A/N: Sorry...
"Oh my god, that was a close one! A super close one! I can't believe we got out of there unharmed!" Anna burst into the safe house, bouncing, her clothes and hair bloodied, and her rifle still in her hands.
"Yeah..." came Elsa's mumble from behind her as she shut and locked the door tightly. Her clothes had blood all over them as well, and the platinum blond of her hair had acquired a reddish hue.
"And the way you stabbed that clicker! Wow! I mean, it was really, really gross, but so awesome at the same time! Like, it would have totally bitten you if you hadn't used your shiv to literally poke its eye out! Well, not literally; clickers don't technically have eyes, but you get what I mean. And then how I came in at just the right moment and blew its stupid head off! Not to toot my own horn, but I was pretty badass back there," the younger girl continued on with her rambling, unaware of the emptiness in her best friend's, her girlfriend's eyes.
"I know..." muttered Elsa, and started making her way up the stairs, her hands grabbing her shot gun so tightly, her knuckles had turned white.
"Hey! Where are you going? What's wrong?" she reached out and attempted to stop her by grabbing her arm, but the taller girl pulled away faster than Anna could blink.
"Nothing. Nothing's wrong. I'm just going to check if we have any cleaner clothes to wear. These are pretty useless now, with all the blood on them and everything. I think I'm gonna take a shower too, so why don't you start on the dinner?" she tried to sound calm and collected, her voice never even once quivering, and betraying the storm of feelings inside her.
"Okay, that sounds good," Anna nodded. "Oh! And I'm making canned beans to eat. It's all we have left."
"It's fine," the girl's voice sounded small and broken now, yet Anna paid it no mind. If there was something wrong with Elsa, she would be the first, and most likely the only one to know. The two girls had made a "no-secrets-from-one-another" pact shortly after that day a few months ago, when Anna had found Elsa's diary and had read through the whole thing.
She didn't remember Elsa ever being angrier than she had been that day. Her anger hadn't lasted long however; it had soon been replaced by disappointment. She had been disappointed in Anna for snooping around and reading the one most personal thing Elsa had in her possessions, and the redhead hated that. She didn't even know why she had read the diary. "I just saw it lying there, and I was all alone, bored out of my mind. I thought it was a book!" this had been her reasoning, but when she had been asked why she didn't stop reading when she realized that it was certainly not a book, she had kept silent, earning a let-down look from the older girl. Anna's muttered apology had done little to none to ease the tension, and the two had remained on strictly "professional" terms for at least a week, something that pained both of them, though no one would admit it. So no secrets it was.
"Hey, Commander Fluffypuss!" Anna exclaimed as a small gray and white tabby made its way inside through a small crack on the kitchen window. "I was wondering where you were," she giggled as she pet the cat on its little head. Its name had been solely Anna's idea, and, while she had been very proud of it, Elsa despised it with a passion. The kitten meowed and Anna got this as an order to pet it again. "You needy cat," she laughed. "I'm afraid we don't have any tuna for you today," she said, and she could have sworn that the sound that came out of the cat's mouth sounded like a solid "why?". The girl chuckled and shook her head in amusement. She had loved that cat ever since Elsa brought it home a couple of weeks ago. It was the best birthday present she had ever gotten.
"So, Commander Fluff-" Anna began to say, but she never got to finish her sentence as a loud, terrifyingly familiar sound came from upstairs, followed by a not as loud but equally terrifying cry. "Elsa!" she yelled, dropping the can of beans she had just opened and bolting towards the other girl's room. She grabbed the door handle and ran inside, or at least she would have, had the door not been locked.
"Elsa!" she screamed, her fists pounding on the wood. "Elsa? What are you doing in there? What's going on? Open up!" she kept yelling and pounding, but received no reply. "Elsa! Come on, please! Open the fucking door or I swear I'll bring it down! I'll bring the whole wall down if I have to!" The silence from the other side of the door was deafening. "Elsa!" the cry tore through her throat, coming out raspy and harsh. Just as she was about to run into the door, hoping to break it and not her shoulder, the sound of it being unlocked was heard, accompanied by Anna's beyond relieved sigh.
Elsa opened the door just enough for her head to fit through the crack, and the sight broke Anna's heart. Her hair was still red here and there, her eyes red and puffy, and there were dried tears down her cheeks.
