Author's Note: I seemed to have forgotten my disclaimer from the previous Chapter. I would like to announce now that I do not own any characters of Twilight. I am but a humble fan...that isn't as humble as she is dramatic. I hope you guys enjoy reading this, and appreciate you doing so even when I don't give much detail as to where the story is going. Thanks again and happy readin/writing!
2. TEMPTATION
I woke the next morning at an early hour. I rolled over on my side and was prepared for the inevitable chill and comfort of Edward's hard and cold chest to press up to my cheek as I cuddled into him. I frantically felt the cold sheets where his body should have lay and felt nothing. I woke with a start. So quickly my head throbbed. My heart was pounding. I began to hyperventilate.
"Edward!? Edw-"
"Shh...I'm right here..." I felt his hand touching my head. I grabbed for him. Grabbed for dear life and didn't let go. I thought he had left me again. My breath came in short gasps. There was tears already streaming down my face.
"You said...You s-said t-that-"
"Shh..I know. I know. But I forgot to get the forecast from Alice last night. I can smell the sun rise. It's going to be sunny today. I have to leave quickly before the city wakes"
"You said you wouldn't leave me..." I whimpered. He kneeled before my bed and took my head in between his hands.
"I know. I know. I'm sorry. I was going to leave you a note." I clutched to him and cried into his shoulder. He repeated his words over and over until my sobbing subsided.
"I was s-scared. I was d-dreaming and f-finally woke u-up.." My words came out as unevenly as my breath.
"I know..I know...I'm sorry.." But he had no idea. None. While he was gone I had dreams. Wonderful dreams in which he was lying here with me. And when I woke up, he would be gone. It was devastating.
"Stay..." I whispered. A look of pain spread through his face as he lowered himself onto the bed and took me into his arms where I belonged. He hummed his beautiful lullaby to me. And after it was finished he whispered that he loved me. Over and over.
"But I have to go...The sun is rising. If anyone sees-"
"I know. I know." I whispered. He lifted my chin and gave me a long kiss while wiping my tears dry. He didn't let me go for a long while. He just kissed me until I felt as if my episode of fear never happened.
"Tonight..." He smiled a little.
"Tonight." I returned the favor. Feeling a little silly about my outburst earlier. And with that he was gone out my window. I looked at my clock. It was early, but I'd might as well get ready for school.
I dressed in blue jeans and a maroon colored blouse. It was nice weather today, but heavens knew when dark clouds were ready to show themselves in Forks. The house was quiet and empty. Charlie had gone to work not too long ago. I wasn't in the mood to eat this morning so I picked up a banana off the table and carried it with me to my old truck just in case. The feel of the warm wind outside was lovely. I opened the door and got inside. I rolled the window down as far as they would go in their old condition and drove to school with the wind in my hair. When at school I was greeted by Mike. He spoke proudly about a paper he wrote for English. I rejoiced with him. He never did work too hard in that class and this was quite a change. Classes just flew by. Already it was lunch hour. I wasn't looking forward to it as much as I usually did because I knew that neither Edward nor Alice would be there. I ordered some macaroni salad and a box of chocolate milk before sitting down at the usual table with the usual people. Jessica, as always, sounded excited about something unbeknownst to me. Laura looked at me as if I were the devil's spawn and was probably rejoicing in the fact that I wasn't sitting with my boyfriend as usual, today.
Gym was a drag. Because of the nice weather, we went out to play baseball. I frowned. I'd be much more enthusiastic about playing or watching if Edward were here. He was the best ball player I knew.
After the bell rang, everyone ran from the field and back up to the school. I walked. Slowly, and at my own pace, I strode back to the school with my frayed baseball glove. Even so, I couldn't manage to keep myself balanced long enough to make it back to the school unscathed. I tripped over a stub of artificial grass and fell onto the moist ground. Lovely. Mud caked my elbows and knees.
