As we boarded the ship to leave our home forever I had the feeling that this was something I shouldn't be doing. I knew that I shouldn't be worrying about something so stupid but it involved my family. Last time we went to the new world they didn't have their families. I should feel lucky. Every one told me that it was for God and country, that it was England's right to put colonies over the world. That didn't help. It seemed to me that Queen Victoria was a little greedy when it came to land. We have only been there once before and that ended in tragedy. How was this going to end?
"Alice honey, do you feel right about leaving, about going to new world?" there was fear in my voice making it quiver a little. I tried hard to disguise it with excitement but it's one and the same to me. I didn't want her to think of her husband as a coward but I couldn't help feel an unknown fear.
"No why? Are you have second thought about leaving?" she replied. A little smile crossed her face as she spoke these words; letting me know that it was ok to fear the unknown. "It's perfectly normal to fear the unknown you know. Why do you think so many fear death? It's foreign soil. We all have our beliefs on what will happen but we don't know for sure. We must have just a little faith in our Lord." She always has a way with making the most uncomfortable situations feel like home. She more often than not turned everything in the Lords hands. Her faith is always stronger than mine I thought while nodding my head in agreement.
"I hope little Isabella has your faith."
"I know." Was her reply as a loving smile spread across her face.
"You must forgive me but I have always been a pessimist. I love you and Isabella but… well, its just…" I sighed "I don't know what's going to happen. Don't you remember what happened to the last time we went to this "new world"? Everyone died. This place doesn't sound too hospitable." I started to feel lighter as I let my concerns bubble out. "I'm just scared for you and Isabella."
"Mathias you are exaggerating now. Not everybody died. Remember the colonist came back to England. We will even have some soldiers help us in our new home. There is no need to fear." She smiled again hoping to relieve me of my fear but to no avail.
I moved my eyes from her gaze and started to stare at the vessel ahead of us. I was never a seaman. So seeing the ship was somewhat startling. I never thought that ships could be this big. But as I moved closer to the docks I saw more and more ships materialize and I realized that this was the smaller of the ships. My thoughts had completely enveloped me when I was forced to stop "Isabella you need to settle down. No need to act like a heathen. I know you're excited but calm down until we are on the ship." I said as I placed my hands into the hands of Alice and Isabella when one of the solders stopped me from boarding.
"Names?" He questioned while looking on his list. I couldn't help but look at the vessel that was to take us to our new home. The ship was painted white. The paint had already begun to fade showing its signs of frequent use. The deck was made out of a darker wood but it too was also fading in color. The ship seemed old and too me didn't really look up the trip that it was about to make.
"It's Langley sir." I replied with a smile. He continued to look at the list of names not really looking up. "Are you sure that this vessel will be able to make it to Virginia?" It was as if the world stopped at this moment to look at me. His mouth fell open in disbelief.
"What are you playing at sir?" he implored.
"Well, it just looks a little old to me. Like… it might… you know fall apart before our eyes. Just look at it." The ship was a little old but it was sturdy enough.
"Excuse my husband Mr.?"
"The name is Smith, Matthew Smith."
"Well Mr. Matthew Smith my husband is just a little frightened by the fact that we will never be coming back to our families and home here. When he is nervous he has a tendency to ask thoughtless questions and make an ass of himself. Hence the investigation about this lovely sea faring vessel. I do hope that you can forgive him of his rudeness." She gave him a smile that she always used on me when she wanted something I normally wouldn't let her have. After the smile I usually caved in and bought it for her. So I knew that he would cave in as well.
"Well that's all right. It is a little rundown. It could also use some new paint as well. Maybe I should bring that up to the captain."
"Oh, no need for that we are going to be inside it most of the time anyway." She replied.
"Mathias, Alice, and Isabella?" he questioned.
"Yes."
"Alright, you may go up." He smiled at Alice and Isabella but glowered at me and for my twenty questions.
