Act II: Mallrats

In the control room, Captain Watanabe looked down at his watch. 2:30. This was the time when trouble would start for sure. The local high schools technically let out the hour before on Saturdays, but the snotty ones were doing extracurriculars and the punks always took their time. No, it would about now when things began to get interesting.

Right on cue. Watanabe thought as he got a beep on the radio.

"Watanabe here."

"Sir. We got a disturbance. Some argument between a teenage boy and a girl. The girl yelled she was in trouble. We surrounded the boy but the girl in question ran off scared. What should we do?"

Watanabe thought a second. "What did the girl look like? Was she uniformed?"

"No sir. Casual clothes. Fair skin, red hair. About 150 centimeters give or take."

He blinked as he painted the picture in his mind's eye. "Wait. Where are you?" Watanabe began looking towards a bank of monitors that covered the wall in the back of the room.

"Concourse B on Level 2, near the shoe store."

"Hold on a moment."

Captain Watanabe scanned the various screens, displaying different areas of the mall like he wa reading a book. He saw the area indicated on a monitor labeled "B-12"

"Gunma. Punch up the feed from camera twelve from the last ten minutes or so on my desk."

"Yes sir!" The subordinate yelled as he began typing on a large keyboard.

Watanabe fiddled in his pockets for a cigarette and lit it as the footage was brought up on a monitor at his fancy oak veneered Formica desk. The last ten minutes of footage from that camera played back in at double speed. He saw nothing, then a girl in a dress skulking and crouching down behind some bushes. Then after a moment a man approached her from behind. The girl turned and looked startled before yelling something inaudible to the video-only camera feed.

"Hold!"

The footage stopped and Watanabe noted the single braided pigtail on the girl. Watanabe took a long drag on his cigarette before taking it and tapping the ashes on the blue low pile carpet.

"Got ya."

Watanabe grabbed his radio. "Okay. Bring the boy in and sound the alarm. We're at Saotome Alert 3. This is not a drill!"

Inside the control room, a red light flashed and a loud klaxon blared. So loud in fact, Captain Watanabe dropped his radio and cupped his ears.

"Turn that klaxon off, Gunma!"

"WHAAAT?"

"TURN IT OFF!"

The klaxon stopped, as did the light. Watanabe stood and picked up his radio and cigarette and straightened his dougi and tie.

"Okay... Silent alarm going forward. Bring that boy to interrogation! And send a patrol to find and tail the girl" Watanabe took a last drag of his bent cigarette before discarding the butt on the scorched carpet by his desk. He whispered to himself. "When the rats come to play, Saotome can't be too far away..."

Daisuke walked around the third floor of the wall. She looked down and saw a small altercation with mall security, but it didn't really pique much interest. She wasn't looking ahead when she bumped into someone.

"Oh, sorry!"

"Sorry," the voice said, in a lightly pitched tenor. Daisuke took a step back and saw a man in a Chinese robe and navy pants and shoes similar to what Ranma normally wore. She looked up at the face and after a second, it was as though Daisuke felt something click in her mind.

"Suzuki?"

The man blinked and looked at the woman and her outfit. He looked at Daisuke's face for a second before he expression went flat again.

"Takahashi. I might have guessed. You look like Debbie Harry," Yuka said dryly.

"Thanks!" Daisuke replied, smiling at him. "You look like the 'boke' in a comedy duo."

Yuka shrugged. "Whatever. As long as I look normal enough."

Daisuke looked at Yuka oddly a second before leaning towards Yuka. "Well, why don't we hang out a while? Saotome had some idea about 'picking up' guys from our school to relive trauma or something? But I'd rather just walk around a while. What about you?"

Yuka sighed. "Akane is trying to find Ranma and stop her from doing... whatever it is you knuckleheads are doing."

"What, shopping for outfits and eating food? They got some good taiyaki back at the food court."

"Ugh, don't even talk to me about food right now. I'm still stuffed from the fucking Nekohanten..."

"Well? How about it. Let's hang out a bit."

Daisuke danced around Yuka as they passed by a clothes shop.

"This a good place?"

"I dunno. I don't shop much."

"What about that place over there? That looks fun." Daisuke pointed at a newsstand. Yuka shrugged.

