The Gap On Page 85 (Edwards P.O.V)
A/N- Hey guys, you asked for it, so here it is! Be warned, I focused more on Edwards emotional state rather then making this smuty so it might not be as hot as Bella's point of view. Anyway, happy reading ;). Ps: sorry that it's a bit long! I just couldn't stop writing.
"Don't be afraid," she murmured. "We belong together."
I was abruptly overwhelmed by the truth of her softly spoken words. This moment was so perfect, so right, there was no way to doubt it.
My arms wrapped around her, holding her against me, summer and winter. It felt like every nerve ending in my body was a live wire.
"Forever," I agreed, and then pulled us gently into deeper water… (belongs to Stephenie Meyer)
I led her deeper into the warm tropical water until the tide pushed and swayed against our hips. Her hand clasped in mine ever so gently radiated only a small some of the heat I knew her body produced. My mind would often wander and I would catch myself worrying whether my icy touch was making her cold. She never said anything to me before but I was forced to recognize Bella's finer personality traits…such as dumbing down pain, emotions or any such things in order to placate me. The thought made my chest rumble quietly, too quiet for human ears. Every aspect of the island was set in my peripheral vision, to ensure I didn't overlook any details. Even the gentle twitching of her fingers entwined in mine didn't escape my notice…my grip was getting too cold for her.
The wind suddenly picked up, the breeze probably too thin, too gentle for her to feel it sweeping across her beautiful face. Even though the wind felt nice it blew her scent in my direction, not that this was much of a problem as it had been. I shuddered to think of all the atrocities my mind had drifted to when my thoughts grew unfocused. Her scent burned the back of my aching throat but the feeling was quickly deposited and beaten down vigorously in the back of my mind. I was getting quite good at banishing the almost irresistible yearning for her blood since I had decided her life was more important than my desires.
Which brought me back abruptly to the present situation.
This insanity that she had asked of me had my dead insides quivering when the very thought of it broke though my disciplined mind. What was she thinking? Being intimate with a vampire, who - not to mention is superhuman- craved her blood more than he treasured his own life, or even hers. I shuddered at the image of her broken body beneath me as I tried, in vain, to save her life because of my own selfishness.
My mind snapped back to reality when Bella began to sway with the current. I quickly, but gently, lifted my hand out of her grip to steady her shoulders.
"Easy, love." I said softly and she turned her eyes to look into mine. Her sweet milky, chocolate brown eyes appraised me, the look on her face easy to read. The frustration I felt when I couldn't hear her thoughts burnt in my chest but that feeling I also deposited in the back of my mind, along with my thirst. She continued to stare at me with her soft, beautiful warm eyes, the urge to kiss her sent my mind reeling. It was easy to distract a vampire but I prided myself on my deep concentration, something that took a hit to my ego when Bella was around. I could hear her heart stutter as I leaned in, but something more pressing had me pausing before my lips touched her soft, warm ones. My hands, which I had been resting in the warm water, came up reflexively, yet slowly; it was almost too easy to be myself with Bella. I cupped her face softly, the feel of her touch reaching out as if sweeping past my skin and touching the muscles and bone beneath.
I hadn't once looked at her body, I wanted her strict permission before I did so. That sudden thought made me pause in the act of kissing her. I pulled away and when she continued to stretch towards me, eyes closed, I couldn't help but chuckle. The sound grating through my chest uncomfortably, not that she would notice, I was too worked up for what was to come.
"Stop teasing me." She whispered and the small smile vanished from my lips the moment she opened her eyes, a small sweep of pink already gracing her soft cheeks. See, how she leans her cheek upon her hand! O, that I were a glove upon that hand ,that I might touch that cheek! I repeated Romeos lines in my mind, trying to hide my smile. I knew me Bella well; she would seek to tease me for the rest of our honeymoon if I were to repeat them aloud. I fought the urge to simply look down, I was after all, a gentlemen. Another thing I prided myself on, something Carlisle would be proud to see.
"What?" She asked me, her beautiful face puckering in a frown, her head cocking to the side. I lifted my hands to either side of her temples gentle stroking them with my thumbs. I watched in amusement as her attention refocused on my lips, it made me smile. She started to lean forward, her round lips parting, probably subconsciously, before I held her head tightly in my hands. She wasn't going to get away that easy.
"May I?" I whispered to her, knowing that at any moment, her eyes would flutter, as they always did. But she surprised me, as she often did, by continuing to resist my restraining hands, trying to lean closer, our lips almost touching.
"Bella." I said, letting my voice settle on disapproving. I continued to gaze into her eyes, asking silent permission. I felt my own forehead crease in a frown, the same expression she had worn only seconds before. Her warm skin radiated into my freezing hands, making me all too aware of how cold I actually was. It was difficult to remember these inconsequential things when the only other creatures you lived with were vampires of the same skin temperature as you.
"Uh-huh?" She asked me, her voice sounding distant, her eyes still trained on my lips. I sighed gently; her closeness was starting to distract my easily distractible mind. An idea floated to the forefront of my thoughts and I let my fingers drift down her throat. Rivers of blood pooled tantalisingly close to my finger tips, over her jugular, which pounded invitingly, making my throat tingle unpleasantly and around her collarbone resting there until her eyes met mine once again.
"May I?" I asked her once again, this time allowing my eyes to drift down slow enough to enlighten her but too quickly to gain much of a sight. I watched as her eyes brightened and felt the flow of blood in her neck increase until two crimson spots appeared on her cheeks. Without thinking, I let my hands drift up until the lay sprawled gently across the splash of blood adorning her face. The heat bore into my skin like being too close to an open flame but the contrast had my fingers tingling.
"I won't look if it bothers you." I said to her softly, willing my compelling voice to wrap her in security, I wouldn't make her do anything she wasn't comfortable with. I let my lips twist up slightly, showing her that it truly was alright, no matter what she decided. I watched as many different emotions played across her face. Embarrassment, confusion, determination, and finally an emotion I had yet to see crept into her eyes. Her cheeks boiled under my cold fingers and the frustration I felt whenever her brilliant mind kept its secrets burnt fiercely, pushing its way into my head, beating down all other thoughts.
