She's Gone

by sisterthemoon

Somehow he just knew, Shepard was gone. Joker has to tell Kaidan Alenko of Shepard's death, twice. Very depressing story told from two perspectives: Kaidan and Joker. ME2 verse where the suicide mission really is a suicide mission and only Joker remains. Complete in 3 parts.

2. Chapter 2, Horizon

Chapter 2 - Horizon

"Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."

This time, the voice that echoed through Kaidan Alenko's head was his own. Two years, one month, and twelve days after she'd ordered him away from her side as they were losing the Normandy, this time he voluntarily walked away from her.

"Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."

The rumors were true. Shepard was alive. Alive,but working for Cerberus, the same terrorist organization they'd tried like hell to get rid of on their original tour together. Why didn't she let him know she was alive, that she'd survived the attack on the Normandy? Hadn't she given him a single thought in the past two years? How could this be happening?

"Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."

He had loved her, had missed her so much that he thought he might die from it. Opening that pod , hearing those words that he almost begged Joker not to say...all that grief was for nothing. She was alive, and had betrayed them all.

"Goodbye, Shepard. And be careful."

He almost wished he hadn't seen her at all. As far as he was concerned, Shepard was gone.

---

"I've had enough of this colony."

When Shepard called for pickup, Joker heard that last sentence echo over and over again in his head. He'd been listening, as he always did, on the armor comms, and his heart broke for her when he heard some of what Alenko had said.

"I've had enough of this colony."

Alenko never blamed him for Shepard's death. None of them had, even though they all should have. He knew how much Alenko meant to Shepard, how much they'd meant to each other, and he'd been trying like hell to find a way to let Kaidan know what had happened to Shepard, but Cerberus was constantly working against him.

"I've had enough of this colony."

He could hear the emotion in Shepard's voice, even though she'd done her best to control it. Garrus could probably tell, too. They knew her best, after all. Joker knew how much she'd been banking on finding Kaidan, how that had been keeping her going, and it had turned out to be a complete disaster. He should have tried harder to find Kaidan, damn it, should have found a way to make him listen, but he hadn't.

"I've had enough of this colony."

Now, more than ever, he feared for Shepard. They'd lost her, and it was his fault.