Yuka browsed the newspapers as Daisuke read through the magazines.

"This one any good?" she asked, holding up an issue of Nonno.

"Uh, I think my older sister reads that one."

Daisuke put it back before picking up a CanCam.

"This one any better?"

Yuka narrowed an eye. "Why do you care?"

Daisuke, "Cause it looks fun." Daisuke looked at Yuka, whose interest had turned back to news magazines. She went and picked up the fashion magazine, along with some weekly manga and an issue of Hobby Japan.

Daisuke then walked to Yuka, who had taken to standing around, flipping a 10 yen coin in her hand.

"Is there something you wanna do?"

"At the mall? Nothing much. Not my scene."

"Well you may be full, but maybe you can buy me a treat?" Daisuke leaned towards Yuka and batted her eyelashes.

Yuka turned away and started walking. "Use your own damn money, Takahashi."

Daisuke followed Yuka for a bit. She swore she could hear arguing, but it was distant. By the time they reached one end of the mall, near the movie theater that anchored the establishment, Daisuke finally stopped in front of Yuka, poking at finger at his chest.

"What's your problem, Suzuki? Why aren't you having fun?" she asked.

Yuka sighed. "And how do you suppose I should have fun? What do you do for fun normally?"

Daisuke thought a bit. "I dunno. Hang out with Hiroshi. Video games. I like making model Gundams when I'm at home. Those're neat."

"Just what do you think I do normally?"

Daisuke thought a moment. Her voice sounded matter of fact, like she was remembering an encyclopedia entry. "Shopping for clothes, hang out with friends? Some other social thing?"

Yuka sighed. "And what about me says I'm anything like that? Cause I'm normally a girl?"

Daisuke shrugged. "I guess? I mean I'm kind of a loser, cause I'm a guy."

Yuka blinked. "That doesn't make any sense. If you're a loser, it's your own damn fault! Don't fucking bring gender into it."

"Why not?"

"Cause it's bullshit. Don't go ascribing your gender any more meaning than it has. All it means 99 percent of the time is so much..." he paused, making a face, "pants meat."

Daisuke added, "Don't forget the chesticles."

Yuka's face turned down into a frown. "Please tell me you used that word ironically."

Daisuke smiled. "Would you prefer 'sweater puppies'?" She giggled a bit.

Yuka put a hand to his head. "But you made my point. We're still people. I don't feel any different. It's all bullshit and I don't get why people are being weird."

Daisuke looked oddly at Yuka. "You don't feel different, at all? Like not even a little?"

Daisuke walked away from Yuka and settled against a wall between shops, leaning back and putting her hands in the pockets of her dress.

"That's so weird. I feel so different." Daisuke said. She tried sussing it out.

"Maybe being a girl is so much better, you don't notice the other way? I never felt so light on my feet before. Colors seem like more colorful. I just feel like in my own skin, but it's a better model." As to make the point, Daisuke straightened herself and began playfully dancing around Yuka a bit, flailing her arms all the while. Yuka heard the taps of Daisuke's feet and looked down.

"Are those heels?" he asked.

"I guess."

"How high are they?"

Daisuke shrugged. I didn't measure em... I guess 8 or 10 centimeters."

Yuka blinked. "How can you do that?"

"Do what, walk?"

"Yeah. why aren't you wobbling around like a newborn deer?"

Daisuke stopped. "Whaddaya mean? I'm a girl. Girls know how to do that stuff."

"Cause we're forced to learn how, idiot!" Yuka cried out. "Hell, I suck at walking in heels."

Daisuke paused, clearly confused. "I didn't know. It just came naturally to me, like the other stuff."

Yuka looked at Daisuke annoyed. "You're a real piece of work, you know that?"

Daisuke shot back, "Oh! At least I'm not a spoilsport like you, Suzuki!"

"I'm not acting like some macho jerk stereotype, so why are you acting like a bimbo, Takahashi!?" Yuka raised his hands in front of her, and let out an exasperated groan.

"A bimbo!?" Daisuke replied, looking red-faced at Yuka. "I'm just being myself. I feel more like myself than I can remember!"

