Author's Note: Tamora Pierce owns Tortall and all its inhabitants. I am not Tamora Pierce. Therefore I did not own Tortall. Damnit.

Author's Note: The quotes in italics are from Protector of the Small: Lady Knight. I have no claim to them.

CHAPTER 2

"I've just one way to get coin for grain and the livestock we lost, Kel. The moneylenders only give Mother polite regrets. I have to marry Ermelian of Aminar or my people will starve this winter."

Telling Kel good-bye had been horrible. Now I stand in the home of Aminar's lord and lady, waiting for their daughter. My betrothed.

"I'm so sorry. I'd thought, if we had time…"

"We knew our chances weren't good. We did talk about it."

"I know. Even knowing I couldn't break the betrothal honorably, I went ahead and dreamed. That's the problem with being able to think. It means you wish for things you can't have."

Kel hadn't been surprised. I wasn't either. Except Kel had not been there when I had begged on my knees for a chance with her. She hadn't dreamed of a wedding and children. She hadn't felt those dreams been washed away along with grain stores by the damned Lictas River. She must have been smarter than I was. She is smarter than I am. She had lived in the moment and enjoyed our time while we had it.

"Cleon—"

Her voice is an echo in my head that I can't get out.

"Cleon!" my mother hisses. I must return to reality and my duty. I look at my mother, who nods at the top of the grand staircase. There are two women at the top. I recognize the one wearing red, Lady Annelien. She came out for her court season two years ago and is now married to Lionel of Aminar. I remember her being one of Uline of Hannalof's friends—mostly because of Neal's obsessions with Lady Uline. The girl in blue next to her is Ermelian.

"You said you liked her, when we were on progress. You said she's nice. It could be much worse. People do find happiness, when they're married to someone good."

Ermelian comes down the stairs and I watch her. She is very pretty with her bright blue eyes and brown hair. But she is everything Kel is not.

They reach the bottom of the stairs, where Lady Annelien leaves to stand by Lionel. I watch as Lionel laces his fingers through his wife's and they smile at each other. I am jealous. They chose each other. I do not get to choose.

Ermelian smiles and walks toward the group of us. Her smile is pretty. Beautiful, even. She curtseys to my mother first. Mother smiles at her—she likes Ermelian. Mother and Lady Leona have been best friends since convent school. Mother is thrilled that I am to marry her best friend's daughter. Even more elated because Ermelian happens to be an heiress. Ermelian turns to me and curtseys, though she does not meet my eyes. I am glad. I can't look into the eyes of my wife-to-be while I hear the voice of the girl I love in my head.

"May I present my daughter, Lady Ermelian of Aminar. Ermelian, this is Sir Cleon of Kennan."

She curtseys again and I bow. Only after I straighten do I realize how short she is. Her head doesn't reach my shoulder. She is a dwarf, compared to Kel. One of the things I love about Kel is how she could look me straight in the eye and I'd never have to bend to kiss her.

Ermelian giggles just as I think of how ridiculous it would be for me to kiss her. I look at her, but she ducks her head and stares at the floor. Kel hardly ever giggles.

"We'll do our duty, like we're supposed to. And we can be friends, surely. Nothing changes that."

Friends. Yes, friends. While I long for Kel, married to her polar opposite. Mithros, help me!

Mother is speaking to me. "—you and Ermelian should go and get reacquainted."

"That's you, Kel, making the best of it. You're right. I saw her awhile we were on progress. It was right after you left to help that village after the earthquake. She is nice. She's also pretty and kind. Some of our friends can't say as much about the wives arranged for them. She just isn't you. She isn't my friend, or my comrade."

"Yes, Mother."

Mother links arms with Lady Leona as they, along with Lord Asvin and the magistrate, go off to draw up the official marriage contract. Lionel nods at me before he and his wife depart from the room, rather sneakily. Ermelian sees them and I see a frown in her brow. She looks at me and smiles shyly.

"Hello." Her voice is musical, light. Thank the Goddess she doesn't sound nasal. I can't stand women with high, loud, annoying voices.

"Hello."

"How are you?"

How am I? I suppose a 'Well, I'd be fine if it weren't that I am in love with another girl who is not at all like the girl I must marry, her complete opposite in fact. Oh by the way, that's you. Please don't take it personally' would not be an acceptable answer.

"Fine, thank you. How are you?" I'm keeping the conversation going, aware of how uninterested I sound.

She mutters something under her breath.

"What?" I ask. She blushes delicately. It's surprising how pretty it looks on her. Kel never blushed; her Yamani calm was never broken.

Do not think of Kel. Do not think of Kel.

