Chapter One.

The doors of Command open and Haymitch pokes his head inside. I am on my feet before the words are even out of his mouth.

"They're back," he tells us. "They're in the hospital. I don't know much, only that we've got them."

Finnick makes a strangled noise, and I can see him start to shake. I grab him by the hand and tug him to his feet, and we race out the door towards the elevator. As we move to the hospital wing, he seems to slowly realize that what is happening is real, and when the doors open he springs forward into the throng of doctors outside of the hospital wing. His legs are almost swept out from under him when someone pushes a gurney around the corner. I look down and my stomach drops when I see Johanna, her face sallow and sunken, her head shaved and body covered in bruises. They roll her away before I can see anything else, but I am placated just knowing that she is alive.

We continue on, and I look through a doorway and see Gale, shirtless and bloody, breaking free of the doctors who surrounded him and lunging for a gurney outside of his door. His shaking hands touch the matted blonde hair on the girl's head, and I allow myself to think that she looks vaguely familiar before we turn the corner and I forget about them entirely.

"Finnick!"

I wish I had a camera to film Finnick's reaction as a young woman comes flying towards us. Her dark hair is tangled and the skin around her sea green eyes is swollen and blotchy, and the only thing covering her nude body is a flimsy bed sheet. Finnick drops the rope he kept in his hands and grabs her as soon as she is within reach. His eyes, the ones that had been lifeless for the past few weeks, arenow bright and glassy. A smile- a real, genuine smile, not the smirks he gave to the cameras in the Capitol- graces his face as they collide. I watch them as they collapse against a wall and cling to each other, and, for a second, I am jealous: No one seeing them could doubt their love.

"We got them all out." Boggs appears in front of Haymitch and I, looking like he is about to collapse. "Even an Avox girl that Hawthorne insisted we take with us. We couldn't find Enobaria, but since she's from Two, we doubt she's being held anyway. Peeta's at the end of the hall, but-"

Peeta.

I don't listen to the rest of his words. My feet move on their own accord, and I'm sprinting down the hall toward his room, anxious and excited and happier than I've been in months. I still for a moment outside his door, briefly unsure of what I should say or do, but then I realize it won't matter. He'll probably be kissing me anyway.

I push open the door and my breath catches in my chest. There he is, awake and surrounded by a dozen doctors all poking and prodding at him. I allow myself a second of disappointment for not being the first face he sees, and then push forward through a gaggle of nurses taking his vitals.

"Peeta," I breathe. His eyes snap up to mine, and I watch his features register disbelief and something more intense that I can't quite place. Is it desire? Desperation? Most likely both, judging by the way he worms out of the grip of the doctors and leaps to his feet. I open my arms to him and call out his name again.

My hands just brush the sides of his face when his fingers lock around my throat.

I tell myself that I don't like to think about what happened, but that's a lie. I think about it all the time.

After Peeta's catastrophic return, I couldn't stay in Thirteen, so I was sent to Two with Boggs and Beetee. Gale was supposed to accompany us, but he never showed, instead communicating with us over the phone. When I spoke to him, he told me that he had other business that needed taking care of. In hindsight, I suppose that was for the best. My time alone gave me the opportunity to reflect on my relationships with both him and Peeta. Or rather, lack of.

I received updates on Peeta's condition from Haymitch and Plutarch in between Gale's calls to talk strategy with Boggs. Some days gave me more hope than others, but I tried to not let myself become too optimistic. The last thing I wanted was a repeat of our reunion.

After Gale's advice to blow up the Nut led to me being shot on television, I was sent back. The morning of my return to Thirteen, I headed straight to the dining hall and was surprised to find that instead of an open seat next to Gale in the dining hall, he was joined by a petite young woman with thick blonde hair, haggardly cut to her shoulders. I took a seat across from them, a hundred questions already formed in my head, but when I looked up all I could say was one word.

"Madge."

The Mayor's daughter, the girl who bought our strawberries, the original owner of my Mockingjay pin. My friend. She looked up at me and offered a shy smile. Gale's arm encompassed her shoulders and drew her closer to him. My eyes widened at the intimate movement, and I expected to feel something- jealousy, anger, betrayal- but nothing came. Madge herself even looked surprised by the movement, but she said nothing.

"You escaped the bombings! Were you in the Capitol?" I asked. "Are you alright? Did they hurt you?"

She dropped her gaze and nodded, but I didn't know which question she was answering. I reached across the table and grabbed her trembling hand.

"Madge, what-" And then I saw it. The weird tightness of her lips, the trouble she had swallowing. "Oh, no."

The Capitol had turned her into an Avox.

I got up and walked away without another word. Gale called my name, but I ignored him. I was scheduled to shoot another propo an hour later, but it looked like they would be getting me earlier than anticipated. I was full of fire, and the Capitol needs to burn.

Gale found me the next morning on the way to breakfast. He put a hand on m elbow and guided me to the side of the hallway, letting the rest of Thirteen move past us. Some stared, but most continued on their way without a second thought.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," he said. "I didn't want you to find out like that."

"What, that Madge is an Avox or that you two are together?"