Grateful that noone was there to see, I continued my gait back to the red-bricked school. By the time I reached the girls changing room, it was almost empty. The couple of girls that were left inside stared at me as I passed them and headed for the showers. I passed a mirror on the way and saw that the mud hadn't spared my face. I moaned in disgust with myself and stripped myself of my clothing. I turned on the shower and stepped under the blessedly hot water that the showerhead emitted. I heard the laughter of the girls fade away and the door close behind them. If they were laughing at me, I had no idea. I gathered the harsh bar of no-name brand soap in my hand and built a lather on my skin. I scrubbed the grime of sweat and mud from my body and stood under the water to let the heat of it comfort me.
Suddenly, my heart's pace quickened. I turned around quickly. No one was there. But I had an inkling. I turned back to face the showerhead, only to find myself turned around a second time. My breathing was becoming quicker. I could swear someone was there. And every time I turned my head, I felt eyes piercing the back of my neck. Quickly I shut off the tap. I couldn't hear anything over the pounding of the water on the tiled floor. I could hear water dripping but I tried to block it off to better hear my surroundings. Nothing. But a strong presence was still felt.
"H-hello?" Water dripped from my lashes and into my eyes. I wiped them away and held my arms around myself to hide as best I could. I felt helpless. This was like a scene from a cheesy horror movie. A cheerleader left alone in the changing room and then a dark, hooded figure jumps out and stabs her when she least expects it. I tried my hardest to shake the thought from the mind but couldn't do it. The scenario was uncanny. I left the shower area and back to the lockers I grabbed my clothes quickly off of the benches and held them against myself. I backed myself into a corner where I was sure not to be attacked from behind and quickly pulled my clothes on. As soon as I finished I grabbed my school bag and ran from the room. My body struck something hard. As if I'd run into a brick wall.
"Woah,. I always knew you hated gym, but what's the hurry?"
"Edward" Fright was in my eyes. I must have been shaking. The few students that still littered the school halls were looking at me funny. I clutched to him as I had many times in my life. He was like my life support.
"What's wrong?" He was officially worried. And I suddenly felt silly.
"Nothing..." I smiled dismissively. He looked at me through the slits of his eyes until I caved.
"Okay, I thought I heard something in the girls change room. But you know me. It was probably-"
"Something. You have a knack for danger..Stay here. Don't move." He moved from before me and to the door behind me.
"Edward, don't bother.." I hissed. But he was already gone. Outside the change room I felt safer. But I was worried for Edward. What if something really was in there? After a few agonizing minutes, Edward emerged from the change room and looked at me thoughtfully.
"None's in there." He said.
"I told you. I was just being paranoid" I smiled lightly and grabbed his hand to hold in mine.
"Wait, how are you here? I thought you said it was sunny out."
"It's rainy out, now. I came to pick you up at the first sight of clouds" he grinned.
"Mmm..let's go home." I smiled. "I need help with trig."
"Home..." Edward repeated. I looked to him questioningly and he did little but laugh as a response.
"Huh?"
"Well I was thinking..you spend so much time at my house, it's hard to know what you mean by 'home' anymore. I kind of wondered...what it would be like if you and I had our own place..someday." I looked to him with wide eyes. It was surprising that we had been together for six months before he left and we had never spoken about this once. "I mean, there's more than enough room for you at the mansion.. But I was just thinking..."
"I think it would be nice..." I smiled. "Just leaving school and going to a place meant just for us." I sighed with delight at the thought.
"Maybe we'll do it. When you go to college I can buy-" I scoffed and sped up my pace, but still held onto his hand. "What?"
"College, eh?"
"Well yeah-" he started before realizing where I was getting at. "Bella let's not start this agian."
"Edward, you know what I want. And the conversation is going to keep coming up until you suck up your nerve to change me or stand aside and let Alice or Carlisle do it. The Volturi are going to come for me. You know that."