Yuka opened his mouth to counter but paused. Daisuke was confused until she stopped and considered what she said. There was an awkward silence.

"Unhand her, knave!" a voice cried out from the distance. Yuka and Daisuke looked down the hall towards a young man in blue hakama and keikogi. He pointed a bokken towards Yuka.

"What the hell..." Yuka asked.

"You do much distress to a poor fair maiden. She of great beauty and hair as bright gold as corn silk. You, on the other hand, are a repellant toad."

"What."

Daisuke looked at herself. "'Fair' maiden? I always thought I was a bit tan, to be honest."

"But alas, I do not suspect a strange boorish sort such as you," he emphasized by again pointing his wooden blade at Yuka, "would know as a figure such as myself. Tatewaki Kunou, the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, and deliverer of salvation to all maidens in distress."

Kunou then turned to give his version of a noble smile.

"What is your name, fair one?" he asked.

"Takahashi, Um, Dai-" Daisuke paused as she groped for a fake name.

Tatewaki's eyes grew in approval. Suddenly he moved and embraced Daisuke tightly. "Of course, such a beauty of your hair must be of at least some foreign parentage to have such a pretty name as Diana!"

"Erk" was Daisuke's reply as she felt Tatewaki squeeze tightly.

"Diana?" Yuka asked, a bit dumbfounded.

"Fair Diana! We shall date!"

"We shall?"

"Yes! The very name and manhood of the Kunou line is on the line! I will show you the ways of courtship, fair maiden." Kunou began turning towards to movie theater, Daisuke in his arms.

"Um... 'kay." Daisuke looked back at Yuka and shrugged. "Protip, Suzuki. Guys that have money get dates."

Yuka blinked and stared as Daisuke walked away willingly with Tatewaki Kunou.

"...wow. Okay, then."

Yuka, now alone, looked around and saw a sign for the restroom. "Well I kinda had ta go anyway," Yuka muttered as he ambled on. He stopped for a second, realizing he almost entered the women's room.

"Whoops. Not today I guess. God I hope the men's room isn't as gross as they say it is..."

Yuka took a step in and... nothing. It seemed about as clean as any public bathroom he'd ever seen. There were stalls, though fewer than he was used to and across the stalls, small porcelain tubs with shiny chrome handles.

"Huh." Yuka remarked, a bit confused when someone came up behind him, moving past and stood in front of said porcelain tub, and unzipped the front of his trousers.

"Oh! Duh." Yuka hit the side of his head quietly. He moved to the urinal and, after lifting the front of the robe, found the fly of the pants and gave it a try.`

Okay. Damn, this rules. Yuka thought as he stood in front of the urinal. Wonder what else this thing's good for?

Ranma slowed down her run when she realized she was in a new part of the mall. The commotion had died down and Ranma slowed down to a walk as she took in the sight of shoppers walking around, looking at trinkets and clothes. Many of them came in couples, or groups of friends.

Ranma felt a small pang of guilt. She was here to teach Daisuke and Hiroshi a lesson and yet... Maybe this was a dumb idea, after all, Ranma though as she turned around and ran into someone who was behind her.

"Ah jeez, sorry I—Mousse?"

"Oh!" The man initially looked embarrassed until he adjusted the thick, almost opaque glasses and leaned down closely looking at Ranma. His expression soured as he said flatly, " Saotome. Someone familiar... for once, today."

"Huh?"

Mousse stood and waved her off with a hand. "Nothing. Where's Shampoo? I've been looking for her since she traipsed out of the Nekohanten."

"Shampoo's running around here?"

"Yes! Probably to find you, for whatever reason. Are you sure you haven't seen her?"

"Hell if I know! I just spent the last fifteen minutes running from an angry guy and for once it wasn't Ryouga, Kunou or you."

Mousse suggested, "Perhaps it was one of your school friends?"

"Fat chance. Hiroshi n' Daisuke got Instant Nyannichuan'd. I'm teachin' em what it's like ta be me for a day, but we kinda split off. I was just about ta find em and—"

"I did not mean your cronies." Mousse interrupted. "I was referring to Akane Tendo and her friends."

Ranma fell back, finding herself flat footed. "Wait! What didya say, Mousse?"

