Two Guys in Kilts

-Chapter 2-

"Bananas"

By: Pluviophobian Night Rain (PNR)

Disclaimer: Don't own either Naruto or Bleach.

And yes, Toushirou is very OOC right here. But rest assured, he will be back to his regular indifferent self in no time xD

He didn't yell, scream, nothing. He couldn't bring himself to do so. He just . . . couldn't. He wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing it was painful, of knowing that Naruto had another weakness.

"Come on," a voice taunted from underneath him. Naruto had been raised into the air so that the Kyuubi could be taken from him—and so that the Akatsuki could laugh as the limp body would plummet to the ground—the same body that had caused them so much trouble. The body that had personally killed four of their members. The same limp body that had mocked them and ordered others to kill more of their members. This body had, in total, caused six of them to die before their eyes.

The Akatsuki was not used to fleeing a battle, losing a battle, or even calling upon new members to replace the idiots that were lost. They had lost all sense of humor—minus Tobi, but he was an exception.

"Why don't you yell? Scream? Something so we know that you're in pain." The voice was bloodthirsty. Naruto, in his hysteria, somehow managed to understand that the voice belonged to Itachi. But, hadn't Sasuke killed him off, afterwards sacrificing himself for Konoha? Because of the raid?

"Yeah, Itachi," Tobi said, laughing. "It would be more pleasant if he did scream, or something."

The pain was nearly intolerable. He accepted his fate. Naruto couldn't help but start to cry as the fox was sucked out of his body. He lost. Konoha would have to live without him. And he was about to become . . . .

"Job's done," Tobi said enthusiastically.

Hinamori gasped. His eyes fluttered open, and he sat up straight, staring into her eyes.

"What?" he asked, his eyebrow raised higher than Hinamori thought possible.

"Um," Hinamori blushed. Perhaps she should explain why his head was in her lap? "Hi." Naruto looked down at his clothing, some ratty looking piece of material that seemed to have been some sort of dirt rag.

"What am I wearing?" He looked around. "Actually, where am I?" Hinamori was afraid that he was going to ask this. Most people freak out when they're told that they had died, and she still remembered when Shiro-chan had told her. She did not take it very well, and doubted that he would. She decided to change the subject.

"I'm Momo Hinamori. Who are you?" she asked politely. She should at least know the boy's name, considering he had been unconscious on her lap for half an hour, or so. The boy stood up as she was saying this, surveying his surroundings rather comically.

"Huh? Oh. I'm Uzumaki Naruto . . ." he answered, holding his hand for Hinamori to take. Hinamori did take it and smiled as she got up. Thankfully, the boy seemed to be ADD, or something, so he completely forgot about his earlier question.

"Thank you, Uzumaki-san," Hinamori said, again being too polite for her own good.

"Hey, what is this place?" Naruto asked, either forgetting his question altogether or repeating it. Hinamori guessed that she couldn't stall any longer.

"This is Soul Society . . ." she looked him in the eyes, frowning. "I'm sorry, but you've died!" she said quickly. Naruto sighed.

"Thought so," he said carelessly. "So, this place is like heaven, right, Momo-chan?" Hinamori was surprised that he called her that.

"Um, no, not really. Look, it's hard to explain, and I think my friend can tell you better than I!" Hinamori squeaked. She grabbed his hand and, in her rush, knocked Naruto flat on his face. Naruto got up after Hinamori released his wrist while she apologized profusely.

"'S ok," Naruto said, wiping the dirt on his face off. "Really, though, I'm ok," Naruto added when he saw the girl's worried face.

"I'm sorry," she said again, defeated. She let out an exasperated sigh, wondering how she could feel so retarded and foolish.

"I'm used to falling on my face," Naruto laughed, getting up fully while rubbing his nose. "Though, the nosedive could use some work." Hinamori laughed with him as she led him more calmly away from the place. They were about halfway to their destination when Hinamori stopped, confusion clearly written on her face.

"Shiro-chan, what are you doing here? I thought you were . . ." her voice drifted away as she realized that Hitsugaya and another boy were fighting. Toushirou seemed to be winning.

