CHAPTER 2: SIGMUND FREUD SOLVES THE DOUBLE PREGNENCY MYSTERY
"hmmmmmmm acording to my calculations annas baby will be born IN 2 DAYS", elsa said exictedly and looked at the huge calulations she had made on the black board.
"FUCKING HELL, THAT BETTER BE TRUE. I CANNOT STAND THIS CASTLE FOR IDIOT ASSHOLES ANY LONGER THAN THAT", elsas guest angrily screamed. "I WONDER WHAT THE PROBLEM REALLY IS. MAYBE IF YOU FUCKING LEARNED TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DUMBASS KINGDOM INSTEAD OF GETTING OFF ON CREEPY SEXBOTS EVERY DAY? OR WHAT IF YOU STOPPED WAKING ME UP EVERY FUCKING NIGHT BECAUSE ELSA STABBED ANNA'S BELLY AGAIN? MY ASTONISHMENT AT THE FACT THAT YOUR BABY HAS SURVIVED THIS LONG IS THE ONLY EMOTION BURNING STRONGER THAN THE INFERNAL HATE I FEEL TOWARDS EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IN THIS ASSHOLE KINGDOM!"
"shut up youre scraring annas baby", elsa disaproved.
"THE BABY ISN'T EVEN FUCKING BORN YET!"
"but im the baby", elsa said. "AGAIN shut up because im trying to get some fun physics done. why is this equation that coinsidentally uses my weight suddenly fail, hmm?"
"LET ME GUESS", angered karkat. "IT'S BECAUSE YOU ARE FUCKING PREGNANT, YOU GODDAMN IMBECILE!"
"hmmmm", wondered elsa and examined her belly scientifically. and wow, it was true! elsa was also pregnent, but who was the baby?
"i wonder who the baby is", elsa wondered. "time to go to ardelias university where an expert will evaluite my pregnency! see you, karkat"
"FIRST OF ALL, THE BABY IS ANNA, YOU FUCKING IGNORAMUS", karkat shouted while elsa looked for the nearest elsannabot. "AND SECOND, I'LL ADMIT THAT I'M NOT EXACTLY AN AUTHORITY OF HUMAN REPRODUCTION, BUT THAT IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING QUESTION ANYONE HAS EVER ASKED IN THE HISTORY OF ASSHOLES GIVING BIRTH!"
but elsa was already gone.
-
"give me more doridtos please", anna cried at one of her maids. being pregnant was very hard, and very emotional.
the maid went away and anna began to cry due to not having more doridtoes, and also pancakes, which were her main obession.
but suddenly and predictably KARKAT SUDENLY CAME INTO THE ROOM HOLDING A KNIFE!
"I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOUR BABY", the anger troll screamed.
"holy shit", anna said because she was so surprised. "why is karkat so predictably murderous because we made him do all of our work and stay awake for nine months, while not giving any food or money?"
the troll advanced, still holding a knife and looking as angry as your mom when she sees you looking at hot elsanna pixs.
"hmmm, maybe the robot army will sudenly go on a murderous rampage", anna wondered aloud. but it didnt happen. she was DOOMED!
karkat thrusted the knife into annas belly.
-
elsa walked across the street to the ardelias university. the university was really big and beautiful and magical, because the kingdom had so much money. from making ICE STEEL, or whatever bullshit magic material it was.
also, the elsannabots were probably made of ICE STEEL, which will be important later, when they rampage murderiously, thought elsa to herself. she had forgot to axe anna if she prefered living with or without robot mass murder.
"hi", elsa said to an university worker. or maybe it was a student? anyways, it didnt matter because elsa could just execute anyone who didnt do everything she wanted. "please tell dr freud to see me."
the doctor was busy doing something, so elsa took a while to watch a nearby elsabot and annabot make out and then fight to death, until annabot won and devoured elsabots body. it was SO hot.
"i came as fast as i could", dr freud said.
"me too", elsa said. "anyways, hi can you tell me why anna and me are sudenly aggresively pregnent with each other?"
"i have analyzed your case extensively", freud said. "right now i am evaluating the troubling childhood event of snowman castration and its effect on your psyches. in annas dream number 134, we can see that a big pillar made of snow melts and causes the castle to be demolished – clear phallic imagery an expert such as i can not ignore."
"shut up and tell me about babies", elsa sighed. she had no idea why the university kept a reanimated corpse of dr sigmund freud, in different stages of the process known as decomposition, apart from analyzing why people suddenly give birth to each other.
