Pony: Disclaim away, Disclaimer Dude!
Disclaimer Dude: Pony doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!
Chapter Two: Raise the Glove Thingy!
"Friendship Puffball! Friendship!" cried Tea. She did a victory pose upon defeating Joey for the fifteenth time.
"FIDDLESTICKS!" Joey bellowed. He swept his arm across the desk, sending the Duel Monsters cards flying. Then he jumped from his chair and flipped the desk over in his frustration.
"Do you have to do that every time you lose a duel?!" Tristan asked in irritation.
"Blue pumpkins!" Joey cursed.
Yugi, Tea, and Tristan gasped at the sudden outburst.
"Joey, watch your friendship!" Tea hissed.
Suddenly, the bell rang and everyone was magically teleported outside for recess... Darn you high school kids who get recess...
"Yugi," Joey began sadly, "Mah pitchfork flapjacks scoot in noodle soup."
"Joey, the reason you stink is because of that salmon you always keep in your pocket," Yugi replied.
After that remark, the blonde pulled the salmon out of his pocket.
"Serenity!" Joey screamed, slapping Yugi's face with the salmon known as Serenity, his sister.
Yugi rubbed his afflicted cheek and smiled at his psychotic friend, "And the reason you aren't very good at Duel Monsters is because your deck is full of the weakest monsters, candy wrappers, and pieces of paper with poorly drawn monsters."
"Yugi, daisy curtain hamster?"
"Sure, Joey. I'll help you!" Yugi smiled in a noble way, "Throw in twenty bucks and you'll become a good duelist eventually," the spiky-haired shorty squealed as he was handed the asked dollar note, "I can't teach you, Joey. But I know someone wise and strong in spirit-but low in body that I can even overpower and force against his will to do the impossible-that can teach you."
xxxx
Solomon had purchased a new c.d. player, but this time he had a Brittany Spears c.d. playing. The crazy old man had a pair of capris and a tank top and doing poor executions of the pop singer's sexiest moves. He hadn't noticed that Yugi and Joey had entered. They both watched him dance with disgusted expressions.
"Hit me, baby, one more time!" Solomon sang poorly. Right on cue, Joey hit him in the back of the head with his salmon.
"Serenity!" Joey screamed.
Right. Serenity.
"Yugi? Joey? Did you skip school again?"
"We sure did, Grandpa!" Yugi replied proudly.
"That can only mean one thing: You have discovered that I am actually the leader of the race of mutant potatoes that plan to enslave the male human race and reproduce our species with the females, dominate the Earth, and fill the Grand Canyon with whipped cream! The other humans must not know of this! I have no choice but to kill you both!" exclaimed Solomon and he whipped out a rubber sword.
"No, Grandpa, it's not that. We came because I have a new student for you."
"Oh!" The relieved old man sighed and he ripped off his outfit, revealing a tuxedo. He put on a pair of cool black shades and held out a small object with a button on top. He pressed the button and a blinding light flashed. He took of the shades and ripped his tuxedo off, revealing his normal clothing, "You saw nothing and you don't know anything about the mutant potatoes."
"Gramps!" Joey fell to his knees before Solomon with the look of a desperate loser, "Purple goose pantyhose Duel Monsta's!"
"You're a freak, Joseph!" Solomon proclaimed to the pleading teenager, "Get out!"
"Grandpa, don't you remember what I said about a new student?" Yugi asked as if this was nothing out of the ordinary.
"No! Of course not! I'm senile! Duh! What student?"
"Joey."
"Fine!" Solomon shouted. He waved a magical wand that conjured itself into his hand. In a cloud of pretty, sparkly, pink smoke, the old man was wearing a sergeant uniform, "Welcome to the world of Duel Monsters! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
xxxx
Joey trained for weeks without sleep. Poor boy. Yugi, Tea, Joey, and Tristan were chillin' on the couch, watching the Duel Monsters Championship on the telly.
On the telly:
"Welcome to the final match of the Duel Monsters Championship!" the announcer announced, "Here, we have the bug-obsessed dork, Weevil Underwear!"
"HEEHEEHEEHEE! UNDERWOOD! HEEHEEHEEHEE!" Weevil cried in anger.
"I know, Mr. Underwood, I just like to call you that. And my brother paid me fifty bucks to call you that."
Weevil pouted.
"Next, is the favorite, Rex Raptor!"
