Twilight: A Musical

Chapter 2: Emmett Needs A Job

Song: I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today - Cast of Avenue Q

"Esme, I think it's time to admit that you've got a problem."

Carlisle took his wife's hand from the kitchen counter and and patted it gently as she tried to object.

"Carlisle, I do not have a problem! Just because I'm afraid of bunnies, does not mean there is something wrong with me!"

Edward leaned in toward Bella and whispered too softly for vampire ears. Bella could barely hear him. "Can you believe this? Over eighty years and we never knew. Though this does explain the incident in 1943 when Esme practically mauled a rabbit and tried to hide it from everyone by keeping it in the closet until she was able to remove it. Unfortunately, Carlisle decided to surprise her with a second honeymoon the day it happened. He brought her to Tahiti and she didn't get the chance to dispose of the corpse. By the time they got back, the whole house smelled rancid but Rosalie and Emmett were on the first honeymoon of their second wedding, Alice and Jasper hadn't found us yet, and I didn't have the heart to take care of it and let her know I knew what happened."

Bella was giggling softly by the time he was finished with his story. It sounded disgusting, and yet kind of hilarious at the same time. She could just picture Edward suffering throught the awful smell for the sake of his mother.

Suddenly they heard a loud crunching sound in the living room. Brows furrowed, they went to investigate and saw Emmett and Jasper huddled around a hunk of compacted plastic.

"What did you do noW?" Esme asked with an air of resignation.

"Nothing! Really! Well, okay. Maybe something. Possibly. Probably. Or, you know, definitely. Okay, stop hounding me! I broke the Playstation 3!"

Bella looked at Edward to ask silently why Emmett had given in so easily. Edward was trying to supress laughter as he explained, "Emmett can't keep a secret to save his life. You don't even need to ask him more than once, he'll just come right out and tell you. Sure he can lie just fine, but he has to tell you the truth if you ask him a question. His mom ingrained it into his and his brothers' minds when they were young."

"And how did that happen?"

"Me and Jasper were racing. I lost, and, um...Yeah." He gestured vaguely at what used to be the Playstation 3. Now that she was looking closer, Bella could see a handprint on one side, and she knew there would be another handprint on the other. Clearly Emmett had decided to take out his frustration on the game system and had crushed it quite a bit before he realized what he was doing and dropped it.

"Emmett Cupcake McCarty Cullen! You are going to replace tha-" Esme was cut off in the middle of her speech by Bella's sudden laughter. She was on her knees, holding on to Edwards leg to keep from collapsing, with tears in her eyes as she cackled.

"Emmett CUPCAKE McCarty Cullen? Is that seriously your middle name?" She managed to choke out.

"Momma liked her sweets, okay? It's not my fault." Emmett crossed his arms and seemed to be pouting as Bella's crazed guffaws continued.

"Anyway," Esme went on, "You are going to replace the Playstation 3. Using your own money."

"But I don't have any money! I just spent the last of it on a sound system for my jeep."

"Well, then I guess you're going to have to get a job. We're not going to replace another one of your toys because of your temper tantrums."

"Can't I just use the money in Rosie's account?"

Rosalie practically screeched her "NO!" in his ear. "I need that money for shoes! You're not taking my shoe fund because you're a big baby when it comes to losing! Just get a job! Be a grown up!"

Jasper was already snickering when Rosalie started her screaming and her comment about Emmett being a big baby only seemed to spur him on. "Yeah Emmett, get a job. Or do we have to replace your underwear with a giant diaper?"

Emmett started to retaliate, "Actually, I'll have you know that -" But he stopped when a couple notes of cheery music filled the room. He didn't even have time to notice itching before he was standing on the back of the couch, singing directly to Jasper.

"I'm not wearing underwear today! No, I'm not wearing underwear today!"

He did a little dance that looked like a shrug and then turned to look at the others.

"Not that you probably care much about my underwear, still nonetheless I've got to say - "

He opened his arms wide in a theatrical pose for the big finish.

"That I'm not wearing underwear today!"

