I'm watching her, as she sleeps in my arms. Her eyes are closed, and her breathing rhythmical, and I find myself wondering if somehow I could save this moment, not as only a memory, or as a picture. If I could save this moment as something we can pull out and relive when things get rough. I hope so, and I wish for it. This is where I belong, and want to be; this is my private Utopia.
Everything went by so fast yesterday, and at the same time it's all a blur, I remember every move, every touch, every kiss, and every breath. And then we got to the point where I wasn't sure where I ended and she started, a point where we melted in to one, and that was all that mattered; us was all that mattered.
Yesterday was beautiful, so beautiful it almost hurt, because I didn't know when, or even If ever, something could be as beautiful. Then I feel Shalimar snuggle in to my neck as she whimpers a little in her sleep, and I realize that every moment I spend with her will be as beautiful, or even more so, because I will be with the woman I love.
"You still awake?"
She lifts her head and looks me in the eyes, sending that familiar jolt through my chest. She kisses me, and I lose the ability to talk, all I can do is smile at her. I can't remember anyone who ever had this affect on me, the way she smiles at me, it makes my heart skip a beat. And when she kisses me the world stops spinning for a while, like time stops, and the only people who exists in the world are us. And I wouldn't want it any other way. I never thought I could hold this much love for someone.
"What are you thinking about?"
Again her voice echoes in my mind, but this time I can actually form an answer. "You. And my love for you." I answer. I watch her, see that she's content with the answer, because she smiles and tightens her grip around me. If I could stay like this forever I would, I've never felt this safe before, and I've never felt this loved before.
We fall asleep like that, close together in a tight embrace, and when I wake up the next morning I keep my eyes closed for just a few seconds, just in case it will all have been a dream. And as I open my eyes and realize that she's not there my heart sinks. It all felt so real, was it just an illusion? I roll over on my back and cover my face with my hands, then I hear a knock on the door and Shalimar enters my room.
"Good morning." She smiles at me and sets a tray on the nightstand. "I've made you coffee."
She sits down on my bed and I put my arms around my waist, pulling her down to a lying position. I kiss her, tasting her sweetness, and the feeling of her lips against mine lifts my heart. I feel like I'm flying when I get to be close to her.
"Your...Coffe's...getting...cold..." She mumbles between kisses, but I don't care, all that matters right now is that I get to be next to her, that I get to feel her, and taste her.
I wouldn't change this moment for anything in the world, I thought I lived before, but really, before I kissed her for the first time I had no idea what living is. It feels as if I've been dead, and now she's breathing oxygen in to me, she's breathing life in to me. I realize that I was nothing before I met her, I was asleep, I was an empty shell, only able to feel the emotions of others, and now I'm finally awake, feeling the most important thing in the world.
"I love you." The words escape my lips so easily, and I could say them over and over again. Love. That word can't possibly hold all the emotions I have in me, the feelings I have for this woman. It's seems meaningless in this situation, but it's the best I can come up with.
"I love you." She says for the first time, and I lose my breath. I can't move, and I can't speak, this is all I've ever wished for; someone who loves me for who, and what, I am. And no one can understand me better than this wonderful woman sitting before me.
Then suddenly there's a knock on the door and Brennan enters the room…