Perfect World
Prologue: Love Replica
"You know I love you...."
(Optional)
Chapter Rating: PG
Chapter Notes: If you don't like Sorato or lengthy beginnings, skip it and wait for me to get out the next chapter. n.n


(Matt POV)
In a perfect world, my parents wouldn't fight, my brother would adore me as much as I adore him, and I could hang out with my band all day without lying to my parents when I come home. My girlfriend would be supportive and not vindictive. And it was actually like that for a while. Really. I was happy and I swore I was in love. My life consisted of two things, mainly: music and Sora. But I made the mistake of taking it too seriously. Silly me. I thought music would be my career. Sora thought music would be my ... hobby, I guess? Yeah. Hobby. I guess she considered HERSELF to be my career.

But before I get too far, let me tell you something. I like Sora, but she's -- ehh, she's a jealous person. She's possessive. So I guess I can't really say I was surprised when she approached me one day, requesting we talk. I agreed. She pulled me away to the park -- OUR park; we always met there -- and sat me down on a bench. She held one of my hands between both of hers and looked into my eyes, and at first I thought she was making a desperate attempt at romance, but....

"I want you to understand something, Matt."

I tried to read her emotions in her eyes, but came up empty. "What is it?"

She pursed her lips and squeezed my hand. "You know I love you, right? And you love me?" Two nods; the second one hesitant. I regretted it. She smiled. "Good. I'm yours, then. And you're mine, okay?"

Simple. She said it easily, like it was the most basic thing ever. I was hers, I knew it, I didn't resist it, and the world kept turning. I blinked. Like I said, I was not surprised, but I DID wonder what had made her feel insecure enough to restate her claim on me.

Sora continued, "You have to understand me, Matt. I want you to be ... just mine; not the band's, not music's, not anyone else's." She paused, waiting on my response.

I was hurt.

"Those things don't own me," I growled.

"I know," she sighed. She gave me a smile that I did not return. "I just worry sometimes, that you get bored with me."

"Don't misunderstand me," I warned, "you don't own me either." I winced, regretting the words as they left me. I knew she wouldn't understand that the way I wanted her to. It came out harsh. She opened her mouth for rebuttal, but I interrupted her. "No, I mean that... I..." I paused, searching for words, and squeezed her hand again. I found her eyes with mine. "Listen," I dropped my voice, "I care." I tried to smile. Why did it feel empty saying that? "My HEART is yours. So keep it." I paused. "But I love music too. It's important to me."

She closed her eyes and slipped her hand from mine. "Matt," she mumbled, "I love you, but..." She stood. "If you spend more time with the band than me, how can I believe you when you say I'm more important?"

"Trust me," I implored her. I watched the emotions struggling in her eyes.

"I'm trying. But it's hard."

I sighed, rising to my feet beside her. I put an awkward hand on her shoulder. I felt cold doing it. "Listen to me," I said, catching her other shoulder and swinging her to face me. I couldn't even find a smile to reassure her. "We both have to work at this. I'll try, too."

She smiled. "Promise to spend more time with me?"

I nodded. "Promise."

It was all downhill from there.

I took time away from music to spend time with her. We went out for ice cream and watched movies and other cute 'couple' things, but I felt sick every time I had to skip a band practice to take her shopping. The guys started getting pissed; I hardly ever saw them. I was scared to lose my band.

I confronted Sora about it.

She told me I was being silly. They were my friends. They'd accept me. But....

I'll never forget the day when our drummer Kaito pulled me aside in the school hallway, looking miserable.

"What's wrong, man?" I always picked up on their troubles. I swear I'm not as cold-hearted as I seem. There was tense silence while he stubbed at the grimy floor with the toe of his shoe.

"I -- we all -- the guys and me just wanted to tell you," he mumbled, keeping his eyes evasive and downcast, "that we're gonna look for a replacement soon."

My stomach hurt. I had guessed, but... "For what?"

He winced. Swallowed. "Lead vocals and, um, bass." Then he turned and fled the hall. My heart shrunk into a lead ball and dropped into my shoes. It rattled around listlessly as I walked home. I did not return to class that day. I locked myself in my room, refusing entry to everyone -- even TK, who, unfortunately, shared the cramped living space with me. He slept on the couch that night, sulkily. My teachers called home, questioning. I don't remember whether they were concerned or angry or what my parents did about it. It doesn't matter anymore, anyway.

Actually, I DO remember what my parents did about it. They started arguing a lot after that, debating how to deal with me. With my behavior, even. I was such a problem child after all. My father leaned towards discipline while my mother believed that if she could reach out and discover the root of my troubles she could make it all go away. In truth, I know that neither method would have worked, but I guess at least they tried.

But I don't think my mother really cared that much. She always liked TK better. When he came home with scraped knees she blew on the wounds, washed them and lovingly bandaged them. And when TK requested a kiss to make it feel better, she complied with a smile on her face. But when I came home with a busted leg, she frowned and told me the bandages were in the kitchen cabinet.

Thanks a lot, Mom.

The fights got worse as time dragged on. They started disagreeing over everything. Where the TV remote was, what to have for dinner, how to water the plants. I mean, EVERYTHING.

But ... especially over me.

