Part II—and a little poem from Kipling that could describe both Kim and Bonnie in this story series.
Hymn of Breaking Strain The careful text books measure But in our daily dealing The prudent text-books give it We hold all Earth to plunder -- We only of Creation Oh, veiled and secret Power
Rudyard Kipling
(Let all who build beware!)
The load, the shock, the pressure
Material can bear.
So, when the buckled girder
Lets down the grinding span,
The blame of loss, or murder,
Is laid upon the man.
Not on the Stuff -- the Man!
With stone and steel, we find
The Gods have no such feeling
Of justice toward mankind.
To no set gauge they make us, --
For no laid course prepare --
And presently o'ertake us
With loads we cannot bear.
Too merciless to bear.
In tables at the end --
The stress that shears a rivet
Or makes a tie-bar bend --
What traffic wrecks macadam --
What concrete should endure --
But we, poor Sons of Adam,
Have no such literature,
To warn us or make sure!
All Time and Space as well --
Too wonder-stale to wonder
At each new miracle;
Till, in mid-illusion
Of Godhead 'neath our hand,
Falls multiple confusion
On all we did or planned.
The mighty works we planned.
(Oh, luckier bridge and rail!)
Abide the twin-damnation --
To fail and know we fail.
Yet we -- by which sole token
We know we once were Gods --
Take shame in being broken
However great the odds --
The Burden or the Odds.
Whose paths we seek in vain,
Be with us in our hour
Of overthrow and pain;
That we -- by which sure token
We know thy ways are true --
In spite of being broken,
Because of being broken,
May rise and build anew.
Stand up and build anew!
Lamentations and Revalations
Bonnie came home that evening, angry, and frustrated. Her mother was out of town, so were her sisters (no loss there) but James had gone missing. Brick, probably. She should have dumped him. She unlocked her door, and came into the house. She'd have to call someone el-
"Bon-Bon?"
"Mom?" Bonnie turned around in Shock, and saw not simply her mother, but Dr. Possible standing at the other side of the room. "You were gone this week."
"I know… I flew back after Andrea gave me an emergency call." Her mother looked…not angry, but worried. "Bonnie… we've heard some disturbing news from some people…"
Oh God. She knows. She's… Bonnie's mind gibbered. She turned on the offensive. It had worked before. It would work now.
"So Brick told you some lies?" She hissed, "It was him, wasn't it… I knew he'd be pissed when I wouldn't sleep with him…" The lie came easy to her tongue. It was better than the alternative.
"Brick?" her mother said, "Why would you think Brick would tell us anything?" She paused, "Bonnie, the school psychologist said you were doing better…"
Because I lied to him… I had to lie to him. If people knew about… Her sisters… the team… Bonnie's skin crawled at what they would say to her.
"Nothing!" Bonnie said, "I just figured that since I broke up with him he'd be telling tales…." She paused, "I'm fine… really." She looked at both women defiantly, which was possibly the worst thing she could have done.
Andrea and Carla both looked at the teen, and saw the way her eyes couldn't seem to meet theirs, how she held herself defensively. Dr. Possible gave a small frown, and then nodded to herself.
"Well, in that case I'm happy to hear about it…but your mother has asked me to keep watch on you…. To make certain you sleep…here when nobody else is around. It should be rest-"
"NO!" Bonnie's scream was shockingly loud. "You can't!"
"Bonnie, I'm not angry, but its…" Her mother stopped as Bonnie whirled away from them.
I can't let them know, I can't let them know… She thought, terror of the memory rising in her mind. She couldn't…she wouldn't survive….
"I don't care!" She shouted, her self control crumbling, hysteria creeping into her voice.
"Bonnie-" Her mother started.
"Shut up!" She shouted and ran to her room…only for some reason the door wouldn't work.
"Let me out!" her voice scaled up. She had to get away from them, call someone, anyone, to be with her to stay with her to keep the terror at bay. She hauled on the door again.
They locked me out of my room! Bonnie thought frantically, not noticing that she was trying to open the door in the wrong direction. She pulled harder, tears beginning to fall from her eyes.
Suddenly she felt hands on her, Mad staring eyes looking down at her as she dragged her through the rooms of her house, thunder roaring in the background, and started flailing frantically, wailing.
"Let me go, let me go, let me go!" She screamed as her mother tried to hang on to her.
"Bonnie…Bon-Bon… Please! We just want to help you!" Bonnie redoubled her efforts to get away. She could get away. Run. Keep Running, never stop running.
Then she felt a prick in her shoulder, and looked over to where Dr. Possible had just injected her with a syringe of something. Bonnie's struggles started to ease, as a glassy feeling of calm came over her, insulating her from the fear.
"Bonnie…oh my Bonnie…" Her mother moaned as she half carried her, with Andrea's aid, to the couch.
"That's just a little sedative." Dr. Possible told both of them. "I was worried, but it will just calm you down."
"It won't matter…" Bonnie's voice was coming from a million miles away. "She'll get me… it always happens, when I go to sleep… even when I use pills…"
"Kim?" Dr. Possible asked. Bonnie nodded, not noticing the terrible wince on Kim's mothers face. Her mother did, and even through her tears, patted Andrea on the shoulder.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"You always go away…" The dreamy voice continued, "and you have to work…" Her mother couldn't meet her eyes at that, but Bonnie continued, "And I couldn't let anyone else know…they'd just laugh…they all hate me, you know that? That's why I have to be better than they are…"
"Ok…" Dr. Possible said, and turning to her mother quietly spoke. "We need to take her to the hospital… so the hospital psychologist can evaluate her." Carla nodded jerkily.
"Should we call an ambulance?"
"No… That sedative will last for a while, and I think we can drive her—besides," Dr. Possible said, "I don't think she's a danger to herself or others…not like..like…" She swallowed and continued, "Kim was." Half supporting the dazed Bonnie, still in her cheerleading outfit, the two women got her into the Rockwaller's van. Bonnie's mom sat in the back with her daughter, holding her in her arms while Dr. Possible drove them to the hospital, after calling to let them know they were coming.
Once in the hospital, Bonnie found herself in a soft bed, not strapped down, but tucked in, her Cheerleading uniform removed by her mother and replaced by some bed clothes she'd brought from home.
"Bonnie?" Her mothers voice. "This is Dr. Simonson…you remember him? He talked to you after the attack."
"Yes…" She said.
"Good… you need to tell him….everything." Her mother paused, "If you want, Dr. Possible and I will leave…"
Alone… Fear started to struggle against the sedative.
"No…" She said, "Stay…"
"Very well." Dr. Possible said, and Simonson sat down beside her.
"Bonnie… let's start from the beginning…"
TBC.