Mouse sighed. "I didn't get all the details since I was... indisposed by my darling Shampoo. I did however catch some talk. It seems that your betrothed didn't like the idea of you 'being perverted' with those two friends of yours so she and her friends aimed to follow. Shampoo, however..." he paused for dramatic effect, though he was looking at the mall directory sign, "decided to have fun."

"What the hell did she do, Mousse?" Ranma said. She gulped, having a good idea what the answer may be.

"She thought a game similar to yours was in order. She splashed Akane and her friends with Instant Nannichuan and gave them some of my clothes." Mousse sighed.

Ranma thought for a moment before her face and she felt her stomach drop. "Y—you don't happen ta own a white shirt that said "I, N, X, and S" in English?"

"That's 'INXS', you uncultured tomcat! 'Need You Tonight' is awesome!" Mousse said defensively. "Damn it all! She took my band t-shirts, too?"

Ranma slumped down, her head spinning. She thought So that guy really was... that—that thing was.

"Ah, shit! I left 'kane behind with the cops." Ranma began to turn around. "I gotta go back!"

"Not without me, Saotome! I have to find Shampoo before—"

"Before what?"

"Before you or someone else does something untowards with her!"

Ranma smirked as she sprinted. "Puh-leeeease. I got enough on my plate without worrying about what Shampoo is up to. If she's around, I'll make sure she doesn't get the cops' attention."

Mousse regardless began following Ranma as the two made their way back towards the main plaza of the mall.

From the glass roof overlooking the shopping center, Shampoo observed Ranma and Mousse.

"Oh, duckboy going to ruin too too much fun." Shampoo pouted. "Wonder where go..." She looked around, coming face to face with a confused crow who landed next to her.

"Shoo!"

Hiroshi and Sayuri, still going by their hastily made pseudonyms, entered a record store next to the bookshop. The mall was new, but the store itself seemed to make an effort to look worn, like a pair of distressed jeans.

The tall man in a button-down shirt and slacks going by 'Sadahiko' looked down at his companion, the petite 'Hiroko' and asked, "Do you like music?"

Hiroko nodded, but then looked away, a bit embarrassed. "I mean, I have a Walkman, though I just listen to the radio a lot. I used to listen to a lot of Happy End when I was little cause my dad had all their albums, now that I think about it. When I was like seven, my best friend and I would share headphones and listen to my dad's old records before The Ultraman was on."

Sadahiko raised an eye briefly, but smiled.

They walked down an aisle of LPs and cassette tapes under rock.

Sadahiko asked, "what about punk rock?"

Hiroko thought for a bit. "Oh like "Linda Linda"? That's cool."

A slight laugh from the other side of Hiroko distracted her. Hiroko saw a lanky guy, with long, greasy hair in a black band t-shirt in unreadable English and ripped jeans.

"That's barely punk! I bet you think Shonen Knife is punk."

"They are punk," Sadahiko asserted. "Besides, I don't think the lady asked for your opinion."

"Whatever, pretty boy. You probably only listen to shit like Akira Terao or Wham!"

"Hey! Yoshi!" a voice yelled behind the counter. "What did I tell you about harassing the customers?!"

The greasy guy shot Sadahiko a dirty look before walking away and out of the shop. Sadahiko coughed a bit and looked at Hiroko. "Um, you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm cool. Did ya find what you were looking for?"

Hiroko watched as Sadahiko seemed to looked surprised for a second. He turned back to the LPs, flipping through the albums until he stopped and an album from the shelf and walked up to the clerk at the front counter.

"Excuse me, can I listen to this with my friend?"

Hiroko blanched. Friend? Oh shit. I hope I'm not getting in too deep.

The store owner said, "Yeah, use the turntable in the back. I gotta Y-splitter there for your girlie."

Hiroko cursed herself. Yeah people are getting the wrong damn idea.

"I really like this group. Took me forever to get a copy of their EPs after I found their album."

Hiroko examined the yellow album cover.

"Fast...backs?"

"Yeah. They're a band from Seattle. They sound a bit like Shonen Knife but more up-tempo like Eastern Youth."

