Our Favourite couples are back again on another episode of Fondue for Two!

A/N: I did this because I can and also for You. Enjoy.

I still own nothing.

*Fondue for Two! Fondue for Two! That's some hot dish! Fondue for Two!*

"Hey guys, Brittany Bicorn Pierce here and welcome to another episode of Fondue for Two. Since everyone loved the Fondue for Two Bacon Special with Quinn and Rachel, I've invited them back on the show."

"Glad to be back Brittany." Quinn smiles.

"Yes, It's a pleasure to come on this quaint show by my own free will this time," Rachel explains, smiling to the camera.

"Sweet! And you guys already know my Sanny Bear."

"And also head bitch in charge."

"That you are. So, as you all may or may not have realized, this is not my bedroom but what looks like a cheap motel room. That's because it is. San, Quinn, Rachel and I are on a road trip! Our high school days are almost over and it's time to start thinking about our future and where we want to be in the next ten years."

"I know what you'll be Britt," Santana says. "My smoking hot wife and probably president."

"Aaw thanks San. And you'll be my baby momma."

Quinn raises one eyebrow and points at Santana. "Santana aka 'I'll cut a bitch' has agreed to carry your children, Brittany?" she smirks.

"Nothing has been decided yet Fabray."

"Yes we have. We've already discussed this San. You said that you don't mind making your tummy a temporary home for our five kids."

"Five kids!" Quinn snickers in the background.

"Shut it Fabray!"

"Anyway, we've been checking out some colleges and really getting serious about our territory education."

"It's tertiary Brittany," Rachel corrects.

"Is that French?"

"No you said territory when the word is tertiary meaning the third stage of education." The room goes silent and Rachel feels slightly uncomfortable as all eyes are fixed on her. "Um.."

"So Quinn!" Brittany smiles. "What do we have in store for our lovely viewers this evening?"

"Well-"

"Wait!" Rachel cuts in. "Brittany I thought I was doing that! I have been practising all morning!"

"Rachel, let me remind you of the 300 word limit you were given. You should use them wisely."

"I know that but.."

"You're down to 247 now Berry, you better watch it."

Rachel closes her mouth and sits back in her chair.

"So Quinn, tell us!" Brittany ushers her on.

"Today we have an actual college student stopping by to give us a little insight on college life. Then we'll play a tiny game and end it off with some viewer mail."

"Great! So since we're not at home, we don't have a fondue but what we do have, as you can see, are some tacos and juice that we put in this tequila bottle. This is not tequila in any way, shape or form."

"Definitely not alcohol or anything that might intoxicate us," Santana assures.

"Before our guest arrives, how about we give you a little update on our lives!" Brittany continues. "San and I are still in love and going strong. We're planning on going to the same college but if we don't.."

"We will Britt. I'll make sure of it."

"How will you do that Santana?" Rachel asks.

"Don't worry your pretty big nose, Big Nose."

"I believe you San." Brittany smiles. "In other news, Quinn and Rachel are officially a couple! Since the show, they've gone out on a few dates and have been inseparable. Why don't you guys tell us about your date last week?"

"Dinner and a movie," Quinn states. She has a very special bacon taco in her hands and has no time to talk.

"Lame." Santana yawns.

"We had a romantic candle lit dinner at Quinn's house," Rachel begins.

"That's totally bad for your eyes," Brittany says to the camera.

"Then we took some snacks and a blanket to the lake and had a small picnic under the stars."

"And you guys didn't get attacked by ants or flying baby vampires?"

"No, I'm always prepared. Then we went back to my place and watched a movie while snuggled up under my two person Snuggy. It was wonderful."

"Sounded awful," Santana grimaces. "Quinn did you get some? I bet it sucked ass."

"Don't answer that Quinn!"

"Rachel, you're down to 182 now," Brittany informs.

"To answer your question Santana, no, we did not have sex."

"Is it because you'll puke if you see her naked?"

"Does Brittany puke when she sees you?"

"Brittany drools then jumps me."

"It's true."

Quinn rolls her eyes. "Whatever. Rachel and I are waiting for the right time."

"Cut the crap Quinn. You asked her and she said no."

"Precisely." Quinn takes a bite of her strictly bacon taco.

"I knew it!" Santana laughs.

"San do you remember our first time?"

"Of course I do Britt-Britt."

"You were so terrified and you kept apologizing over and over and over again."

"Yea Britt, I told you I remember. No need for the flashback."

Quinn could see that Santana was getting uncomfortable."Why was she apologizing so much Brittany?"

"It's none of your damn business Lucy."

"Please don't call me that."

"Whenever I moaned, she thought that she was hurting me. Then she cried afterwards."

Quinn is literally on the floor now, she has never laughed this much in her life. "Oh my god, that is the funniest thing I have ever heard!" she says as she wipes the tears of mirth from her eyes.

Santana folds her arms and scowls. "Yea yea laugh it up. I wasn't born a sex goddess like everybody thinks. I know my way around that little rosebud now though." She smirks and winks at Brittany.

"Definitely."