"Stop!" a girl in the back kept yelling, stomping her foot on the ground impatiently. "I said STOP, dammit!" she screeched. Suddenly, she yanked a rock from the ground and aimed. "One more chance, bastard!" she warned. "Get away from my relative!" When neither boy let up, the girl smirked and threw it. It landed on Toushirou's shoulder. His head snapped towards her and he frowned even deeper.

"I told you to shut up, bitch. You're relative was buggin' the shit outta me!"

"And I told you," the redheaded boy said, "to leave her out of this! Now, answer me this: where the hell are we?"

"SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!!" the girl squeaked, she was yelling so loudly. "Let go of the fucking boy, Hamano, before I kill you both!" the girl said, reverting back to English. Naruto had thought they spoke with a funny accent.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP BEFORE I MAKE YOU!" the other boy said in his funny Japanese. "Let's just friggin talk this out so my brother doesn't have his ass handed to him. Again."

They were all glaring at each other, minus Naruto and Hinamori, but they had finally explained everything.

"So, what do we eat 'round here?" the girl, introduced as Sayuri, said grumpily.

"The food that you threw at us after we told you that you're dead."

"Toushirou, shut up."

"Toushirou, Sayuri, shut up before I get pissed again."

"Hamano, you can't tell Toushirou and me what to do!"

"I think I can!"

The other twin, Akira, stopped glaring and crawled to the other side of the hut, towards Naruto and Hinamori.

"Sorry," he said after a few seconds of staring. "It's just so hard to understand all of this. Plus, we're not even Japanese, which the majority here seems to be."

"How do you speak it, then?" Naruto asked, tilting his blond head stupidly.

"Dunno," Akira laughed, reverting back to his English. "Sorry, I mean I don't know," he said in Japanese. "It's hard to realize what language I'm speaking in." Akira scratched the back of his head. He closed his eyes, sighing, and then opened them. He looked at the roof.

Akira finally said what Naruto had been trying to ask for a while. "You sure this place is safe? And this hut?"

Hinamori looked down at the dirt floor. "No," she said, looking up at them, "nowhere's safe." Akira and Naruto stared at Hinamori, who had a forlorn look upon her face. She looked worried at the same time. They knew that she didn't know what to do. They didn't either, seeing as though they were newbies to all things Soul Society.

Naruto thought of something, however off topic it may be. "Wait, if you're American or English or whatever that is, and that's not Japanese, then why are your names Japanese? Like, you're Kazuma Akira and Hamano, while your relative is Nakanishi Sayuri . . ." Akira looked over towards Naruto, his eyes clouded.

(Logan's POV)

I couldn't believe that there was yet another elevator in this place. They said that their parents didn't know about this place and I wasn't supposed to tell anybody, but I mean—come on!

"You go into the kitchen this way?" I asked them with my hands on my hips. "Why?" I asked once they nodded.

"Well, Bonnie doesn't like anyone to have food other than the stuff during the regular three meals. That's not enough for anyone," the girl in the back explained.

"Who are you again?" I asked, exasperated. There were way too many people in this house!

The redhead sighed. "I'm Rory McCree. You're that Logan girl, right?" I nodded. "Ah, Mad's comin'."

I looked at her, confused, but then all of a sudden a man popped in out of nowhere in a burst of circling wind. "Oi. What's up?"

My jaw dropped. My parents did mention, rather slyly, that we had magic in the family, but I didn't believe it. Never believed it. Until now . . .

"Got a mission fer ya." The old man said, smiling through his long beard and mustache. I cringed.

"Um, question," I said, wondering what the hell was going on. A mission? Another mission? More than one? About what?

"Oh, it's Logan! Hola, Logan! I know you're not Spanish, but I like to speak it." That man was a loon.

"Yeah, yeah, que pasa and all, but what the hell's going on around here? The window . . . the book . . . the room . . . . I don't get it!" I said, my hands flailing around everywhere.

The man kept talking like he had heard me, but he just wasn't going to listen. Which was true. "So, on a different note, you're all going to die!" There was silence.

Finn and Neil broke it. "Again?"

"Yes again, and on an unusual note, Logan here is going to replace Rory. Now, Rory's going to be your backup. If you're dead again or otherwise, I'll send her. Actually, she's going any time she feels like. She's already a shinigami there, so it should be no problem for her."

