Chapter 2
Riddick is in bold and is written by IceSamZero
Johns is standard and is written by Furyan Goddess
Thanks to EvilGrin for beta
Warning: Language, M/M slash, drug use, thoughts of suicide.
I asked, but she don't say who it was so I don't push. Know that would'da pissed off Riddick bad, but she agrees to go after them and that's good enough for me. We'll find out soon enough who hurt her, we got time. Few weeks probably 'till we reach Aquila. Just thinkin' of that place makes me sick. Don't wanna go back there. Don't wanna think 'bout the shit I did there. Know Riddick remembers, will hold me to some kinda task for it.
What kinda fucked up person has a worse moral code that a fuckin' murderer? Fuck! Sometimes, more times than not, I don't like myself much.
Can't make up for the shit I did. No way to atone for my sins. Should be me in chains and a bit. I spare a glance at Riddick and he's looking at me and I know he knows what I'm thinkin', know he'd agree too, if I asked his opinion so I don't.
I look away, can't see that in his eyes. Can't... fuck. I can't deal with him lookin' at me like that.
I get out of bed, can't stay here any longer. Have to break away from our little fuckin' nest. Our little world we've made where everything is fuckin' peaches n cream.
Feel Jack's eyes on me, wondering why I'm pacin', feel Riddick's on me, condemning me. ME! FUCK!
He don't say nothin' and that makes it worse. The fuck?
Hear Jack whisperin' to Riddick, askin' what my deal is. He answers that I'm fightin' my demons.
I stop dead and realize that I haven't had a spike in quite a while. Hands are shakin', sweaty, rollin' stomach. Feel anger buildin', anger at him. He did this to me. Would'da never done the shit I did without the drugs. Never would'da done it. Never... Right?
Turn and glare at him when a few short minutes ago I was kissin' his mouth, now I want to punch him.
"You did this to me," I growl, withdrawal comin' on fast. He just cocks his head to the side, waitin' to see what I'm gonna do 'bout it.
Try to be strong, try to fight it. Fuck, I just want a taste, a small one. Something to take the edge off.
"'S in the bathroom." Riddick says.
"Don't want it," I snap at him, I fuckin' lie to him. We all know it.
"Take a fuckin' hit, Johns, an' get your shit together," he snaps right back at me.
I glare at him for a minute, don't matter. We both know I'm gonna do it. Finally I storm off and slam the door shut behind me.
Hand shake as I dig out my shit, look at the dose, think 'bout bumpin' it up. Takin' more than ever. Endin' it all. Welcomin' the darkness and chicken shittin' out on Riddick's redemption.
Look at the slot, drop it in, hands rock steady now and I think... close my eyes and wonder how it'd feel if it all just went away. Everything. The pain in my back. The sickness in my stomach. The poundin' of my head and whispers of darkness callin' me endlessly. Wonder at the darkness, all I got to do is press the button.
It's not really dark anymore. Not the pitch black as before. Not with the silver cuttin' through, showin' me the way. Feel my breath hitch, suck in a snort and feel my eyes well. Can't even kill myself now cause a him.
Fuckin' Riddick's never given me any peace, why start now?
I dump out the vial with tremblin' hands and find a small one, smallest I got. Just to take the edge off, like I planned. Go for the eye again, punish myself with the pain. If I gotta shoot up, don't want it to feel good goin' in.
Hands ball into fists as I feel it workin' through, want more, again, that's my self inflected punishment. Can't have more. Denial. It's the only thing left I can deny.
Know I'm a piece of shit. Now I'm fuckin' a guy, givin' up my mark, almost a mil credits, takin' on an almost teenage girl and it's all happened in a day and a half or so. Now I got to give up my shit too? Shit, why the fuck bother?
Pack up slow, turn the shower on to wash the sweat off. Wash off the scent of Riddick. Water's too hot, makes me raw and I don't care. When I'm done, I stare in the mirror and sneer.