"Elsa..." she whispered, reaching out to cup her cheek. "Elsa, what is it? You know you can talk to me. You can tell me everything..." Though Elsa remained silent, she moved aside and let the younger girl inside the room. Anna gasped at what she saw. There was a bullet hole on the wall, and a still smoking shotgun was lying on the bed.
"I couldn't do it," Elsa's voice was so soft, it almost went unheard by Anna.
"Couldn't do what?" she asked, her voice steady as if she was in a trance. She only received a small nod towards the bed as a reply, and she knew. "Couldn't do what?" she repeated louder, and turned to look at Elsa who was now standing next to the bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her in a protective manner. The girl didn't say anything. Instead, she took a deep breath and pulled her sleeve down, revealing her shoulder. What made Anna stare though, was the bite mark on it.
"No…" she whispered, feeling tears running from her eyes. "N-no… This is one of your jokes, that's what it is. You're getting back at me for giving you beans while I had tuna for two days straight, right?" The blurriness caused by the tears made it hard to see, and Anna wiped her eyes furiously. "Right?!" she yelled.
"Anna…" came Elsa's broken voice.
"No… We… We'll get through this. We'll figure it out, Elsa! Together! Like we always do!" Anna kept shaking her head in disbelief. Or was it denial? This wasn't happening. It was all a horrible nightmare and she was going to wake up soon. It had to be.
"Anna, please…" she made no attempt to wipe the tears that had once again begun falling.
"No," Anna declared and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I refuse to believe it," she shook her head, her voice quivering slightly. "We're gonna find that medical facility, or university, or research center or whatever the fuck it is we've been looking for, and you're gonna be fine. We're gonna be fine…"
Elsa inhaled deeply, tightening her grip around herself. "This is not something we can go through," she whispered. "I know," she added hastily when Anna opened her mouth to interrupt, "that there are rumors for a cure, but it will take weeks to get there, and…" her voice faded. "I don't have that much time," she murmured, her eyes never once looking at the other girl.
"Elsa, no. No, you can't give up! We'll leave right now! And- and we won't rest till we get there! You'll see! We can make it, and there will be a cure, and in years from now, we'll be looking back at this and laugh, okay? You'll see..." Anna blinked once, twice, and she finally felt the weight of reality crashing into her. Her knees started going weak all of a sudden, and she could feel the ground moving from under her feet. Elsa was fast at her side, holding her, and whispering into her ear words that went unheard.
"It's okay," she murmured, and Anna suddenly pushed her away, using a little more force than she intended as the older girl stumbled backwards and fell.
"How can you say that?! How can you fucking say that Elsa?!" she yelled. "It's not okay! It's far from okay! You want me to kill you! Do you have any idea what you're asking me to do? I- I can't do this! I... I love you..."
"Anna, please, please don't let me become one of them... Please..." Elsa hadn't bothered to get off the floor. She didn't have the strength or the will to do so.
"Get up," Anna's voice was firm as if she was giving an order. "Get up from the stupid floor and fight, Elsa! Fight! Where is the girl who never gives up? Wherever she is, tell her to come back, because what I'm seeing here, that's not her! And I want her back. I need her!" Elsa got up slowly, and a glimmer of hope made its way to Anna's eyes. It didn't stay there for long, however, as the taller girl approached the bed, picked up the shot gun, and turned to face her again.
"Please..." her whisper was beyond broken when she extended her hand. "Anna, please..."
"Okay," Anna grabbed the shotgun from Elsa's hand, making the latter one gasp and take a step backwards. "Here's what we're not gonna do. We're not gonna panic, and we're not gonna do anything reckless and irreversible. Okay? Okay. We're gonna sit down, and we're gonna talk about it. Maybe-"
"Anna, there's nothing to talk about. Wh- What's done, is done. I-"
"Elsa? Shut up." Anna breathed deeply and approached the bed, sitting on it stiffly. "Okay, um... We need- we need to be calm okay? We have to think about this. What if... What if you're immune?" she exclaimed. "That's a possibility, right?" her eyes were shining with newfound hope now. "Yeah. Yeah, that's it! You're immune, and you're gonna sleep now and wake up tomorrow and everything's gonna be fine!" Elsa closed her eyes and sighed sadly.