"Heeheeheehee! Why do you always get the other duelists' names right?! Heeheeheehee!"
"Because you're a freak of nature and I hate you. And my sister paid me a hundred bucks to say that."
"Heeheeheehee! You suck! Heeheeheehee!" Weevil growled in pure fury.
"Let the match begin!"
Off the telly:
"Purple puppet fish!" Joey yelled at the television.
"I know it should be you up there, but you can't expect to get away with beating up the referee because he said you can't have pizza delivered to the dueling stadium," said Yugi.
On the telly:
"Phear teh wrath of meh dinoz!" Rex laid down his monster on the field, "Go, Barney!"
B:ATK/1500,DEF/1000
"Hey, kids!" giggled a chubby purple dinosaur with a green underbelly and spots. The crowd recoiled in fear. The announcer screamed like a little girl.
Weevil, too, set down a monster, "Heeheeheehee! Go, Fire Beetle! Set that polyester lizard on fire! Heeheeheehee!"
FB:ATK/1550,DEF/900
A bright red beetle appeared onto the field and fired a stream of flames at Barney, causing him to combust.
"Darn ya!" Rex's eye twitched as he lost 50 life points, "Ah summon mah Two-Headed King Rex!"
THKR:ATK/1600,DEF/1200
As soon as the new dinosaur took one look at Weevil's bug, it began screaming in fear, "A BUG! A BUG! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!!"
Fire Beetle chased Two-Headed King Rex in circles until it committed suicide by diving at Rex's life point counter. The impact took out the remaining life points.
"And Weevil Underwood is the wiener!"
"HEEHEEHEEHEE! WINNER! HEEHEEHEEHEE!"
"That too... Now the presenter of the trophy! The creator of Duel Monsters, Maxamillion Pegasus!" after he was finished with his announcing, the announcer took the microphone away from his face in order for him to snicker at Pegasus' name, "What kind of a name is Maxamillion Pegasus anyway? Heh... Maxamillion..."
"Congratulations, Weevil Underwood," said Pegasus as he handed the little worm the trophy, "What are you going to do now?"
"Heeheeheehee! I'm going to Disneyland! Heeheeheehee!"
Off the telly:
"Oh, Yuuuugiiiii!" Solomon sang much to the dismay of the gang's eardrums, "You got a paaackaaaage!"
"Sweet!" Yugi immediately jumped from the couch to snatch away the package to keep his grandpa from singing any more.
Solomon handed Yugi the package and he ripped it open as if it were a birthday present. In the package was a gauntlet with two shiny stars and a video tape. He picked up the glove and slipped it on.
"Cool! A glove thingy!" Tristan exclaimed excitedly.
"Maybe the friendship manual is on the friendship tape," Tea suggested.
Yugi put in the video tape and Pegasus popped up on the television screen.
"Greetings, little Yugi, I am Maxamillion Pegasus."
"Hi, Maxamillion Pegasus," chorused a group of random people from a rehab that suddenly appeared behind the couch.
"Froogle doogle, Maxamillion Pegasus mooing under coat hangers?" Joey asked stupidly.
"What did the slacker say, Yugi?" Solomon asked.
"Joey said, 'What was Maxamillion Pegasus doing inside the video tape when he was just inside the t.v.'?"
Everyone except Joey and Yugi face-faulted, including the random rehab people.
"What kind of name is Maxamillion Pegasus anyway?" said Tristan, "Heh, Maxamillion."
"Hello?! Remember me?!" yelled Pegasus, gaining everyone's attention, "Yugi-boy, I heard about your feat with Kaiba-boy and I thought I should test you myself."
"Eh?" said everyone.
"What are you? Canadian?"
"I am," one of the random rehab people piped.
"Alright, Yugi-boy, let the test begin!"
"But I didn't study!"
Pegasus' upper body shot out of the television, holding a freeze ray gun.
"Cool 3-D affects!" Tristan exclaimed excitedly for the second time in this chapter.
"Freeze!" Pegasus blasted Yugi's friends, grandpa, and the rehab people, freezing them.
Yugi turned into Yami, "Pegasus! I will play your game, but if I win, you will thaw out my friends!"
"Yes, Yugi-boy, but we will play in a different world."
Yami gasped, "The Shadow Realm?!"
"No, somewhere different." Suddenly, everything was turning pink.