Eyes red, pupils dilated, face is pale. Notice a few bruises, one's from Riddick, back's burnin' from the cut. Shit, I'm a fuckin' wreck.
Slide my pants back on, cause I can't walk 'round naked with Jack in the room and make my way back to the bed.
She's gone, Riddick's pretendin' to be sleepin'. I just sit on the edge and put my head in my hands.
Don't know what to do, what to say to make it better. How to make it better or even what I'm supposed to be makin' better. I ain't any good at this shit, never was. Maybe once, long time ago, I knew how to put the charm on but that shit don't work with Riddick. It's fake anyway.
Don't want this to be fake. Want something real for a fuckin' change and if it bein' real is what kills it, well, I can't say I didn't try my hardest.
"Didn't mean to scare the girl," I mumble, just for something to say. Like me flippin' and needed a spike's scary after the shit we just been through. Still, we're tryin' to make something here and I'm still really unstable. I know that. Ain't dumb.
Can't trust when shit's unstable.
I wanna trust.
I want stable.
I want Riddick.
Johns gets up quick, makes the bed move. Know what we were thinkin', same time. Never could hide our eyes from each other.
He's pacin', an' I can smell 'im. Know he's startin' ta get ragged again. I know he can't jus' skate offa the shit. Doesn't mean I gotta like it.
Jack whispers at me, but not that quietly. "What's he doing?"
I just look at 'im, pacin'. "Fightin' 'is demons."
Johns stops in 'is tracks, an' I feel 'im simmerin'. Gonna snap, soon. Needs ta smooth out but damn it, doesn't mean I gotta fuckin' like it.
He turns, glares at me an' it's fucked up, but that glare both turns me on an' pisses me the fuck off right back at 'is fuckin' junkie ass.
"You did this to me," he growls, an' I just let my head go ta the side a bit, look at 'im. 'S true, but the fuckin' decisions he made...I didn't make those for 'im.
"'S in the bathroom," I say, quiet. Sounds all soft, an' I know that pisses 'im off, much as 'is accent does me.
"Don't want it," he snarls, like it ain't a fuckin' bald lie.
I almost come up offa the bed sayin' it. "Take a fuckin' hit, Johns, an' get your shit together." Jack flinches.
I watch 'im, he glares. I just wait.
He stomps off ta the bathroom an' slams the fuckin' door like--
I breathe out. Jack's lookin' at me.
I don't got anythin' ta say ta her 'bout this. She knows mosta it, I bet, or she will. Smart kid. If she ain't figured it out already.
She looks at me, still, an' I'm amazed at how unafraid she is. I see people, an' I admit I see flaws. I probably look for 'em. For weaknesses, for all the shit that separates me from them. Not arrogance. 'S just truth. I think it's more me missin' shit than havin' anythin' over what they do.
They see me, they see a killer. Murderer. Psycho-fuck sociopath. Was called that, in slam. By docs, by inmates, by guards. Some worse'n me, on all sides a the fuckin' doors. Ain't proud a what I am. Ain't fuckin' ashamed either. I just am.
An' that's what Jack sees, when she looks at me. Just me. She doesn't get afraid. Sees nothin' ta fear.
What gets me is she sees other shit too, an' she makes me see it. I don't like to but shit is what it is.
She blinks at me, then slides offa the bed. She snags the tray an' goes back to her room. "Gonna shower," she says, an' I know she's givin' me an' Johns some space.
I hear 'im, comin' back out the bathroom, so I jus' lean my back on the wall, stretch out my legs on the bed an' close my eyes. Dunno what they're showin' right now, dunno that I don't wanna fuckin' clock 'is ass one or three.
I hear 'im come close, sit on the edge.
Smell 'im. He showered. Can still smell the tension, but it's bleedin' away. Washed the sweat off, an' that makes me mad for some fuckin' stupid reason. Like I think he's hidin' or like I wanna smell his fear, smell his weakness, see him fuckin' helpless...