Quinn is still laughing while Rachel looks on at the scene before her. She wants to join in but is too afraid of Santana's wrath to even giggle. She just looks on and smiles.

"What are you smiling at, Elmo?"

"Nothing!" Rachel quickly responds.

Santana opens her mouth to say something but then there's a knock on the door.

"That must be our special guest! Santana go open the door just in case it's not."

Santana goes to open the door to reveal their guest.

"Everybody please welcome Jesse St. James to the show!"

Jesse enters and his eyes land directly on Rachel. "It's good to see you again Rachel."

Rachel blushes and smiles shyly. Quinn watches their interaction but remains silent.

"We met Jesse at this frat party we went to last night. It was pretty wild and he and Rachel even did a duet together which nobody really cared for. I asked him to come on the show and he agreed," Brittany explains.

"It's an honour to be here Brittany. I would never miss an opportunity to be in the presence of someone so talented as I am."

Santana rolls her eyes. "Yea yea whatever, Pleather. We brought you on here to tell us about college life so get to it."

"It's not all that really. I majored in show choir..."

"Wait, majored? As in you're not anymore?" Rachel asks.

Jesse nods. "How was I suppose to know I was to show up at those other classes at school?"

"So you flunked out of college?"

"Yea, I just assumed it would be like my old school and they'd have some Asian kid to take my other electives."

"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard," Santana says.

"Not to worry though, I have it all planned out."

"Oh really?" Quinn asks, raising one eyebrow.

"Yes, I'm going to open a dance studio for show choirs and.."

"Ok Jesse stop," Brittany interrupts. "The only plans I want to hear about are Quinn's, which still remains a mystery to me. You also look like my Spanish teacher's long lost son and it's scaring me."

"I bet Rachel thinks otherwise." He looks to Rachel. "Rachel, you do want to hear about my plans right?"

"Jesse I'll have you to know that I'm in a committed relationship with Quinn and her plans."

"Hmm. Well it looks like the only plan Quinn has is to scarf down those bacon tacos."

Quinn stops eating, gets up and makes her way over to Jesse. "What did you just say?"

"I said-"

Before Jesse finishes, he gets slapped..hard.

"Yea, I thought you said nothing." Quinn turns around and goes back to sit.

The room is once again dead silent. Rachel's mouth is on the floor, Brittany is thinking of unicorns and Santana is... impressed.

"That was mediocre at best," Jesse says, breaking the silence. "You need to put a little more life in your slaps Quinn."

"Jesse , I think it's time for you to get the fuck out," Santana tells him.

"Fair enough. Rachel it was nice seeing you again. I hope that someday you will realize that my plans are bigger and better than Quinn's." Jesse says as he leaves.

"Well that was interesting," Brittany lies. "Next on the agenda is a drinking game I like to play called, Never Have I Ever. Rachel you're down to 151 now but we'll take the word limit off just for the game."

"Why thank you Brittany, I-"

"The game hasn't started yet so you're down to 146. Santana please tell us how the game goes."

"We go around the room and each person tells us something they have never done. Those who have done it, must take a shot of tequila..I mean juice. We're going to go three rounds and the person who takes the most shots loses and has to buy us all breakfast."

"Ok let's begin!" Brittany states. "I'll go first. Never have I ever... gotten pregnant."

Quinn takes a shot to everyone's surprise.

"Quinn, you have a baby!" Rachel asks, flabbergasted by this revelation.

"No, I gave it up for adoption."

"How come you never told me this?"

"I don't like to talk about it and sometimes I forget. I would've told you eventually though."

"I'm sorry Quinn, I didn't know," Brittany apologizes.

"It's ok Brittany."

"Moving on. I think it's my turn," Santana says. "Never have I ever liked Rachel Berry."

Brittany, Rachel and Quinn all take a shot.

"I thought you said this wasn't alcohol Brittany!" Rachel coughs, the liquid burning her throat.

"Shut up Berry and suck on your lemon."

"It's your turn now Quinn," Brittany continues.

"ok, never have I ever had a threesome."

Brittany and Santana take a shot.

"That night was crazy."

"I know."

"I believe it's my turn now," Rachel announces. "Never have I ever gotten arrested."

Nobody takes a shot. Quinn and Rachel turn to Santana. A bit puzzled as to why she hasn't taken one.

"What? Just because I'm from Lima Heights Adjacent you automatically assume that I've been arrested? That's low," Santana says, shaking her head.

Brittany gently rubs the small of her girlfriend's back. "Don't worry San. They don't know any better."

"Bitches. I never get caught," Santana grumbles.

"So that's the end of round two. We have a tie between Quinn and I with two shots. Let's move on to the second round where the shots are even bigger!"

"I'll go first," Quinn begins. "Never have I ever skinny dipped."

Santana and Brittany take their shots.

"You're missing out Fabray," Santana states. "Never have I ever worn the same outfit twice."

Only Rachel drinks.

"My turn!" Brittany informs. "Never have I ever broken a baby chicken's house."

Rachel, Quinn and Santana drink.

"Is it getting hot in here or what?" Rachel slurs and snuggles up closer to Quinn.