"A shiny-what-now?" Neil, Finn, and I asked at once. Thank God Almighty that I'm not the only one here who's lost. At least 3/5 are lost . . .

"Now, here's the mission—die. Become a shinigami. Become a high rank; as high as you can go while trying harder than your best. Then, I'll tell you what to do after that." Insanity left the kitchen when the man left, and even more so when Rory left without answering our questions.

Wait—we had to die? That was, well . . . for lack of a better word (or phrase), bananas!

(Regular POV)

"I don't understand . . . . Who's Rory again?"

"Rory's this Irish girl that my parents let stay at our house. Actually, I guess she's a woman in spirit, at least . . . but she looks like a girl here!" Akira explained.

"Oh, so Akira, Hamano, and Sayuri are all codenames, or something?" Hinamori asked, staring at the boy intently. Akira fidgeted under her gaze.

"Could you not look so serious? I mean, though we're dead, it's happened before. Mad always cures us or something. We're always alive when we get back to the real world," Akira said, laughing.

"Oi, Akira!" Naruto said, getting up from his current laying position. He brushed the dirt from his pants. "We'd better get you back to being a human, no matter what! Hinamori already explained that since we're all hungry, we could all become shinigami . . . and that faster you're a shinigami, the faster you can get out of this place!" Akira stared. This would have been comical to Hamano and Sayuri, had they not been arguing with Toushirou all of his explanation. He just wasn't the serious kind. "OK, but if we meet any crackpots, I'm out."

At that moment, Hamano was sent flying over towards the small group. Hinamori gasped. "Toushirou!"

Toushirou, however, looked just as surprised as the rest. "It wasn't me! That girl," he pointed towards Sayuri, "just decided to switch sides!"

Sayuri puffed out air. "So what? I don't like being on the losing side." Akira groaned as he helped Hamano to his feet. "Neil, you gotta stop digging your own grave."

"Shaddap, Finn," Hamano snapped at his twin.

Sayuri was lost. "OK, so wait. We spilled the beans already? Geez, traitor." She pouted, feeling more like when she was three than fourteen.

"Yeah, you mean I spilled the beans already," Akira corrected. "And besides, e-su, you're the one who changed 'sides.'"

"Well, if I were you, I wouldn't brag that it was just me and not the whole team."

"Shut up, Sayuri."

"I'm hungry," Sayuri complained, changing the subject. Naruto agreed, his stomach growling loudly. Sayuri and Naruto, after being told to shut up four times, decided to leave the place in search of food. They looked at the chaos on the streets and decided to stay near the shadows. Hitsugaya was the only one who noticed their departure.

They looked all around the place, lost.

"Where are we?" Sayuri asked, sitting down after making sure her red small orchid print, short sleeved kimono, a giant orchid stitched on her left sleeve, wasn't going to get that dirty.

"Hey, why did you get good clothing?" Naruto asked after a while, looking down at his faded yutaka-like cloth. The wind picked up, blowing around the dirt and grime, plus some garbage, around in circular patterns.

"I dunno. Cuz I'm pretty?" Sayuri joked, sticking her tongue at her new friend. "If it helps, my sandals are dirty." She carefully maneuvered herself so that one of her shoes was in Naruto's face

"It doesn't. I have no shoes," Naruto pointed out, pouting, crossing his arms, and muttering, "Not fair . . ."

A woman and a man were walking down the streets casually, surveying the people that passed them.

The strawberry blonde woman looked sidelong at the white haired man. "Which one is it, Gin?"

"They're many of 'em, Matsumoto," the man said, smiling eerily.

"But, I thought Ol' Yama said that it was only one . . ."

The man cut her off. "Nope. I kin tell it's more th'n that—barely. Six, I guess. Maybe more. Kin't 'zactly pinpoint it."

The woman looked at him, but then looked straight, flipping her long hair over her shoulder, showing that she was heavily endowed. Gin didn't even flinch. Matsumoto sighed. Suddenly, though, Gin pointed to the side of the street, in the shadows. There they saw two figures huddled together. They were groaning.

