A/N - Blecch. Ok, my 'scientific facts' may be a bit off. Sorry if they are. I highly enjoy writing this, if for no other reason than to put the Fellowship through some torture. |-}

Disclaimer: You know what I own. I only need to add: a bottle of Old Winyards and a hug from Legolas. *shrugs* But I still don't own the Fellowship, which as I said earlier is probably a good thing.

Chapter Two

Field Journal Entry #2 - The creatures in question, of the Sirenia genus, species perfectivilus, appear to be incredibly persistent. Their minds are extremely one-track -

"Stop writing in that -" Aragorn sneezed violently, then continued, "stupid diary!"

"It is not a diary," Legolas said in a dignified voice, still scribbling away, although it was raining cats and dogs - not to mention the fact that the two friends were balanced in the high branches of a tree several miles from the palace. "It is a field journal for my scientific observations." The Elf flicked his wet hair out of his face, as it was dripping on the pages, and continued. "I simply cannot afford to get behind in light of our recent discoveries of the behavioural activities of Sirenia perfectivilus."

Aragorn stared, non-plussed, at his friend. "You're mad as a hatter."

"Leeeeeeegolaaaaass!" came a call from the woods below. "Aaaaaaaragoooorrrn!"

Hastily, Legolas shoved his journal into a pocket and scanned the canopy. "I cannot see them," he reassured Aragorn, but added: "They are out there still, not far."

Grimly, Aragorn said, "We must find a safer refuge."

"Where?"

"Perhaps in the Misty Mountains, among the tunnels and caverns. I doubt they would follow us there."

Legolas glared at him. "Oh no you don't! You know I could never survive down there. I need to feel fresh air, smell the green of growing things -"

"Would you rather smell the creatures' perfume and feel their slobbery kisses on your cheek?"

The Elf let out a frustrated sigh. "So be it then. We go into the mountains." Staring darkly out over the forest, he added, "I hope the spiders eat them all first."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Only a few calls echoed occasionally over the rocky valleys and peaks of the Misty Mountains. Legolas and Aragorn hiked stolidly along, determinedly ignoring the far-off cries. Besides the nerve-racking screeches, there was no sign of the creatures.

Until a party of Mary-Sues, yelling excitely and toting snare nets and a bouquet of flowers apiece for their loved one, poured over the bluff to their right and attacked them. At this point, however, the Ranger and the Elf ran for a cleft in the mountainside.

The Mary-Sues did not follow them in, but the two friends couldn't get out with them guarding the entrance. Their only choice was to go deeper into the narrow passage and hope it eventually led back out.

All through that dark journey, the two started continually at the smallest noises from the shadows. They feared Orcs - or worse.

Then Aragorn stumbled over something in the dark - something breathing.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" all three screamed.

"Aragorn? Legolas? Is that you? Oh thank Eru!" Boromir's terrified voice came out of the darkness at their feet. "Mary-Sues are after me. Mary-Sues are coming to get me! There is no escape from their evil, wicked touch -" he babbled on.

"Mary-Sues?" Aragorn asked dumbly.

"The tall fair demons that drop from the sky. They are looking for me. We must hide, they will get you too!" Boromir let out a hysterical giggle. "Can't sleep. Mary-Sues will get me. Can't sleep. Mary-Sues will find me -"

Legolas glanced with concern in what he assumed was Aragorn's direction. "I think he's gone insane."

"I'm sane. I'm saner than you! You know not the dangers of this blight upon Middle-Earth!" the Steward said hurriedly. "They come from the shadows, born of madness and lust. Their eyes gleam like the fires of Morgoth. They seek you out swifter than bloodhounds, and once they latch onto you, like leeches, they will never let you go until you are an obedient servant to their will." He started laughing." But they didn't get me, oh no, I escaped, I found a way!" Boromir's voice rose higher. "They tracked me from Gondor, ever on my tail, until at last I took to the dark paths under the earth! No, they did not find me, they did not subdue me to their will! And yet," he finished in a near-whisper, "I dare not sleep, still..."

Legolas fumbled in his pocket for a lightstone (a twin to the one on Gandalf's staff). As he brought it out, it began to glow.

Boromir sat on the tunnel floor, his knees held tight against his chest. The Gondorian's fine clothes were ripped and torn, and he was rocking back and forth with a vacant, horrified look on his face.

"Mary-Sues," he mumbled. "Mary-Sues! Oh, someone please help me... Erenriel is after me. Erenriel is after me and she is coming swiftly -"

"Erenriel?" The other two were obviously too shocked to do anything but repeat what Boromir said in a clueless manner.

"The worst of them all. Most persistent. Legolas, watch out. She says substitutes are all right, but when she finds him she's keeping Legolas for the rest of her life."

"Uh oh." Legolas paled. "That doesn't sound good."