"I agree," Brittany replies and takes her top shirt off. "It's your turn now Rachel."

"Ok," she laughs. "Never have I ever um..skipped school!"

Brittany, Santana and Quinn take their shots.

"Woo! so round two is over and it's time for the third round! Quinn, San and I are tied with four shots. Who will be the loser? Let's find out in this final round where the shots are at their biggest!" Brittany takes her other shirt off.

"I'll start!" Rachel grins. "Never have I ever had sex!"

Everyone takes their shots.

"But I want to lose my virginity tonight!" she exclaims. "To all of you!"

"Ok Rach, I think the juice is getting to your head," Quinn replies.

"I love you Quinnie the Pooh! You're so pretty and smart and you smell awesome! You smell like Pink!"

"Quinn you better control your woman," Santana giggles. "I only have sex with humans."

Quinn glares at Santana."I'm so sick of you insulting my girlfriend Santana!" she yells, her anger clearly rising. "Rachel is beautiful and at least she doesn't have to stuff her boobs with silicone to feel good about herself!"

Santana's eyes go wide. "Brittany! I can't believe you told her about my summer surgery!" she argues on the brink of tears.

"It just slipped out. I'm so sorry San." Brittany goes to hug her but Santana pushes her off.

"Don't touch me!" Santana runs to the bathroom and locks herself in.

"Um how about we take a short commercial break?" Brittany says, forcing a smile at the camera.

"Make love to me Quinn...I'll do anything for you!" Rachel hiccups, now straddling her girlfriend.

Brittany goes to turn off the camera. "I think we should get sobered up first before we continue. I'll go get Santana and you two help me find my clothes." Brittany is now in her underwear and has no idea when that happened.

Thirty minutes, a gallon of water and some sweet lady kisses later, Brittany turns the camera back on.

"Sorry guys for that. We really got out of control there but we are back and doing just fine. Right guys?" Brittany asks but no one answers. "Right guys?" she repeats.

"Yea, whatever," Santana grumbles.

"Just fine," Quinn responds.

"Good. Rachel has fallen asleep which is a good thing since she has used up the 300 words she was given and we have decided to call off our little drinking game. So now it's time for some viewer mail. Santana?"

"Ok, this is from IHuggedAGirl and it says: Hi Brittany, I'm obsessed with your show and was just wondering what you got Santana for Christmas and vice-versa?"

"Good question IHuggedAGirl and nice name! What I got San for Christmas were these coupons that were good for one thing like a kiss or a cookie."

"I especially liked the 'Bath time with Brittany' coupon and the 'Good for one Lap Dance' ones."

"Do you still have anymore?"

"A few that I'm saving up for a rainy day."

"Cool. I also got her a pair of shoes that she really wanted and a new charm for her charm bracelet."

"I loved all of them Britt-Britt." Santana smiles. "What I got for my woman were some bling, sexy lingerie, the Barbie Glam Vacation House and another very special toy."

"Best Christmas ever."

"It was. Next question Britt. This one is actually about Quinn. It's from FondueLover95 and it says: Hi Brittany and Santana, you guys rock. My question is about your friend Quinn and her obsession with bacon. I think it's weird. Doesn't she get tired of eating it?"

"Quinn do you want to answer this one?"

"Sure Brittany. No, I could never get tired of eating bacon, FondueLover95. Now my question to you is, do you ever get tired of breathing?"

"Well there you have it. Next Question Santana."

"This one is from DancinNinja and it says: Dear Brittany, I'm graduating High School this year and going off to college, leaving my girlfriend of almost two years behind. Should we end things or try to have a long distance relationship?"

"I think you should try the long distance relationship first and see how that goes. If you guys really love each other then you should make it work somehow and be willing to wait until forever for that person."

"Good advice Britt. I also think with enough phone sex and naked webcam sessions, it would be like you were never really gone and the wait won't feel as long."

"Totally. Alright, one more question."

"Ok this one is from RosesAreBlue: Hey Brittany, I'm helping my cat find love and I think Lord Tubbington would make the perfect match for her. If you're up for it, why don't we schedule a play date for the two of them?"

"That sounds awesome RosesAreBlue but I don't think my Tubbykins is up for it as yet. You see, he was married to my other cat, Charity, and she was everything to him. One day, while making love under the dining table, Lord Tubbington got a little carried away and crushed Charity beneath him. Since then, he started smoking and swore to never love another feline again. He goes to therapy now and is on the road to recovery but he's still not 100%."

"It's been a hard road for him," Santana adds.

"Yea, for all of us." Brittany sighs. "So that brings us to the end of this week's episode. We had lots of fun with Quinn and Rachel and we.." Brittany stops and runs to the bathroom.

"Britt! Are you-" Santana stops and throws up all over the floor.

"Ew! Santana!" Quinn screams. "This is so disgusting!"

Brittany pokes her head out of the bathroom. "Quinn!"

"What?"

"Turn the camera to me."

"But there's puke everywhere."

"Just do it."

Quinn does what she's told and turns the camera to Brittany.

"Ok um, that's it for the show. Everybody drink responsibly!"

*Fondue for Two!*