"Anna..." she said softly, kneeling in front of the girl. "Anna, how many people have you heard of being immune?" Anna sighed and averted her eyes, trying her hardest not to make any eye contact with the older girl. "Exactly," Elsa continued after a moment of silence. "Sweetie, can you look at me? Please?" Anna sniffed as she turned her head to face the kneeled girl. Elsa chuckled bitterly and wiped a stray tear from the redhead's cheek. "Please don't let me become one of them... Can- can you promise that? Anna, I beg you. Please... I- I can't be one of them." Both girls were openly crying now, somehow ending up hugging each other.
"Elsa..." Anna whispered as she broke the hug. "I can't do it... I don't want to do it..."
"I know... I know how it feels... Remember when I told you about my family? How it was the toughest thing I've ever had to do? But it was also the right thing to do. In- in a way, I was helping them..." the girl was pushed back on the floor before she had time to finish her sentence.
"Did that make it any easier? For you? Did you not feel like a monster afterwards? Did you not hate yourself for what you'd done? Did you not want to die and go find them?!" Anna was screaming now, her eyes burning from the tears.
"Yes! Yes, I still felt horrible, and like I would never be able to overcome it. Do you have any idea how many times I held a gun to my head? How many times I came seconds away from jumping off a bridge? How many times I hesitated to kill an infected just because the thought of letting them kill me instead seemed- attractive?! But I didn't do any of these things, and you know why? Because I met someone who showed me that life is still good. It's worth fighting through any and everything, because, in the end of the day, there's always something worth living for. You may not see it now, but there is. There is Anna, and you'll find it, and you'll be so, so happy! And I wish... I wish that I could be there to be happy with you. But, even though I won't physically be there, I will always look down upon you, okay?"
"I thought you didn't believe in heaven," Anna uttered, making Elsa smile sadly.
"I didn't think you were paying attention to my ramblings about god," she said, and, before she knew it, she had been enveloped to one of the tightest yet most tender hugs she had ever been given.
"I always listen to you," Anna whispered in her hair. "And I'm the one who rambles, remember?"
"Please don't make it harder than it already is..." Elsa muttered hoarsely, getting off the floor, and picking up the shotgun, which had been left on the bed next to Anna. "I know you can do it," she said. "And I know that you will move on afterwards. Maybe not right away... Maybe not for a long time... But one day, you are going to be able to look back to the times we had together and smile instead of cry. And I will be right there to smile with you." She once again offered the gun to Anna and looked at her with pleading eyes. "I know what I'm asking you to do isn't fair, but please try to understand..." Anna made no move to take the shotgun, but her slight nod didn't go unnoticed by Elsa, who smiled sadly and gave a small nod in return. "One shot, okay?" she whispered, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "Don't let me suffer... Okay?" Anna let a heartbreaking sob escape her lips as she launched forward and threw herself to Elsa's arms one more time.
"I'm gonna miss you," she cried. "I'm gonna miss you so much. I don't know how I'll be able to live without you... If I'll be able to live without you..."
"No... No, Anna listen to me. You have to promise me that you'll keep on living, okay? That you won't do anything stupid, and that you'll take good care of yourself. You have so much to live for... Promise me you won't give up. Promise!" she raised her voice, and grabbed Anna's shoulders, not even trying to mask the despair in her tone.
"Okay," she muttered half-heartedly. "I promise..."
"Okay," Elsa let out a relieved sigh. "Okay," she repeated, not knowing what else to say, and cursed herself internally. This was going nowhere and they didn't have a lot of time to waste.
"So..." Anna mumbled, seeing Elsa's struggle to find the right words.
"So... This is it," Elsa sighed.
"I really don't want to do this, Elsa... Are you sure this is the only way? That there isn't even the tiniest of possibilities that we can do something? What about that refugee camp just a few miles from here? If we leave now-"
"Anna... Anna, we've been through this... Even if that camp exists, and we do make it there, there's nothing these people will be able to do for us. They're just like you and me. They are no doctors, no scientists... They are just normal, everyday people, trying their best to survive. So they'll most likely attack us instead of saving us... Especially when they find out about me-"
"You mean if they-"
"No, Anna. I mean when. You can't possibly think something like me being a fucking infected can be kept a secret! Look, Anna, sweetheart, I told you before, but you're not making things any easier."