Despite the annoyance he might have had with me, his hand tightened over mine. I looked to him. Stubborn as he may be, he loved me. And god, did I ever love him. That's all I wanted immortality for. I didn't care about the beauty or the grace. I didn't care to live forever and animals' blood definitely wasn't my idea of a picnic. It was him that I wanted. To be with him forever. To be able to have him kiss me and touch me without him having to move away when things got a little carried away. I didn't have to be his delicate, doll.
Once we reached the exit at the front of the school and opened the door, I saw the rain pouring down and couldn't help but smile. I was a Phoenix girl through and through. But rainy weather was now my favorite just because it meant extra time with Edward. He drove through the wind and rain effortlessly and quickly as always. When we pulled up to my house, I looked through the streaked window to see that Charlie's cruiser wasn't in the driving way.
"Shall we?" Edward's beautiful voice rang and in an instant he was out of the Volvo and opening the car door for me. Sometimes I felt like royalty when I was with him. He sure knew exactly how to make me feel special.
We ran through the rain to my house and he swiftly grabbed my house key from it's hiding place before opening the door and letting me go in. Once we were inside and shook the rain from our hair, we ventured upstairs into my room. Edward ran his pale fingers through his auburn hair and threw himself haphazardly across my bed. I mumbled on and on about my day and he couldn't suppress his laughter when I told him about my unfortunate trip onto the muddy ground after gym class. Which wasn't his fault. I shouldn't have told him. I slipped in a cd that he and I had in common into my stereo by the bed. The vampire on my bed closed his eyes and lost himself in the music. So beautiful. I took my eyes off of his perfection long enough to grab my notebook and text book out of my bag and turn to the pages where my homework was written down. I sat at the edge of the bed and lay out the text in front of me. Trying to make sense of everything with diagrams and examples. Nothing seemed to relate. For an hour I sat on the bed with Edward by me silently. I managed to get the answers to five of the questions. The sixth stumped me. My head hurt. I barely felt the movement of the bed as he sat up and placed his cool fingers to my temples. He massaged my head and I immediately felt at ease. There was something about him that eased all of my pain. I sighed and let him work his magic. His hands massaged my shoulders and back.
"You're so tense..." He whispered. Then I felt something cold on my neck. It made a shiver run through me. A good one. His lips. He kissed my neck repeadantly as he had many times. And just like every other time, my heart stuttered. It stopped. And then it tried to pound its way out of my chest. I sighed in delight but didn't move. Couldn't move. He continued his kisses while massaging my back. And it felt like it went on for hours. I was going insane. Slowly I turned around to face him. He stared at me with his deep, butterscotch eyes. I took in his beauty as much as possible. His hair. His cheeks. His nose. His mouth. God..his mouth. And every time he breathed out, his breath stained the air with his wonderful scent. I don't know where my sanity got thrown out the window, but before I could think, Edward's lips were pressed against mine. It seemed we kissed for a long time. But that was never long enough. I sighed and gripped at his hair gently with my fingers. I parted my lips slightly, hoping he would do the same. He didn't. He pulled away slightly, but to my delight, he didn't push me away.
He continued kissing me with restraint. He pushed me down gently onto the bed and brushed my hair away from my face. His hands ran freverently over my torso. The blasting music playing was tuned out but it seemed to give Edward more momentum. He had never kissed me like this. Ever. My heart couldn't take this. My body was shaking. I was so dizzy. It was too much. But I wanted more. Panting was difficult not to do.
"Edward.." I whispered as he freed my lips to kiss my jawbone. I hadn't meant for it to come out so pleadingly. He pulled away then. He looked into my eyes and then backed away from me. Words couldn't describe how strange I felt now that his weight wasn't on me anymore. I wanted it back.
"Bella-I" He paused and looked off to the direction of the window. "I'm sorry. I lost control. I didn't mean to.."
"No...no it's fine.." I gasped.
"No..it's not. It's really not."