I open my eyes an' see 'im sittin' there, head in 'is hands, an' I just stare. Thoughts kinda go away. Just look.
Look at the way he makes the cover a the bed wrinkle, look at 'is pale back, the scar. The new cut, up high, funky shine a the quick skin. The hair, dark, the way his muscles form when 'e holds 'is arms like that. Line a 'is neck, bowed to cover 'is face in 'is hands.
Mumbles through 'is fingers, says he didn't mean ta scare Jack. I think we both know 'e didn't, he jus' wants ta say that. Feelin' guilty, bout a lotta shit. Bout bein' who he is, what he's done, what 'e feels.
Oughta be even more pissed, that he's doin' the self-loathin' bullshit. The pity. But I can't. He can't kick his life no more'n he can kick the spike in a day.
Fuck, all I fuckin' got is time. We got time, ta deal. Ta figure this out.
I move down ta where he is, reach out an' tug at 'is arm, try ta pull it off 'is face. He lets it fall, an' I move back, tuggin' 'im with me. "C'mere," I say, an' he don't move. I put a leg on either side a him, an' scoot back some. "Come up here," I repeat, little louder. Still 'e don't move, head hung.
I brace my knees, grab 'is sides an' shove back, bring 'im with me, till I got the wall at my back again. His arms flash out, he makes a sound, tries ta balance, an' I just hold 'im ta me. Grab a pillow an' stuff it behind my back, then lean my weight, relax.
Johns is breathin' kinda fast, an' he's tensed up again. His skin's warm, flushed from the hit. I draw 'im back, slow, till he comes, an I got 'im restin' his back on my front, all the way down. Feels good, even ta me.
I reach up an put a hand on 'is head, push till 'e goes back an' leans on me. Drop my hand to 'is chest, an' jus' gonna hold 'im till he relaxes, till 'e lets go, however long it's gonna take.
"Johns," I say, soft. Jus' ta say it. I rub 'is chest, his stomach. Slow strokes, not hard. He shivers, once, an' he goes limp. Breathin' hard but slower. Can't keep up the tense, not with that shit runnin' through 'im.
Move my hand, hold 'im with my arm, run the fingers that ain't rubbin' to 'is hair, stroke there too. He sighs, big, an' lets 'is head fall back, an' that...that trust, that need, he needs somethin' solid, somethin' soft, somethin' sure.
Gets me, goes right to me.
Johns.
Hand in 'is hair holds 'is head. Move forward, put lips on 'is neck. Kiss 'im there. Strokin' hand moves slower, firmer. Higher, rubs 'is pecs. Fingers dig in a bit, kneadin'. Lick 'im, along the vein. His mouth opens, an' he gives me more a 'is neck.
Move my hand over 'is face, touch all the places there. Learn it by feel. Face close ta his, eyes closed. He can feel my eyelashes on 'is cheek. Nibble 'is jaw, or try to. Little nips, try not ta make 'em bites. Learnin'.
Move to 'is ear. Hand strokin' 'is nipples now. Peaked. Cup my palm over 'em, trap warmth. Rub. Bite 'is ear. Not a nibble. Lick, suck.
Fingers pinch, light. Squeeze an' twist, jus' a little. He's makin' little gasps, now, mouth open, tongue wet, eyes shut.
Johns.
Suck the spot behind 'is ear, tongue. Slide hand down, rough, tracin' muscle. Slip a finger in 'is mouth, curl it over teeth. Touch 'is tongue, feel 'im almost suck it. Like 'e can't, though, not there enough. Draw the wet over 'is lips. Lick 'is neck, again. Suck.
Hand touches light hair, thumb on 'is navel. Curl the fingers, tease the warm skin on 'is belly. Bite 'is shoulder, above 'is collarbone. Slide the other hand down too, tuck it under 'is arm, cup 'is pec an' start touchin' the other nipple.
