The road is so damn long, ever lasting and twisting with sharp jerks, hard corners and soft twists. I feel the sun slowly sinking further in the sky, the warmth leaving as I clench my hands tight on the steering wheel with concentration. I felt so so tired, more tired than I ever remember being and I didn't like it. I sighed out fighting back the yawn that wanted out by clenching my jaw tightly and I felt Luka's stare on me and I shifted adding a little more speed as we zoomed down the high way and Luka shifted one of her pale hands towards my thigh before pulling away.
"I can take over for you Rin. You should get some sleep, you look like shit." Luka said the words carelessly but I could hear the concern behind them making me smile just a bit, a mere twitch of the lips.
"It's fine. I'm not that tired that I have to pull over yet." I replied to her easily as though nothing was wrong, it felt like we were just talking about me doing my homework or learning to ride my bike or something. It was ethereal and I feel like a different Rin, from a different time.
"Pull over." Luka's words came as a demand and I sighed out pulling over then put the car in park turning my torso to look at Luka.
"What?" I scowl at her, not wanting to take any shit but she reached over unbuckling my seatbelt and before I could protest her hands were on my hips making me surprised and as I opened my mouth to protest she slithered underneath my body easily as water, then plopped me in the passenger seat and she smirked at me.
"What the hell! I told you I'm fine!" I snap as I clench my hands into tight fists, honestly pissed that she took it upon herself to move me to the passenger seat and I glared while she smirked pleasantly.
"I just know you. You've always been a brat so it's good to see that you're still one and not much has changed." She chuckles out before putting the car in drive and pulling back onto the high way speeding."Plus I know when you're tired, and frankly my dear, you're dead tired. I know you're set to pass out any moment now."
"You don't know that. You-along with the others- have been gone for five years. I think it's safe to say that I've changed a shit ton that you all don't know about." I spit the words out like they're shards of glass and knives, glaring at Luka out of the corner of my eye and she sighed out drumming her fingers lightly on the steering wheel while driving.
"I know. You've changed, I get that, but there's no need to be a bitch about it Rin. After all you were sobbing your heart out hours ago, I think it's safe to say you might have the same qualities as before." Luka sounded so confident, so smug, that I wanted to just punch her in the face. Ruin her perfectly good lips for a second time, one of my own doing.
"Shut up." I mumble as I cross my arms turning my hed so my hair fell over my shoulder creating a veil as I stared out the window scowling.
The sky was burning a fierce red and orange, the white clouds standing out beautifully against the burning colors, the rest of the world was either deteriorating, breaking down or just covered in plants while the ground-side walk or road doesn't matter- was breaking apart with cracks. The car bounced lightly with each crack we hit or pot hole, the car was pretty warm and the car was rocking softly making me feel tired and I rested my head forward pressing it to the cool glass. I wanted to know why I find Luka now after I spent five whole years on my own. Five.
I raised my self-half way I guess- discovered my way through puberty in this god forsaken world and I'd never speak of it, never tell anyone, but before Len...disappeared, we'd spent a night alone and we'd been open, so open it was raw, and I'd said that I didn't want to die a virgin and...well one thing lead to another and I'd been naked, underneath him; him above me with one eye closed tight as his teeth clenched but the desire in his open blue eye, the determination to make it good for both of us, had made my heart squeeze with that look.
Len always wanted to make things good and amazing for us, make things okay, but when it was over and we lay panting gently next to each other, skin slicked with sweat and a soft burning between my legs, his hand holding mine tightly with comfort. I'd turned my head looking at him and he looked back at me, looking tired and we'd then shared a smile which turned to giggles, which turned to bright yet slightly unhinged laughter as I held onto Len, he held onto me, and I'd felt happy. Despite the sex, I'd felt happy being with my brother, I know it's sick; I know it's wrong; I know I know I know.
But no one's alive to even care, no one's around to judge what happened that night, besides other Vocaloid's just like us, have delved into taboo incestuous things before. But we'd promised we'd never tell anyone about that night, and I kept my word no matter what, even when Miku asked me. But then Len disappeared. No letter, no text when the cellphones worked still, not even a few words to me about where he was going or what he was going to do. Just disappeared. That, I would think, hurt and pissed me off more than anything in this world. More than being left behind by my "family". More than the world ending.
"So..where's Miku?" Luka finally asks dragging my from my thoughts and I turned my head a bit looking at Luka out of the corner of my eye.
"Dead." I reply flatly then looked forward hearing Luka's hiss of a breath and I leaned back in my seat and tightened my arms across my chest tight, like I wanted to hold myself together.
"What happened to her?" Luka asks this question slower, like she doesn't want to ask but is too curious not to ask me.
"She was..Infected. She'd been getting sick and I killed her just before I found you. I wasn't going to leave her alive like that, it'd be much more cruel than killing her while she was alive alive. " I replied back to her just as flatly as before as I stared out the window and Luka let out a shaky breath and I looked over feeling my chest throb. There was tears slipping down her pale cheeks, dripping off her chin gently onto her collar bone to her thighs as she drove and she rubbed the tears away whenever she was able but more just replaced them.
"I'm..sorry. Rin I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have...have to do that. You're too impressionable, I should've been with you, I should've taken care of Miku, I shou-"
"Just shut up. Okay? I don't want to hear your stupid pity party, just drive to wherever we're going and leave me alone for now." I snap out the words as I twist my body curling up slightly facing the door then moved my crossed arms over my knees.