I picked Isabella up and started toward the ramp onto the boat. "Did you have to use that smile? You know it's not going to work on me next time. I'm only going to be able to think about Mr. Smith the next time that you use it." I said morosely.
"Well of course I had to use it. If it works on you than it must work on other people as well. Plus, I don't think that we want a guard angry with us this soon on our trip. You were only making him angry you know that don't you? I was trying to avoid a potentially dangerous situation."
"Well avoiding it or not he is gushing over you as we speak, and as being your husband I am the only one allowed to gush over you and fall to your wicked wiles as a women. After all we are bound to each other; in case you have forgotten. Plus do you think it necessary for Isabella to see that?"
"I thought it was funny daddy." She said in her doll like voice. Her voice matched her perfectly. She was a little small for her age. But to me all five year olds were small. She had a long curtain of mouse brown hair like her mother and she had her mother's eyes as well, they were big and they were the lightest azure blue this world has ever seen. Her face is very fairiesque. Her nose was somewhat pointed at the end. She had full crimson lips and she was somewhat pale. In other words next to my wife she was the most beautiful creature that I have ever seen.
Alice was of course the most beautiful creature the Lord had ever created. It was like a blessing that I was able to find her before anybody else. She was small and petite about five foot four inches and had extremely long mouse brown hair. She was also pale and had blue eyes not as light as Isabella's but still beautiful. When you looked into them you had the feeling of home and that you could not lie. Her lips were nothing like Isabella's, her upper lip was little more than a line and her bottom was fuller than the top. They were the color of a pink carnation. Beautiful.
When we were all aboard we made our way down to the belly of the ship to place our belongings where we were going to be sleeping. The compartment that my family had was extremely small. We all could barely fit but we managed somehow. It was made out of wood of course in the shape of a square. It looked like they took the brig and made them into bedrooms. We had a single bed that could hardly fit two people on it but we were happy and we had a single lamp for the evenings. We didn't use it much due to the fact that we were hardly down there at night. Isabella was afraid to stay down there by herself at night so one of us was always going to bed with her.
As Isabella was sleeping my thoughts turned to the new start that I was going to begin, I thought that maybe I could actually make a living for my family. That they would not have to go without, that Isabella would be able to have the things that I never had as a child. I was thinking of the house that I wanted to build, the garden that I wanted to have and the happiness that we would feel. These thoughts courted me into the oblivion of sleep.
"It's amazing how dark it is." I said loudly more for myself than for anybody else. It was dark, a little too dark for a summer evening. I was standing on the outskirts of a vast forest. Only the silhouette was visible from where I stood.
"I would at least have thought that the moon would be out tonight." I said as I looked up at a lunar eclipse. "You would think at least the stars would shine but nothing. My, this is an odd night!"
I looked to the forest as a wind swept by me bringing the sound of a faint voice with it. The wind rushed past again and as I heard the voice it seemed to me that the forest itself beckoned me. I stood perplexed; I knew not where I was or what I was doing and I was completely alone but the voice was so familiar and I didn't know where I heard the voice before this moment in time.
So instead of standing there like a fool I started walking to edge of the vast forest that seemed to hang there, not really touching the ground, not really rooted into the soil just there. The light or the lack there of must have been playing tricks on my mind because that couldn't really happen but I made my way non-the less into the forest without a second thought.
As I was traversed through the lightless forest knowing vaguely where my feet were taking me. They were taking me to the voice deep inside of the forest but other than that I knew not where I was. I noticed that I had never been here before; I had never even stepped out of London where I was born and raised. Yet, there was something strangely familiar about this place. My feet knew where to go but my mind was completely lost.
What was more upsetting was that I had the feeling that something horrid was waiting in the wings. That maybe death was waiting. Yet, I could not bear the fact of turning around and going in the other direction. I knew that something horrible was going to happen and yet, my masochistic self wanted to push forward and see what death looked like.