"This isn't supposed to be easy, Elsa! You want me to kill you!"
"I want you to help me!" she yelled, immediately regretting the tone of her voice. "I know how it feels," she said gently. "I really, really do, but it's the only way... Now come on. Dry those gorgeous eyes of yours and let me see you smile for one last time. I can't go if the last thing I'm gonna see is tears running down your cheeks," she said with a sad smile on her face as she reached out to wipe Anna's tears.
Anna let out a forced laugh that sounded more like a sob as she dried her cheeks with a shaky hand. "How... How am I supposed to do this?" she asked, trying in vain to keep her voice steady.
"With my brother..." started Elsa after a deep breath. "With my brother, I waited for him to fall asleep. I tried to make it as painless for him as I could..." Anna opened her mouth, but she didn't have the chance to say that it sounded like a decent plan. "I don't want that," she added quickly, playing with the end of her long braid. "I don't want to fall asleep..." Anna simply nodded, taking a deep breath of her own. "My mother had already started turning by the time I found the courage to do what I had to. I... I had to tie her on the bed so she wouldn't attack me... And I don't want that either. I don't want to turn, Anna. I don't want to hurt you... I don't-"
"It's okay... I won't- I won't let you turn," interjected Anna when she saw the corners of Elsa's eyes getting wet. "And um... What... What about your father?" she asked with an unsure voice, not knowing if she should press the subject further.
"He made me shoot him right then and there," replied Elsa, her eyes focused on the floor. "That's what I want. One shot and that'll be it. I would do it myself, but- I... I can't..."
Anna sighed, and wiped the fresh tears from her eyes, 'This is so messed up. Oh my god, I can't do it. I can't! How can she be asking me this?' Yet, despite her internal protests and struggle, Anna knew that, in a twisted way, it was the right thing to do. She ran a hand through her messy, tangled hair as she got up from the bed and paced around the room, her steps slow and without a purpose. Elsa just looked at her, letting her tears fall down freely for what felt like the first time in forever.
A few moments of silent pacing and crying later, Anna took a deep breath and turned to face her friend. She walked closer, eying the shotgun that was still resting in the blonde's hands but making no move to take it. Instead, she reached behind her back and unclasped her handgun, receiving a questioning look from Elsa.
"Shotguns are loud and leave a mess," she said simply, making the older girl nod in agreement. "Plus, I would never, ever kill you using your own weapon," she added quietly as she reached out, took the shotgun from Elsa, and placed it on the bed next to them. 'And I'm not going to blow your gorgeous face off either.'
Elsa moved slowly and sat down on the edge of the bed as Anna checked the cylinder of her handgun to make sure it was full. She took a sharp breath at the sound of the cylinder snapping back into place and watched with the corner of her eye Anna approaching with slow, uncertain steps. She was stalling.
Suddenly, Elsa wasn't so certain of her plan anymore. She knew it was what had to be done, but, no matter how hard she had tried to convince herself that she was ready for this, she realized that she really wasn't. Life was just beginning to get good and she was about to throw it all away. 'I have to do this. There is no choice,' she repeated to herself, feeling her heart beating faster and faster, and hearing her pulse echoing in her ears. She tried to take a deep breath to calm herself, but it felt as if the world was closing in on her. All this time, she had lived her life with the notion that she could die at any moment. She had no long-term plans, no dreams, no hopes for the future... Or at least so she thought. Now, when she knew that she was not going to wake up the next day to watch the sunrise like she always did, it became painfully clear that she did have dreams. She did have hopes for a better, easier and happier future for both herself and Anna, the girl she had come to adore despite knowing each other for only a few short months. There was so much she wanted to do... So much left to say...
She was awoken from her trance when she felt something cold press against the side of her head. She gasped and shut her eyes slowly, letting a tear make its way down her face. She bit her bottom lip as she heard the gun cock, and she held her breath. 'This is it...'