"Edward-"
"Bella..I can't.." His jaw clenched. I know he felt frustrated. Not by me, but possibly because of the fact he couldn't. That he wanted to. I nodded in understanding and looked up at him.
"It's okay..." I whispered. My voice was still shaky. It embarrassed me. I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I took a deep breath to make my heart regulate. "Hold me anyway? I've had enough of trig for the night" I melted as I saw Edward smile lightly at me and give me a loving kiss on the forehead.
"That I can do...C'mere" He held me tightly in his arms like I loved and sat with me against the headboard of my bed with our fingers mingled together.
"I should get going now. Charlie will be back from work soon."
"Will you be back?"
"Of course. I can't stay away from you too long..you know that" He smiled. "I'll pick you up later to take you to the 'other-other home'. If it's okay with your father of course."
"I'll find a way." I whispered. "Wild horses couldn't stop me." He leaned forward and kissed me so sweetly then, I thought I'd die.
"I'll pick you up at seven then.."
" 'Kay..." I said with a smitten look in my eyes. He slipped out my window and it was only seconds before I heard his tires screech away. I made my way downstairs where I took some frozen meat from the freezer to thaw for Charlie's dinner. I sat on the couch in the living room after dinner was ready. Blankly staring at the television. Waiting for the clock to turn seven. At six thirty, Charlie could be heard at the door unlocking the bolt and stepping in from the rain while I finished up the meat cooking over the stove.
"Bella?"
"Hey, Charlie. I just finished dinner."
"Smells good, as always."
As par usual, My father hung up his belt on a coat hook and removed his wet, muddy boots at the front carpet. "
"Yeah. Hey, would you mind if I went to Edward's house for dinner in half an hour?" I asked as sweetly and casually as I could. My father's lips tightened and he stayed quiet for a long while. I know that had it been someone else from school that invited me for dinner, he would say yes without another thought. He still didn't trust Edward. After he picked up and left all those months ago without a letter or a telephone call, Charlie lost all trust he had previously in the man that I loved. "I'll be back by ten." I added quickly.
"Bella-" I removed the frying pan filled with food from the burner on the fire and dished it out into a plate set aside on the counter beside me. When I finished plating the food, I turned around to face the chief of police. His face looked conflicted and agonized. He knew he was holding me too close, but also that I hadn't been this happy in a long time. I was still missing Jacob terribly, but I had my soulmate back and that was enough.
"Dad...please." I didn't want to go through this again. My father exhaled and looked to the floor. He didn't answer but I knew he had given up. Part of my heart sank at this. I carried his plate over to the table and placed it at the end for when he was ready to eat it. I wanted to comfort my dad but I was no good at this. I placed my hand on his shoulder and looked at him lovingly. Appreciatively. He had gone through so much during my struggle without Edward. Those months alone him was like a devastating earthquake of my life. But poor Charlie, I knew that he felt the tremors immensely. He had made me angry in an attempt to send me to Florida to live with my mother again, but he did it because he cared. That meant a lot.
"Just...don't stay out too late." He said with a wavering finalty to his voice.
"I won't." Immediately I ran upstairs to prepare myself for Edward. I showered and brushed out my hair to a dry shine. I dressed myself in a black skirt and a dark blue v-neck. When I made my way downstairs, Edward was already standing in my kitchen. Charlie leaning against a counter. The awkward silence was deafening.
"Ah..." I said, gliding over to Edward and sliding my hand into his. "I'll be back later, Dad." I said, turning on heel and walking to the door."
"I will have her back by ten Charlie." Edward spoke respectively. My father nodded once and watched as the door closed behind us. Once outside we ran to Edward's Volvo. We jumped in to avoid the rain and then he started the ignition and set off into the night. I looked out the window at the blur of Forks passing us by. Thinking hard to myself. My imagination taking me elsewhere.
"You're quiet tonight.." Edward said softly. His voice was heaven to my ears and yet I didn't look at him. I refused. Or I would loose all initiative and I wouldn't tell him exactly what was on my mind. And I had to..I had to.