"I'm dong wonderful."

I open my mouth to say something, but I have nothing to say to this. Honestly, I don't know what we're talking about. All I can think of is Kel and how I can't be with her. I nod my head. She doesn't say anything. We stare off in silence. My thoughts wander back to Kel.

In my mind, I jump on my horse and ride to Corus, where Kel is about to be killed in a duel by Joren of Stone Mountain. I leap in and disarm Joren. He falls back and I knock him across the back of the head, knocking him out. Kel runs to me and I wrap her in my arms. I lean down, only a hair because she is tall, and kiss her as…

"Goddess!" I jerk to look at the girl who is not Kel. She blushes again. She was the one who yelled?

"I apologize, s-s-sir. I did not mean to startle you."

I give her a small smile before I turn back to staring at the wall. It is an interesting wall, gray with cracks where the stones are fitted together. Just like most other walls.

"Look," she speaks again. "I know we don't know each other well—at all. But I think we should get to know each other. I mean, we are to be married after all."

I am startled by the words coming from this little snip of a girl. She may not be a wilting wallflower, I realize. I feel my eyebrows go up and my eyes widen as I look at this girl, who looks a little more than shocked, perhaps at herself. For the first time, I think only of her—no Kel filters in through my Kel-obsessed brain.

Ermelian is pretty and sweet and kind, from all accounts. She is someone I could have fallen in love with. We could be happy. Her jaw drops, I am not sure why.

I look away. "You're right," I say, as I realize what a goon I am.

She did not make the decisions of our betrothal. She too may have been in love with someone else. She is beautiful and gentle and she doesn't deserve a schmuck like me, someone whose heart isn't willing to like her. Mithros' shield, I can do better than this. I must do the honorable thing. I must marry her, to save my people. By doing the honorable thing, I must be a good husband.

"I am?"

"We should get to know each other. We are going to be married soon. I have a duty to my people."

She is quiet for a moment, before asking me to tell her about myself. I suppose I should have seen that coming, but I look at her oddly.

"What do you want to know?"

"What are your friends like? What is it like to be a knight? I don't really know—but I think it's your turn to talk."

My turn to talk. Why do I have to talk? Couldn't she just ramble on as girls—not Kel—do about clothes and I-don't-know-what-else?

"Err…umm…my friends are mostly other knights. As a page and squire, we had a study group. We have book-learning as well as training as pages." I better reassure her I'm not stupid. "And we had a group where we, uh, got together to study. Mostly it was of…uh…" I can see everyone's faces in Neal's room as I list them off. "Neal of Queenscove, Prosper of Tameran, Faleron of King's Reach, uhhhh…" Uh oh. Kel. Should I just not mention her? I scramble for other boys' names. "Esmond of Nicoline, Merric of Hollyrose, Owen of Jesslaw, Prince Roald, Seaver of Tasride, and…" I feel the words being squeezed out of me. "…Kel—Keladry of Mindelan."

I feel exposed. Her name is out in the open.

"You know Lady Knight Keladry? What's she like?"

Goddess, could it be worse? Can I describe Kel without acting as if she were the love of my life?

"She's alright. Good at mathematics." That's enough about her.

"Well, is she tall? Or short like the Lioness? Is she pretty? Is she better than most at the sword? Does she really have an army of sparrows? Does she really—?

I cut her off. I can't speak about Kel anymore.

"She's tall." You're short.

"Oh," is her soft reply.

I know it is horrible. I am defying everything I have been taught—rejecting the Code of Chivalry. I am rude. And I cannot make myself apologize. I want to blame her for everything, but I can't. It makes me angry at her. I am unreasonable and angry at myself for being unreasonable.

We don't speak again, not even as Mother and I leave.

"Well?" Mother demands as soon as we are in her carriage.

"Well," I say.

She looks at me and rolls her eyes. "Cleon, my boy, I know you don't love Ermelian. But you must marry her. We have no other way to support Kennan."

"Mother, I know."

She gazes at me for a moment, understanding I don't want her to have in her eyes.

"Cleon, I know this is hard for you. I know that you are the most honorable son a mother could have. You are doing the right thing—and I know it hurts. Love hurts. But Cleon, you must give Ermelian a chance. She's done nothing wrong. Try to find a place in your heart for her."

"Mother, I'll do my duty."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she sighs and looks out the window. I watch her, the lines on her face more apparent than they used to be, her red hair less...red. She's been stressed, I know. Another reason to do my duty. I owe my mother.

"We'll do our duty, like we're supposed to…Nothing changes that."

"No. Nothing will ever change that."

Damn duty.

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