Hiroko nodded. There was something nostalgic as she put on the large over-ear headphones and watched Sadahiko put on the record. The music was fun. She repeated the band's name in her head to remind herself to pick up a cassette tape at some point. She also looked up at Sadahiko and found he was looking at her. They made eye contact for just a second before, embarrassed, they both looked away.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Hiroko kept repeating in her head.

Ranma ran down the mall, Mousse behind her. They eventually neared towards the area where into... well it was Akane, after all. The idea was still jarring to Ranma. Yet, by the same token, she wondered why this was odd when seeing other people with Jusenkyo curses didn't even phase her these days. She put a stop to that train of thought as the memory of jean shorts flashed across her mind's eye.

"Ugh, I just gotta find her before more trouble shows up," she said, "Mousse! Keep yer eyes open for once and try and find Akane!"

Seeing Mousse run off., Ranma began going in a separate direction. Doing some very basic detective work, Ranma didn't find any sign of Akane, though the slowly growing number of mall security guards patrolling the main hallways was disconcerting.

"Is somethin' going on?" Ranma muttered to herself. " n' why're they dressed so... goofy?"

Ranma was about to turn back towards an escalator to regroup with Mousse when she ran into someone.

"Oh! Sorry, miss. I-" The voice, a familiar polite, but rough said before stopping, "Ranma!"

Ranma took a step back, already preparing a smirk to the young man in front of her. " 'course ya'd pick today ta show up, Ryouga..."

Ryouga grew angry. "You bastard, you followed me all the way to France to fight me?"

Ranma pinched the bridge of her nose, "Ryouga, you dumbass. You're in Tokyo."

"Wait, this isn't the Louvre? Then what is that Dutch Masters painting doing over there!?"

"That's a Snoopy Calendar, you damn moron! This is a shopping mall!" Ranma threw up her hands. "Now get outta my way. I ain't got time ta mess around with ya. I gotta find Akane."

"Akane's in trouble!? Ranma, you bastard. What did you do to-"

"Calm your boots, P-chan. She got taken by the mall cops. I dunno where they put her."

"We have to find her!" Ryouga replied, worried. "What if she gets taken to jail? She's too beautiful and delicate; prison would break her gentle spirit..."

Ranma rolled her eyes, "Yer kiddin', right? Anyway, that wouldn't even be a problem even if she was as dainty and sweet as ya think she is. Shampoo got her with Nannichuan water so-"

Ranma paused, feeling a wave of energy coming from Ryouga as he let out a roar of anger.

"What!? You got Akane cursed!?"

Ranma held up her arms, "No-now wait a damn minute, Ryouga! It was Shampoo that-"

"But you let it happen!"

"I wasn't there! And, besides it was only in-"

"Prepare to die, Ranma!" Ryouga yelled as he ran to bum rush Ranma.

Bull-headed idiot never lets me explain! Ranma thought as frantically searched. "Mousse! Where the hell did you go!?"

"I'm right next to you, Saotome!" Mousse yelled as he stood next to a large gumball machine outside of a candy store. "Wait, where did you go?" Mousse put a hand over his eyes, scouting around.

Aw, fuck me, Ranma thought as she began to run away from Ryouga towards the open food court.

Akane's was blinded by the spotlight that shone in his face.

"Ah, jeez. What the hell is that for?"

"We have some questions for you."

Akane couldn't make out any figures as his eyes still hadn't adjusted to the light yet. He turned down away from the spotlight and saw a glass of water and a napkin with writing on it.

" 'Piccola Pizzeria'?"

"It hasn't opened yet! And we're asking the questions here, boy!"

A security guard leaned into the light. Akane squinted and looked at the man in the uniform and dougi.

"Why are you wearing a gi over your mall cop uniform? Aren't you sweaty?"

The security guard paused. "They keep the mall A/C at 20 degrees and our office is by the vents. I'm actually chilly sometimes."

"Kanagawa!"

The security guard next to the lamp gulped, "Sorry chief! I mean, 'I ask the questions here, punk!' "

Akane rolled his eyes. Oh brother, these guys are just sad. "Okay, tough guy," Akane replied in as tough a voice as he could muster, which, to his surprise, was rumbly and a bit scary—at least as evidenced by the beads of sweat forming on the guard's forehead.