"I was just thinking.."
"That's new.." he joked. "What about?"
"This afternoon. When you were in my room." His jaw was set and stern and now, the light purr of the car engine was all I heard. I continued. I knew he wouldn't say anything.
"Edward, I don't know how much I can take this...I look at you and.." I paused and looked at him to see if his expression changed. It didn't. What I was saying could be taken as flattery, but to him, it was just moving in to difficult territory.
"Your love is enough. More than enough. But I want you to touch me Edward. I want to touch you..." I put my hand gently over his hand that was holding the stick shift. His knuckles white. He looked at me with such anguish in his eyes I thought I might cry. He slid his hand from beneath mine slowly and ran his fingers through his own lovely hair. Taking in a deep and unnecessary breath.
"Bella-" He started. I knew he was going to argue with me and I had to stop him.
"Edward I love you."
"I love you too." He said with a hint of anger in his voice. He was looking at me, but still driving quickly and perfectly on the road.
"Then why don't you want me?!"
"I don't want to hurt you Bella! I told you. I could kill you! I could break your bones. I'm an animal Bella. And you know how potent your blood is. You know it! I could give in and bite you! I could-"
"Do it!" His face was horror stricken. As if someone had slapped him in the face. He looked at me. He knew exactly what I meant. "I want you to bite me Edward. I want you to make me into a vampire. That way we don't have to worry about this anymore! You can kiss me and touch me all you want. We can be together forever. Isn't that what you want?"
"Bella." He started softly. Controlling himself. "I want to spend forever with you. I do. I will be with you forever. For as long as you walk the earth I will be yours. And when you die..." He spoke with difficulty now. "When you die, I will follow you right after. But right now you are beautiful. You are perfect. Your heart is beating..there's flush in your cheeks when you get mad at me..just like this.." His eyes were on the road now, but his hand went to my face, burning with blood and flushed with anger.
"And I'm not damning you to a half life with anything less than that. Than what you deserve. I've come too far to save you, only to kill you now..."
I let silence prevail for a while. Letting his words sink in. When he thought he had won the debate, his hand left my cheek and went down to my lap to pick up my hand in his.
"Alright..." I whispered. There was silence in his car as he continued to drive the empty roads of Forks. "Just answer me this..." My lover maintained his silence as he looked out onto the road.
"Are you saying that you love me..and yet you can look at me every day for the rest of my life..and never want me..not even once?" Silence. He looked slowly to me again. "Can you be with me for my entire forever..and never just want to give me more than one of your close-mouthed kisses?"
"No..." He replied. "No. I think about it all the time. Look at me Bella. I died a 17 year old boy. The thoughts and desires of that age are still there. You're the only person I've ever been with. The only person I want to be with. But I have to put these things aside. Not because I don't want you...because I love you. You personally, more than anything physical or sexual. Having your love in return is worth more than all that.."
His words shamed me. Why didn't I feel the same way? Why did I have this strong yearning to just have me kiss me without pulling away that he didn't have? Why did I think about it-about him- constantly? Because I loved him. And I wanted him. Every inch. It made me feel scandalous. Abnormal. Lusty. But I was 18. It was absolutely normal. And this wasn't just some highschool crush. It was love. True love between us and we couldn't even express it. It wouldn't have bothered me at all if I was just waiting. Waiting for him to change me so I could be unbreakable like him. So he could finally be with me like Emmet was with Rose. Or Carlisle with Esme. Or even Alice and Jasper! But he didn't want to change me. Ever. Which means I couldn't be with him in that way. Ever. And that hurt more than I would have liked. It was because I was human. I was allowed to feel this way. My desire for him wasn't buried under a century of bloodlust like his was for me.
"Edward I love you..but God, it's so hard...It's...I can't control. A-and the way you make me feel when you kiss me..it's like-"
"Heroin?" He said with a smirk.
