Interspecies Relations

Trotting along with Helen next to her Miria sighs and looks at her friend. As if nearly getting blown to bits wasn't enough, Helen's stomach is still grumbling. "Helen," Miria says exasperated. "Can't you quiet it down?"

"I caaaaaaann't!" Helen wails. "I'm still hungry!" And her stomach answers with another earth shaking growl. "You were never this bad before," Miria sighs as the earth once more shakes with Helen's growls.

"What is that?" a squeaky voice yells. "An earthquake?"

Miria looks over to her left and sees a giant black rat with a crown and a funny looking multi colored umbrella on his head. "I don't know," she says, ignoring the fact that she's talking to a rat. "Things don't make sense anymore."

"Way of the world Mrs. Now if you'll excuse me..."

"Cheese!" Helen yells, her mouth salivating, her stomach growling again.

"What cheese?" says the rat, "I don't smell any cheese!"

But Helen's mouth is watering, eyes bright on the rat. She opens her mouth wide and leans in, biting the black rat where a large tattoo that looks like a block of cheese is located. There is a second of dead silence as eyes go wide and then the loud scream as the rat flies into the air from his nerves suddenly catching up to the pain receptors in his brain.

"My cheese!" wails Helen, watching the rat disappear.

"That's not cheese, Helen," says Miria with a roll of her eyes. "It's a rat!"

"It's moldy cheese, but it's still cheese!" says Helen as the rat plummets back to the earth with a slam. "My cheese!" says Helen chomping on the rat's cheese mark once more. Another scream later and the giant rat is leaping away, Helen in hot pursuit.

Miria rolls her eyes and trots away in the opposite direction. "Maybe now I can find someone sane in this world."

Great King Rat Johann Pual the 3rd of the island of swiss was only minding his own business when the earth shook violently. He'd put on the multi colored umbrella hat the pink pony had told him to when he found out the rumbles came from the white pony with tooth paste colored hair. Thinking to introduce himself he'd been cut off short when the white pony confused him for a block of cheese and now with both his right and left flanks burning from most undoubted severe infections, he runs.

Hiding behind the bushes, up a tree, in the old church bell, on top of the pagasai clouds, nowhere seemed to be safe! A single pant and there was the yell of "CHEESE!" only a second behind with a sudden intense pain on one of his flanks a second after. Now with both flanks looking more like a baboon's butt then a beautiful jet black he continues running finally hiding beneath a bridge next to some otters by some silly cottage.

The white pony looks in and sighs. "Fiddlesticks! I wanted that cheese. But I can't go tramping through Fluttershy's garden and scare all her animals! That's a big no no."

The earth rumbles once more with the pony's hunger, the animals disappearing in their respective holes. "Oh! Better go find more food! Bye Mr. Cheese!" says the psychotic pony and hops away as if nothing ever happened.

Rat wipes the sweat away from his brow, a small tsunami ensuing in the river before him and sighs. "Maybe now I can find some sane ponies around here!"

As he steps out of the water he hears a small eep escape to his left and looks to find a pink haired pegasus staring at him. "Oh my goodness! Are you from the Ever Free forest?"

"No," he says, coughing to clear his throat. "I am the Great King Rat Johann Paul the 3rd from the Island of Swiss, Swiss Cheese that is, and..."

"Oh My Goodness!" the pony squeals. "A talking mouse! It's so wonderful I ... I can't think of anything to say!"

"Heh," says rat rubbing his knuckles in his fur. "I have that effect on people."

She squeals and rushes rat suddenly, taking him in her hooves and crushing the life out of him.

"You're so adorable, I'm going to love you to pieces!"

"C-can't breathe!" says rat, gasping.

"We're going to be the best of friends! You'll see!"

And as he hears each rib snap in consecutive order like a pack of dominos, his eyes roll into his head and his tongue lols out over the floor. The rat is dead. Or is he?

Meanwhile Miria is trotting along, oblivious to the mortal peril of king rat when a voice catches her attention.

"Miria! Is that you?"

She turns recognizing a voice she hasn't heard in some time and gasp upon seeing a startlingly beautiful pink pony with silver white hair and sapphire blue eyes. "Clare, is that really you?" Miria says in shock.

"Of course it's me," says Clare with a smile. "Hey, I need your help with something..."

"Hey is for horses Clare," says a voice behind her. A hideous green lizard head pops up behind her flank. "Oh hey Miria," it says, waving.

"A yoma!" Miria shrieks and leaps at the green lizard creature, stomping on it repeatedly. "Killit!killit!killit!"

Clare taps her on the shoulder with a frown on her face. "What?" ask Miria, slowing down.

"Ehem," says Clare with a slight growl. "Why are you stomping on Raki?"

"Raki?" says Miria jumping back, "I thought it was a yoma!"

Clare helps the lizard creature that is Raki get up, who quickly dust himself off with nothing worse for wear then a few slight scratches. "A yoma?" says Raki. "Miria, sounds like you've been hitting Pinkie Pie's habanero punch too much. And what the hell's a yoma?"