Anna was crying. She was on the verge of sobbing by the time she was close enough to Elsa to press the gun against her head. The only thing she could hear was the wild beating of her heart that felt like it was going to burst, but not in a good way. Not like when she had first met Elsa, or later when she found out that the feelings she had been harboring towards the blonde angel were not only stronger than she ever thought possible but also reciprocated to the same, if not a larger degree. Not like when they had shared their first kiss. This type of feeling was much worse than anything Anna had ever felt. Just as she raised her arm and aimed at Elsa, she saw the older girl drawing in a sharp breath and closing her eyes. Her heart broke even more when she saw a shiny teardrop escape and fall on her dirty shirt.'This is it...'
"I love you," she whispered, too afraid to speak up, and she started to squeeze her finger around the trigger. Elsa let out a heart-wrenching sob at the sound of Anna's voice.
"I love you too," she replied softly, her voice breaking from the emotion it carried.
The shot rang around the empty house and was immediately followed by a heartbreaking scream. Anna dropped the gun from her shaking hands and moved forward, picking up Elsa's limp body, and cradling it in her lap.
"What have I done?" she cried as she rocked back and forth, not bothering to wipe her eyes from the burning tears that fell like waterfalls. "Elsa! Oh my god, Elsa!" she yelled, her hands desperately removing the hair from the other girl's face. She bent her head and placed a forceful kiss on her lips, almost as if waiting for a response. "Oh my god, oh my god!" she kept repeating, never once taking her eyes away from the body in her arms.
Elsa looked so peaceful... So calm... Calmer than she'd looked in months. Anna told herself that she had found peace; that she wouldn't have to suffer now, but that did nothing to help soothe her broken heart. She had killed the only person she had come close to in years. The only person she had dared to dream having a future with.
The young girl didn't know how much time had passed when she finally managed to calm herself enough to take a look around the now dark room. Everything was so quiet; so empty. Anna felt her stomach turn as her eyes fell on all of Elsa's stuff. Her brush was still on the night table next to the bed... The only other shirt she owned was lying on the floor just a few feet away... A book she had picked up during a search they had done in a library was on the bed, a small piece of paper sticking out from the pages, marking the spot she had left off... Everything seemed so sickeningly normal, and yet nothing was. Elsa would never come back for any of those things. Elsa would never come back... A new wave of grief struck Anna who felt like dying herself. She was so close to aiming the gun to her own head when she remembered the promise she had made just a few hours prior. She would be strong; she would figure out how to move on and keep living. That's what Elsa wanted, and that's what she was going to do.
With sudden determination, the girl placed one last kiss on Elsa's cold lips and got up. She grabbed Elsa's backpack and the rest of her stuff as she made her way out, and she was about to grab her own backpack when she heard a faint sound coming from the kitchen. A very familiar meowing, that brought back every thought and memory she had been trying to suppress. With a sigh, Anna made her way to the kitchen, only to found the small tabby sitting on the countertop, yelling over a can of beans.
"That's not tuna, you stupid cat," she mumbled, walking towards it. "You don't eat this," she said to the cat while opening the can and showing it its contents. "No one is supposed to eat this..." she added quietly as she patted the animal's little head and sighed.
The next sunrise found Anna standing outside, in front of a poorly made wooden cross. She had spent the entire night digging. She was going to move on, but that didn't mean she was going to leave Elsa there, without at least a somewhat decent burial. The girl had used her last shiv knife to carve Elsa's name and age on a tree that stood nearby, followed by the lyrics to the girl's favorite song. It was simple, but it was all Anna could do, and she knew Elsa would be more than happy with it. The red haired girl stood there, unable to cry anymore. She simply stared her makeshift grave with dried tears on her cheeks, and a tiny kitty in her hands. Sighing, she put the cat down and placed a hand on the tree trunk, over the words she had carved.
"I love you so much, Elsa... So much..." she whispered. "And I'm gonna make you so proud..." A couple of short moments later, she let her arm drop to her side, sniffed, and, after exhaling slowly, she started making her way to the street. "Come on, Elsie! We have a medical center to find," she called out over her shoulder and the little gray tabby came running to her side. "You do like this name better, don't you?" she asked with a hint of a smile. "I guess Commander Fluffypuss was kinda stupid after all..." she laughed slightly. She could do this.
~The End~
A/N: Thank you, everyone, for reading! I'm sorry if the ending wasn't what you wanted or expected and I'm sorry for any feels Iresponsibleosnsible for. I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!