"Why is everything turning pink?"
The two duelists entered a world of warm fuzziness. Everything was pink. The ground was made of clouds. Gingerbread people, teddy bears, cute plushies, and little animals were everywhere. There were lakes and waterfalls of chocolate and mountains of rock candy.
"It's horrible!" Yami gasped in terror, "Where am I?"
"The Happy Fuzzy Realm! I'm home! Come to me, my little friends!" Tiny birds, squirrels, rabbits, and baby woodland creatures gathered around.
"It hurts my eyes to look at these monstrosities!"
"How dare you hurt the feelings of my little brothers and sisters!" Pegasus snapped.
"Let's duel!"
"We're on my turf. I'll go first. I summon Happy Bunny!" Pegasus set his monster onto the field, "The authoress does not own Happy Bunny."
The rabbit commonly seen on shirts appeared onto the field.
HB:ATK/1800,DEF/1600
"I summon Kuriboh in defense mode and set one card face-down!"
"Happy Bunny, attack Kuriboh!"
"Reveal face-down card: Straight Jacket! It traps your Happy Bunny!"
A white straight jacket conjured onto the field and bound Happy Bunny.
"NOOOO! Happy Bunny!"
"My turn, you son of a rabid monkey! I summon the Dark Magician! Dark Magic attack!" cried Yami.
In a blast of dark energy, Happy Bunny was destroyed.
"I summon the Adorable Fuzzball in defense mode! Your turn, Yugi-boy."
A pink fuzzball with large, cute eyes and a red bow on her head appeared. When Kuriboh saw her, his eyes turned into red hearts. He rushed over to Adorable Fuzzball and gave her a bouquet of flowers he pulled out of the plothole. She cooed happily upon seeing his gift. She nuzzled him and purred. The two fuzzy monsters wondered off of the dueling field.
"Okaaay... Dark Magician, attack Pegasus' life points directly!"
The Dark Magician just stared blankly into the direction where Kuriboh left with Adorable Fuzzball, completely baffled.
"My turn, then," said Pegasus as he drew a card, "I summon the Monopoly Guy in defense mode! The authoress doesn't own the Monopoly Guy."
The guy from the game of Monopoly appeared onto the field.
MG:ATK/700,DEF/1300
"Dark Magician, attack!"
"No free parking for you!" the Monopoly Guy screeched as he disappeared in the blast.
"I activate my magic card: Call of the Cartoons!" Pegasus cried in triumph, "It allows me to summon two of my favorite cartoon monsters. Come forth, my children!"
Out of a flash of colorful flashing rainbows, the characters from Pegasus' favorite comic books appeared onto the field; a pink rabbit and a brown dog.
"And I'll activate their special ability!"
"What special ability can those two freakizoids possibly possess?" asked Yami.
"Patience, Yugi-boy. Go, my little children! Attack of the Plushies!"
"What?!" Yami gasped as a multitude of adorable plushies appeared onto the field. And they were getting closer.
"Plushies, attack Dark Magician!" Pagasus ordered and the plushies turned to the Dark Magican.
The spellcaster's knees trembled as the plushies slowly made their way toward him. One by one, the plushies of different animals left their mob and went forward to challenge the Dark Magician. He swatted them aside with his scepter as Yami could only watch in horror. Then in a wave of fluffy cuteness, the plushies rushed after him. They grabbed onto his clothes and ripped them off, revealing a pair of boxer shorts with tiny radioactive flying dust bunnies printed on them. In his embarrassment, he fled from the field to hide.
"Well, Yugi-boy, if your Dark Magician was man enough to remain on the field, you might've had a chance," Pegasus teased.
"Leave my mother out of this!" Yami growled.
"Sorry."
"I forgive you, Peggy Weggy," Yami smiled.
"Thank you, Yugi Woogie Boogie."
"You're welcome, Pegsy-poo," Yugi cooed.
"Since I won, I win your grandpa," proclaimed Pegasus.
The Happy Fuzzy Realm disappeared and they were back in the real world.
"Thank Ra I'm out of that wretched world."
Yugi's friends, Solomon, and the rehab people were unfrozen.
"We're free!" they rejoiced.
Suddenly, Pegasus pulled out a vacuum and it sucked Solomon into the television. The screen only showed static, signaling that the video tape was over. Yami switched with Yugi, who curled up and cried like a sad little child.