"It's alright Bella, I won't look." I said quickly, hoping the impatience was hidden from my voice. With a staggering sense of relief that she was finally going to answer me, she placed her small, pale, warm hand against my chest. She trailed her small, delicate fingers over the planes of my chest, resting finally on my stomach were I couldn't stop my disciplined body from twitching. The feeling was indescribable, just the slightest touch from her nimble fingers had my jaw ticking but I restrained any noises –such as growling- sure to rise to the surface. I didn't want to scare her.
"No, it's alright." She said, her soft voice flittering around in the calm breeze that surrounded us. However, the small frown on her delicate face had my concerns flaring. What was wrong? Was she ok? What was she thinking!? Oh, the sweet torture her brilliant mind inflicted on me.
"You're sure, Bella? Because I if it makes you unc—" She stopped the flow of words from my mouth with one gentle finger. The smell of her skin turning my senses on overdrive, was it possible for a vampires senses to burn out? Because the route my love was taking was going to have them fried in no time at all.
"This isn't going to work unless you do. No keeping secrets." She teased although I heard the trepidation in her voice, the slight tremor as it left her lips. Her quiet voice was unusually loud, her voice carrying in her nervousness.
Ah. So that was the problem, Bella and her silly insecurity's. Without any more incentive, I let my eyes swivel down her body, watching as the gentle cream pallor of the skin on her shoulders drifted flawlessly down her collar only to flow softly around her breasts, wrapping them in a gentle stream of white satin interrupted only by the small rosy peeks of her nipples. Her heart, the sound that had seared itself into my ever-lasting memory beat just inches away, pumping her warm sweet blood to every extremity of her body.
My throat burnt.
The venom stung and the demon raged through my mind, setting fire and demolishing every other thought, every ounce of self-restraint was being tested. Where saliva should have been there was only poison, a poison that slithered its way into my mouth but I swallowed convulsively, hoping she hadn't noticed. Bella. My anchor. I snapped my eyes back to hers and let the soothing warmth of her pink cheeks, her chocolate, oddly deep brown eyes settle my thoughts. The renewed calm of my mind helped me rein in the demon, taming it and forcing back into its place. I had barely noticed the hard set of my teeth as they gnashed together, or the ticking of my jaw, but now that my mind was refocused on Bella, it was easier to feel the way my body was reacting. I had stopped breathing so the temptation of her wonderful scent could no longer torment me with the demon loose.
My eyes prickled… they were getting darker.
"You are, exquisite. Beautiful. Magnificent. And much, so much more Bella." I whispered to her, trying to keep the roughness out of my voice. After the bloodlust had been tamed, it was easier to reach out and fully appreciate her beautiful body. I watched as the luscious colour of her cheeks turned a rose red instead of a tentative pink. I reached up to her, cupping her warm face. She mumbled a 'thank you' against my palm as I moved my hand along her cheek, a caress of sorts.
"Hmm, no, thank you for the privilege." I said softly, the words I had spoken aloud barely registered in my mind as I kept her body in my peripheral vision, burning every detail into my memory. I leaned in and kissed her, the ache in my kiss addicted to her sweet, soft lips. She moved her mouth sensually against mine, the feeling making the burn in my throat heat uncomfortably, but I dismissed it. I would have to brag to Emmett about my self-control when we got back… Hmm…Emmett. Inspiration struck and before I could think the idea fully through, I quickly grabbed my loves shoulders and pushed her into the water, being carefully as to keep her head hovering just below the water, in case she landed herself in a crisis, where I would have to save her because of my immaturity.
Quickly stepping aside I watched as mere seconds later, Bella's head popped out of the water, her beautiful mahogany hair plastered to her shoulders, collarbone…breasts. She coughed and sputtered water everywhere and I felt a twinge of guilt for her discomfort but the sight made my lips quiver even though I held tight rein on my expression.
"You" She seethed at me, jabbing a finger in my direction. I felt my hands lift involuntarily, as if in defence –the back of my mind snorting at the word defence – and I assessed her condition. My lips continued to quiver, try as I might, I didn't know how long I could hold in my laughter.
"Just wait till I get over there," She said in a low deadly voice, forcing my mind back when she had left a message on my cell phone while I was hunting, something about grizzly bears seeming tame compared to what I was in for…
"You will regret th-" She promptly tripped and fell face first into the water once again, effectively cutting off any remark she was about to finish. I stared at her in shock, was she hurt? Should I dive in and get her? But seconds later she reappeared the look on her face…well, priceless. Her eyes were huge in shock as if she couldn't believe what had happened, after coughing up more water, her mouth formed a small 'o'.
Asses her reaction, asses her reaction, asses… I couldn't hold it back. The sound ripped through my control and my chest shook with the force of my laughter. If I could cry, there would have been rivers streaming down my face. I managed to squint at Bella; her eyes were what shook some sense into me. If looks could kill…I would have been disembodied and turned into ashes all in one. I quickly sloshed my way over to her; she had crossed her arms over her chest, the force of her gaze burning holes into the water in front of her. The smallest tinge of pink gracing her cheeks. I clamped my mouth shut, willing my laughter to cease, it was obvious Bella was unhappy; I shouldn't have laughed at her expense.
I gently and tentatively placed my arms around her, pulling her tight to my chest. I could feel my muscles quivering, the act of laughter not shaken from my muscles.
"Don't be mad, Bella." I said softly, letting my cool breath tickle the crease between her neck and her shoulder. When she didn't reply, my lower abdomen quivered unpleasantly. I pulled her tighter against me although keeping a conscious thought to be gentle.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, despair gripping at my throat, clawing its way into my chest, had I ruined the night with my immaturity? "It wasn't right to laugh at you." I continued eyeing her carefully, her fingers twitched and I would bet my Volvo against Alice that she wanted to hit me.
