Inside the Mind of A Dirty Old Dog
Like A Lovesick Puppy
The one thing Sirius Black did not expect when he was freed from the veil, was to fall in love. Well, at least not with her anyway. But when the damage is done, how do you get the girl you love to return the feeling? You do it Marauder style of course! SBHG - Written in diary format.
I'm only saying this once, so listen in. I don't own Harry Potter.
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January 1st – 2009
My name is Sirius Black and I'm in love. Geez I sound like one of those muggle alcoholics anonymous groups... I had to tell you that though. My girl is just so perfect... she has the most gorgeous eyes, a chocolatey honey brown. And her body... don't get me started there. I could go on for hours. Ain't love grand? I've decided to start this diary to help work out some things. James did it when he realised he was in love with Lily, and I figured that it worked for him. Now it's my turn. Except my fiery, know-it-all bookworm doesn't have red hair. She has the most gorgeous brown curls. I swear on Marauder's Honour, Hermione is definitely the girl for me.
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January 1st - 2009
Right, so my NewYear's resolution was to make her fall in love with me. Not that it will be hard or anything. But. I have some ideas on how to give the whole thing an... I don't know. To give it a special something. Give opinions on them.
a) Send her chocolates, roses, you know, the whole secret admirer deal.
b) Tell her outright that I love her. This isn't really my thing.
c) Just ask her to dinner.
d) Create an elaborate plan to place her in a compromising position with none other than: me!
Now, I realise that a book can't actually give me an opinion on this. So Remus is going to be the exclusive reader! In other words, he is allowed to read my entries, and tell me if I've been a dick or not. In italics. He's been doing it all my life, so this isn't really any different.
You are a dickhead Sirius. I am not going to read your diary, and comment on some hairbrained scheme of yours about how to get a girl twenty years younger than you to fall in love. With you.
You have already read my diary. And commented. And she is nineteen, and I am twenty six. That is a seven year age gap.
It's only your body that is twenty six.
Yes my body only. But she is the smartest witch of her class. She is far more mature than me.
Can't disagree with that.
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January 1st – 2009
So, I guess you would be wondering how I came to fall in love with this beautiful, amazing, kind, intelligent witch. Well, I was at this-
Sirius. Just tell me. You don't need to write it down.
Oh but I do! You see, when our kids are old enough to understand this, they'll want to know how mummy and daddy fell in love!
You're a dickhead.
Whatever. Anyway, I was in this pub with Harry and Ron, and there was this really hot chick sitting up at the bar. I went to get some drinks and started talking to her. You know how it goes, we were flirting and stuff, and we ended up back at her place. Well, it's a cadavan in this muggle park thing.
Caravan park.
Yeah. Well, everything was good until this big lump of a guy and his boyfriend came in. Apparently the girl neglected to tell me she had a boyfriend. They weren't big thinkers, and I managed to get out of there (luckily with my boxers) and took off down the street. They were faster than they looked, and followed me. I was in a muggle area, and couldn't just do magic on the spot. I would have had to though, except I recognised the street that Hermione lives on, and I decided to pay her a visit. I had to throw a few punches before she answered the door, but she saved my arse and locked them out. She was standing there in the tiniest pair of shorts I have ever seen (and I've seen a few), and a pretty much non existent tank top... And, even though I barged in on her in the middle of the night, she looked after my bruised cheek, made me something to eat and gave me a bed for the night.
What a fascinating story... I'm just dying to hear more.
Geez mate, no need for the sarcasm. And anyway, that was it.
Thank Merlin.
I hope you know that you are meant to be my support through these troubled times. We both supported James when he was going through this.
No. I supported James. You laughed and flirted with Lily, which made her angry, and James angry, and then when James would hit you, Lily would yell, and take house points. You, were a nuisance.
I object. I only did that for the first... three years of him liking Lily. Then I realised he didn't like Lily, he loved Lily.
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January 2nd – 2009
Remus made me stop writing in you yesterday. He blackmailed me. He threatened to tell Hermione that I loved her.
It got you to shut up didn't it?
I'll tell Tonks about that time that you-
Shutup Black.
Hehehehe... chalk one up for the Padmeister.
Please, please, I am begging you, get over yourself!
Begging me Moony? I didn't think you would want to be the submissive one in our relationship, you being a werewolf and all.
And you wondered why Molly thought we would make the cutest couple?
Get over it. I am. So, my plan for the day (well week, this isn't my only project for the year) is to send her some flowers. And chocolates. I know that chocolate sea shells are her favourite. And lilies. I'm going to sign it as "Your Secret Admirer". Then, when the suspense has built, I'll tell her its me. Then we all live happily ever after. What do you think?
I think you're fucking insane. She isn't going to fall for you like that. Give the girl some credit!
Fine. I'll continue to woo her over an extended period. Continue sending her gifts. Give her clues to who it is.
You do realise she has a boyfriend? A boyfriend of... what is it now? Two years? She isn't going to leave him over flowers Sirius.
Her boyfriend is a minor thing. A small complication in my masterful plan. I've broken up far longer relationships in my day.
That day was a long time ago. And there is no need to be proud of it.
I'll ignore that comment about my age. And I'm not proud of it. I'm merely stating that it is possible. And likely. I'm the Sex God, remember?
One of three Sex Gods, as I remember.
Me, James and who else? There was no one else as good looking... alright I know! I know you were one of them! Geez... no need to hit me so hard. You'll make me cry.
Ain't hard.
Trying to rip me to shreds today aren't you? Didn't get enough sleep? Wake up with Snivel-
Oi!
You said don't tell Tonks. Or anyone else. This diary isn't included.
Keep that big, fat, over used mouth of your's shut! Arsehole.
Tch tch tch... I've always wanted to tch before actually...
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What does everyone think of the first proper chapter? Hope you like. I am still considering the first paragraph, the introduction one. Tell me if you have any suggestions for it. This story, as you can see, will have a fair bit of Remus in it. The story will basically follow Sirius's attempts to make Hermione fall in love with him. In the most Marauder way possible (just so he can give the kids a good story of how they fell in love). Also, if you haven't noticed, this story will have a bit of swearing. Reviews make my day... have any questions, let me know.
Lady Sarai Black