Warnings: Spoilers, language, sexual innuendos, violence, drunkenness, nudity and general stupidity - everything you would expect in a bachelor's party. Plot, What Plot?

Yozak's Sidetrip: The Bachelor's Party

Part 2--

The enormous chamber that is never empty contains rows upon rows of rectangular wooden tables. Most of the tables are flanked by wooden benches, but there is an area where the tables have proper chairs. This is the special area for army officers who may be part of the nobility and whose noble bottoms require respectable seating. It is in this area that I walk to.

The king sits casually and very unkingly on one of the tables with feet on a chair. Conrart stands beside him leaning on the table. Wolfram and Gwendal sit face to face on the next table. Well, face to face is a relative term. Wolfram sits with his head on the table eyes glazed over while the Commander scans the room with his big giant frown. All the blue uniforms surrounding the four belong to Wolfram's personal guard and they sit in varying degrees of weariness.

"Yozak, you're back!" His Majesty greets me with the same enthusiasm he would greet a sovereign.

"Hello, Your Majesty..." I start saying but the commander interrupts me.

"Yozak," he says peremptorily.

Within that one uttering is a bucketful of meaning. Actually, more of a figurative bucket of cold water aimed at my enthusiasm. The Commander is less than happy with me. But understanding his meaning doesn't mean I have to pay attention to it. I enthusiastically ignore the underlying command as I flourish the tray in front of him.

"I've missed you too, Commander," I reply cheekily. "But I was instructed to give this to you by His Eminence. And I'm not one to shirk my duties. Unless you really need the reports now..."

I don't finish my speech before he takes a bottle, opens it, pours a generous amount in a glass, drains it and pours again. I take the open bottle and fill two glasses and I offer them to Conrart and His Majesty. They both decline. I raise an eyebrow.

"I'm too young to drink," the king says sheepishly.

"Really?" I ask with a hint of incredulity. "How about you Captain, don't tell me you've become a teetotaler in your old age."

"No, but I'll pass tonight."

"You're no fun. You don't have to do everything His Majesty is doing."

"Yes, Conrad. Why don't you drink? Don't make me stop you."

"No, Your Majesty... I think it's for the best that I stay sober this evening. Just in case."

I shrug and turn back to the other two brothers. His Eminence's challenge only included Gwendal and Wolfram, but if I get Conrart, I'd have the whole set.

"Your Excellency Wolfram," I address the youngest brother and offer him a glass. Wolfram looks at it warily. "Don't worry, it won't bite."

He snorts. After a few more moments of staring at the glass as if he's deciding the amount of evil it contained, he shrugs, picks it up and empties the entire contents in one gulp. I pour more into Wolfram's glass as I watch his face contorts registering the effect of the liquid burning its way to his stomach. Gwendal is already downing his third before I even start my first. Yes, this challenge is too easy without adding Conrart.

"Wolfram," the Captain says in the same scolding tone he uses on me, "isn't it unwise to be drinking in your condition?"

"What condition?" I ask. Then added in the most serious and incredulous tone I could manage, "Is his lordship pregnant?"

His Majesty gags on nothing and flails about knocking the chair that he's using as a footrest.

"Do... no way... Mazoku males can't get..."

"Yozak is kidding, Your Majesty," the Captain assures him calmly as he righted the chair.

"I knew that, Conrad! Why would you think that I would think that demon males could get pregnant..." the kiddo retorted unconvincingly. He grumbles under his breath and I'm only able to catch a few unintelligible phrases, "... damn Murata and Shori... to that Comiket... perverted doujinshis... stupid mangakas... flying skeletons..."

"Of course, His Majesty knows it's a joke. He wouldn't be sleeping with His Excellency if there was that danger."

"What!! I am not sleeping with Wolfram... I mean... yes, I'm sleeping with him... I mean no... I am sleeping with him but not in... not in that way!" His Majesty has turned a nice bright shade of red.

But I judge it not quite red enough.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't know you only did it the other way and that you preferred the submissive role. You being the Maou, I automatically thought that... well, at the very least, His Excellency ought to be willing to change position every now and then." I wink and salute him with my drink.

Bright red!

Wolfram stands up and says, "Yozak, you know as well as everyone here that Yuuri and I are not having sexual relations. Just ask the maids." He points to the maids who are bringing in pitchers of beer, clean mugs and food, and setting them on the tables where soldiers are steadily congregating.

The king is visibly relieved and his blush starts disappearing. I must admit I am disappointed. Wolfram is usually not the one to save the Maou in situations like this.

"But, with your keen ears Yozak, you'll be one of the first to know when I do take the wimp," Wolfram continues in a loud arrogant voice. "And when I say take, I mean he won't be able to sit on a horse for a week."

After slamming down another drink, he adds magnanimously as he addressed the entire room, "Of course, you will all know soon enough afterwards since His Majesty Yuuri will be screaming my name in ecstasy at the top of his lungs for at least an hour as waves upon waves of pleasure take over his luscious virgin body. Make it two hours. Hell, we'll have Günter throw a banquet to celebrate the happy occasion. Right, Yuuri?"

Wolfram tries to stifle the low and suggestive giggles bubbling inside him while the Maou blubbers incoherently. I never knew that the kiddo could turn that particular shade of crimson. For this round, I must concede defeat to His Drunken Excellency.

A crash interrupts the whistles and the clapping elicited by the youngest prince's declaration. The king's undecipherable protestations make way to jaws wide open in surprise. Everyone's gaze concentrate in Gwendal's general direction. The Commander has just punched one of Wolfram's personal guards.

"Eh??" the king exclaims in disbelief as Wolfram jumps gracefully over the table and takes the fallen soldier in his arms and smothers him in a very affectionate embrace.