"Bella, I am truly sorry." I said solemnly, the depression that had leaked into my voice shocked me; never had I realized how much my insensitivity could have an effect on her. I would have given anything to see one of her breathtaking smiles. I felt her turn slowly in my grasp and I fully intended to feel the strength of her wrath, accepting it fully, ready to grovel and plead at her feet if it would please her. What I wasn't expecting was the sly smile and coy light that illuminating her flawless, deep dark eyes.
"Not yet, you aren't." She said, her voice blending in with the perfect tranquility of the night. She placed her small delicate hands on my chest and heaved with what I supposed was all of her human strength.
"Can't you play along for just a moment?" She murmured petulantly. I contemplated raising an eyebrow but realized with a jolt that she was trying to return the favour. Relief, the strongest emotion at the forefront of my mind relieved my tense body as I fell backwards, my back hitting the surface of the warm water, the feeling almost scorching as it made contact with my unnaturally cold skin. I let the warmth of the water engulf me for a moment, ticking off a mental note in my mind not to suck in any unnecessary air. After a satisfactory three seconds under water, the moons raise piercing the water's surface making delicate looking streaks of light, I allowed my head to break the surface. I rested my knees on the soft grains of sand beneath me, exploiting the warmth of the water as it rested and pushed against my chest.
I lifted my eyes up to meet Bellas hesitantly, praying my submission would be enough to appease her. The sight of her goofy, lopsided grin would have sent my heart stumbling, I was sure. It was truly breathtaking that silly grin of hers, I could feel a grin of my own mimicking hers as she advanced. But suddenly the childish grin slipped away, her full pink lips parted unconsciously and her eyes shifted restlessly, resting here and there on my face, my neck, my chest…
She walked slowly towards me, the beautiful swell of her breasts shuddering delicately as she breathed, bouncing slightly as she moved her way closer to me. I could hear her heart, attuned to her as I was, beating rapidly, much too quickly and I worried for a moment that she may have cardiac problems if she didn't calm herself. She finally reached me and my hands lifted automatically towards her warm, inviting skin but I stopped in my tracks. Her small fingers ruffled through the wet hair plastered to my face, I could feel the warm drizzle of the drops as they slithered down my face but my attention was too captivated by the beauty standing only inches before my eager hands. She continued to slide her tiny fingers through my hair and I resisted the strong urge to purr, the sound would definitely throw her off balance. I mentally snorted, what was there about my odd nature that didn't throw her off balance?
The smirk playing on my lips died down as a new sensation enveloped me, the sight of her breasts so close to me had effectively diverted my attention. The movement of her breasts as they rose up and down with her breathing sent thrills of electricity winding through my un-dead body. My breath came out raspy as I stared, the burning in my throat turned on high as if there were a meter for such an atrocity, the dial set to climb at any moment. I quickly clamped my mouth shut grinding my teeth together as I willed the demon to vanish.
"Bella?" I asked her roughly, my voice coming out in a raspy baritone compared to her feathery light soprano. She looked down suddenly and my mind went blank, not even the thirst in the back of my throat could compare to the intense burning in my lower stomach. It was a newer sensation, one I had only felt recently in Bellas presence, never had I felt anything like it in my eighty odd years of existence. The heat barrelled on as her lust-ridden gaze penetrated me, looking deeper into me, through me. I could feel her body quivering and I feared for my control, I couldn't lose the one thing that kept me sane in her presence!
My eyes prickled uncomfortably as they darkened, but I couldn't control the tentative reach of my fingers as they twitched, needing to touch, to feel her. I hesitantly leaned forward, my cheek resting against her warm breast. The thud of her heart pounded against my face as I breathed a cool breath of air against her skin. Her breath hitched and her jaw locked. I watched, fascinated as all the blood in her body rushed down to wear my cheek lay softly upon her. Her body quivered and shivered, giving her away. The prickling in my eyes hardened as my eyes grew ever darker, the sudden twisting of my lower stomach grasping my attention. I could feel my shaft begin to throb, not something I was accustomed to. My eyes flickered over to the hardened, rosy peek next to me and, ever so gently, I grazed it with my lips, not anticipating her reaction.
She moaned, the delicious sound tearing its way through her round lips, more shivers racking her petit frame. My eyes prickled fiercely, my lower stomach pounding and my throat aching. It felt as if a physical object had been dropped into my stomach landing somewhere lower than my naval, the heat possessing my body eliciting a shiver from my spine.
Oh… but I wanted to taste her. The flow of her blood pooling in her chest sent my mind grasping for some stability. That wasn't the only thing I wanted to taste. I allowed my tongue to dart out of my mouth, liking around the pink circle that flowed up to her nipple. I could feel her muscles as they contracted, her hands unconsciously rubbing circles in my hair. Having to fight off the urge to purr once again, I noticed the absence of my new favourite sound. She hadn't moaned, she hadn't even sighed. I brought my other hand down on her other breast and massaged it gently, pulling at it, lifting it, feeling its soft weight. The feeling had my insides squirming, my shaft pulsing harder than before, the feeling growing slightly uncomfortable.
"Don't" I whispered, "Don't hold back those beautiful sounds." I whispered, my hand leaving the swell of her breast to stroke her smooth jaw. I let my hand fall from her face, now holding both her breasts in my hands. I swiftly rubbed my thumbs in gentle circles having her moan softly above me, the noises pulling at my core, bringing with it my own personal demon. I paused, not breathing, not completely thinking through what I was about to do. Moving on instinct –human instinct I was pleased to realize- I bent down as if to kiss them but, ever so gently, opened my mouth and let my teeth graze over the tops of her hardened nipples.