"Um..." says Miria looking away, sweating a small puddle. I guess they don't have yoma here, she thinks. She smiles awkwardly. "It's nothing, just something I had from a nightmare."

"Something that looks like me?" says Raki.

"Why am I not surprised," says Clare. "Anyways..." she says trotting up to Miria with a worried smile. "I have something to ask of you regarding the... nightmare."

"What?" ask Miria.

"What nightmare?" says Raki with indignation.

"Do you mind watching him for a few hours? I need to go see Princess Celestia and I can't be seen around with the horny dwarf for awhile..."

"I..."

"Hey!" says Raki from behind Clare's flank. "I'm not a dwarf! I'm well proportioned for my breed!"

"Is that why you're the only one left?" says Clare.

"Hey, it's not my fault we taste like chocolate brownies!"

"A chocolate brownie?" asks Miria. She rolls her eyes and sighs. And here I'd hoped Clare was sane. Silly me.

Rat wakens slowly to a throbbing jackhammer against his head hearing what sounds like the yellow pony arguing with herself. "Now are these from Pinkie's rave or the medicine for headaches?"

She looks like blurry mustard with pink cotton candy hair and rat slowly gets up. "What are you-?"

"These'll do," she says, shoving a hooffull of pills down his throat. He coughs suddenly, feeling them go down his throat and quickly settle in his stomach. With the acid rumbling in his stomach the mustard shape starts to change.

"Are you alright?" asks a human nurse with tall long legs and a great bust trying to slip out of her front shirt, her pink hair flowing down the center of her back. Rat's mouth is suddenly watering and he pops out of bed rushing towards the woman and taking her in his arms, a red rose in his lips.

"Mi amore," he says stroking the flower over her long neck, "we should have dinner at my place and then... we can have you."

"Oh my goodness!" says the woman. "Oh my..."

"Well..." says rat waving his eyebrows enthusiastically. "Maybe we'll just skip the dinner and go right to you?"

"Oh my..." she says swooning.

Rat kisses her on the throat sending a tingle down her spine and she goes limp in his arms. "I have that effect on women. Now shall we?"

And a loud ruckus is soon heard, all the animals nearby hiding from Fluttershy's sudden yells and profanities thundering from her room.

Miria circles with Raki in Clare's cottage trying to keep him in front of her since when they got there he's been touching her flank and comparing it to Clare's. Raki pinches Miria's bottom once more and having had enough she clamps her teeth down on his arm. There is a scream and suddenly a grown lizard smashing into the ceiling.

"Alright! Enough Raki! Keep your hands to yourself! And enough about Clare and flanks! You sound like an oversexed ... Freak!"

Raki stares at her with a wide toothy grin, her words only seeming to make him preen instead of feel shame. "You have no idea! Oh," he says skipping along. "Come check out my room!"

Miria sighs as Raki hops down to the cellar on a spring tail, opening two wide doors that seemed as tall as the whole cottage itself. The room itself is dark, but large and spacious. Miria walks into room looking around. It seems like things are hanging everywhere and she falls tripping over a long chain. "What's a chain doing in your room Raki?"

"Oh that, I should turn on the lights!"

He pulls a long switch on the wall and the room is illuminated, several long stalactite looking objects hanging everywhere along the ceiling, several compromising posters of Clare and several chains and different instruments used for Miria can only wonder.

"Do you like my room?" Raki chimes in.

Miria's eyes roll into the back of her head as the color drains from her face and she falls over unconscious.

Miria stares with red infuriated eyes, her mane getting in her eyes which stare with a blood shot look. Her teeth are grinding against each other as she contemplates ways of slowly killing Raki when she escapes. She is swinging slowly from the ceiling, her feet bound together and her rear flank swollen and blue. Now she knows what those objects are for and Raki will die for it.

"When Clare gets back she's going to find your chocolate brownie covered hide smeared over all these walls!"

She is jabbing at him quickly with her horn, the horn ripping large gashes into the wall and bed, sending a plume of feathers in the air while Raki seems to dodge uses her phantom speed.

"I... Don't...Think... So!" says Raki as he dodges each swing until Miria finally tires out. Gasping and panting she stares at him with her bloodshot eyes. Raki crosses his arms and makes a tsking noise. "Damn. Here I thought you'd be as fun as Clare cuz you have a big flank! But you just can't compare to my cotton candy goddess!" His tail is spinning like a small helicopter, lifting him from the ground, hearts in his eyes.

"Get me down from here!"

Raki falls stomach first on the floor and looks at her. "And what'll you do if I get you down?"

"Skin you alive and shove your carcass down Helen's throat!"

"Yeah," says Raki grabbing a coat and shutting off the light. "Not gonna' happen."

"Hey! Where are you going!" she says as she is thrust into a dark shadow.

