Story 2: The Art of Snow-Fu

AN: Set the day after the events of "Red Star." Just a fluffy bit of fun for the team.

Beast Boy had never seen so much snow in his life.

He'd been staring at it for days. In the town of Vostok, right on the rim of the Arctic Circle, there wasn't much else to look at, even when visibility wasn't limited by a whiteout blizzard.

Or when you weren't being distracted by a radioactive monster, as the Titans had been for the last three days.

Now, in the dawn light of a short Arctic day, the snow was a glittering white sheet as far as he could see. His spirits, which had been muted and subdued since the night before—since Red Star burst over their heads like a celestial firework—began to rise.

He wanted to otter-slide down a hill, or go bounding through the drifts as a polar bear or a fox. He wanted to do just about anything but listen to Robin, who was working his way through an ever-growing to-do list. The T-Ship had never been through a blizzard before, and while Cyborg was fairly certain it would be fine, he'd wanted to run a few maintenance checks just in case.

Now that they were out here, though, Cyborg was staring out at the sparkling landscape. He too had been quiet ever since Red Star's…departure. (Death? Did they consider it a death? Beast Boy wasn't sure, and he was afraid to ask.) But the look on Cyborg's face now was less mournful than wistful as he took in the snow, barely paying attention to Robin at all.

"We should probably do a full diagnostic to make sure none of the fluids froze in these temperatures." Robin typed a message into his communicator, likely sending his list of chores to the girls as well. As usual, he was all business, as though the night before had just been another routine mission. He and Starfire had been the last to come in the night before, watching Red Star's light fade from the top of the hill. Maybe, for Robin, that had been enough. Beast Boy didn't understand it.

He reached down and filled his hands with snow. It molded easily when he squeezed it into a ball. Just like in the movies.

Cyborg caught his eye. Without saying a word, they grinned identical grins—the kind of grin that said yes, they had come up with the exact same idea at the exact same time, and yes, it was going to get them in tons of trouble, but god, it would be worth it.

"Once Starfire and Raven get back, we'll take it for a test flight to check out the pods' docking mechanisms."

"Yeah, we could do that," Cyborg said, scooping up an armful of white powder. "Or."

"And we should probably go back up to Red Star's warehouse and do another check for leaks. I know we've done it already, and the girls said they hadn't seen any more monsters running around, but that chemical runoff is dangerous. We can't be too careful."

"Yeah," Beast Boy agreed, crafting another snowball. "Or."

Robin looked up then, his gaze traveling from their wicked smiles to the snowballs in their hands. He studied them for a long, long moment.

Then he closed his communicator and slipped it into the pocket of his parka.

"You're going to want to think very carefully before you do this," he said quietly.

"Yeah?" Cyborg was busy smoothing the edges of his creation, more snow boulder than ball. "And why's that?"

"Because you're from the West Coast, Cyborg. And Beast Boy, you grew up in Africa. You two don't know what you're dealing with."

"What, with snow?" asked Beast Boy. He had three snowballs now in the crook of his arm, a fact he sensed Robin was keenly aware of. "Like it's hard, dude."

"Not with the snow," Robin replied, still in that voice of deadly calm. "With me."

Cyborg snorted.

"Look, man, I know you're a master of like twelve different martial arts, but ain't none of 'em the art of snow-fu."

"Snow-fu is more than an art. It's a way of life." Robin's threatening tone cracked as his speech got more dramatic, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You two have never lived through an East Coast winter. You don't know the training I received on the streets of Gotham City, and you don't want to find out."

"That a threat, Bird Boy?" asked Cyborg, raising his snow boulder to his chest.

"It's a pro—"

WHAM.

Robin fell backward from the force of the snowball as Beast Boy, with one gorilla arm, wound up for another throw.

Spitting snow, raking his hand across his mask to clear his vision, Robin sprang back up in a fighting stance. He flipped his hood up, cracked his neck, and gave them an evil smile.

"Oh shit," said Beast Boy.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

The T-Ship was barely in sight when Starfire heard Raven groan: "Oh, no."

They landed in what looked like a warzone sculpted out of snow. Piles and drifts had been hastily scraped into battlements and just as hastily abandoned, crushed into ruin by trampling footprints. The cold air rang with the boys' wild yelling.

"DAMMIT CYBORG, HE WAS RIGHT THERE—"

"You hit him then if you're so smart—"

"INCOMING!"

Cyborg and Beast Boy came pelting around the side of the ship, snowballs exploding against their backs. Starfire and Raven stepped back as they dove for cover behind a battered snowdrift. The girls looked up to see Robin perched on top of the T-Ship, cackling triumphantly.