Gale gaped. "What? No, we're not-How did you-"

I forced a smile. "It was a little obvious."

"Oh. Well, then. Are you...?"

"Okay with it?" I prompted. He nodded. "I am."

It wasn't a lie. I was not jealous or angry, at least not because they're together. I was angry at the Capitol, angry at them for hurting another person I care about. But I was happy for Gale and Madge. I remembered, all those lifetimes ago, when Madge brought Gale the morphling during a snowstorm. I wondered how long ago their relationship started.

"Good," Gale said. He awkwardly backed away and nodded down the hall. "Shall we?"

I followed him in silence until we reached the dining hall. I saw Johanna, her hair growing in in fuzzy patches, arguing over a piece of bread with Greasy Sae. Madge was hovering by our empty table, clutching her tray and looking around anxiously.

"She was the reason you didn't join me in Two, wasn't she?" I asked.

Gale looked at her, and I saw, just for a moment, a flicker of light in his eyes. He looked younger, like he did before the Rebellion. Before life made him age too quickly. "Yes," he said. "She was."

Two weeks passed, and before I knew it Finnick and Annie were married and Peeta wanted to speak with me. I approached him cautiously, unsure if I would be embraced or attacked when I walked through the door. Compared to what actually happened, I would have preferred the latter. He was rational, his vision unclouded by the love he used to feel for me. Now, he saw me for what I truly am: Violent, distrustful, manipulative. Deadly.

And I hated him for it.

No one is more surprised than me when Peeta approaches our table the next night at dinner, a tray held between his cuffed hands. His guards are stoic beside him, but he wears a smirk and stares directly at me.

"Good evening," he says. "Is there room for one more?"

No one moves, save for Annie, who hums to herself as she scoots closer to Finnick to make room. Peeta flashes her a small smile, a genuine one, before plunking down next to her. She, of course, was sitting across from me. I refuse to meet his gaze as he digs in to his bland meal.

"So, Peeta," Finnick starts slowly, "how was your day?"

Peeta grimaces as he swallows a spoonful of beets. "Well," he begins, and I know that this is not going to end well. "I spent a good portion of my day seeing the same video tapes over and over and trying to decipher if they were real. Not too different from how my days were a few weeks ago, except now I'm not being restrained, beaten, and injected with a hallucinogen." He looks down at his handcuffs. "Well, at least not totally restrained. What an improvement."

Johanna snorts from beside Finnick, and I shoot her a glare she does not see. Peeta sends her an appreciative wink. "What about you, Jo? Are they torturing you, too?"

"Every day for the past five years," she says drily. "You learn to love it."

My stomach turns. It seems that everyone else is experiencing similar reactions to their banter. Gale's face is twisted like he just tasted week old goat cheese, and Madge is gripping his hand tightly and staring at Peeta with wide eyes. Finnick rolled his eyes at his coarse manner and pulled Annie closer to him, murmuring in her ear as she shook her head back and forth.

"So, Katniss," he says, putting down his utensils and looking directly at me. "You left in a hurry last night."

I can feel everyone's eyes on me, but I don't look at them. I didn't tell anyone about my visit with him last night. Why would I? I don't need everyone knowing that the one person who would supposedly always love me now can barely look at me without contempt. Although, given that he had tried to kill me, I don't think anyone would be too surprised.

Still, I don't say a word. Peeta clucks his tongue and shakes his head, as if disappointed in me.

"What you didn't tell anyone?"

"Why would she?" Johanna says, scraping at her bowl. "You probably scared the shit out of her."

Peeta laughs loudly. "Did I? That's a first. Lately, she's the one I've been terrified of."

"Please, stop," I say, glaring at both of them. "Just let us eat our food in peace."

"I'm not stopping you from eating, Katniss. Or does my presence nauseate you?"

"Peeta," Gale warns. "This isn't you, man."

"You see," Peeta says, a false brightness to his voice, "that's what everyone keeps saying. But what if it is, huh? What if, all this time, I've been blinded by love for this girl who doesn't even have the decency to like me back, let alone love me, and now the real me is starting to show?"

"That's not true," I spit. "You're so delusional you don't even know what you're talking about."

"Then, please, Katniss, enlighten me. Please tell me the damn truth because everyone seems to be telling me what really happened but none of them are you!"

"Well, sorry if I'm a little hesitant to be in your presence since the last few times we've been around each other you've both insulted me and tried to kill me!"

"I need some fucking help, Katniss!" Peeta snarls, slamming his hands on the table so hard that our trays shake. I try to ignore the chill that shakes my body when I hear him curse. "Maybe if you stopped throwing yourself a pity party you could see that you're the only one who can give it to me."

It seems as if the whole dining hall has gone silent. Johanna is hiding a smirk behind her hands, and Gale looks like he is using all of his willpower not to lunge across the table. I, on the other hand, am shaking and trying my hardest not to let my voice shake as I speak.

"Fuck you," I seethe. "Good luck getting me to help you now."

We stare at each other in silence. His eyes are narrowed but his lips are twisted up in a slight smirk. He looks sinister, almost evil. It hits me then, how much I ache for the lighthearted boy who flashed me smiles that made me blush. Not the cold hearted man who makes me want to curl up and sob.

