Chapter 2

Once inside my own apartment I finish putting away my groceries and fix a light supper. I look around feeling like I have too much to do and head to my bedroom. Since I don't have any furniture I pull out my air mattress and set it up. I take a shower and dress in a pair of sweats and a tank top. I climb under the covers and open my laptop. I open a new Word document and start planning my next book.

With the royalties from my first novel and the advance I got for a new one, I was able to move from the tiny apartment in Forks to this, slightly larger, apartment in Seattle. I am getting mostly new furniture and bought a brand new laptop. The old fossil I used to write the first one was in dire need of retirement. I honestly don't know how I even finished the first book. I bought Charlie, my dad, a new computer and a new smartphone. He hates cell phones but when I showed him the sports app that goes along with his sports package on the dish, he was very eager to get started.

I felt bad leaving him behind but he loves me and refused to let me stay in Forks. He said it was better to be closer to the publisher than to keep driving back and forth every time they needed a meeting. He was right, of course. He also made me buy a new car. I left my old Ford there in his driveway and bought a new-to-me Chevy Impala. He made fun of me for buying a "cop car" but I didn't care.

Of course he also knew that I had to leave. Being that close to Tyler was just too hard. I needed to get out on my own and prove to myself that I could be successful doing what I love. I hate what his words did to me. I've never been the most confident person but after dating Tyler for just six months I was completely self-conscious and timid. I got used to hearing how stupid I was or how my plan to write a best-selling novel was a waste of time. I heard more than I could even count about every single flaw I had. My boobs were too small, I was too skinny, too plain, too timid, prude, lazy, stupid, boring, and ugly; the list goes on and on. I never paid much attention to my appearance before Tyler but while we were dating I had to be diligent about it. I had to fix my hair and do my make up every day. I couldn't gain or lose any weight or he'd pick on me for it. What started as some sweet compliments soon became mean spirited jabs at my psyche. He seemed really attentive and sweet at the beginning.

A few days into our relationship he told me that I should wear pink more because it made me look more beautiful than I already was. It was sweet and so normal but that changed. After about three months I began to notice that the little comments were becoming more common place. I asked why he was so unhappy with me and my appearance once after he spent fifteen minutes telling me in detail how bad I looked before we went out one night. He said that he was just tired of telling me how to make the most of my looks and distracted me with sweet kisses and sex. I didn't forget the way I felt that night. It was weird because while he was tearing me down I would feel horrible and completely useless but when he would kiss me or make love to me and tell me he loved me anyway, I would feel great, like I'd made it up to him. It took me three more months to figure out what he was really doing to me. I finished my book and set to work on getting published. I was so proud of myself but he kept backhanding his compliments with jabs to my appearance and then started in on my intelligence. When I got the news that a publisher wanted to work with me I was over the moon. We had a big dinner and I spent hours cooking and cleaning for our guests. I couldn't wait to tell them all my big news.

Flashback:

That night at dinner I made the announcement that my book was being published. It was a crime novel. While it contained a love story it wasn't a romance novel. I had worked so hard on it, researching police procedure and criminal statistics and profiling to make it the most realistic I could. Everyone was so proud of me and my accomplishment. I had achieved my dream and what does Tyler do? He tells my father that slutty romance novels are easy to sell. "Anyone can sell a book full of fucking," he said. I began to defend myself saying it wasn't about sex and the book was more of a crime novel than a romance but he just started laughing and said he was just kidding. I felt really stupid, of course he was joking, he had read my book as I wrote it and said I was doing really well. I laughed at my stupidity and let him get away with it but as the night wore on I got more upset by his comment.

I asked him why he felt the need to make that joke at dinner. He rolled his eyes at me and told me not to worry my pretty little head about it. That patronizing tone just pissed me off. I told him to stop talking to me like I was a child. He told me to grow up and stop chasing stupid dreams, he wanted a wife that would pull her weight and raise a family not some fame whore. We argued for a while and I realized that I was in a terribly unhealthy relationship. I told him I was leaving and packed a bag. When I went to open the front door, he slammed it closed in my face and spun me around by my arm. He growled in my face, "You listen to me you little whore, no one will love you like I have, no one will want you like I have. You are a boring, mildly attractive, little girl who has no chance of keeping a man satisfied. There is no way you'll ever do better than me, so go on and walk out that door but just know I will only take you back once. When you come back to me, and you will come back, I will only take you back once. So you better think long and hard about our future."

I wanted to slap him but I decided I'd take the high road. "I think I've done plenty of thinking the last four months. You are an asshole and I'm so glad I found out just how much of one you are before I made a mistake and married your sorry ass. I am sorry that my appearance doesn't make you happy or that my intelligence is below your standard but if I remember correctly you were the one who pursued me, begging me for a solid month to go out with you. Weren't you the one who told me every hour how beautiful I was and how lucky you were to be with me? I don't know what happened to you or what changed but I feel sorry for you. It must be terrible to need to break people down just to have some control over them. The saddest part is that you didn't have to break me down to keep me, I was perfectly happy until you changed. Now I'm going to my father's and I don't plan to return. I want you to know that there is no chance of me taking you back even once so you better think long and hard about your future." With that final word I left the house and drove to my dad's. I didn't think he'd follow me since I left him and hurt his ego, but I was wrong. While Charlie and I were talking on the couch I heard a car pull up. I figured it was my friends Jake or Leah but it was apparent that it was not when the fists started pounding on the door. Charlie ordered me to stay put while he went to the door.