Bite 'is shoulder again, harder. Listen to 'im breathin', feel 'is heart under the hand. Watch 'im fumble for 'is waistband, miss, an' try again. Keep strokin', lick ta the ball of 'is shoulder, bite there, try ta nibble again. Watch 'im get thumbs hooked under the elastic, watch the hair that appears more an' more till 'e kicks the pants off, an' gotta move my head so 'e doesn't gimme a black eye.
Feel 'im breathin' hard against me, feel 'is back on my chest. Look at 'is cock, standin' up from the curls, see 'is heartbeat in it, pulse. Pulse. Pulse.
Johns.
Squeeze 'is pec, slide the hand across to the other one. Squeeze it too. Slide the hand teasin' the belly down, wrap it 'round the base of 'is cock an hold. Little tight. Feel the veins. Feel the hot skin. Lick back to 'is neck, kiss 'im there, kiss 'im. Stroke 'is nipple, then the other one, back across to the far side. Rub 'is chest, rub the muscle. Bite 'is ear, growl a little. Feel 'im shiver.
Stroke the hand on 'is cock, squeeze an' move it up. Slide, palm on the head, press down gentle an' hold 'im while he jumps. Trail fingertips over the tip, pull away the wet. Bring the hand up, touch 'is lips, bring my mouth close, an' suck the fingers inside mine. Lick out, across 'is bottom lip, lick again, touch 'is neck with wet fingers. Shift my own hips a little.
Lick again, till 'is tongue peeks out. Catch it an' suck it in an' swallow 'is moan.
Dive the hand back down, close on 'is cock an stroke. Squeeze. Wet. Pulse.
Johns.
Let 'im push 'is tongue around in my mouth, let 'im kiss. Push inta his, let 'im suck, kiss 'im back. Learnin'.
Bite lips, lick. Breathe around our tongues, make wet sounds. Stroke 'is cock, slow, up, an' back down. Squeeze.
Press on the nipples, rub 'is pecs an' 'is chest. Grab 'is jaw an' move 'is neck so I can bite it, hard, an' savor 'is gasp. Fights me, yanks 'is head sideways an' takes my mouth. Suck 'is tongue in again' an suck, suck suck it.
Stroke, faster. Up, down, an' squeeze. Up. Down. Squeeze.
Warm. Wet.
Squeeze.
Up. Down. Squeeze.
Hot. Wet.
Johns.
Bite 'is tongue, swallow 'is cry. Wet, wet, wet. Squeeze, moan. Suck.
Wet.
Stroke, easy. Slow.
Slower.
Wet.
Johns.
Pantin', 'gainst my mouth. Wet lips. Pulse, in my hand. Body hot all over, shudderin'. Kiss 'is lips, kiss 'is cheek. Kiss 'is eye. Draw 'is head back, lay it on my chest.
Let go of 'is cock, stroke 'is belly. Stroke the release. Rub 'is skin. Soothe.
Soothe.
Kiss 'is forehead.
Sleep.
Sleep, Johns.
He's pullin' me to him and I don't wanna go. Don't deserve to go. Don't deserve his comfort even though there's nothing in the universe I want more than to feel his arms 'round me. Holdin' me like he did Jack.
I'm one fucked up dude, I gotta say. He's tugging, finally he just moves me with his strength and weight and I can't stop the movement and put my arms out to brace myself, but he holds on, keeps me from falling.
Too late.
He settles in, lays me down against his chest and we're touching almost everywhere. Chest to back, legs to leg. Ass to cock, all the way down to where my feet extend past his, but not much. Pretty much the same size. Puts a hand on my head, pulls back till it's restin' in the crook of his shoulder and chest and just holds me till I feel my body go loose against his. Drugs help with that too.
Hard to hold onto the mad, the tension with the shit in my veins but I don't let it all go... not enough juice in me to let it all go.