"After Clare! Duh!" says Raki. And with that the doors to the cellar slam shut leaving Miria dangling helplessly from the ceiling. A loud roar echoes and shakes the little tree cottage as Raki exits, making him shake several feet while any ponies who were wandering outside suddenly disappear from the streets. "Jeez," he says looking back. "She's almost as loud as Clare! Clare... Off to find Clare!" And he skips along dancing as he leaves Miria raging.

King Rat Johan Paul the 3rd of the Island of Swiss slowly wakens to the strong scent of raspberry next to his nose. He sighs, "Oh what a heavenly smell. That was the best smex dream ever!"

"Oh why, thank you," says the yellow pegasus next to him, kissing him on the lips. He stares wide eyed at her, dumb founded. "You were pretty good too. Very... unique..."

Rat watches, his lips quivering, eyes growing big. "B-b-b-b-b-but y-y-you were human! A dream right?"

"No silly," and she kisses him on his open mouth again. "I'm very real. I'm leaving my number on the counter, call me when you want to come around again!" and she gives him a bright wink and flutters away on her wings, hearts popping around her singing softly as she floats out the window.

Rat gets out of bed, slowly rubbing his eyes. "Mom always did say I'd screw up what girl I chose. She won't be ratty enough for you, with your luck you'll end up with some manticore that'll gobble you up! No mom, she just looks like butterscotch smeared with cotton candy inside a feather mattress!"

He kicks the table missing with part of his foot and stubs his big toe instead. It swells to five times its size throbbing violently and he lets out a womanly shriek and hops around for an hour before finally stopping. Scratching he thinks, but the smex was still good. He picks up her fluttering number and shrugs. "Meh. I'll take what I get, even if she does look like candy."

Bouncing up to the guards, still tied by her four legs but with the chain cut, Miria is halted. "Stop, identify yourself!"

"Phantom Miria, I'm here to kill some dwarf sized dragon! Now out of my way!"

The guards nod and mutter something about a mutant chicken as Miria hops into the court yard, the feathers from Raki's feather mattress stinging against her skin. "Raki- Ouch! When I get my hand on you- Ow! I swear...ow!"

She hops into the throne room finding Celestia discussing with Clare if discussing is accurate when Celestia's eyes look bloodshot and her voice is thundering through the room. "So you think just because you're the prettiest pony in Equestria you can barge in and demand to see queen Teresa!"

"I never said that," says Clare with a sigh. "You said that."

"And my men, isn't that right?"

They all nod, murmuring about a pretty pony. Celestia screams in outrage, magically popping the head of the one nearest to her. "No!no!No! I'm the prettiest pony in Equestria! Not her! And I'll prove it once I skin her alive!"

Miria sees as Clare is suddenly skittering backwards trying to back away from the enraged Celestia who seems to grow larger by the second. "I am the prettiest pony and all of Equestria will know- OW!"

She screams, bucking like a mad bronco as Raki bites her flank leaving a nasty looking impression that attracts flies. "Heh. You wish you were the prettiest pony, we all know you're just a bald faced hag. Luna is waaaaay prettier then you!"

"Raki!" Clare yells.

"You!" snarls Celestia. "You started all this you chocolate tasting dwarf! Let's see how well you can fly!"

She sends him flying outside the castle walls with Clare rushing to the edge watching as he falls. Turning her attentions to some ponies dressed in blue Celestia says, "Go and make sure he lands with a satisfying splat."

The blue ponies rush over the edge of the cloud, flying at light speed while Clare bounces back and forth hearing Raki's long winded scream as he falls. Miria can't help but feel a mixture of emotions as she isn't sure she wouldn't have killed him herself. The little perv, she thinks. Serves him right.

She hops over wanting to hear him splat herself when there is a sonic wave blowing over their manes followed by four crunches and then a splat. "Ahhh..." says Celestia, as Clare's eyes tear up. "Now that's a sound I like to he..." And there is another splat, followed by two more.

"Wait," says Celestia, her ears drooping suddenly. "That's one too many splats!"

"Of course it is!" a voice very near them says.

"Raki!" says Clare with a joyous voice. Miria stares at Clare wondering how she can like such a pervert. But stares more at the pegasus before them.

"You!" Celestia growls, looking at the yellow pegasus with blue hair.

"The one and only!" the pony says, smiling a wide toothy grin, her eyes seeming to light up.

Celestia screams in rage, her mane bursting in flame and then stares as she sees it falling around her in ash. "Damn it, I need to get another wig again. You win, this time, Clare..." And she stomps off, a bald, tailless, pagasus unicorn.

Miria's mane goes up as she stares at the yellow pegasus, the feathers suddenly falling away from her body as a cold chill washes over her. She recognizes that voice.

"Why hello Miria!" says the pagasus, waving her hoof frantically. "You ready for our game tomorrow?"

And Miria grows stone cold, a warm trickle running down her legs. She's alive. That monster, Ophelia, is alive! She falls over curling into a fetal ball, shivering wildly. She's alive!