"Ah! I mean.. Um..." The guard looked back, "What are we asking him about, again?"

"Saotome, you goddamn moron!"

"R-Right!" Kanagawa turned, "Where's Saotome!?"

Akane blinked, "Ranma? What do you want with him?"

"Ah ha! So you do know him! You just fell for our trap, young man! What are you, his subordinate? His informant to the Chinese!? Tell us!"

"Informant? I'm no such thing!" Akane barked, "Now let me go, I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Oh, so what was that about with that girl? We know she's associated with Ranma's gang!"

Akane tilted her head. "Ranma has a gang?"

Kanagawa gave her a smarmy look, "Well that is what we have called it. We're pretty sure it's some sort of Communist terrorist splinter cell whose main goal is to sow chaos, confusion, and fear in the suburban Tokyo populace for..." he stopped, his bravado left along with his words. "... reasons."

Akane put a hand to his head. "You guys are crazy. Ranma is just an idiot with more ego than common sense!"

Kanagawa leaned back, "Okay fine, let's regroup. Tell us about yourself. How do you know Saotome? Or the girl?"

Akane's eye twitched in a way she realized was the way he acted when having to deal with Kunou. "Saotome is... a good friend of mine and the girl..." Akane thought for a second. Well this is basically true.

"The girl is mine."

"Then why did she scream for help?"

Akane laughed, "To distract you idiots. She was mad I was ruining her fun."

"Her fun."

"Yeah, she's just here to shop and spend my money. Nothing to worry about."

Akane leaned back, trying to efface nonchalance as he built his story. "Yeah, that's what she does. I'm her sugar daddy. She comes and spends my money, I get mad, then she bats her eyes and flashes her chest at me, and... how can I get mad at that little spitfire?" Akane continued, his vision going a bit hazy, "She has that cute smile that she thinks lets her get away with anything and when she gets close and breathes on her neck and smells so good, you almost do."

Akane's face grew red. "I get so mad when she goes and tries to pick up guys. I swear she does it just to make me mad and then when I yell at her, she gets mad and walks away, but she always comes back to poppa..."

There was just dead air in the interrogation room as Akane finished.

"Yeah, hate to see her leave, but I love watchin' her go. Know what I mean, copper?"

Kanagawa blinked, his face visibly reddened. "Uh, yeah, keep it in your pants, kid. Somehow..."

Akane blinked and realized what he said, "Oh! Oh, um, sorry, sir."

Kanagawa shook his head. "So tell us, when Saotome and his cronies are gonna get here."

Akane shrugged. "As far as I know, um, Ranma isn't around today. Just me n' my girl. You won't have any trouble."

"Oh was that the story with Asaka? That what happens when Saotome and his gang don't cause trouble?"

Akane stopped and looked a bit nervous "Thaat—that was complicated." Akane said. "Ukyou was going on about how she was losing her turf and-."

"What? Our files state Ukyou Kuonji is a boy!"

"With tits like hers!?" Akane barked a laugh. "Yeah, right!"

"So 'her' turf? Is Kuonji running coke and meth for western Kanto, like we suspected?"

"What!?" Akane yelled. "Ukyou is just mad someone from Kobe opened up a takoyaki and yakiosoba stand in Wako! So she hired Tsubasa to-"

"Oh yes, Tsubasa Kurenai, the veiled lady assassin of the 23 wards..." Kanagawa nodded sagely.

Akane was rendered dumbstruck. "Uh, Tsubasa's a guy. Like, really."

"Sure she is." Kanagawa leaned in more, poking a finger at Akane's beefy chest. "What are you all, masters of disguise!? Let me guess, you're a girl in disguise, too!"

Kanagawa laughed along with the other guards in the room, the derisive laughter echoing all around Akane.

"Yeah, right." Kanagawa continued, "If you were, you'd be the ugliest, muscle-bound tomboy out there. And you'd have to be smuggling a dachshund in those tiny shorts!"

Akane's fist began tightening and he took all of his willpower to remain calm. Suddenly alarms rang out and red lights flashed.

"What's going on?" Akane asked.

"Saotome Alert Level Two!" A voice in the darkness shouted.

Kanagawa walked away from the interrogation lamp before yelling back, "Oh? What do you have to say about... this!"