"Yeah..." I smiled, almost sadly. He looked at me with an understanding that made my whole body melt.
"I know how that feels...trust me..." Edward stroked my hair now and lifted a lock to bring slowly to his face and inhaled deeply.
Seconds later, we were pulled up in front of the large white house which Edward and his family shared. We stepped out of the Volvo and into the rain. We ran to the front door which Esme opened as if she were waiting for our arrival.
"Hello Edward, Bella." Esme greeted us with a warm smile and took my coat from me to hang up. "How are you dear?"
"I'm good, thanks" I said with a smile. Alice stormed down the stairway then and stopped abruptly in front of me before going up on her toes to give me a kiss on the cheek.
"Bella! It was my turn to cook for you tonight." Alice rang with a cheerful smile.
When I came to the Cullen's house for dinner, 'dinner' usually consisted of someone cooking for me and me eating it by myself while everyone else just sat across the dinner table. It was a little awkward at first, but I faded into everything naturally when the family sat laughing and conversing with each other. Tonight went very much the same. Alice did an amazing job with dinner. Mashed potatoes and some kind of grilled meat that tasted perfect. Edward, to my left picked up the fork when I put it down too long and lifted food to my lips for me. While the family was talking back and forth I felt a pair of eyes cast upon me. Much like this afternoon in the changing room at school. Everyone was caught up in their laughter except for Carlisle, who was looking at his beeper, as always.
"Carlisle has to go.." Alice announced before he could say a word. Esme looked to her husband with an understanding look. I'm sure she was used to his busy schedule by now.
"I'm sorry darling.." He said aloud as he leaned to the side to kiss his wife lovingly on the lips. I saw his lips moving quickly and Esme closed her eyes with a small smile.
"Have a good night everyone. I'm sorry I have to storm out so quickly." A chorus of 'Goodnight Carlisle' ran out and I joined in with a small frown. It was sad that he didn't get to spend all the time he wanted with his family. What was the point in immortality if he couldn't have that?
Without another word, he picked up his doctor's bag and we heard him close the door quietly as he departed. The chatter of the family continued like this for the rest of the night. Emmet and his obnoxiously funny antics.
"The rain is dying down.." Jasper said from the large window in the west room. Light from a clear chandelier shone down upon the beautiful white piano. "And it's not too cold..we should go for a walk."
"That sounds like a lovely idea" Esme said. Alice rose to her husband's side at the window with an innocent smile.
"Sounds good.." Rosalie said. "Let me get my coat." In a blur of color, she was gone. It wasn't like she needed the coat, but she knew exactly how to put on a good show for us humans.
"Bella, Edward, are you coming?" Esme asked maternally.
"We'll stay." Edward said quietly. "If that's okay with you, Bella.." He smiled at me. The boy was reading my mind.
"Yeah. You guys have fun." I spoke enthusiastically. Coats were gotten and Edward's family said their goodnights to me.
"Don't do anything Rosalie and I would do.." Emmet joked as he jabbed Edward in the arm. Edward growled under his breath..
"Good night Emmet" I said. And the door closed behind them. I turned to Edward, to see him already looking at me. A playful look was in his eyes as he analyzed me.
"What?" I smiled. His crooked smile splayed over his face beautifully as he prepared to speak.
"It has occurred to me just now that I have never heard you play..." He said as he waltzed to the piano in the other room, pulling me gently behind.
"Probably because I can't play." I said bashfully. Heat rose to my cheeks.
"You did. When you were young. Rene signed you up for lessons when you were little. You told me..remember?"
"You remembered that?" I gasped.
"I remember everything Bella..." Edward sighed. "Especially if it's about you." He sat across from the piano on a matching bench and pulled me beside him.