"Edward." She breathed her chest heaving with the force of the air she was gasping in and rejecting just as quickly. She entwined her fingers in my hair and pulled, not that she was fully aware of it. Oh, but I found a new pleasure when she pulled my hair, the feeling forcing me to clamp my thighs tightly together, the throbbing in my shaft now intensely painful.
Careful, careful, careful, careful… I repeated in my mind, willing my self-control to hold. I unintentionally began messaging her breasts a bit more forcefully, now pinching and teasing her nipples as my chest heaved in painful gasps of their own. I noticed that her chest had ceased all movement and my anxiety pulled me to my feet, my shaft still thankfully hidden under the warm water.
"Breathe, Bella." I whispered to her, my hands cupping her face a little more roughly than I had intended but she hardly seemed to notice. I crashed my mouth down to hers trying desperately to keep my control but I could feel it slipping like a precious thread right through my fingers, leaking away from me. Her mouth opened in a soft sigh and then a new demon presented itself, the demon of lust. It, unfortunately, shared a link with my familiar demon, when one got carried away, the other took over…
I tried to repress a shudder as I realized the consequences of even possibly losing myself to either of them. Try as I might, the new demon pressed itself against me, suffocating me; I leaned into Bella, my tongue invading her mouth, tasting her. Warm like an open flame, her tongue enveloped mine, pulling me deeper inside her mouth, pushing my limits. I could feel her, beneath me, clutching at my chest, pulling herself against me. Her warm breasts, flush against me, sent a shock down my spine, it traveled the length of me until it reached my already throbbing shaft, giving it a painful jolt. I could feel her lungs, pressed for air against her chest, trying in vain to regain her brains unfocused attention. I decided to help them out and removed my mouth form hers –not without effort- and latched my lips on the first part of her exposed skin that I could reach. My throat gave a painful ache as I inhaled her luscious scent, but it wasn't enough to conquer the lust monster. I was careful to keep my shaft well hidden and far away from contact, I didn't know if I could survive the encounter.
As I kissed my way around her perfect cream coloured skin, I felt her tiny warm hands press themselves eagerly to my chest, tracing every plane, every faucet, every muscle and line of my chest and stomach. Her feathery light touch scent my mind reeling as my muscles quivered and tighten form the contact. Her small fingers moved deliberately down until they reached the sculpted muscles of my stomach, were she traced the skin around my naval sending my shaft more shocks of lust and pain. She moved her hands down farther, past the water until she reached the small dusty sweep of hair just below my hips. I couldn't control the small hiss as it escaped my chest, sending the hair around her ear fluttering from the air released by my lungs. I felt her hesitate while I kissed, teased, and nibbled on her earlobe. I felt Bellas head swivel back against her shoulders as she twirled the small hairs around her fingers tugging and pulling, twisting and turning the sweep of hair, tormenting the demon of lust until every nerve ending in my body twitched with need. The groan that ripped its way from my chest was nearly as painful as the throbbing from my shaft, I needed release I needed…
Yes, that's what I needed, Bella, I wanted, needed her…now. My teeth dripping venom, I leaned into her neck, the sweet scent of her blood driving the familiar demon into a frenzied rampage of triumph, I was going to have her…I was going to…
Bella's fingers drew farther down, farther, farther.
No.
Quicker than lightning I clamped my hand around hers and drew it back up near the safety of my chest. My teeth still dripped poison and my body reacted according to my twisted mind, therefore it came as no surprise to me when my voice came out rough, wild and untamed.
"Careful, love." I hadn't realized how hard my breathing had been until the sound pounded in my ears. That's it, breathe…in, out, in, out. Ironic, that I should be using the same advice I always gave my Bella. 'Breathe Bella', I would tell her until her aching lungs drew in a breath of air.
I opened my eyes, both demons still raging in my head until I caught my reflection in Bellas warm, lust glazed eyes. Black, my eyes were a swirling pit of fire, black fire, my monsters. That second was all it took for me to isolate my frantic mind. Isolate it, shut it down, regain control.
"Sorry." She mumbled, her lovely cheeks a bright shade of pink. The breath of air I drew into my unresponsive lungs helped steady my thoughts, regain some self-restraint.
"Don't apologize, Bella." I whispered to her, my voice smooth, the rough animalistic tinge gone from my voice. I watched the different emotions play across her beautiful face. Annoyance, regret, hate, then abruptly changing to determined. And, oh, how I knew what she was thinking. It wasn't a secret between us that she hated my boundaries. Hated them with a passion, I knew well how she felt about them but it didn't change the fact that I couldn't let them go, boundaries were what kept me in check. If only you knew how close you came to your ultimate demise, love. I wanted to say but knowing full well she would argue the moment it came out of my lips. I had no further intentions of ruining the night for us.
I reached out gently, tentatively, and kissed her soft warm lips. She responded eagerly, her lips almost twitching in anticipation. Her body pressed itself to mine once again and my mind fogged suddenly, anticipating the shocks of lust that would incapacitate me.
"Time to head back?" I asked her, my voice coming out huskily. She nodded vigorously instead of answering, her cheeks flushed with desire. I bent down and swept her up easily in my arms, she barely weighed anything. Her fingers continued to play with my hair, twisting and pulling gently, I bit my lip; it was all I could do to remind myself to keep focused. I moved slowly, my eyes boring into hers, my angels. Love, stronger than both my demons combined threatened to overwhelm me while I watched the display of emotions as they swept across her face, like an open book.
My favourite book.
The adoration harbouring her expression sent the air whooshing out of my lungs, not that I needed it. How could this exquisite creature, so pure and untainted ever choose me of all people, to love? The answer evaded me but I still puzzled over it. I continued to watch Bella's beautiful face, gleaming silver in the moonlight, until a look of exasperation came over her.
"Of all the times you could use your vampire speed, you chose now as an appropriate time to be human?" She grumbled, leaning her face against my chest. I couldn't hold back the rumbling chuckle as it flowed its way out of my chest, shaking her body as well. I felt her thighs squeeze together impatiently as I continued to laugh. I held my breath as I answered, fearing if I smelt her arousal the sane part of my mind might unravel.