"oh yes, there is one recorded case of somebody giving birth to a person who already lives", the doctor said.
"ok who was the baby?"
"i cannot tell you that elsa", freud said mysteriously.
"but who is the father then?"
"hmmmmmmmmm", the man psychoanalyzed. "how did you guess that the father was in fact male, when in fact i didnt say so?"
"i have seen the baby is you, you doofus", elsa said. "i was just making a reference, chill (heh). but ok ill contact DAVE STDRIDER this instant bye doc and please stop emailing me your pervert analyses of my dreams you somehow happen to know! OK BYE FOREVER"
"but wait!" freud shouted mysteriously when elsa walked away. "there is a twist to this information! you will regret if you dont listen to me now!"
but elsa was already gone, because a 2 elsabot and 4 annabot hot makeout session had begun in the front of the castle. olaf the snow man was touching himself inapropriately and was there fore sent into the slammer.
-
but when elsa was walking back, she suddenly saw one of her maids called gunilla. she was hysterical and screaming and WHAT THE FUCK holding TWO BABIES? that looked like elsa and anna. elsa was so surprised she almost died of not breathing.
"how do you have babies that look like ME and my lesbian queen bdsm lover?" elsa axed in astonishment.
"oh elsa im not sure!" gunilla cried. she had HUGE BOOBES (radius almost 0.4m) and beutiful hair and curvy body. elsa secretly wanted to sex her. "i i i was just walkin and giving a massage to a elsabot and THEN SUDENLY SOME BABIES aperared! im not sure what to do! how can babies sudenly appear!"
"indeed", said elsa smartly, "how come babies suddenly come... when me and my lesbian queen incest lover are ALREADY PREGNANT WITH THEM? this is a fine mystery, but fortunately i am THE KINGDOMS GREATEST DETECTIVE."
"but what will we do?"
"its obvious that some babies sudenly appearing is related to MAGIC", elsa said knowingly. "my magic skills are only the second best in ardelias kingdom... so, there fore, we must call THE KINGDOMS BEST MAGIC EXPERT, DUMLEDORE!"
suddenly some white smoke appeared and in there was a MAN WITH A HUGE BEARD (length almost 2m)! HOLY SHIT. gunilla was very surprised, thought elsa had just said that she would call dumledore. maybe gunilla wasnt so brigth.
"hello i am dumledore", the old man said, as if it wasnt obvious that a mysterious man suddenly teleporting was fucking dumledore. GET A GRIP OLD MAN! "how can i be of service my great lesbian queen elsa who will torture and slash or execute me unless i do everything you request at my best ability?"
"1st. SHUT UP!" said elsa. "im here to do some work, not FUCKING listen to you cry about how i will kill you unless you do what i say. 2st. how do magic babies suddenly appear out of thin air, if i and anna are also pregnant with them? explain please."
"yes, very indubutably indeed", said dumledore thoughtfully. "when two copies of the same persona suddenly appear, there is only one explaination! and that explaination, my dear listeners and probable future torturers, is the ancient and hidden and enchanting magic of TIME TRAVEL."
"wait a bit", axed gunilla. "i thought there were other magics too when theres like two copies of somebody?"
"SHUT UP YOUre not the magic expert here", said elsa angrily. "so dont talk about magic."
"well ok my lesbian queen elsa", gunilla said sadly. elsa noticed that she looked sexy and hotttt while sad. that was good because elsa liked torture sexx, like with knifes and decapitations and lobotomias and freezing to death and being clawed to death by cats and eating each other and burning to death etc.
"ok dumledore", elsa said, "so what do we do with the babies?"
"you shall take care of these babies", said dumledore, "because they might be past versions of you. else, bad things could happen! if you let the babies die you might DOOM THE WHOLE WORLD, because of a paradox."
"ok go away DUMBledore", said elsa "or i kill you."
"ungrateful lesbian queen bdsm lover asshole", dumledore sighed as he teleported away.
"now..." said elsa and eyed at gunilla sexxxxily, "theres something sexxy i would like to do with you ;)"
"whats it", the naive maid said.
"ITS SEX", elsa said and grabbed gunilla and quickly ran to the nearest room, leaving the babies on the floor.
NEXT CHAPTER: HOW WILL ANNA REACT? HOW DID THE MYSTERY TIME TRAVEL BABIES HAPPEN? WILL ELSA AND ANNA GIVE BIRTH...?