Upon these feeling's I noticed that I wasn't alone. That an Indian guide was right beside me, he snuck up on me soundlessly. I jumped at the sight and I noticed who it was. It was Manteo.
"Manteo is that you? Where did you come from?"
"It doesn't matter where I came from; it only matters where you are going. You're not safe here and I implore you to return to the village with me." His reply sounded anxious almost fearful.
"Are you alright? What's the matter?" He didn't reply. He just looked at me with urgency in his eyes. Confusion washed over me as I realized what he said earlier. The village? I knew not of the village of which he spoke. "Have we made it to the new world?" I asked trying to hide my excitement and fear but failing horribly.
He did not reply and urged me to follow him with his hand. I told him that I could not and that if he wanted to that he could return on his own. He was not pleased as he made his way in the other direction. As he walked away I knew that I had made the wrong choice. Fear swept over me again. It wasn't really a fear of the unknown but more of a fear of being left alone, but I felt that I owed it to myself to push forward.
With every step a feeling of dread and fear seeped into my body. It was the forest, it emitted this foul spirit. This same spirit from the woods seemed to beckon me further into the forest until I entered into a small clearing all the while the familiar voice getting louder and louder. I had no idea where I was but once again the sense of familiarity washed over me. I became very frustrated with myself and the lack of information that I felt I should have.
In my frustration with my predicament I looked to the heavens and noticed that there were actually stars out on this dark night. The stars were clumped together just above the clearing that I found myself in. I counted only one hundred seventeen stars in the night sky. All of a sudden, almost as if it didn't really happen, the stars began to fall and lose their luster. Like God was angry or disgusted by their faint glow; and pushed them from the sky.
What is going on here? Were my first thoughts as I saw the stars falling. I could feel that the abominable spirit that brought me to this spot had some how rested in this little clearing. I looked around in confusion and I couldn't seem to be able to put the two things together. In the light of the falling stars I was able to make out a small village where I stood.
"Could this not be the village that the guide was talking about? If not where did it come from?" My voice just a little more than a whisper. "It couldn't have. Manteo, he went in the other direction. This is something completely different. Is this what he was afraid of? The evil spirit that I have felt throughout my walk is stronger here than any other place."
I could only speak in whispers; almost as if my voice wasn't capable of getting louder like it was afraid to wake an unseen, sleeping evil. The familiarity of this foreign place was astounding. I could not put my finger on why or how I knew this place but I knew it. I knew it like I knew my wife and child and yet it was still foreign. I could see the small houses that made up this forgotten township. I had seen it but yet I knew not where.
I saw that the vegetation of the forest had languorously covered everything in sight; as if to cover the shame of what happened here. I could make the outlines of the small houses that once were occupied by their happy families with maybe a dog or two. I noticed that one house had steps leading up to the front door. It was something that I always wanted for my house. I always felt that steps were a sign high class. Don't ask me why but I always thought that they were something to be desired.
As I focused on the quaint steps leading into the house, I could almost see little Isabella running up the steps to Alice for a warm embrace. I could hear the laughing and smell the cooking of a dinner that was prepared with the greatest care and love for Isabella and I, but I never came. I was never part of this beautiful vision. I was sure that if heaven was on earth than this was it. It was where my family was happy and well taken care of, but I could not find myself in the picture, I was nowhere to be seen.
"If this is heaven than where am I", at that moment the most overwhelming sense of confusion rested in my heart.
"Where was I?" I whispered. In that same instant when I spoke those words; it was as if the malefic spirit heard and answered by filling the night air with a scream to announce its awakening. The scream was not one of laughter or of pleasure but one of pure agony and pain. As I looked to where the scream had come from I noticed that it wasn't the spirit of the forest but it had come from one of the houses. I knew it. I looked to the windows to see which house it came from. I saw one in the distance with a welcoming light emanating form it.