"What have you done?" asked Raven, her eyes narrowed at the two boys on the ground.

"Get down, ladies!" Beast Boy shouted. Whatever game they were playing, they were clearly too far in to come out until somebody won. "Robin's an ice fiend! We can't even hit him!"

"He's a madman! The power's gone right to his head!" Cyborg was grinning like a loon as he scraped together another projectile and flung it at Robin's head. With an over-the-top yell, Robin karate-chopped it out of the sky.

"GOTHAM CITY, BITCHES!" he crowed. "Give up yet, West Coast?"

"Not on your life! BB, you ready-?"

"WHAT?" the changeling shouted back, knocking himself hard on one side of his head. The ear on the opposite side was packed tight with snow. Atop the ship, Robin was laughing so hard he was in real danger of rupturing an organ.

"I believe this is the 'fight of snowballs' I have heard of," said Starfire, while Raven rolled her eyes. "I was not aware it would be so…violent."

"That's because our friends have no sense of moderation," Raven answered. All three boys were busily rolling more weapons. Robin's arsenal was piled to his knees and growing taller.

"Okay. Now don't friggin' miss this time—"

"My aim is gonna depend on your aim, you little grass stain, so watch yourself. You ready?"

"Load me up!"

Beast Boy morphed into a crocodile, into whose mouth Cyborg deposited an armful of snowballs before it morphed again, elongating into a brontosaurus. Catapulted on the end of Beast Boy's tail, Cyborg flew into the air with a snowball in each hand.

"FOR JUMP!" he shouted, hurling the snowballs down as he sailed over Robin's head. Robin dodged them both and still landed three hits himself. He spun and nailed Beast Boy—who was soaring overhead as a pelican, a gullet full of snowballs ready to drop on the Boy Wonder—right in the throat. Beast Boy went down with a squall, accidentally swallowing his ammunition.

"Dude!" he wailed from the ground. "BRAIN FREEZE!"

Cyborg struggled out of the drift he had fallen into. Snow steamed off the casing of his circuitry as he approached, growling.

"Y'all gonna help, or you just gonna stand there?"

"Stand here," said Raven. "Obviously."

"Looks like you guys are out of luck," Robin called from the top of the T-Ship. "It'll be better if you surrender now."

"No way! We've still got Starfire!" Beast Boy turned a pair of pleading eyes to the alien princess. "Right, Star?" he said, turning the puppy-dog charm on full blast.

"Don't do it, Star!" Robin held out a mittened hand, gesturing for her to join him. "Come join my team! They won't stand a chance!"

For a moment, it looked as though Beast Boy and Cyborg were going to quit right there: There was no way they could beat both Robin and Starfire, and there was no way she was going to turn down Robin's offer to team up. Except—

"But Robin, it appears you have the unfair advantage."

Robin's jaw actually dropped as Starfire stepped toward the other two boys.

"Starfire!" he cried, indignant.

"It would be unkind to our friends, would it not? The odds would be mismatched." Starfire maintained an impressive poker face, even though the amusement was creeping into her voice. "And you are abusing your power. I fear you have become the villain, and must be stopped."

Robin's look of astonishment was so priceless, Beast Boy wished he had a camera to capture it. But he composed himself quickly.

"You know that means we'll have to fight each other."

"It appears so."

"I guess this is it, then. Friendship over."

"Alas."

"We had a good run."

"Indeed."

Both of them were grinning now as they bantered—big, stupid, playful grins. The other three exchanged looks of exasperation.

"Oh god," Raven muttered, and disappeared in a black shroud of magic.

"Grooooosssss," Beast Boy called out. "Stop flirting, guys, come on! Fight, fight!"

"We're not flirting," Robin snapped. Starfire raised an eyebrow. "But okay. You can make it three-on-one. And you're still going to get your butts kicked."

"You know," said Cyborg, "I really doubt it."

He pointed over Robin's shoulder with a metallic finger. Robin scoffed.

"Like I'm going to fall for that. That's the lamest—"

A shadow fell across the T-Ship, and Robin turned, just in time to see a bank of snow rising up like a tidal wave behind him, lifted and guided by black magic.

"Shit no Raven that's cheating—"

The snow came crashing down, sweeping Robin off his perch and into the bank beside Beast Boy—and Raven stepped out of the air to take her place as victor.

"AZARATH!" she shouted. And then, after a moment's thought, "BITCHES."

"Four on Raven!" Beast Boy bellowed, as Robin wrestled out of his snow-crater. "Titans, go, go, GO!"

And the fight renewed in earnest.