"Come on..try and play something" he spoke gently. His eyes took in everything I did. There was no escaping this. I slowly exhaled a deep breath, stretched my fingers and placed them on the cold ivory before throwing Edward a resentful glance. He only smirked and gave me a look that said.: "Show me what you've got"
I pressed my fingers down in a quick fashion and let the sounds of 'Chop Sticks' reverberate off of the air. He laughed delightfully and joined me in the awesomeness that was Chop Sticks. When the song was over Edward put his hand on his stomach and laughed hard. I joined him. It was fun, and quite a treat to see him laugh and smile. It made my heart do a somersault.
"I love it when you laugh..." I said with a smile on my face. Edward looked at me lovingly. My bones turned to jelly.
"I do it a lot more now that I'm back here with you..." I leaned forward and took his cheek into the palm of my hand.
"Promise me." I whispered, closing my eyes. "Promise me again." I knew he would know exactly what I meant. And I needed to hear it.
"I'll never leave you."
"Say it again..." I whispered. Wanting his words to truly take every doubt away.
"Bella..." My eyes shot open at the sound of his voice saying my name. "I will never, ever leave you again..Ever. I love you. I love you."
"I love you..." I said quietly, pressing my lips to his.
His hands went through my hair and cupped my face. My fingers found his cold neck and shoulders. My hands went down his chest to explore the marble of his body. What I would give to have him crush me under his body. Whatever was left of my nails ran down the length of his arm as I held him close. Both our breathing was increasing in speed. His hands ran down my waist and I was in heaven. I could tell that he knew we were crossing the borderline again. But my eyes pierced his and I know that his thoughts struck momentarily to the conversation we had just had in the car. By the look on his face and the way he continued to kiss me afterwards, I know that he was meditating on it and was trying to push the line just a little bit further. He picked me up ever so gently and effortlessly by the waist and set me on the keys of the piano that went off in a loud clamor as my weight settled on them. He stood before me, looking beautiful as always.
Contemplating his next move. His eyes as they watched over me looked hungry and ferocious. He always compared himself to an animal, and that when he drank blood, his senses went haywire into predator mode. He always said it to scare me, I think. But sometimes..during times like this when a small growl built up in his chest. When his eyes glowed yellow at me like this, I felt strangely taken aback by the arousal of it all. He didn't know how godly he was in my eyes. My heart stopped breathing. My breath came in little gasps. And then he came at me. Quickly. Knocking what little air I had, out of me. He wrapped one arm around my waist and twined the other one in my hair as he kissed me ferociously. I wrapped my legs around his waist and thrust my fingers into his hair. I sight happily as he kissed me. I felt light. Free. The feelings he gave me couldn't be compared to anything else. My face grew unbearably hot, as did my ears. Then as he kissed me I felt a shock of cold going up my leg. His fingers were moving ever so slowly under my skirt. Up my thigh. I unwillingly broke from the kiss to let a whimper and a groan escape my lips. I buried myself into his neck and kissed it and the little bit of his smooth chest that showed from underneath his shirt.
His fingers moved away from my trembling leg. I felt my heart sink a little, but he continued to kiss me. He wasn't stopping. At this realization, I thought my heart was going to burst. His fingers slid up to my waist again before they slid up my blouse and against my bare stomach. I trembled and squirmed, so my bottom touched more keys of the piano to ring out. I tightened my legs around his waist. He kissed my neck. His breathing was so hard. Was he enjoying this as I was? Was he breaking down too? He must have been. He was...shaking. And it excited me having him as vulnerable as he was right now. His tongue flicked against my neck, sending the butterflies from my stomach, fluttering about my entire body.
"Bella..." He moaned from my neck.
"D-don't stop.." I shook.
"I can't..."
"Edward.."
"I can't" he hissed. "I'll hurt you...I can't hurt you.."
"You won't."
"You smell...And I want..."
"But you won't.." I pleaded. It was like a physical ache now. He couldn't leave me like this.
"That's right..I won't." He pulled away. My face was still burning. My body felt abandoned and broken without his against it. "I won't take that chance...I'm so sorry Bella..."