"Just savouring the moment Bella, I like you in my arms like this." I said and shrugged, flashing her a smug smile when I realized she was rubbing her thighs together once again, trying desperately to sooth an ache I could definitely sympathize with. I continued to watch her as we neared shore, the cool breeze of the wind scraping across my body bitterly after the warmth of the water. I watched as Bellas gaze reached over to the tree that held my clothing along with her towel. Her eyes widened and I watched, captured in her gaze, as they swivelled over the side of her hips trying to see, what I finally came to realize , was my shaft.
"Patience Bella." I laughed, the sound once again reverberating through her, sending her breasts heaving, trying to regain some air before she fainted. Finally reaching shore, I became painfully aware of the twisting in my lower abdomen, the feeling burning with Bella so close to me.
She reached up with prying fingers and pulled my mouth closer to hers; close enough for her to reach. She traced her moist tongue over my bottom lip and I hesitantly opened my mouth to her. Panic nearly overwhelmed me as she explored the inside of my mouth, her tongue grazing over mine, tasting me.
'Careful,' I mouthed against her lips. And, much to my relief, she obeyed. She kept her distance from my teeth and moved back to my much cooler tongue. Suddenly she moaned into my mouth and I couldn't resist the shudder that racked my body, the new demon hovering at bay, ready to strike when my mind was weary from trying to resist my basic human needs.
"I love that sound." I whispered to her, dreading that the demon had spoken for me when she gasped for air. I continued my way towards the bedroom, making my way through the French doors and hovered above the bed, Bella still cradled in my arms. I glanced down at Bella and recognized the emotion as she gnawed at her bottom lip.
"What are you thinking?" I asked her, drawing out my voice until it grew compelling, wanting her to tell me the secrets kept locked away in her mind. She looked up at me, still worrying her lip as her gaze flickered over the white bed, a sigh parting her round lips.
"Something the matter? If you're not ready Bella, don't force it. We have more than enough time." I said gently, hoping the disappointment I felt deep in my core wasn't reflected in my tone.
"No!" She said quickly as I sat down on the bed, Bella still nestled against my chest. She moved herself suddenly, straddling my hips and grasping my hair in her small palms. Her sudden movement brushed against my shaft, reminding me all too well of my painful erection. A growl ripped through my chest then, forcing my eyes closed in concentration. She wiggled her hips against me harder this time and I couldn't stop my hips as they bucked up reflexively.
Mortified, that's what I was, what was she doing? Was she trying to die a most definite, painful death? She moaned, her head snapping back behind her shoulders, her chest heaving with the force of her pants. My chest moving in much the same fashion. But that was her mistake, with the movement of her upper body, she unglued her heated core from me, sending a rush of air into my face. Her arousal, as I knew it would, disoriented me. All within a fraction of a second, my mind froze, the lust demon pouncing as my mind went blank. Her scent, so powerful, filled my lungs, burning past any reasonable pain in my throat, reaching straight out to my lower half.
She was mine. And I could have her, all to myself…right now. The new demon smiled sadistically, raging around in my mind, beating on my lower insides until they scorched red-hot fire. My shaft throbbed horribly, my mouth opened and my teeth glistened. A second, that's all it would take, just a taste…just a taste. It would be painless for her. The demon in my mind raged, heat pooling viciously in my lower stomach, coiling like a spring hotter than anything I had ever felt before. Her neck exposed, Bella, ever so slowly leaned towards me, sending another whiff of her arousal into my lungs. It scorched my throat, burning it, the pain unbearable, even worse than the first day I met her. Far, far worse, because it wasn't only her blood the demon wanted, it was her, her body… all of it, broken, twisted, mangled it didn't care, it just wanted…her.
No, you can't! I love her! The sane side of my mind cried out in agony beating the demons down vigorously. They were not going to win this war. I flipped Bella over, so that she lay underneath me, her beautiful panting only antagonizing the fire in my throat, the scorching heat in my stomach.
"Bella, look at me!" I cried out, my voice perhaps louder than necessary. The pain in my voice was palpable, even to weaker human ears. I needed to hear her voice, see her face in order to calm my crazed, blood/lust ridden mind. She whimpered and bucked against me, the feeling throbbing through me so hard I thought I was going to be the one to pass out before the night had finished.
"Bella!" I said harshly, a frantic panic tainting my voice. Her eyes drifted to mine slowly and I saw the lust, the unavoidable desire for me…for me. "Bella, I can't do this. Look at my eyes; I won't be able to stop if this goes too far." I said hurriedly, desperately hoping she would understand. I could hear my own lust in my voice, but I could hear the anger, the self-loathing as well.
"Don't." She said sternly, her frown pulling my mind back to reality, saving me form myself. "We can do this together." She whispered and kissed me, the desire striking through me like a jolt of lightning but her words still echoed in my mind, pulling me back down to earth, pulling me back, keeping me sane.
"Bella… I can't live without you, I can't live with myself if I hurt you." I said, the pain in my voice another element keeping my mind in check.
"I trust you." She murmured, repeating the words over and over as she continued to reach for my centre, her core so hot I couldn't be sure I wasn't melting. She reached farther and her nipples grazed my hard chest, the small tickling feeling sending my mind back dangerously to my borderline but I kept it still, willing the control over my body to keep me grounded.
"Please." She whimpered against my lips. Her fingers wrapping themselves lower down my head until they reached the nap of my neck. Then she pulled at the scattered hairs, pulled harder than she had ever dared. Oh but it felt so good, it felt beyond good, too good.
My demons smiled simultaneously.
