlfriend Nichole noted, as Cartman held back on making one of his usual comments.

"Ugh, fine, I'll run it by you again class. Last year the school needed to use up all of their budget before the summer vacation to avoid having our funding cut, and I came up with the brilliant idea to use school money to deport all you little bastards for a couple weeks and give us teachers a well-earned rest. The others took it seriously, built on it, and made up the 'Same Name' trip, where we find volunteers from around the world who have the same name as you, so you can go over and learn about different cultures and people, kind of like an exchange programme, that kind of shit. Token didn't go because he's a 'richer' that had a family income above the threshold we set, but we've pushed it up this year so that we can get rid of as many of you as poss-sorry... enhance your collective multi-cultural experience, so you're getting detention if you don't get your letter cleared soon Tweek, okay? Oh, and Kenny?"

"Yeah?"

"I've been told to let you know that we found a last-minute volunteer to take you in. His name's not Kenny McKormick, but he was on the list of initial volunteers so was available on short-notice. He's an airline pilot from Quahog, Rhode Island called Glenn Quagmire, you'll be staying at his house for the 10 days next month."

"Okay," Kenny replied, with the teacher continuing his lesson before Stan could comment about the town chosen for his friend.

"Right, World War II. So in 1939, this Nazi guy called Adolf Hitler was pissed off at some Jews and invaded Poland, but America-oh WHAT NOW?!" he cried as the classroom's speaker went off.

Principal Victoria's voice echoed through the room: "Good morning students, these are the morning announcements."

"Oh," Mr. Garrison noted, and slumped into his seat to wait out the easy 5 minutes.

"So as you know students, your permission slips for the 'Same Name Cultural Trip' need to he given to your teachers by today, so hand them in if you haven't already done so. The slide in the playground has been taken away all this week for maintainance, and lunch today will be-oooh golly, what was that?"

The school could just about hear the sound of the door opening through the speakers, before a very loud cry from the person who just entered. "Aaaallllllllllaaahhhhhhhh!"

"Oh my goodness! Who are you? What are you d-" the woman was cut off with the sound of a gun cocking and what just seemed to be random yelling that none of the worried listeners could understand, and after half a minute she resumed her post at the microphone: "Yes, yes, I'll tell them, just don't hurt anyone, please! Students, I don't wish to alarm anyone, but the person who just came into my office is a man who calls himself 'Grand Master Derka Ahmed'. This note written in English says that he is the leader of a terrorist group who wish to... seize control of this imperialist building on their march to prosperous victory for the noble cause of Muhammad.'"

There was nervous murmurs in the fourth grade classroom for a few seconds before the voice continued: "They say that they are not going to hurt anyone as long as we follow their instructions, so listen carefully. Ahkmed here says that he now has men posted on each door ready to escort all students and faculty to the auditorium upstairs where we will be held, with the exception of the children under the age of 7... oh, that's the kindergarten and 1st grade Mr. Grand Master, are to be held in the gymnasium. No-one is allowed to escape as the terrorists are currently guarding all main exits, but I have activated the 'ilent-say laram-ay'. For your own safety, students, please comply with the orders you are given and do not speak out of turn. This is now a hostage situation, I repeat, this is a hostage situation."

Seconds later, a man dressed in layers of rags wielding an assault rifle barged into the room, frightening the young occupants by shouting: "Bakala derka derka jihad al-ahmed makafala!"

"Okay kids, this towel-head here must be our stupid escort taking us hostage, we all need to follow him to the auditorium."

The children all carefully complied, leaving their seats and exiting the room behind the man in double-file. In the corridors, they noticed other classes being led in the same manner, although it appeared as though some of the terrorists did not know their way to the stairs too well in the short time they had been in the school, including the fourth grade escort, who had been leading his group in circles for over five minutes.

The terrorist turned to the only other adult in the line, pointing upwards and talking aggressively in his language.

"Look Mr. Jihad, I think you need to get that sand out of your vagina and get wasted once in a while if you ask me, but if you're looking for the stairs they're that way, retard," Mr. Garrison noted firmly knowing what he could get away with due to the lack of a translator.

"Oh-ho-ho, ekamala, al-derka," the foreigner at least understood the pointing as he led the group on.

One of the students was getting increasingly anxious at the back of the line though, and looking around desperately in a last-ditch attempt to escape being held captive, Cartman made sure no-one was looking over their shoulders and leaped for the bathroom door that they had just passed.

Unfortunately for his sake, he was not alone, as on his jump he tripped over the unaware boy next to him (and closest to the door), with the momentum pushing them both into the empty boy's bathroom, then collapsing into a heap on the floor.

The fat kid, who had the softer of the landings onto the tiles and was still unaware of who he had just accidentally taken 'with him', moaned as he got up from the person he had just crushed: "The fuck do you think you're doing dumbass?! You just ruined it, I'm trying to fucking escape over ny-Stan?"

A/N: Took a while to get going, to the main part, so I'll just leave it on a cliffhanger there because I'm nice like that. Sorry if the bus stop scene dragged on a bit, I was trying to fill a bit of time with the boys mentioning a few things in conversation (in particular Sugar Splash, the school trip, and the 'birthday' situation) but ended up digging myself a deeper hole to get out of it all, I don't think too much of it will be relevent to the rest of the story, just there as a chance for a few jokes. Hopefully the one right at the start of the chapter will still be relevent in May with all that THQ business going on right now :[ .

The town names that Stan, Kyle, and Cartman mentioned (except for Cape Town) were all random zoom-ins on Google Earth once I knew roughly where I wanted them to be (Alaska, Germany, and any place with a name that sounds unattractive coming from Cartman's mouth). I'd never heard of any of them before, but I'm sure Himmelmert, Hackleberg, and Meadow Lakes are nice enough places to visit if you ever did.

No chapter voting again, I had to include the next name in somewhere just for its status as a catchphrase. For anyone wondering about why I always put the date and time at the start of a chapter, it's mainly because of my first story that I was writing ('Paging Dr. Spooner'), that involves timetravel, and it seems to have just stuck from there, plus it gives some potential for a few jokes and continuity, etc.. Enjoy & comment.