Hi everyone, thank you so much for your lovely reviews! I apologise in advance for this… it was mean and I didn't like writing it, but I felt like I had limited options.
Please don't hate me!
Deeks looked at her, lying peacefully beside him. 'Hey, Kensi, you know I love you don't you?' She smiled, her eyes still closed.
'It has been an hour since you last told me baby, I was beginning to worry.' She opened her eyes and looked at him, raising her eyebrows sarcastically. Then her features softened, her eyes creasing at the edges. 'I love you too.'
'Let's stay here forever. We don't need to worry about anything here.' He lay down and closed his eyes, utterly content.
Kensi slowly sat up when Deeks said this. 'You know that can't happen. This place isn't for you.' Her voice was gentle, apologetic. 'Maybe one day.' The last sentence was a whisper in the breeze.
Deeks jerked upright, eyes snapping open. 'Kensi.' He spoke aloud, but there was no one to hear.
Deeks jerked upright, eyes snapping open. 'Kensi.' He spoke aloud, but there was no one there to hear. He was in his own home, not in that peaceful place in his mind. Reality slammed into him, the same pain that hit him every time he woke. Daylight was just starting to filter through the shutters and for a moment Deeks remained motionless. Then he snapped to action, willing himself to move, or he would lie there all day. Normally he would just stay there, till one of the others came over to remind him that life was continuing. Not today though.
His black suit was draped over the back of the sofa, pristine and pressed. He put it on slowly, forcing himself through every step, down to the buttons on the shirt. The suit didn't seem to fit him anymore, his once confident frame had shrivelled and he felt like he disappeared into the dark material. The suit showed him what he was refusing to admit; she had changed him. He needed her.
A key turned in the door, followed by Sam's hulking figure. He seemed to have grown in grief, mindless exercise filling the empty spot in his mind, the place where she had once laughed. 'Come on Deeks, it's time to go.' He placed a hand on Deeks' shoulder, but there was already so much weight there that Deeks could not feel the comforting touch.
They walked to the car.
Callen was waiting, sitting in the back seat for once; anything to make the day less painful for the man who was hurting the worst. Deeks actually offered him a smile as he slid into the passenger seat, not totally detached from the world, appreciating the gesture. Callen returned the smile, but it did not reach his eyes, not today.
They drove in silence.
Deeks was surprised when they were not the only ones there; he had forgotten about life outside work in the last few years. Then again, he supposed, there was life before work.
The team, her team, took up the front row; Deeks, Sam, Callen, Eric, Nell and Nate. Only Hetty was conspicuously missing. She had handed in her resignation and disappeared.
The moment came too fast for Deeks, but he was calm, talking strength from the others; a hand squeeze from Nell, a cautious pat from Nate.
He said his goodbye silently. It was too late to say the one thing that he really wanted to. He looked at her peaceful body, so gentle in death. No one could mistake her for being asleep; the blazing passion for life which fuelled her every moment was gone. This body was not that of the woman he loved. It was not his Kensi. He could have said those three little words, but she would not have heard. He did not want to waste those words.
Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome and appreciated! X