I could feel my nostrils flaring, my breathing coming in and out of my chest with such force it would have left me breathless if I were human, my heart hammering if it were still beating. My eyes began to flutter into the back of my skull, my mouth opening. Bella pushed her tongue inside my mouth hungrily, captivating my attention just after I managed to swallow the abnormal amount of poison that had been trying to drip past the confines of my lips. Her tongue, once again brought my mind back down to earth, an anchor. Bella, my love, my life…she was worth this torment, her needs being satisfied were beyond worth this war in my mind. I would see to it.
"I can do this," I stared into her dark brown eyes with determination, "for you." I moved my hands quickly down to her hips, her soft skin now tempting me. I trailed my fingers lightly up her slim form, my lips aching for her body, her scent, Bella. I found her jaw, and my lips immediately began caressing lower, down her neck, the flow of blood from her jugular taunted me, gloated when I forced my mind to focus. She shivered uncontrollably but this time I knew she wasn't cold. Her fingers grazed my back, going lower… I quickly snatched them up in my hands and pinned both her wrists above her head. If I was going to do this, she wasn't allowed to touch me. I quickly shoved both her delicate wrists in one hand, leaving one of them free to roam. I let the brush of my fingers sweep across her breasts, trailing a line of ice down her sides, her hips, her legs. I grabbed her thigh and hoisted it up over my hip, the feeling already threatening my control. My demons were quiet, waiting, patiently watching for a sign of weakness.
I pressed my throbbing erection to her flaming core, if I were physically ice, I was sure we would have created steam. She whimpered my name as I experimentally pushed harder, moving my hips against her, trying thrusting motions. My jaw slackened, venom threatening to pool out of my mouth onto her chest. Heat, too hot, racked my body feeding my shaft, feeding the demons. Pain, striking pain pulled at the skin around my shaft, I needed release and she bucked, she bucked against me. Take her! My mind screamed frantically, the pain was too much, I couldn't hold on, I couldn't bare… She was whimpering beneath me and the pants and hisses rising out of my chest were uncontrollable, an instinct, a reflex.
Too much.
I stilled. Bella's head shot up, her chest no longer heaving, it was still once again.
"Keep breathing, Bella." I ordered. Her lungs drew in racking breaths, her eyebrows, glistened with sweat, were pulled together. I could tell the stilling of my motions had upset her. She was wet against me, her core so inviting, so tempting, but I couldn't be sure she was ready for me. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
"Try to hold still." I panted in her ear, kissing her when she arched up to me, her hands still held tight in my grasp. I moved one of my hands down, not entirely sure what I was doing, but I cupped her boiling mound, the feel of it throbbing against me painfully. So she was tormented as well. The demons were suffocating me, strangling my lungs, my stomach, making my body twitch violently. I moved my fingers down and swept them lower, coming across a small nub and her body jerked fiercly
"Still." I repeated, my voice dangerously rough, I held my lips hard against hers. Control, control, control…
I pushed gently on the small nub and made a circle with my fingers, her skin so hot I imagined my fingers melting. She didn't move this time, her muscles were tight with tension and I sighed in relief. I knew I couldn't ask this much of her, not to move, but I was glad she had tried, for me. I hoped desperately she realized how close I was to losing my mind.
"If I hurt you…" I began, my voice hoarse, but she cut me off. "I know, I'll tell you, I promise." Oh, her sweet, sweet words. They sliced through my fogged brain and seared through my demons, clearing my mind, my throat burning just the lightest bit less. I moved my fingers around her clit once again and she bucked furiously against me, the muscles in her legs twitching and stretching with an animalistic need. I hissed against her lips, but I couldn't ask her not to move, that was the same as asking me not to want to drink her blood. It was impossible. She moaned against my lips, the sound was painful but I couldn't imagine any other pain than my own, as my erection gave another painful throb, one that sent my back arching. I slid my fingers gently farther down until I came across her opening and I gently pushed one finger into her. Her hips bucked furiously, trying to draw me in farther, so I complied, pushing into her with more force. Her arousal wafted up in the air, but I was ready this time. I cut off my airflow before it could go too far. My throat seared with pain, nothing was worse than the aching in my throat, not even my painful erection.
"Oh god, Edward." She whimpered.
I didn't breath, couldn't breath as I pumped into her, keeping my thumb on her clit, rubbing and teasing it. Her heart was beating erratically, her breaths being drawn into her lungs painfully, I could imagine. She whimpered and moaned, the noises, so delicious, sending my thoughts dangerously close to the lust demon. They continued to wait, hovering on the edge of my mind, knowing it was only a matter of time. I could feel Bella's walls clamping around me so I pulled out, she was ready.
"Are you ready?" I asked her, my voice low, the animalistic tone back in place. I swallowed painfully, finally realising how much excess venom had pooled in my mouth, my jaw ticking, my eyes tight. I was ready for a battle, a war.
"Always." She gasped as I licked my way up her body, stopping beside her ear. "Always for you." She gasped. I forced my mind blank as her words threatened my throbbing shaft, I could handle this…I could… I could…
I groaned, the sound painful even to my ears.
"You're sure?" I asked her, forcing my voice to be gentle. I held her wrists in my hand firmly, I didn't know if her touch would send me over the edge or not. I could feel my shoulders flexing, trying to relieve the tension in my body, I needed to loosen my muscles, I didn't want to hurt her. I needed more time to focus my concentration and so I looked down at my body hovering over hers, drawing her attention there as well. As she watched me, I allowed myself to breathe again, I was going to have to get used to the smell of her arousal if we were going to get anywhere. The heat in my throat burnt viciously, almost crippling me but I restrained, I had to get used to it, I had to. I watched her anxious eyes as they swept over my body but I barely noticed, the conflict was in my mind and I had to resolve it.
I smiled at her then, when her eyes snapped back up to mine. And the feeling helped loosen my jaw, helped ease the tension. I lowered my body down to hers and released her wrists so I could hitch both her legs over my hips and I heard her heart stutter then fail, then speed up. I positioned myself at her center, the freezing tip of my painful erection rolling across her heated core, the feeling sending tendrils of shock through my body.
