This chapter takes place before Comedy of Errors. Really, this could be read without even knowing about Comedy of Errors as it is rather pointless. Just me trying to get back into my humour writing. Thank Dancing Feather for this chapter. A part of it is obviously based on my 'Fruit' drabble from 'The World, Piece By Piece'.
Brothers Are Meant to Make You Want to Kill Yourself
"I had a dream I vas Prussia."
Sometimes the mornings would start like this. Where nothing made sense. Not that much which came from Gilbert's mouth made sense. Ludwig wondered why he would bother trying to convince his brother what came from his mouth was stupid. The man never got it.
The real question was why the hell would Gilbert show up at his house for breakfast. He should probably stop feeding him.
"You can't be a country," he responded. Gilbert could not be much of anything, but this was stretching it more than usual.
"Vell... it vas like being a country in my own body!" Gilbert shrugged as he sat down at the table. Ludwig glared down at the wurst he was cooking.
"Dat is stupid. Plus, Prussia no longer exists. You can dank Ivan's country for dat."
Gilbert hit his hands on the table. "I knew I hated dat bastard for some reason!"
"No. No you didn't."
Gilbert snorted. "I don't make fun of you vhen you have dreams about becoming a giant sausage–"
"Ve vere never to talk about dat again!" Ludwig exclaimed. Gilbert laughed.
And Ludwig had lost his appetite.
"You remember you hafe an Alfred appointment, don't you?" Ludwig relished the sound of Gilbert's squeak of horror as the reminder dawned on him. It meant part of the day when he could just relax because there was no work, and because there was no Gilbert.
Then Ludwig remembered Feliciano wanted him to help him rearrange his entire living room. Okay, so not so relaxing.
"Eat up," Ludwig said as he gave Gilbert a plate. Gilbert sighed as if the world was against him.
Ludwig knew what that was like and could very honestly say that Gilbert had no idea what it was like to have the world against him.
"But vhen I vas Prussia–"
Ludwig tuned him out and started eating. For once he skipped the wurst.
Finally Ludwig could relax. God, he loved Feliciano, but sometimes he just wanted to lock himself up in his house to get away from the other. Not that locking the door ever worked, both Vargas' seemed to be expert locksmiths. In the illegal way.
"Ludwig!"
Ludwig groaned, not bothering to get up from his armchair. He was going to sit in this chair and read his manual, goddammit. Gilbert could unlock the door with the key Ludwig never should have given him in the first place if he wanted in so badly.
"Bruder!"
Whatever Ludwig had been expecting, it had not been an apple thrown at his face. Ludwig spluttered as his gloved hands rose up to block the expected contact.
"Vhat de–"
"Eat it!" Gilbert exclaimed as he climbed through the window.
"Get out of my house!"
A small scuffled ensued, ending up with Gilbert taking Ludwig's seat and Ludwig on the ground.
"Vhere'd de apple go?" Gilbert questioned, looking around. Ludwig rose to his feet, the perfect picture of anger.
"Gilbert!"
Ludwig was quite proud of the small squeak he made escape the other. He threw Gilbert out of his house, closed and locked his window before settling himself back in his chair. He winced and pulled the apple out from under him. Grumbling, Ludwig set it aside and promptly tried to forget about it.
And breakfast.
"Ludwig!"
"Vh–"
And the applesauce left the ladle and nailed him straight in the face.
"Gilbert! Get out of my house!"
The saddest thing was Ludwig thought Gilbert would stop doing this. But apparently Alfred always made a convincing argument about dieting.
In a very illegal way. Picking locks is one of the few things Lovino actually got to teach Feliciano. Unfortunately, Feliciano is better at it than he is now. Lovino regrets everything.
I recommend reading the next three chapters if you want to be kept up to date – they are three things that happen between Comedy of Errors and Much Ado About Everything.