"May I help you, Tyler?"

"Sir, I need to speak to Bella. I was an asshole to her tonight and owe her an apology," he says through sniveling tears.

"Well, Tyler, she doesn't want to speak to you. Perhaps you should go on home and get a few hours of sleep before you try again," Charlie said calmly. The next thing I heard was Tyler yelling at me from the door and Charlie pushing him out on the porch. Somehow Tyler overpowered my dad and barreled through the door. He grabbed me by my hair and lifted me off the sofa. He dragged me to the door where he met the business end of my dad's shot gun.

"Now boy, you can either let my daughter go and step outside or I will shoot you where you stand." Charlie made his point by cocking the gun and aiming at Tyler's face.

Tyler shoved me to the floor and yelled at me but walked out of the house. My dad followed him all the way to his car and kept the gun on him until he was off the street. Then he calmly walked back inside and picked up the phone. I was stunned and still sitting on the floor when he called the station and reported Tyler, asking for someone to pick him up. I was even more stunned when he said he'd be pressing charges and wanted a few minutes alone with him before he was booked.

My dad ended up leaving a nice shiner on Tyler's right eye and after pressing charges for forced entry and assault Tyler spent two weeks behind bars in the Forks city jail before he was let out on bond and awaited county court. I didn't see him again for a while but I ended up running into him at the grocery store in town. He didn't say a word but if looks could kill, I would have been dead in a heartbeat.

A week after the grocery store incident I overheard some people talking about us. I was at the diner with my dad and they were sitting in the booth behind me. Apparently I had left Tyler for no reason once I found out my book was being published. I had also provoked him and then pressed charges for assault. He was the poor, abandoned boyfriend and I was the evil fame hungry bitch. I didn't care about that because I knew it wasn't really true. The thing that hurt was that even the group of people behind me knew that he belittled me and tried to control me because they discussed it, but they all said I should have just made more of an effort to make him happy since he obviously loved me so much.

I couldn't take it anymore so I apologized to Charlie and stood to leave. Before I left I stopped at the table that contained most of the friends that I had made in high school and gently reminded them that it is never okay for someone to treat you like crap just because they say they love you. I didn't wait to see their faces, I just walked away.

I moved to Seattle two weeks later. My experience with Tyler has opened my eyes to a very common problem in relationships. Why do so many women put up with that kind of treatment? Love? Why do so many of us confuse that kind of abuse with love or true concern? Why is it okay for us to be belittled and made to feel unworthy of any kind of praise?

So I started researching abuse and was led to some websites where girls, mostly high school age, go to vent about the abuse they suffer at the hands of their boyfriends. I started taking notes from the questions and answers from those forums. I am amazed at how many of these girls will excuse a guy simply because he apologizes or because he did something to "make up" for it.

I decide I better get some sleep so I can get up in time to greet the movers in the morning. I shut off my laptop and set it next to me on the floor. I drift off pretty easily.

I am startled awake a short time later to the sound of the door slamming next door and then pounding on my door a moment later. I climb out of bed and drag myself to the door. When I open it I find Heidi standing there looking exhausted.

"Heidi, is everything okay?" I ask.

"Um, I got called in to work, can Natalie stay with you the rest of the night?" she asks warily.

"Yes, of course. Send her over," I reply. I want to tell her not to take the stupid call because her daughter should be more important but since I don't know anything about the situation I just let it go. She says thank you and runs back to her apartment.

A few minutes later I hear her yelling at Natalie to hurry up and get the hell out. When Natalie shows up at my door, she is crying and looks very confused. She is clutching a dingy yellow blanket and a soft but equally dingy stuffed purple dog. She is wearing a huge t-shirt that and socks riddled with holes.

"Hey, kiddo. Come on in," I say, taking her into the area designated as my bedroom. The air bed is a queen size so I know we will both fit, but I don't know if she's okay with sharing. "Do you want to share with me? I don't have any furniture yet so this is the only bed I have but I can make you a soft pallet on the floor next to me if that will be more comfortable for you."

"I can sleep with you?" she asks, surprised.

"Of course, honey."

"Wow, thank you," she says as she climbs into the bed.

I climb in and give her lots of space but as she falls asleep I feel her little fingers wrap around my hand.

I lay there thinking about this sweet little girl and the situation she lives in when I begin to hear the tell-tale sound of a headboard banging on the wall. I now understand why her mom was in such a hurry to get her out of the apartment. Apparently my offer to help with Natalie opened up a way for her to bring John's home. Safer for her I suppose but much more dangerous for Natalie.

