This was initially just going to be a one shot. But then I got more ideas. And this happened. :D So this will just be a collection of crack fics.
"I don't know where it went," Armin says. He, Mikasa, and Eren are walking through the town for their weekly outing.
Eren shudders. "I'm glad it's gone," he says. He will never be able to forget the things he read.
"Why do you want it anyways?" Mikasa asks. She narrows her eyes as she thinks about that horrid laptop again.
"There were some good theories about the titans," Armin replies. "I don't know where they came from but I was going to think about them more. But now I have no access to them." Suddenly, he says, "Hey, isn't Jean's birthday soon? We could bake him a pie!" He walks over to the stall. "And look, the apples are half off!"
Armin considers buying the apples, and Eren says, "I don't care about that horse face. Do what you want."
Mikasa looks around and then narrows her eyes.
"The Garrison has been slacking off again," she mutters. They're standing by Wall Rose, and as Mikasa points it out, they can see that there is a sizable crack in the wall.
"Hey, what's that?" Eren asks, looking closer into the gap. "I think there's something there."
"Let me see," Armin says. "Hey, there is." He puts a hand in the gap, feeling around. It's a tight squeeze, but he grasps something smooth and solid and manages to pull it out.
Silence. "Um… what is it?" Eren asks.
It fits in the palm of Armin's hand, and seems to have some sort of reflective surface. "Hey, I read about this! It's a phone!"
"A phone?" Mikasa asks, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah," Armin replies. "On the laptop, I read some information about this. It helps people communicate. I've only seen pictures of it, but I'm sure this is one of them. I can reach the archive that contains those stories too! This is great!"
He presses a button the screen lights up. "Titan Mobile?" Mikasa reads dubiously. "Are you sure we can trust this, Armin?"
"I'll be careful with it. Don't worry, Mikasa," Armin replies. An image of the Recon Corps shows up on the screen. "See, it's safe."
"Alright…" Mikasa still isn't convinced.
"What does it do?" Eren asks.
"Just watch," Armin says. The circular logo is located at the bottom of the screen and he presses it again. They hear a click and there is a picture of their feet. "It's called a camera."
"Cool," Eren says.
"I'll examine it more later," Armin says, pocketing the device.
When they arrive back at HQ, they are greeted by Sasha. "GUYS YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!" she shouts. Mikasa winces as Sasha grabs her by the arm and drags her through the door. Armin and Eren look at each other, shrug, and follow after them.
They hear music coming from upstairs. "What is going on?" Eren asks.
"Shhhh!" Sasha puts a finger to her lips and motions for them to follow her as she tiptoes up the stairs.
The first thing they see is their entire group of friends, huddled around a door. The second thing they see is Levi. Smiling. Holding a broom. And dancing.
Eren's eyes bug out. Mikasa's mouth opens slightly in shock. Sasha quickly pulls them to the side. Eren peeks around Jean's head, who isn't freaking out about the fact that Mikasa is practically breathing on him because he's so fixated on watching their captain dance.
The music that is playing is what one might call "punk rock". They watch as Levi raises the broom, sweeps up some mothballs, and then brings it up like it's an imaginary guitar, striking a pose. The song ends. No one says anything, afraid that he'll be alerted to their presence. He will kill them all.
Another song starts up. This one is different. Everyone sweatdrops when Levi picks up a bottle of Lysol spray and sprays it in the air, making spirally patterns . He moves around the room, gracefully turning in time with the music. Then he twirls in a perfect circle, throwing his arms in the air, and allows the misty spray to drift over him as the last note fades.
And then another song comes on. With a very dramatic and serious look on his face, he picks up a mop and dips it into a bucket filled with soapy water. Then he struts back and forth across the floor in a tango. With the mop as his partner. Evidently, he takes his dancing very, very seriously.
Connie runs down the stairs because he can't stand it anymore and if he laughs then they will all die a painful death.
But then they realize that beyond the fact that he's dancing with a mop… he's actually quite good at dancing.
Then Armin comes up with an ingenious idea. He slowly takes the phone out from his pocket, opens up the camera, and snaps a picture just as Levi dips the broom.
Click! The sound seems to reverberate around the entire castle .
Everyone freezes in terror as Levi turns and sees them. His eyes widen, expression changing from shock to anger, and then to deadly calm. They recognize it – this is the expression he wears when he fights the Titans. And then he growls, "You runts better run."
They all bolt, almost trampling each other as they try to get down the stairs.
Levi rounds them up with no problem. They all cringe as they stand in line and he stares them down (up, technically), all except Mikasa, who just glares at him like, I dare you to make me wash everyone's laundry. Last time he did so, she made sure to wash his cravats with her very red scarf.
He decides that killing them would be too kind. "You brats deserve to die," he spat. "I'm going to enjoy watching you suffer." They waited for the verdict. "I'm handing you over to Hanji. You're going to help her with her… experiments. For, let's say, the next month," he finishes in a deadly whisper.
The reaction is instantaneous. "NO PLEASE. LEVI HEICHOU," Sasha begs, falling to her knees.
"WE'LL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU," Connie adds.
"I'll make you tea whenever you want," Krista squeaks.
"I promise to buy you that really expensive cleaning product you eye every time you're in town!" Armin cries.
"And I'll do your paperwork for you!" Eren chips in.
"Why the hell would I want you to do my paperwork, Jaeger?" Levi growls.
"I'll clean that moldy growth behind the stove that's been bothering you all week!" Jean says. It's tempting, but Levi still doesn't concede.
Everyone (even Mikasa) falls to their knees and for once in his life, Levi is looking down at them. "Anything at all! Just please, not Hanji!" everyone begs. He is unfazed.
As if summoned by the very mention of her name, Hanji appears out of nowhere. "Heyyyyy, kiddies!" she exclaims. "How's it going?"
"Hanji, these brats are going to assist you for the next month," Levi tells her.
Hanji practically leaps ten feet into the air. "Really? Whoo-hoo! We're gonna have so much fun!"
Everyone turns a shade paler. One of the recruits begins to pray under his breath. Connie faints. Sasha crawls up to Levi's feet and grabs them, sobbing loudly. "LEVI HEICHOU. WE'RE SORRY. PLEASE DON'T SEND US TO OUR DEATHS."
"Deaths?" Hanji says. "Nah, nobody's gonna die. Unless you die of joy, that is. It's fascinating, really. You know, I should fill you in, since you're going to be helping me and all. So I've been thinking…" Levi gives them all a glare, telling them to stay put as he walks away, leaving them at the mercy of Hanji's rambling.
They would much rather face Levi and his laundry punishments than Hanji. But after a very long day filled with blood and chores, they all crowd into Armin's room and roll on the floor in laughter in remembrance of Levi's dancing. After all, he captured it on camera.
But then Armin decides that a video would be much better. And he would gladly take another month of working with Hanji if he could only document Levi's dancing.
A couple weeks later the tranquil silence is interrupted by a shrill shriek. An enraged Levi, wielding two Swiffer dusters, chases after Armin. Armin has his 3DMG strapped to his waist (he filmed Levi through the window) and waves his phone in the air as he runs. If looks could kill, Armin would be six feet under.
"Guys I got it!" he shouts, running for his life.
"Arlert, you are going to wish the titans ate you!"
Yeah, doesn't really have anything to do with fanfiction or fanart but... phones that come from Wall Rose? xD
And Levi dancing.
Also, my friend drew a picture of Levi chasing Armin, and it's linked on my profile so be sure to check it out!