"I think it's time you go," Gale says slowly. I think he was expecting a fight, but Peeta surprises us all when he nodded amicably.

"I look forward to more of our conversations, Katniss," Peeta says, standing up. His guards appear out of thin air. I scoff and roll my eyes. Peeta glares at me for a moment, and then turns and storms away.

"Are you okay?" Gale murmurs to me as he disappears. I drop my gaze and stare down at my plate, my appetite suddenly gone.

"I'm fine," I mutter, standing up. "I think I'm actually going to head to bed."

"Don't you have to meet with Plutarch?" Gale asks as I dump the rest of my beets onto Johanna's plate. She scarfs them up ravenously.

"Not anymore."

I escape to my compartment and slip into my bed, exhaustion dripping from my bones. I don't expect sleep to come, but I still close my eyes and curl the blankets tightly around me. If I think hard enough, I can almost convince myself that they are a pair of strong arms, holding me close and keeping the nightmares away.

Later that night, after my mother and Prim are asleep, I slip from my bed and tiptoe through the hallways, meandering around the corridors until I find the closet in the Education Center that has become my hideaway. Tucking myself behind supply boxes, I reach into my pocket and pull out Peeta's pearl, the one he presented to me in the Arena, just a little while before we split up.

Oh, Peeta.

Do I love him? I ask myself that question every day, and again right now, as I roll the pearl between my fingers. Yes, I decide. I do. I did. I am not sure how or when it happened, but I do know that there was a time when I loved Peeta Mellark.

I allow myself to wonder what would have happened if we hadn't been separated. If they had been able to rescue both of us. Would we have been together? I press the pearl to my lips and release a choked sob. Yes, I think. If he would have had me, I would have been his.

But now, I have no idea.

I wake earlier than the sun the next morning with a stiff neck and a nagging feeling of guilt. I leave the closet and head for my compartment, but at the last second I divert and head towards Peeta's room. I turn down the hall in the hospital wing, almost abandoned at such an early hour, with a shitty but genuine apology for my behavior forming in my head, when I see them. Peeta's guards.

Unconscious outside on the floor outside of his room.

I sprint the rest of the way down the hall and kneel beside them. They are breathing, their pulses strong. Incapacitated, not injured. The door to Peeta's room is slightly ajar, and I eye it for a minute before stepping over the limp bodies of the men and stepping inside.

The room is neat and tidy, just like how Peeta would keep it. His bed is made, there is nothing cluttering the floor. Only I don't suppose he has anything to clutter the floor with. The only thing wrong with the room is that Peeta is not in it. Which means he either knocked out his guards and took off, or someone else knocked out his guards and took off with him. My gut tells me that the former is most likely the truth.

Goosebumps break out across my flesh, and suddenly Peeta's pristine room is foreboding and not calming. My heart starts to race, and I know I need to get out of there. Something bad is going to happen, and I don't want to be around for it.

I leave his room and try my best to haul his guards into a sitting position against the wall. I gently shake them, but when that does not work I slap both across the face. They startle and regain consciousness, but are still groggy.

"Peeta's gone," I tell them frantically. "Do you hear me? Peeta's gone!"

They only look at me strangely before their eyes roll back in their heads and they pass out again. I back away, horrified.

What has Peeta done to them?

I shout for someone, a nurse, a doctor, but no on answers my call. The patients are all either asleep or sedated. I spot one nurse down the hall, nodding off against the door of a room, a clipboard still in hand and snoring lightly.

"Nurse!" I call, not wanting to leave the men. The best she can do is tend to the guards, but at least they will be treated while I get Boggs, or Haymitch, or even Coin. Someone who can find Peeta before he hurts himself.

Or me.

The woman hasn't budged, so I reluctantly head towards her. "Nurse!" I call again, trying to remain calm and keep the panic out of my voice. "Nurse, these men-"

A strong hand clamps around my mouth and yanks me backward. I scream and start to flail immediately, but an arm folds around my midsection and traps my arms from the elbows up and I am dragged back down the hall. My shrieks are muffled by the hand, and my weak punches land on muscle. My only power comes from my legs, which are kicking and twisting and doing their very best to remove my from my captor's grip.

"Shh. Don't make this harder for yourself."

My legs stop moving, and I let myself be dragged past the bodies of the guards and into Peeta's room. I am able to twist my head and squint up at my captor. Cold, blue eyes stare back down at me, and I don't think before biting down on the hand across my mouth. Hard.

"Fuck!"

A momentary lapse in grip is all I need, and I break free and am sprinting for the door when a hand catches my ankle and I tumble to the floor. I am yanked backwards, crying and reaching for the door, and then my hands are pinned above my head and my captor looms over me.

"Oh, Katniss," Peeta sighs. "I told you not to make this hard."

Then all I see is black.

So, there's Chapter One. What did you guys think?

Just reminding you all that this fic will contain extremely mature topics and events (though I'm sure all of you love that stuff as much as I do). If you have any questions, comments, or just want to chat, I'm on tumblr as 'ohalaskayoung'.

xoxo