"Please." She whimpered and the power of her words had me growling, the feeling rumbling through my chest. I pushed into her lightly and her whimpers sent my mind out of focus… No! Concentrate! I pushed in gently, feeling the muscles in my abdomen contract painfully; she was so hot, unbearably hot against my freezing skin. I was trying, trying so hard not to hurt her, I ignored the shock of pain in my shaft as my skin cried out for more friction, more, more…
I reached her barrier. "I'm so sorry Bella, this is going to hurt." I whispered in her ear gently and she clawed at my shoulders, nodding her head. I twitched my hips, the tiny thrust breaking her barrier easily, too easily and I shuddered when I realized, once again, how I could break her with one powerful thrust. I watched her face anxiously, her eyes were tight, her jaw clamped shut and I panicked, a feeling of relief to my constant battle of lust and blood. As much as it pained me, I tried to pull out, but she stopped me with a small shake of her head. I waited, several agonizing minutes. She was in pain, because of me. Would I inflict more pain on her, if I lost control? The idea had my nostrils flaring in self-loathing. No, I wouldn't hurt her, never.
"Ok, I'm fine." She panted, her legs constricting against my hips, pulling me farther.
"You're sure?" It felt like the hundredth time I'd asked her that within a span of ten minutes. But I wanted to be sure, for a moment, I wanted to make sure she was ok instead of focusing on how I felt. I was so selfish sometimes. I could feel the disdain in my voice, the concern that wrapped its way around my tone. She pushed her hips up against mine feverishly and I couldn't stall any longer. This was going to be one hell of a fight. To prepare myself, I placed my hands above her head against the headboard, so I could fight off the urge to grasp her too tightly and I lowered my head down to hers, our ears touching. It wasn't the safest spot for my teeth but I figured I'd find some sort of distraction less my demon get the best of me.
I took a breath, my demons resting on the sidelines of my mind, anticipation twisting their ugly faces, a mirror of mine, into snarls of pleasure. I pushed in deeper, the feeling of her warmth wrapping around the most intimate part of me sending tendrils of shock, flashing and exploding in my lower stomach. Oh, but she was so hot, so warm, the heat was suffocating, torture and yet the most intense pleasure I had ever felt.
"So warm…" I groaned, the sound muffled in the pillow right below my nose. She whimpered and I worried for her body, was I too big? Was I hurting her? But she clawed at my shoulders, her nails racking up and down my back, sending my lungs gasping for air I didn't need. My hips twitched gently and I held my breath awaiting the pained cry from my Bella but she only moaned softly, her eyes scrunching together. The heat of her core pulled at me, tugging me in greedily. The demons smiled, their eyes glowing a fierce red as I struggled with them, willing my mind for control. And then I hit the end, I couldn't go any farther and the pressure around my shaft squeezed pleasure and pain shocking through my system. My brain hazed over, as if someone had draped a blank sheet over it. But instead of the gut wrenching fear I had imagined as the demons presented themselves I felt relief, as normal human instincts were the first thoughts to cross my mind. Move. They instructed and so I obeyed.
"Bellaaa…" My voice growled out, my hips bucking in harder than I had anticipated but she absorbed the shock and simply lay underneath me, panting, whimpering, gasping for air…
"Harder." She whimpered, that one word racking a shiver through my body and all I could do was obey, because there was nothing else to think of, nothing else to argue about. I slid out and pushed in with less of an eighth of my strength but the feeling had my muscles straining so hard I couldn't believe they hadn't torn themselves in half. My nostrils flared dangerously and I could feel my throat burning but this time, it was over shadowed by the clawing, wrenching feeling in my stomach.
"Please." She gasped, squeezing her thighs against me. Oh, her pleas, they had the ball of flame in my stomach scrunching so tight I could feel my eyes roll back in my head, my control slipping away from my mind. The demons smiled, there identical faces, my face, bared their teeth, snarled in triumph as I lost control. I growled, the sound reverberating through my chest, ripping past my lips as I pushed into her, deeper, harder. Harder, harder, harder… You know she would take the pain for you. She would be happy you gave in, you know she would… The demons chanted in my head. No. They would not win.
I moved my hands down from the headboard, gasping in air that seemed oddly important to me now, oddly necessary as the warm air infiltrated my burning lungs, helping clear my mind. But I needed an anchor. The air wasn't enough… I grasped her arms, her shoulders, her sides. Grasped anything that would remind me of her, she was real, she was underneath me and…vulnerable. The monster finished for me, the cruel smile in place, the burning red eyes.
I hissed into the pillow, trying in vain not to grab her too tightly, but needing the pressure, needing to hear her heart pounding the life into her, reminding myself that I could kill her. My shaft throbbed, and pulsed inside of her, the feel of my own thrusts sending electric currents into my lower stomach, where it coiled in anticipation.
"Bella, Jesus Christ!" I gasped into the pillow as I pushed into her harder, pumping in and out creating a rhythm, a pattern that would have my heart failing if it were still beating. I barely registered the blasphemy as it left my mouth, I didn't curse, well I didn't curse loud enough for Bella to hear. I gripped her arms tighter, my hands moving restlessly, squeezing her breasts, pushing against her hips, if I was hurting her she didn't complain. But my body needed more. Needed to go deeper even though I knew there was no where left to go. The coiling in my stomach was ready to spring, the feeling twisting and turning, burning, scorching me as I let my hand travel down to her rear where I lifted her, pulling her against me. The angle had my head spinning, overcrowded with too many faces, too many feelings and desires. I had hit her harder than before, right at a spot where it was most sweet. I could hear her heart beat uncoordinatedly, something that should have concerned me. But frighteningly enough, it didn't.
I was too consumed with my own burning, my own coiling ripping desires that for a moment I didn't care, It didn't matter if I was hurting her, I needed release…I needed Bella and I needed her blood. It was too much. Too confusing, too many desires filled my mind; all of them completely different form the next.