He whispers my name and fuck it all, it makes me hard. Every fuckin' time, every fuckin' way he says it. He starts rubbin' me, my chest, stomach, everywhere his hand can reach, just glidin' over my skin, almost tickling.
So gentle, how can someone as strong and deadly as him be so gentle? Feel my body go limp against his and I know I'm breathin' deep and slow, feel a different kinda need starting to take hold.
Hand in my hair and I can't stop the sigh. Fuckin' love it when he does that, don't matter if it's just tangled in my hair or damn near pullin' it out as he fucks me, love it.
Moves my head, starts to work on my neck, kisses me. Other hand strokin', beginning to drive me mad. Move my head, give him better access and he licks the big vein in my neck. Fuck that feels too fuckin' good.
Riddick and his tongue. Loves to lick and I love the feel of it. Think we both got some kinda oral fixation.
'S all good, don't think either one of us minds much.
He's touchin' my face, my eyes. Like he's studyin' me, learnin' me. Know the feelin'. I've stared at his face so many times I can see it without openin' my eyes. It haunts me, even before we started fuckin'.
Nibbles and bites. Neck, ear. Lickin', suckin' and pinchin' and I know he's trying to push me over the edge and fully into the madness. Only reason he'd be doing this. Trying to assure I'm insane, but shit it feels so fuckin' good on this side, think I'll stay.
He's got the spot behind my ear, the spot I love on him. So soft and now his fingers in my mouth. I wanna suck on it, but there's not enough, he don't give me enough.
Other hand moves lower, over my stomach, below my belly button and I feel my dick strain to reach. Wants some love too, some petting.
Bitin' me, teasin' my nipples. Shit, never liked them touched before, not before him. Now I wish I had his in my mouth to suck on, to chew on. To nip and bite.
I gotta get my pants off, can't think, can't move right. He's got me, putty in his hands and it takes me two goes to get them down and I'm less than graceful in my attempt and I don't give a shit. They're off, that's all that matters.
Grips my cock in his hand, hard. Feel the the pulse beat, his, mine. Feel it pound. Leak.
He's still nippin' at me, biting and now he's growlin'. He's gonna make me cum without hardly touchin' me.
That low growl, rumblin' almost in his chest is fuckin' sexy. That's what got me to begin with. First time I heard that, shot straight to my balls. After the crash, after our little fight and a few more grunts and growls, I just couldn't resist 'im anymore.
Palmin' my head, feel myself jerk, mouth falls open.
His finger's at my mouth, his mouth beside mine, lick, suck and fuck, I gotta kiss him. Shifts against me, hand goes back to my cock and I turn into him. I gotta kiss him, he catches my tongue with his mouth and I moan. Fuck, he tastes good.
Grips me tight again, starts strokin' slow. Rubs my chest, nipples again. Lets me kiss him, like he enjoys it.
Jerks my head to the side, bites my neck and I gasp, almost came right there. Holy fuck, shit like that makes my head spin. Feel my cock swell, want him to bite me again and when it don't look like that's gonna happen, I pull my head away and turn back to kiss him.
His hand's movin' a bit faster now, still tight on my dick. Still drivin' me mad. Kissin' him, matching his movements with our tongue's.
Hips move as he builds my orgasm, up and down, squeeze.
Can't catch my breath then he bites my tongue and I cry out as I explode. Fuck, he's still kissin' me, still strokin' me and I'm cummin' hard and long. Moan, still he continues, slower now, letting it fade, lettin' me breathe.
Kissin' my face again, all gentle and shit, pulls me back onto his chest, releases my cock, trails his hand in my jiz, spreads it over me and I don't care.
Last thing I feel is him kissin' my forehead. Last thing I think 'bout was what I almost did in the bathroom, how I almost missed this. Miss out on him.
"Thought 'bout endin' it all in there,"
Hear the thought in my head, another confessed sin to myself. Something tells me I spoke 'cause I feel him jerk under me, but right now, I'm too tired to care. I reach for the darkness, the nothingness, and sigh.