"Rin.." Luka's voice started hesitantly only to die off and she sighed out rubbing her cheeks which I could hear due to the sound of flesh rubbing on flesh and I closed my eyes. I don't care. I don't want to care. Because it's like this world, sick and twisted, had a sense of humor taking away each and every little thing I've ever truly cared for. "Rin, where's Len?"
"I don't damn know. Nor do I care." I reply stiffly as I opened my eyes staring out the window, feeling tenser than I could possibly be and I looked down clenching my jaw tightly. Gone. He's gone. That's what I wanted to say, but how can I say that without sounding upset and weak?
"He couldn't have just disappeared on you." I could hear the frown in Luka's voice and I clenched my jaw a little tighter.
"Yeah but then you have a fucking talent for disappearing on people." I growl the words hoping to hurt her and she didn't give any sign of being hurt but I could all but sense her tensing up.
"I didn't want too, for God's sake Rin! You make it sound like I chose to leave you alone!" Luka shouted making me twitch gently but I hugged my knees up to my chest tightly.
"You left with Meiko. That's all I need to know." I mumble but the words were loud in the car and I felt Luka's glare sear into me.
"I didn't leave with her by choice. Besides we were together Rin, I couldn't let my fiancée-" Her words cut off suddenly and my eyes widened hugely, into what I think would be perfect circles. Fiancée? She was...going to marry Meiko? They were going to be married? I felt a strange press of tears against my eyes as I sat curled up when something wet did drip to my knee and I realized, with mute horror, that I was crying. I was fucking crying!
"I see." I finally choke the two words out, grateful they didn't crack and give away my tears. God knows what would happen if Luka knew I was crying. Then she sighed loudly making me twitch lightly again.
"Rin. I know when you're upset, so there's no reason to keep to yourself." Luka sighed out her words like it was a chore or not something to be taken serious and I whipped around, my tears shooting through her air as I glare at her.
"Shut up! Stop talking like you know me now! Cause you don't! You don't understand one fucking thing about me! I've been to Hell and back for the past five years! You don't have the damn right to tell me how to feel or act like a big sister! No damn right!" I scream at her, watching her immobile face as my tears dripped down crazily, landing on my collar bone, my shirt, my thighs, on the console of the car from where they'd sprayed through the air. But it was true. Luka had no right to act like she knew me, no right to act like a sister to me.
"I'm sorry. I should've stayed and helped you Rin, I forced you to grow up so fast and so suddenly but there's no excuse for me not staying with you. None." Luka took her eyes off the road to look at me and she reached a hand out rubbing the wetness under my left eye making me blink quickly and I then quickly pulled away, recognizing it as the action she did when I was young and cried. She had another thing coming if she thought she could win me over with actions like that.
"Just shut up." I mumble holding my knees to my chest again, my tears stopping finally and I rubbed at my eyes with the heels of my hands. Luka doesn't understand and I don't think she truly will. She's been somewhere else this entire time and I've been here still, she's done things I don't know about and I've done things she doesn't know of. She's had her experiences and I've had my own, making us different from one another.
"If it makes you feel better, even a smidgen, Kaito and Gakupo are out looking for Len. Meiko sent out all three of us to look for you, Miku, Len and Oliver. She's at home, with Lily, IA, Big Al, Gumi, Yukari, Sonika and little Yuuki." Luka said as her hands tightened on the wheel and she took a peek at me out of the corner of her eye to look at me again and I just looked away.
"What...What about Neru and Haku?" I tentavely asked looking down at my knees.
If I had to pick two elders I loved more than my main group of siblings (technically not related, save for Len) would definitely be, hands down, Neru and Haku. Neru was a total tsundere, I even pointed as much making her wake me, but she acted teenager always texting and whatnot even though no one knew her real age however, which was a bit weird but she always had a little smile for me when she saw me.
Haku, however, was a drunk but she was sweet about it and sometimes you couldn't even tell when she was drunk but she was in love with Neru, Neru with Haku but the yellow haired Vocaloid wouldn't go for it but they were always together. I could seem them now, Neru texting away while snapping at Haku for her drinking and the silver haired Vocaloid just laughing as her face flushed with the alcohol consumption. They'd both, however, act mature when I walked in but I could always feel at peace and happy when I was between the two of them. Always.
"Rin? Did you hear me?" I blinked quick looking at Luka out of the corner of my eye before turning my head to hide the flush burning in my cheeks and shook my head. "I said Neru and Haku are both at home with the others. They have been asking about you a whole lot over the years, constantly worrying over you when you weren't there etc etc." Now that coaxed a little smile out of me as I hugged my knees tight.
"I see. How long til we get to "home" as you put it." I ask the question like she's slow, but like I'm pissed too, a right combo of both as I look out the window at everything speeding by quickly.
"It's in Colorado." Luka answered making me jerk up hard looking at her with wide eyes. Colorado? Colo-fucking-rado?! "So that means me and you'll be on the road for some time. We can make it pleasant Rin, or you can make this uncomfortable and cold. But either way you'll have to suck it up and get used to me cause I'm not going anywhere and we have a long way ahead of us. Just remember that."
"Shut up." I mumble hugging my knees tighter hunching up in my seat looking out the window sulking and pouting lightly. I hope we can get there soon, I don't know how I'll react with Luka and I don't know how I'll be able to make it through this without losing my mind.