"Corporal, you should go to Gisela and have that treated. I can't have any of my precious guards injured," says the prince dramatically.

"Y-yes, Your Excellency," comes the muffled reply.

After Wolfram releases him, the blushing corporal walks past me and quickly bows to the king before making his exit. The king's face, meanwhile, is a study of opposing ideas trying to work themselves out.

"Conrad... um, what's wrong with Wolfram? He's not having uh... you know? I mean... He's not a hugs type person... He doesn't like public displays of affection. Even Greta, I hug Greta, he doesn't hug her unless she's in danger. That guard isn't in danger. I mean I know he just got punched... but..."

"Wolfram's drunk, Your Majesty."

"Oh," the king says relieved. After a short pause, he adds, "Already? He's only had three drinks."

"It only takes one drink."

"Judging from his pretty face, it would make sense that his tolerance is that low."

"No, it's not that. It's the combination of alcohol and lack of Maryoku. I tried to stop him, but I wasn't fast enough. A pure Mazoku gets drunk with the smallest amount of alcohol if his Maryoku has been depleted to the point of exhaustion. This is especially true for very strong Majutsu wielders like Wolfram."

"What happened to His Excellency Wolfram?" I ask. "Did our little miss Anissina get him?"

"Yes," Conrart replies, "he said he made a deal with her. He powered something called Give-Me-Your-Maryoku-For-Later-Use-kun. She took most of his Maryoku, just left him enough to keep him alive. She, also, went ahead and used all his personal guards for some experiments. In exchange, she's not going to bother him tomorrow."

"Lucky guy," I say in a low whisper.

"So... it's probably best to get as far away from him as possible, right?" the Maou asks. "Sober Wolfram is violent enough, he can only get worse when he's drunk so I should stay out of his reach. I don't want to be black and blue and matching my clothes at tomorrow's ceremony."

"Wolfram's not the one you need to worry about. When he's drunk, he just gets... happy. Very happy. It's Gwendal you need to keep away from."

"I can see that. What did Wolfram's guard do anyway? I didn't see anything that could have earned him a punch in the face."

"That would be the Commander's overwhelming desire to protect his younger brother. Strong emotions that he would not normally show when sober makes him punch the nearest person when he's drunk."

"Also, Gwendal would punch any man he suspects of harboring sexual thoughts for our little brother. Or anyone unlucky enough to be in reach."

"Ah, I see... well, it's a good thing he doesn't do that sober. He's bad enough in his everyday grumpy way. He already attacks me with paperwork, I don't need to be worried he might attack me with his fist."

"Don't worry, kiddo, we'll make sure to keep him away from alcohol on your wedding day. And even if he does get drunk, I'm sure he won't punch the Maou."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Conrart frowns at me and smiles at the king. I roll my eyes.

"At first, Gwendal will only punch when he feels any strong emotions," the Captain continues, redirecting the conversation to less amusing paths. "Later on, he'll start punching if he sees anything cute."

"Shouldn't we go hide Wolfram then?" His Majesty asks innocently. Conrart's attempt at redirection – massive failure.

"Oh, you think he's cute?"

"He is prettiest boy I've ever met. Prettier than any girl."

"You would say that, love does have a way of coloring how you see the world."

"What are you getting at? We're both men. He just happens to be cute."

"Do you think the Captain is pretty?"

"Conrart? I wouldn't describe him as pretty, he's attractive and a lot of pretty girls do fall for him."

"Perhaps, sexy?"

"I suppose."

"How about me?"

The kid laughs uncomfortably, "You're both Yozak. Though you're pretty in a mannish sort of way."

The Captain snorts.

"You're such a flatterer, Your Majesty. I'll take those words as a compliment since I don't get the benefit of sparkles filling your vision like you do when you see His Excellency Wolfram."

"Look, I see Wolfram the way I've always seen him since the day I met him, which I'm sure is how everybody sees him."

"And we all know what you did the first day you met him."

"That was an accident!"

"You keep saying that the way some callow men say it's an accident when they get a girl knocked up. As if they tripped, stumbled, fell down while their clothes magically disappeared, land on top of the girl and found their peni--"

"Yozak!"

"I'm just trying to say, Captain, some men don't want to take responsibility."

"Are you saying I'm not taking responsibility?"

"You are enjoying the fruits of the engagement."

"What?! What fruits? Are we still talking about Wolfram here? Because the only thing I get from him are bruises."

"You mean those love taps?"

"Love taps?? One of these days, I hope you get to be on the receiving end of them."

"Oh no, I would never steal him away from the Maou. Speaking of which, you really should see Wolfram drunk. It doesn't happen very often. Last time I've seen it, it was more than ten years ago. And the effects of that one drunken event was felt for several months... no, several years."

"Maybe, it would be a good idea to hide him for that reason," Conrart replies soberly.

"Why? What happened?"

"Let's just say my brother raised a lot of false hopes and his uncle, Lord Waltorana, had to come quickly to Blood Pledge Castle to take him home to Bielefeld where he was practically hidden from public view for a couple of years."

"Well, Captain, we won't have to worry about that this time around. Wolfram is already engaged."

A voice in the entryway interrupts whatever rebuke Conrart is about to give me and whatever protest the king is about to make. "But Shibuya may end up having to fight a few duels, I don't know which emotion would win, the fear of the Maou or the desire for Lord von Bielefeld. I'm sure there will be some willing to try and steal the prince away. Though I don't know if anyone will be as cute as Lady Elizabeth."

"Hey, kiddo, who's cuter Wolfram or Elizabeth?"

"I'm not answering any more of your questions!"

"That's okay, I think I already know your answer."