Gravity Falls: The Soap Opera

by MiscellaneousSoup

Okay, I lied. April Fool's Joke. Still, you liked it. This is my random soap opera for Gravity Falls! No continuity, except when I feel like it! All madness and humor! Rated T for death. Sweet, sweet death. I don't own anything. Have an excellent day! As of 5-5-14, the series has ended.

2. Chapter 2

A/N: So...YOU FELL FOR MY PRANK! At least two of you liked it. Therefore, I shall write more of this soap opera with NO continuity! Or, maybe, some continuity. It depends on what I write.

Gravity Falls: The Soap Opera

Chapter 2: "Bloodier And Gorier"

Oswald Courier skipped merrily through the meadow. "Tra, la la! I love birds! Tra, la, la! I love flowers! Tra, la, la! I am happy!" Nearby, Grunkle Stan clenched his teeth and groaned. After several more hours of this, he couldn't take it anymore.

Crumpling up the newspaper, he grabbed Oswald by the collar. "I am trying to sleep on the bench like a homeless person! It's a scientific experiment! Be quiet!"

Oswald smirked. "I am not Oswald Courier. I...am...OSWALD COBBLEPOT! To me, my pretties!" A dozen ravenous penguins ate Grunkle Stan alive.

That afternoon…

Dipper's ghost sighed. "Mabel, why do you keep having to mention Arby's?"

Mabel laughed. "Dipper? Guess what?"

Dipper didn't respond.

Mabel giggled. "DENNY'S!"

Dipper's ghost died of death.

In the forest…

Jeff was content, relaxing in his bathtub full of squirrels. "This is the life. Say, Schmebulock. You mind handing me some food?"

Schmebulock handed him some chow.

Jeff gratefully accepted them. Munching, he lowered himself further into the tub. "These taste kind of odd, Shmeb. What are they?"

"Shmebulock." Shmebulock growled.

Jeff screamed like a goat. "WHAT? SQUIRREL BRAINS?"

Schmebulock nodded, holding up twelve decaying squirrel corpses and a large rock. Immediately, the squirrels hissed in fury and started to attack Jeff. His screams lasted for several minutes. After they were gone, the only sounds were Schmebulock giggling and the soft, soft sound of squirrels lapping up blood.

Near the Tent O' Telepathy…

Gideon was gleeful. He bounced around like a little woodland pixie, squealing like a gerbil stuffed with helium. "I have discovered the cure for death! Nothing can stop me now!" An alligator with a puffed-up mouth ran over and punched him in the face.

"That's for testing things out on me, twerp!" it grumbled.

The End

Next Time:

"NO!" The television ran toward Soos, carrying a robotic monkey. "NO! NO! NO! You WILL abide by my rules, Soos! Play this children's card game...OR BE FLAYED BY THE MONKEY!"

The monkey's eyes glowed red and miniature whips sprouted out of its metallic fingertips.