When I walked into the house I noticed how familiar it was. Than I realized that it my house in England. The fire place was on the right of me and straight ahead was the kitchen. I looked to my left and the door to the bedroom was open and I could see the neatly made bed. In the far corner was another opening to Isabella's room. I turned my eyes and saw my beautiful wife in the corner crouching over something that I could not see. A wave of irrational fear forced itself into my body and dread followed.
"Alice, is that you?"
"Alice?"
"Alice… who is that on the floor?" I tired to suppress my fear but to no avail. My voice sounded shaky, confused but deep inside I knew who it was in the corner but unwilling to believe.
"Alice who is it?" I said with more force.
There was no reply. I stood and waited but she continued to huddle over the figure. As I surveyed what Alice was doing I was able to see the feet of a child. A little girl to be exact, a second wave of fear spread over me like a fever.
"Alice who is it?" I inquired as anger settled in my voice. It was an unnatural sound as Alice and I were not prone to yelling or fighting. Alice continued to crouch over the figure.
Finally as anger took over my soul I ran over to where Alice was and I pulled her off the figure. To my abhorrence but not to my surprise I saw our child Isabella lying face up with a look of horror on her face. She was pale and week. The red trails of tears had stained her beautiful face.
"Isabella are you alright? What was your mother doing to you?" Fear had crept once again into my voice. She just laid there crying. I turned to her mother to question her as to what she was doing.
In the fire light Alice had a lack of warmth in her face. In all actuality she looked angry with me. Her eyes that used to be an azure blue had turned into the most horrific crimson I had ever seen. Her skin that once had a pale tint to it was now a translucent white. It was inhuman how pale she was. Instead of having an aura of love and welcoming around her she had a hostile and deadly feel to her. Her anger seemed to have dispersed because she was smiling a smile that scared me to no end. A red liquid had covered her face and was dripping from her chin onto her chest.
As I looked back to Isabella I saw that her neck was bleeding. I looked more closely at her neck to find that it had been badly hurt. It looked like an animal had attacked her and chewed on it. I was at a complete loss of words. I looked back at Alice and she moved closer to Isabella and me and began to nibble on my ear. I pushed her away from me.
"What the hell were you doing to Isabella?" I asked with disbelief and anger in my voice. It just didn't make sense. Nothing was computing in my brain. I saw what she was doing, the evidence was right there but I wasn't able to make any sense of it. Our child was dying and it was because of something that she did and she has the audacity to try and seduce me.
I looked back at Isabella on the ground and saw that her breathing had become erratic and shallow. The fear of the death of a loved one came over me. The tears formed without my permission and I gave into them. I fell onto my knees with my head in my hands.
"Why… How could you do this? She was our little girl." Agony deep in my voice.
I looked back at Alice I noticed that she was kneeling right beside me. I didn't see or hear her come next to me. I looked into her eyes for some sort of explanation and found myself lost. I couldn't help but look into her horrid, haunting, beautiful crimson eyes. My mind told me it was wrong but my body stayed and yearned for her touch. All the warnings in my mind were going off and yet I couldn't move. The world around me melted into nothing. It was just Alice and I in the room. I forgot about Isabella on the ground and I didn't even want her. All I wanted was to be in Alice's embrace.
As she wrapped me in her arms she kissed me. My heart mourned and sang with joy at the same time. It was something I really wanted and yet she was nothing like the Alice that I fell in love with. She was absent of all love and tenderness.
Her small head moved from my lips, to my jaw, to my neck kissing all the way down. An excitement of our courting days rushed through my body. As I felt her kiss my neck she began to playfully bite it.
"What has gotten into you Alice?" I asked in disbelief as I pushed her away. This is far from normal behavior for Alice. "What did you do?" the grief was thick in my voice but the sorrow that I wanted to feel wasn't there. The only thing that I felt was an indescribable feeling to kiss Alice and leave this awful scene. As she pulled me closer she began again to kiss and bite my neck.