He wheeled a TV on a cart. On the screen, there was somewhat grainy black and white image of Ranma, still as a girl fighting someone hurling a metal bench. A second later and the person looked back. With a clearer view, Akane recognized the bandanna clad young man, currently dodging a chain which itself emerged from the sleeve of a third person, who had just entered the camera's view, his long hair draped behind him.

"Ran-" Akane paused, "I mean Ryouga? And what's Mousse doing here?"

"Yes, what are they doing here? Is this some kind of reign of terror!? Tell us now kid, or you'll be in even more trouble than you're in!"

Akane looked around, unsure what to do until he noticed that, on the TV screen, Ranma was putting her hands together and mouthing something in a familiar way. Instinctively, Akane flinched as the screen flashed white. A split second later, there was a rumble from below.

"Guards! Stations!" a gruff voice in the darkness called out and the guards opened the door to the closed pizzeria and ran off. Akane was left alone.

"Huh. That's different. They didn't even tie me up." Akane stood and stretched a second. He then took on a fighting stance. "Goddamn it, Ranma! What are you doing now?"

Meanwhile, Ranma found herself leading Ryouga outside of the mall away from the small food stalls, but instead actual restaurants and fast food joints which dotted the exterior, offering casual diners beautiful views of Hikarigaoka.

That pastoral view was ruined as a young woman in a sundress and sandals sprinted down the paved walkway in front of the shops. Behind them a young man, running only a slight bit more slowly, caused the ground to tremble and the walkway to turn to gravel as he gave chase

"Get back here, Ranma! Come back and fight like a man!" Ryouga yelled at Ranma.

Ranme turned her head back, stuck out her tongue and pulled down her eyelid. "Oh, I'm sorry Ryouga, you'll have to take a raincheck. It's a 'Girl Day'!"

Ranma saw the walkway beginning to end and, to shake off Ryouga, turned and ran into a shiny new McDonalds. The various dining patrons looked on as Ranma as she quickly, but deftly ran from table to table, as though she were running on a stream by jumping on lily pads.

" 'Cuse me! Comin' through! Hot Soup! No peekin', perv!" Ranma made a point to pull the hem of her sundress down and close to her while lightly kicking the offender in person with her straw sandal, breaking his nose.

A second later, the patrons, dazed by the display of speed and deftness of movement, felt a slight rumble before their tables, bolted to the floor, fell over as an angry young man bull rushed through the, plates of burgers and fries exploding behind him like greasy fireworks.

She turned forwards to, unfortunately find the end of the foodcourt and a concrete wall. With a "Splat!" that echoed in the large space, thanks to the abundant tile flooring and painted concrete walls, Ranma slumped back on the floor, her arms splayed as she mumbled disoriented.

Ryouga walked up to Ranma. He looked down at Ranma's dizzy face. "No more running, Ranma! Get up and fight! You'll pay for what you did to Akane."

"Hold it!" A trio of officers said, with raised batons. Ryouga looked back, scratching his head and asking himself, "Why're they wearing dougis over their uniforms?"

Ranma jumped to her feet and raised her arms. "Fuckin' mall cops! Thanks, Ryouga. Just what we need today."

Ryouga yelled, pointing at Ranma. "I'm not done with you yet, Ranma!" The two turned to get through the assembled security team. The mall security moved to corner them when a scream was heard from behind.

"My darling Shampoo!"

The trio of mall security were bowled over by a man in Chinese robes ran over them and towards a figure to Ranma and Ryouga's left. The two looked at Mousse as he hugged... something.

"Oh Shampoo, are you hurt?" Mousse gasped in shock, "Oh, no! My love has been rendered speechless by the trauma!" He looked up at the sky, tears streaming down his face.

Ranma and Ryouga looked at each other confused. Ryouga, finally, let out a stage whisper to his rival.

"Is.. is that Grimace?" Ryouga asked. Ranma took a second look as Mousse hugged the friendly conical monstrosity.

"Stupid Blind Duck!" Shampoo said as she jumped down from the drop tile ceiling and kicked Mousse in the head. The force of the kick, caused the small statue to break and fall over at the feet.