"I'm so hungry," they heard a feminine voice complain. There was a grunt of agreement from the other.

"There two of 'em are," Gin said, satisfied.

Matsumoto walked over to the two and took out a basket of bread from nowhere. "Hi! I'm Gina. Are y'all hungry? Do you want some bread, or something?" She was unaware that her kindness drew unwanted attention to her alias in the streets of chaos.

Gin came over, smiling as always. "I'm Kin. Wut 're yer names?" The auburn haired girl in the red kimono looked up, gasping. The heavily endowed woman was almost directly on top of her. What was worse was that the lady was squatting to make herself more face-to-face, but she was still taller than the sitting girl . . . . It ended up more like face-to-chest, to the girl's dismay.

"Um," the girl said, scooting herself closer to the boy she was with.

"No, we're not hungry, but thanks anyways," the boy said in a rush, wondering if the food was poisoned. His words were in vain as the duo's stomachs growled simultaneously at the smell of fresh bread. They laughed nervously as the boy scooted the girl closer, putting a protective arm around her. She was so frightened that the other two would turn out to be trouble, she started shivering.

"Don't worry," Matsumoto said, sitting down while putting the bread on her kimono—her disguise. 'Kin,' next to 'Gina,' wore a yutaka similar to the blond boy's, only it was actually in one piece with no holes or tears anywhere.

"Hey, get away from them," another voice rang out. Four heads turned towards the voice, and a boy with silver-white hair and sharp, aqua eyes stared back defiantly.

"But we came bearing gifts," Matsumoto/Gina said, smiling pleasantly as she held out the basket as if it were proof. "If you want some, you can have some!" The boy looked at the bread basket hungrily, but he shook his head.

"I'm Gina," Matsumoto said, smiling. "This is Kin," she pointed to Gin, who was standing up. He was actually frowning. Almost. In a few seconds, he was right behind the white-haired boy, pointing a sword at his throat. "Now that you know our names," Matsumoto said, smiling and acting like nothing out of the ordinary was happening, "you will follow us wherever we take you."

"No!" Naruto choked out, grabbing the girl defensively again. Matsumoto frowned.

"Perhaps you do not understand the situation, here. Your little friend," she pointed to the white-haired boy, "will find his head missing if you do not follow my orders." Matsumoto thought that it would have been better coming from Gin's mouth so the kids didn't hate her as much, but she flicked that thought aside. Now was not the time.

"Now what do you say?" Gin asked, smiling again. The boy on the ground silently picked the girl up from the back of the random hut and nodded, looking at the other boy.

Matsumoto looked at them. "Want some bread?" she asked innocently.

OK, so the whole confusing name thing is actually pretty simple. Here, I'll show you (Japanese: last name first, first name last):

Nakanishi Sayuri: Logan "Ace/e-su" "Lyse" Miranda Rodal

Kazuma Hamano: Neil Cormic O'Reilly

Kazuma Akira: Finn Daegan O'Reilly

'Kin': Ichimaru Gin (heh, Gin, Kin . . . rhymes . . .)

'Gina': Matsumoto Rangiku

Confused? E-su means ace in Japanese. And yes, Sayuri is portrayed as weak in this situation. She can be strong . . . when she wants. -giggle- -giggle- Who WOULDN'T want someone carrying them because they cared?

Just so it's not so confusing, we refer to Rangiku as Matsumoto because Matsumoto flows and Rangiku . . . doesn't . . . well, at least not for me. The old man is who he is, which you'll later find out. The O'Reilly family is a big bunch of magicians . . . real ones. The father didn't show up because he's on a vacation-I-mean-business trip. Rory is a gigai in the human world. Her gigai, however, is formed to look like a kid, so as to not draw much attention to herself.

To clarify the time skips, this is before cars were invented. During the lives of the rare, just beginning era of the ninja . . . . To make more sense: In Soul Society, it is said time period. Logan's time period is not said era, but 2008. Her group traveled through time to get a head start. The old man really is crazy, eh? If you have anymore questions, feel free to either respond and ask here, or email us.

Author Order: Mellon Head, Neko Uno, La Cheep

Ja ne!

–Neko Uno