As the music ended, Bella and Alice found themselves clapping enthusiastically. They might have had a problem with this if they hadn't found the whole thing so entertaining. Then they heard Rosalie's nagging voice.

"Get a job!"

Emmett smiled tightly at his wife as he replied, "Thank you, honey."

He jumped off the back of the couch and looked around at his family, mortified, before disappearing from the room. He'd only meant to tell Jasper that he'd had a job when he was human.

Carlisle seemed to be frozen as he looked at the spot where Emmett's little performance had occurred. "Well," he cleared his throat, "that was informative."

This triggered the laughter from Bella, Alice, Edward and Jasper. Rosalie pressed her hands to her eyes like she had a headache before following Emmett upstairs, Carlisle's eyes were still slightly widened as he turned and went back into the kitchen, and Esme yelled one last warning to Emmett before she followed Carlisle.

Finally the other four calmed down and took seats on the couches around the huge entertainment center. Bella looked at Edward and spoke through the risidual chuckles, "Is his middle name really cupcake?"

This caused another small outbreak of giggling from Alice, who kept nodding her head.

"Yes!" she exclaimed, "His momma really did like her sweets. Of course, we're not all without our embarrassing names."

Immediately Edward and Jasper stopped laughing and glared at Alice, telling her silently to shut up. She didn't see Edward's glare, and she simply chose to ignore Jasper's.

"Oh, now I have to know!" Bella said, seeing their faces.

"Bella, I would like you to meet my husband, Jasper Jasper Whitlock Cullen."

"You-" She coughed a little to clear her throat from the laughter, "You have the same first and middle name?"

Jasper shrugged sheepishly. "My parents weren't exactly clever people, Bella. They decided they liked the name Jasper and didn't see reason for thinking up another one. Then they thought, 'Hey, we'll just use that name again, since it sounds so nice!' But my parents had seven children, all boys. By the time they got to the sixth, me, they were getting pretty tired of the whole naming business. I count myself lucky, actually. My little brother is named Boy Again Whitlock."

Through her amusment, Bella couldn't help but be a little endeared to these simple people. Jasper felt it and sent a little grin her way.

"So, Bella, are you ready for bed?" Edward asked hurriedly, not bothering to wait for an answer before gently grabbing her hand and starting to help her off the couch.

"Wait a minute, you have one too!" Bella sat back down and stared expectantly up at him. He looked at her pleadingly, but she only crossed her arms and arched one eyebrow, as if to say, 'I'm waiting.' Edward sighed and looked at the floor.

"Edward Anthony Mrmmphiphal Masen Cullen."

Bella leaned a little closer. "What now, Edward?"

He looked back up at her and closed his eyes, gulping once before saying clearly, "Edward Anthony Muriel Masen Cullen."

Bella's jaw dropped slightly. "YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS MUR-"

"Shh! You three are the only ones who know. I think Emmett might be sympathetic, but Rosalie would never let me live it down." He sighed. "I have no idea what my parents were thinking. My father said it was a family name, but really?"

Bella still giggling and Edward still pouting, the two of them headed upstairs for bed.

Alice turned to her husband and whispered in shock, "Edward Anthony Muriel Masen Cullen. Wow. Even I did not see that one coming."

There. You never told me what song you wanted them to sing, so instead of a family musical number, or a sweet love song from Edward, you all get a song about Emmett's underwear. Hope you're happy. But really, how was it? I tried to do better this time. A few notes, though. 1. I didn't listen to the song or look up the lyrics as I was writing it so I hope it's close enough. 2. I had some fun with the middle name thing. Please tell me what you think of it. 3. If you can tell me what show I referenced in this chapter, I will do something special in the next chapter for you. Whatever you want (except lemons.) 4. PLEASE REVIEW! I know I'm not the best author in the word, but I feel like crap when I don't get any. I'm not saying everyone has to or that I need a certain count, but I would really appreciate a few reviews. Especially since I'm really not sure how people are taking this story and I need some feedback. Please! 5. Sorry for the OOCness. But it's part of the fun, I think. If everyone was going to stay completely in character, this would be exactly like the books, now wouldn't it? Bye for now, and once again, PLEASE REVIEW!