"You killed The Grimace!" A small child cried out, in tears as she hugged her mother's leg.

"There there," her mother said. "It's okay! Nothing can kill The Grimace."

Mousse lay unconscious holding the lovable friend of Ronald McDonald as Shampoo sauntered towards Ranma, draping her arms lovingly around Ranma's shoulders.

"What're ya doin, Shampoo?" Ranma asked, her voice beginning to tremble as she spoke.

"What look like, airen? Have fun time with Shampoo, yes?"

"W-w-wait, but Akane is trapped with the-the cops and you Nannichuan cursed her, and-and I'm stuck like this right now so I'm a girl for the day no matter what!" Ranma replied, the last point she emphasized in a "and that's that!" tone.

Shampoo nuzzled closer. "I say recently I dislike girl Ranma? No, Shampoo like. Like lots."

Ryouga's face grew red as Shampoo rubbed her head against Ranma's collarbone and the visible decolletage of Ranma's dress She looked up at the redhead with wanting, hungry eyes. Ryouga felt as though his brain was going to melt and drip through his nose.

The young man shut his eyes and, with a cry of "You bastard!" threw a punch at Ranma.

Ranma went from awkward panic at the huggable Shampoo who was clamped on her form to sensing the fast moving fist, dodging at the last minute and noting the large hole in the concrete wall behind her that Ryouga has made.

"Woah! Cool it! You're gonna hit Shampoo!" Ranma yelled out.

"Oh, airen, you do care!"

"Dammit, Shampoo! Get offa me!" Ranma yelled, barely ducking a second punch by Ryouga. Ranma found herself practically carrying Shampoo as she ran along the order counter.

"Shampoo have idea to defeat Pig Boy, Ranma."

"I'm not murdering Ryouga."

"... Shampoo out of ideas."

Ranma dropped Shampoo on her feet behind the counter as she turned to fight Ryouga, who had jumped up, kicking the register to the floor with a warped "ka-ch0ng!" sound.

"C-Come on Ryouga! Relax!" Ranma said, ducking various side kicks by the angered young man, "Can't we, uh... talk about this over a coke and a smile."

"Raaaaargh!" Ryouga threw a haymaker at Ranma. "

"Okay, no coke." Ranma gave Ryouga a weak smile. "Pepsi?"

Ryouga spun around to kick Ranma with a roundhouse kick.. Ranma leaned back, using her arms to stop he backwards fall as she ended up in a crab walk. While the actual force of the kick missed Ranma, the wind his leg moved through blew the hem of Ranma's dress up a bit revealing high cut mint green panties. Ryouga's attention caught sight of the colored garment and stunned himself as he realized what he was looking at.

"Ack! God damn it, Ranma!" Ryouga held onto his eyes and nose.

Ranma smirked and pushed herself back up. "What's a matter pork chop? Can't handle a little glimpse of a girl's p—wooooAH!" Ranma began tauntingly, until she stepped on left behind double cheeseburger on a tray and her footing gave out from under her, causing Ranma to fall off the counter and onto the floor.

Ryouga, now recovered from being flashed inadvertently, looked down, ready to strike when he heard a whistle from the back of the counter.

"You too too annoying pig boy! Go away to farm girl or I make you Ma Po Tofu!" Shampoo yelled as she stood up by the soda fountain and placed a finger over the nozzle of the soda dispenser. She pressed the button and soda streamed at Ryouga, who was in mid air trying to kick Ranma.

Akane finally made it to the scene of destruction. Strewn across his feet were hundreds of fries that did not survive the conflict and a broken toy spyglass with the Hamburglar's visage on it. He looked up, seeing Ranma in a fighting stance as the liquid coming from the soda fountain hit Ryouga.

"Ranma!" Akane called out. "Stop fighting with..." The Akane's voice died in her mouth as he saw the effect of the cold carbonated beverage on Ryouga. In that split second, the veil was torn from Akane's eyes as Ryouga's clothes fluttered onto the order counter and P-Chan flew into Ranma's arms.

The little piglet began biting the red-haired girl's arms repeatedly.

Akane was stock still, speechless as he heard Ranma let out several small yelps in pain.

Thanks to RDavidson and prise-en-passant for pre-reading and copyediting!