"Edward! Please don't stop, please." She whimpered loudly and my mind snapped back into focus. Bella, she needed me, she needed more.
So did I.
I pushed into her harder, hitting that same sweet barrier. But it wasn't enough, I wanted more, more of her. I was barely aware of the vicious snarls that barrelled out of my chest, the hissing pants or the growls as they left my quivering lips. I gripped her harder, around her hips, her wrists, her arms, her shoulders, but it didn't matter. Focus, focus…Bella was close, the twitching of her core a painful reminder. My own painful pleasure rocking my body harder into her, impossibly deeper. Her walls were clamping, the pressure squeezing pain into my lower stomach were the demon rested, he roared and twisted, the feeling suffocating me, dragging me down into the bliss I knew awaited me. So slowly that I hadn't noticed, my jaw had opened, my teeth position at her neck, my familiar demon beckoning, taunting my aching throat as my teeth grazed her skin. No! I almost screamed aloud as my jaw spasmed, ordered to bite down on the soft delicate skin and also being directed away. Oh, but there was only that small thing that kept me from reaching my fullest desires, one small thing that would have me howling Bellas name in release. Her blood, her sweet, tantalizing blood as it flowed, pounding inches, no, millimetres away from my teeth. I continued to thrust, not even aware of the amount of strength I was using, I couldn't control that now, I was trying not to drain her life away with my teeth, poison her with my venom.
Bella whimpered, the sound painful to my ears and I realized how close she was once again, so close to her own satisfaction while mine raged about her blood, needing to taste the sweet rivers of it as it pooled down her neck…
A distraction, I needed a distraction. A growl ripped through my throat and was once again muffled by the pillow. The pillow! I quickly sunk my teeth into it, ripping it apart, letting my teeth have their satisfaction while my thrusts speed up, pounding deeper, harder, faster…
I let my fingers drift down her body until I reached her clit where I pushed against it, rubbing it in circles, teasing, pinching it.
"God, Edward God, please…" She mumbled incoherently as her chest panted for the air she was obviously lacking. Her eyes opened, and the milky dark chocolate of her eyes were hazy with love, desire, pain and pleasure all mixed into one as her walls spasmed around me.
"Edward!" She screamed, the way she said my name, like a worship, twisted my lower stomach into a frenzy, it thrashed out, twisting and coiling, burning and aching all at once. My release so close…so close. The monster in my mind roared in dismay when it realized it had been tricked by the simple pillow. It raged, storming around in my mind, begging and burning, awaiting the flow of her blood. Bella shivered, all her muscles contracting, her lower stomach quivering uncontrollably as her orgasm racked through her body while mine wasn't coming fast enough. I pumped harder into her, the squeezing, tightening of her walls burning into me, searing me with unbelievable pleasure that came across as pain.
"Bella, Christ!" I howled, the sound not as muffled due to the torn pillow at my side. I felt her orgasm begin to slow, but mine was only on its way. I pushed, my hips twitching continuously as I thrust faster. And finally, the agonizing pain was at its peak, the pleasure unbearable as her heat surrounded me, forcing my body to twitch and shudder as I spilled inside of her. My fingers left her center to grip the bed beneath us as my body rocked into hers. Stars appeared behind my eyes and even the monsters inside of me seemed temporality blind by the force. But my teeth were up against her neck once again, once again they tried to rip out her throat, to tear away the bit of flesh separating her blood from my now throbbing, achingly dry throat. Quick as lightning, right before the last waves of my orgasm left my body, I swivelled my head away and ripped apart another pillow, shaking my head and snarling into it. Fighting against the sickening urge to tear out her throat.
Finally, the rippling of my body ceased. The burning in my lower abdomen was reduced to a mere ache, as I was satisfied in the most intense way I could have ever remember.
Bella! My mind screamed at me when I realized I couldn't hear her heart. But it pumped blood into her body only after a second, simply recuperating against the onslaught of emotion. I sighed in relief, I had done it, she was alive, she was breathless and I had beaten my demons. This time, it was my own face, golden eyes and all, that sneered and smirked back in their identical faces. I had won.
I gently lowered our shaking bodies, still panting for air until we reached the mattress before I quickly flipped us over, Bellas chest resting against mine as she was flipped atop me.
"Thank you." She mumbled against my chest, her voice sounding exhausted but filled with complete bliss. I was about to reply, my mood turned bubbly due to my victory… when I saw it.
Fresh bruises littered her body, every inch of her beautiful cream skin. They weren't developed enough for human eyes but I could see them, and it disgusted me. I turned my face away quickly, too quickly for her to see the pain and loathing I knew had settled in my eyes. I was appalled with myself, disgusted and revolted. I was a monster. A demon amongst the ones in my mind.
"We did it." She whispered, her voice full of awe, if only she knew how close I was to….
"We did it." I agreed, trying in vain to push the roughness from my voice. But she heard, as I knew she would and she turned her beautiful, angelic face up to mine with a frown creasing her brow. But I kept my face hidden, too ashamed with myself to gaze at my angel.
"I love you." She whispered the frown still in place.
"Love you too Bella." I whispered back, allowing my face to turn and look at her. My eyes no longer prickled so I knew they must be gold, good, I didn't want to ruin her night more than I already had.
"Now go to sleep, I'm sure you're exhausted. " I whispered to her, a forced gentleness to my tone. I could tell she wanted to argue but I quickly trudged up the chorus of her lullaby and I watched as her heavy eyelids closed, a peaceful smile alight on her pink lips.
I had the rest of the night to contemplate my latest actions, the rest of the night to wallow in self-loathing before my angel awoke…
A/N- Hey guys, well there's Edward's point of view, i'm terribly sorry if anyone is disapointed, it took me a very long time to write this, contemplating the best way to portray him, to captivate his thoughts and actions. Thank you all for reading and for your encouraging reviews and comments. Thank you all very much i hope to see just as many reviews as i got in my last chapter, thank you all so very much.