I do not own Glee nor any characters from the show

Chapter 2

When Rachel woke up the next morning, she still felt tired, even though she had slept for nine hours straight. Slowly she shuffled into the bathroom, stepped into the shower and leaned against the wall. She let the hot water wash over her body and felt the hot drops prick her skin. The water had to be either steaming hot or ice cold for her these days. She needed to feel something. Anything.

Feeling.

That's what it all had come down to. Physically.

Emotionally, she did not want to feel anything. She did not want to go down that road.

Life had deserted her, deflated her. There seemed to be nothing left of her and for her. She was just an empty shell that functioned automatically. She did not want to think. She did not want to escape that numbness that surrounded her every second of her life. So she just stuck to routine. It evoked the least stirring in her heart and soul.

So it would not surface again.

So it would stay buried deep inside.

It - that should be as dead as Rachel felt. But it always came back with full blown force in moments she least expected it, leaving her a sobbing wreck once again. Then she would curl up into a ball on her bed and try to shut the whole world out, until she somehow managed to stuff everything down again.

Stepping out of the shower, Rachel dreaded the moment she had to leave her apartment. To go out there into the world that was so foreign to her now. The world had been her stage. Now it was a living nightmare. She did not want to leave her small apartment that she had traded in for her bigger one that used to be close to Broadway. It was now her sanctuary, her hiding place. Nothing here reminded her of what she had lost. She did not want to face a world where she would still see it flowing around freely, knowing it was never meant to be hers again.

She held tight to the handrail as she walked down the stairs, trying to avoid another tumble. She still had bruises left from the last time she went head down the flight of stairs. Luckily, nothing had been broken. At least not physically. There did not seem to be anything left that could break on any other level.

Fortunately, she did not have to walk very far to her destination. The only obstacle she had to face was passing the small but renowned theater down the street. It was well known to help start up the careers of new talents. Many who had managed to land a role in one of the plays or musicals in the Beacon Theater had moved on to bigger stages.

She had not needed that kind of boost. She was recruited right off NYADA's stage to one of the bigger Broadway shows; as a supporting act at first, but she had stunned everyone with her talent and voice, moving up quickly. Rachel had been considered as one of the youngest people to ever land a leading role on Broadway. And not just any role. One of her dream roles, Funny Girl.

But that was in the past.

Now, every time she passed the theater, she held her head down, not wanting to see the hopeful faces, the happy faces. Not even the disappointed faces. Because even they still had the chance to pick themselves off the floor and try once more. That was one chance more than Rachel had.

Their glasses were still half full. Hers was half empty, draining quickly.

Rachel had tried to walk a detour once in order to not having to go through this inner torment. But walking around the whole block to avoid the theater just meant being outside longer and having to face more people. She was trained to live show, to breathe show, to be show since her very early childhood. She could spot her "fellow art colleagues", as she called them, already miles away. And there were so many in this city, just everywhere. Taking the longer route meant possibly noticing more of them.

She did not want to see them. Did not want to feel their stares bore down to her soul. As if they all knew what had happened, as if it was written on her face. So she kept her head down, stuck to the shorter route, even though this meant hurrying past the theater entrance. They were holding auditions for a new play. Rachel had seen the sign some days ago.

She almost breathed a sigh of relief once she was past the building. Just a little bit further down the street and she would be safe again.

All of a sudden Rachel caught a quick movement out of the corner of her eye, instinctively turned her head and froze.

'Oh no, oh no!' Rachel felt her breath quickening, thoughts hammering in her head. 'That can't be! It just can't!'

She ducked her head and hurried on, hiding her surprise, shock and fear behind the dark hair that fell around her face.

Then she felt someone tuck at the sleeve of her jacket. Her heart sank to the bottom of her feet. She stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around.

...

Quinn did not believe her eyes when she crossed the street in front of the Beacon Theater. She saw a small figure, similar to Rachel's that hurried past the entrance. Then she looked again.

Wait. That could not be. Or could it?

At a second glance, the person looked very much like Rachel. She moved like Rachel. She had the same, long, brown hair as Rachel. Her heart almost stopped when she realized that she actually was Rachel!

Quinn called her name and practically ran across the street to catch up with her.

"Rachel, wait, please!"

She must have heard her. When Rachel did not stop, Quinn hastened her steps even more and grabbed her sleeve from behind.

...

Rachel closed her eyes for a second before she faced Quinn. Of all the people in the world, why did it have to be her? Why now? Why at all?

With dread, she turned around. To stifle any words that could come from Quinn, she spoke first.

"Quinn."

Her whisper was so quiet that Quinn had to lean forward a little to hear her. That caught Rachel even more off guard. She locked eyes with the blonde for a second. Quinn still had those beautiful green eyes and what she saw in them cut right through her armor.

But she couldn't have that. Not now, not yet. She couldn't handle anyone she knew. Hell, she couldn't handle anyone. Period.

So she broke the eye contact.

"Quinn, please don't." Again only a low whisper. Then she shook her head. "I can't."

With that Rachel turned and walked away. Away from these eyes that she saw every night in her dreams, from the smile that made her heart warm. Away from the one person she would have given her heart to. But that was then. Now everything was different.

Rachel almost expected Quinn to come after her and feared feeling her hand on her sleeve again. But luckily she was able to continue on her way undisturbed, desperately trying to hold herself upright.

This chapter is coming down with quite a depression. Bear with me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks again to Nicole for beta reading and commenting and correcting!