"Yeah...me to.." I whispered. I slipped noisily from the piano and placed my feet on the floor. Stupid of me. I nearly crashed to the floor. My body was still gelatin because of the effect his lips had on me. He caught me quickly and pulled me back up to my feet. He held me against him. I knew he was sorry. I knew he wanted it as much as I did. He said so. But it wasn't completely out of his control. All he had to do was change me. End both our suffering. He could taste my blood. I would live forever with him. We could have the marriage-like relationship we wanted so much. All he had to do was change me. And he knew this. And he wouldn't. And I couldn't take it anymore.
"It's about time I got you home.." He whispered into my hair.
"Yeah. Let's go." He took my hand into his and carried me to the front door where he retrieved my coat and put it around my shoulders.
The drive home was relatively quiet. I tried not to let the disappointment in me show, so I held his hand and smiled up at him when his eyes left the road to gaze upon me. Inside I was screaming. Hoping. Waiting. For him to stop the car. Pull into one of the dark forests we were driving past and just sink his teeth into my neck. For him to take me back to his house, hold my hand and stay with me for three days as the pain of the venom took over my body and be with me forever from that moment on. And the nights..every night to be pure unadulterated bliss. My mortality was driving us both crazy and only one of us wanted to do something about it.
"Tomorrow's gonna be a sunny day." He said quietly. Breaking the silence. This made me frown with disappointment.
"Not again..." I whispered.
"I know..." He agreed. Looking at me longingly.
"Can I come over?"
"That's what I had in mind..but the family is going hunting..And I really need to go." He lowered his head. It looked like he was embarrassed. There was no need for anyone that beautiful to be embarrassed. He was perfect. In every way possible.
"Oh..So I won't see you until tomorrow night?
"
"No.." He mused sadly. "But we have tonight..." The corners of his mouth lifted, making mine do the same. When we pulled up to my house he kissed me sweetly, as a custom and I fled quickly from the car and into my house where I greeted Charlie and let him know that I was okay before faking a yawn and making my way upstairs as wearily as I could manage. Once into my sky blue room, Edward was already standing in the middle of the floor looking angelic as ever.
"I'm starting to feel sorry for Charlie y'know.."
"Why?" I asked, unable to suppress a little snicker.
"Well, think about it. He sends his little girl out with me. Intends for him to bring her back at an appropriate hour-"
"Which you do-"
"-Yes, which I do. Before sneaking up to her room again, where I spend the whole night. And the poor guy has no idea." He moved forward and enveloped me into his arms. I laughed a little.
"Well it's not that deceptive. All we do is sleep."
"Well..you sleep. I-"
"-Watch...yes I know.." I said with a small blush
"And listen. Can't forget that.." He laughed a little. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed his fingers against my back. I leaned against him. Breathed him in. He smelled so good. I wonder how he tasted. I would never know. He released me after a long time of holding me, and when he did I smiled at him lovingly, as I always did when he didn't enrage me with his stubbornness
"I need to change.." I whispered.
"I'll be waiting." He responded. Whenever he said that, it made me shiver. Being in the bathroom and knowing that a beautiful creature was walking about in the area where I slept. Waiting for my return. And with these thoughts, I changed with an amazing haste. When I came into the room, the light was already turned of and he was already laying in my bed. With his eyes closed. His body rising and falling with every deep breath.
"Faker.." I whispered. He smiled unwillingly and lifted the comforter for me to slip under. When I did this, I felt his cold, strong arm around me. And I kicked myself. I was laying in bed with the most beautiful, considerate, kind, loving man in the world and I was here beating myself up because he couldn't get too close? Foolish. This was all I needed. Right here. I would die without this.
"I love you Bella Swan."
"I love you too Edward Cullen"
It took a little longer for me to fall asleep that night. Edward knew exactly what to do. He stroked my hair and whispered his lullaby to me. And then I was gone.