Letters From the Grave

Chapter 1

Disclaimer (applies to all chapters): I don't own anything even remotely related to Criminal Minds and this is for entertainment purposes only.

Author's Note: Huge thanks to everyone who read/reviews/alerted/favorited this story. You made my week :) Again, this is unbeta'ed so, any mistakes are my own and I'll happily correct them if you point them out to me. So, on with the show. Please let em know what you think!

Marina

The BAU team was glad to have a weekend with no cases after receiving the startling news of their "late" friend being alive. It sure helped to have some time to get used to the idea that she'd be getting back to the States soon and that, even sooner, they'd be able to hear from her.

The resident genius had barely slept the past few days, which caused his already raging headaches to worsen considerably. As he juggled his coffee, files of paperwork he had taken home to distract his insomniac thoughts and his leather messenger bag, he almost missed the plain white envelope sitting atop his otherwise untouched desk. Almost. On the back of it, in clean and meticulous handwriting he read the nickname that only one person used for him, Spence.

Knowing the contents of the envelope without having to open it, Reid thought best to finish his coffee and arrange his desk for his paperwork duty before opening it. To anyone passing by, it would look like he was just being very thorough and meticulous about his organizational skills. To anyone who knew him, though, it was blatantly clear that he was just stalling.

Not too subtly looking around the bullpen he was met with 'good mornings' from two other agents who had also arrived early. Sighing inwardly, he collected his envelope and cup of coffee and headed for the conference room. Their meeting was only scheduled for nine thirty, meaning he still had well over an hour of privacy with his letter and his thoughts.

Two pieces of paper fell from the envelope as he opened it. First, he read the small note from JJ, written in one of those bright pink desk pads she liked so much.

Spence,

I'm sorry I couldn't hand this to you in person, but Will had to interview a suspect and I had to take Henry to daycare. Emily wanted her fist letter to come to you, so here it is. I hope this helps you deal with the situation better. I worry about you, Spence. And I am here for you if you ever need anything. Again, I am so sorry about this whole mess.

Love,
JJ.

The other one was a plain white piece of paper that had been ripped from a notebook and folded twice, making it roughly the same size as JJ's colorful note. On the outside, it simply read Reid in Emily's familiar handwriting. It was clear to him though that she had written the word very carefully, almost tentatively and he finally allowed himself to think of how she must be feeling, all alone in an unfamiliar place, unable to have contact with family or friends.

Shaking his head gently and rubbing his temples rhythmically he unfolds the paper ceremoniously.

So, I finally got around to watching Solaris in Russian. When I did, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I miss you, you know. You never really know how those statistics come in handy until you don't have a genius around all the time anymore.

Sorry. I guess the whole 'sarcasm as a defense mechanism' thing has yet to leave me. I really do miss you, Reid. So much. And I could never fully express just how sorry I am that I had to do what I did. I don't know if you could ever forgive me and I am really doing my best to not expect much of you guys when I am finally able to come home, but I hope you can at least understand that it hurt me to do it. It hurts that I am here explaining my leaving in a letter to you. I really hoped you would never have to get this kind of letter again.

I hope your headaches have gotten better and everything is alright with your mother. And I also hope Morgan hasn't been picking on you too much since I'm not around to be the target of half his jokes. God, I miss our jokes. I even miss the stale coffee in the breakroom. Guess that goes to show just how much it sucks to be invisible halfway across the globe. Sorry, again. I just… you know this isn't about not trusting you or not caring about you, right? I really do hope you realize that. I have never felt as at home as I did in the BAU, I never had such a family-like environment or such a sense of belonging anywhere else. I think, more than anyone else, you can understand that. I was simply doing what I had to do for my family. Because that's what all of you are.

And I understand how big a disappointment it must be to know that I violated your trust and walked away. But it's all on me. Please understand that JJ and Hotch were simply following orders and doing the best to protect all of us – Declan included. I know you were upset that you didn't get to say goodbye to me, Reid, but if that's still what you want – to say goodbye – I'd be happy to give you a chance. And I will walk away if that's what you want, but I'd love it if you can at least let me see you first. See for myself that you are okay. That you have been taking care of yourself, that you have been sleeping properly and feeling better from the headaches.

I do love you, Reid. I am sorry for not saying that before but I have felt it all along. Please know that. I am very happy to say that you were my friend and a huge part of my family.

From your dear friend,

Emily.

Cradling his head in his hands, he didn't have enough strength to keep the tears at bay. He could tell how alone she felt, how deeply she was hurting, how much it pained her to have to leave him, leave all of them. Not only from her words, but from her handwriting. How could he not want to see her? Of course he forgave her – that's what families do. They hurt each other but they eventually forgive, even if forgetting wasn't that easy. Sure he wouldn't forgive and move on from the whole ordeal simply from looking at his long lost friend, but he wasn't planning on putting obstacles in the path of their friendship either. With a decidedly hopeful sigh, Reid swiped slowly at his eyes and carefully folded the piece of paper before putting it on the wallet he retrieved from his pants pocket. He had a feeling he would looking over those words quite a few times in the weeks to come.

Drop me a line and let me hear your thoughts :)

Marina xx