I started feeling responsible. I became guilty and depressed; I avoided everyone, even Sora and TK. My girlfriend was hurt and sometimes I'd catch her with tears in her eyes, but she always told me she was okay. She always chose the worst times to understand. TK didn't mind so much. He figured it was one of those 'teenager things,' and obligingly slept on the couch and played with his friends.

I skipped classes a lot, hiding in the bathroom and trying to escape all the negative emotions. I found a lot of bad habits and did stuff I never would have given second thoughts before. I picked up smoking. The band found a replacement. I fell in deeper every day, and my parents would not stop fighting.

Somewhere along the line, TK stopped looking up to me. He matured and became his own role model. He looked out for his friends and never stopped smiling.

I was so jealous.

I overheard my parents fighting at night sometimes. They had stopped respecting me, too, I guess.

"There's something WRONG with him, Nancy! How can you let it slide like this? Giving him an extra piece of dessert at dinner won't fix anything. You need too--"

"What? I need to WHAT? Discipline him? Oh, I'm sure THAT is going to make him better. Matt has feelings too, you can't just treat him like--"

"Oh, MATT has feelings? What about me? Do you think this leaves me unaffected? No! I'm worried. I want to FIX him."

"FIX him? Matt is NOT a water heater; don't talk about him like he is! You can't just hit him with a wrench and expect him to work!"

"Would you shut up? I have problems too. I never see you giving ME sympathy when I need it."

"You're a grown man. You can take care of yourself! Matt needs us."

"Nancy, Matt is NOT a child. You can't always be there for him!"

And things continued like that for a long, long time. I cried myself to sleep all those nights. Until, one time, I woke up and the front door slammed. I heard my father's voice.

"You say to take care of my own problems? Well, fine."

His steps echoed as he walked angrily to his car, started it, and flew from the driveway. I stayed awake listening to my mother cry for a long time. I did not sleep that night. For me, my father abandoning me was the breaking point. Ultimately.

I claimed sickness and refused school. I holed up in my bathroom and smoked cigarettes until my taste buds burnt. Sometimes at night I'd sneak into the kitchen for food, but I always threw it up later. I started losing weight as the days dropped off the calendar. I was left depressed and lacking serious energy. I smoked and slept. Rarely, I ate. TK slept on the couch almost ever night, and my mother was too much of a mess to do much about it. I became amazingly unhealthy and my voice croaked in a most ugly manner when I spoke.

Tch.

So much for a career in singing.

Sora only visited me once.

I heard my Mom meet her at the front door. Sora asked to see me, but was politely refused.

"He's very ill," mother had explained.

Sora insisted.

Mother gave in.

I listened to Sora slide off her shoes and walk to my door. I heard her rattle my doorknob, but didn't respond.

"Matt?" was the ventured question. She sounded concerned and the words caught on her throat. I knew she could smell the smoke.

"Go away," I croaked.

"I have to talk to you."

"No."

"...Fine."

There was silence for a moment. I was beginning to think she'd left until I heard a *bang*, and the hinges on my door flexed under the pressure Sora applied to it. I heard my Mom fluttering to her side.

"What are you doing?" she demanded.

"I HAVE to talk to him," she mumbled.

*Bang*.

I stubbed out my cigarette in a sudden panic. I didn't want her to hurt herself. After all this, I still cared.

"Stop it," I ordered. "You'll break the door."

"No." *Bang*.

Dammit, she always WAS stubborn. I stumbled to the door, but paused in front of it, considering.

"Please leave, Sora."

"No." *Bang*.

"Fine," I sighed, unlocked the door and opened it. She came stumbling inside, and I quickly slammed the door behind her. Locked it. She looked at me with wide eyes, red, puffy, and I knew she'd been crying. My heart ached a little to see her, but didn't do much besides rattling down in my shoes where it had been for weeks.

"Oh my God, Matt," she whispered, reaching out to stroke my face. Her hand shook when she murmured, "You need help."

I stared at her, feeling the warmth of her hand against my cheek, and made the worst decision of my life.

I pushed her away. She left and closed the door behind her. I didn't care.

She told my Mom her concerns, and the next morning when I woke up, she was sitting in a chair at my bedside. I sat up, feeling groggy.

"What do you want?"

She frowned at me, smoothing my hair down over my forehead. I inched away from the unexpected and unwanted affections.

"Sora told me about you," she said. She held up a pack of cigarettes. "I don't know why I didn't notice sooner." Her eyes softened. "I've been selfish. I was so wrapped up in my troubles I didn't even notice yours."

"I don't care," I muttered, reaching for the cigarettes. Mom pulled them away. I scowled. "Listen, you can't drop out of my life for a month and expect me to just let you back in!" I grabbed them from her, glaring. She just watched me, looking reflective.

"I'm going to help you, Matt."

I rolled my eyes, feeling around my bed covers for a lighter. "Yeah? How?"

She found the lighter before me and held it in her hand, refusing it to be pried from her fingers. She made an attempt at a smile, smoothing over my hair again with her other hand.

"I've decided to send you to a private school."

My world ended.


(Suggestions? Death threats? Praise? Wanna chat? IM me at Rosuto Ryouga, or email me at reenimon@hotmail.com! ^_^)

- Reenimon. Growr.