I am woken up two more times that night to the same sound of wall banging. Natalie slept right through it though.

I finally just gave up around five-thirty in the morning and got up. I cleaned what I could and made a pot of coffee. I also decided to get some blankets just for my little guest. I had a feeling that I'd be hosting her a lot.

At eight in the morning my furniture arrived. I now had a large sectional sofa, an entertainment center, two book shelves, a small writing desk, a set of bar stools for the kitchen island, a new bed, dresser and room separator. Natalie helped me set up the bedroom, while the delivery guys set up my living room. Since it was a studio apartment I needed to separate the bedroom as best I could. The room divider was perfect. It left the room open but created a corner that I could use to dress in, and gave the illusion of a private space. The bed was huge, especially since I was the only one sleeping in it. I didn't care, I had the room for a king size bed and since I write a lot in bed, it is perfect for me.

My living room was great, the sectional creating a divided space without walls. The 46" flat screen TV taking up the majority of the wall with the cherry wood entertainment center below it. All I really needed now was some curtains to block out some of the light that came in through the wall of windows facing the street. Fortunately, living in Seattle meant less sunlight that most places but I still needed some curtains. Natalie and I made a quick breakfast and while we were eating I noticed she was itching her head and legs. At first it was just like a nervous habit but as we sat at the bar I noticed she got to where she was practically digging at her legs.

"Natalie, is something wrong? Why are you itching so much?" I asked, beginning to worry that maybe she had an allergy.

"Nothing. I just need to go home. Mom will be home soon and I should be back when she gets there."

"Honey, she asked for you to stay here. Do you want to run home and get changed? Then you can hang out with me for a while longer."

She looked so nervous. "I don't know. She's never left me with someone before. Usually I'm just alone. I don't know what to do now."

"Well what would you usually do, if I weren't around?"

"Um, I usually get up, then eat something, then clean up the apartment, then maybe color or read until mom gets up. Then I fix her something to eat and get her medicine. Then she leaves for work and I sneak into the hallway or out back and play for a while."

Everything she has just said breaks my heart so I decide to ask about what's out back.

"Oh there's a yard. It has a swing and a garden. It's my favorite place in the world. I'll show it to you sometime." Her sweet face brightens as she tells me about her play yard.

"I'd like that. Maybe later today we can go out there."

"Maybe. I'll have to see what Mom is doing. I can't go out there if she's home, she doesn't let me." Just then a knock at the door alerts us that our time is through.

I answer it to find Heidi standing there looking tired, although she has cleaned up. Her hair is clean and her face free of make-up. She is much older that I originally thought. With make-up on she looks about twenty or so but looking at her now she is probably closer to thirty-five.

"Morning, Heidi. Natalie is just getting her stuff together, she'll be right out. Would you like to come in?" I offer.

"Yeah, I guess," she says as she slinks past me into the room. "Thank you for watching her, I ended up working all night."

"Yes, I heard," I say without thinking. Her eyes bug out and she stammers for an explanation.

I don't want to make her feel judged so I jump in to explain. "I'm sorry, that was rude. Look I know what you do and I don't need an explanation. I just need to know that Natalie is safe."

"Oh God, I can't believe I didn't think of that. I'm sorry you had to hear that. I never ever bring them home. It's not safe for her if I do but I can't leave her often enough to make enough money to pay the bills. It's just so much easier to take calls if I can do it here. Can you help me?"

"I know it's none of my business but why not just get a job."

"Right. Where? I am twenty eight, with no skills, no education, no family except my kid. No dad for her. No vehicle. Fast food doesn't pay enough to live on with a kid."

"What about state aid? Do you get any help at all?"

"Yeah, I get a little help, food and medical stuff but no money. They think I make the money to pay the rent by working for the landlord. He's pretty nice about signing some papers to show that I work. If I don't have those they will take Natalie away from me. I know I'm not the best mom but she's all I have."

Part of me feels sorry for her but I still want to ring her neck. "Well you can't leave her alone so much, it is bad for her. I know you don't know me from Adam but please promise me you won't bring them home when she's there."

"I won't, I promise. I know she knows what I do, as much as she can, but I don't want her to ever have to see it first-hand."

"Ok, then she is more than welcome to stay here at night if that helps you out. She's a great kid and I like having her around."

I feel like I could help her more but don't think she'd accept if I offered.

"Thanks, it would help so much. I made enough last night to pay the rent and part of the electric bill. I can pay you a little to watch her for me if that's okay." Her eyes plead with me to say yes. I guess her pride has taken a serious hit today.

"If that's what you want to do," I say, knowing I will give any money she gives me right back to Natalie.

Natalie comes out of my bedroom with her blanket and puppy, wearing a huge smile on her face. I know she just heard that whole exchange.

"Come on Nat, we've got to clean up the apartment before I have to work later. You can come back tonight, okay," Heidi says, ushering Natalie out of my apartment.