Slowly the biting became harder and harder until I thought that I couldn't stand it but yet I couldn't pull away from her cold embrace. I was at home; it was peaceful but my mind was restless and screamed at me to run. I couldn't run and I didn't know why until I felt that she had broken the skin on my neck and continued to bite. Something seemed to have numbed the pain so that I couldn't feel that she was chewing and sucking on my neck. I could feel her move deeper and deeper into my neck but I couldn't run away. The feelings that came upon me were almost indescribable.
It was an experience that I have never felt. It was a sexual, euphoric but most of all it was lethargic. I wanted her more than I have ever wanted someone in my entire life but I knew that I couldn't. The joy that I was feeling was something that I never felt before; it was more so than that of my marriage or that of the birth of my daughter but something wasn't right. The lethargy was overwhelming. I couldn't move; I didn't want to move. I enjoyed her evil embrace but something was holding me back; it was keeping me from giving into my desire.
It was fear and repulsion. With all that was happening and with the strong urge to take her and make love to her there was a fear and a repulsion that caused me to stop and stand still. It caused me to rethink my actions. She is my wife. How could I fear my wife or more importantly why was I so repulsed by her? The warnings in my head were blaring causing me to wake from the lethargic state which held me bound.
As I came back to my senses I pushed as hard I could against Alice but my strength was that of a child; after a while I was able to mustered enough strength to push her off of me. I was feeling tired and weak. Something had drained my strength and energy. It must have been from the lack of blood.
"What is wrong?' her voice was that of silk. Smooth, comforting and alluring. "Don't you love me?" she asked.
I ignored her question and looked down at Isabella but she was already rising. My heart was jumping with joy until she looked into my eyes. She had the same eyes as her mother. They weren't the blue that I loved but the crimson I feared.
Before I knew it I was out of the door running into the night and the forest. As I ran I felt that eyes were on me the whole way. There was nothing that I could to avoid the hidden stares. They followed me everywhere I went.
I ran away from the scene but my masticated neck continued to bleed profusely causing light headedness. I stumbled as I ran but I did not look back. The eyes that I ran from continued to follow me. I couldn't run fast enough or hide quick enough from the relentless eyes.
I stopped not far from the beginning of my journey and saw a man exit the forest. He shined in the moonlight. He was barefoot and had extremely long hands. His eyes were only focused on me. They burned with a dark desire to rid the world of my existence. They burned crimson like Alice's and Isabella's. He was extremely handsome. When he moved he moved with a grace of a predator. My eyes couldn't be torn from his gaze as he walked closer.
When he got to me he didn't say a word; he just stared at my bleeding neck. He placed one of his icy hands on my shoulder and the other on my head and pushed them in the opposite directions. I winced from the pain. He moved his head closer to inspect the wound but he didn't help he just bit down hard on my neck. I felt nothing.
As I woke form my dream Alice was right beside me. She had a look of concern as she watched me jerk up form the laying position.
"Is everything okay?" she asked with deepest of \ concern as she hugged me tightly and as she placed her head on my neck. I pushed her away and ran into the corner of our little room.
"Don't you touch me! Don't get near me you just stay away from me. What the hell did you that to our daughter? What is the matter with you? How could you do that? She is only five years old. Are you mental?" I screamed.
"What did I do?" she asked as the tears welled up in her eyes. "Isabella is fine." she choked out.
"Where is she?" anger colored my voice.
Isabella sat up from where she was laid. "What's the matter daddy?"
I ran to her and held her tight. The tears formed and fell freely. "Are you all right?" I asked as I kissed her.
"What's the matter daddy?" she asked again. She had rarely seen me cry and never did she hear me speak that way to her mother.
Alice walked cautiously towards us. I inched myself and Isabella away from her. She began to cry harder at my apparent fear and repulsion at the sight of her. I could only hold and kiss little Isabella for a time before I realized that it was a dream. The fear and suspicion lingered.