Orochimaru's Point of View
I'm so bored. Zaku stoke my van so I can't stalk children. Even if I could, that damn Dosu stole all the candy! This is the worst birthday ever! Well, it could be worse, Kabuto hasn't been annoying me all day. Sometimes I worry about him. I know I'm unbelievably sexy, but Kabuto needs to control himself sometimes...
Oh well, better get back to snuggling my Sasuke body pillow...
"Lord Orochimaru!"
Damn it Kabuto! You ruin everything!
"There's a situation in the main hall!"
"Send Dosu or someone! Me and Sas-pillow are busy!"
Snuggle time with Sas-pillow is the best. Sas-pillow is second only to Sasuke.
"My lord, this is very important!"
"Ugh fine. This better be important!"
Don't worry Sas-pillow, I'll be back for you...
We finally reached the main hall, took forever since Kabuto walks like a damn woman. That and the fact we have to cross ninja hallways.
"Quickly get inside!"
I walked inside, and all the lights were off. Looks like Kabuto didn't pay the electricity bill again.
Then the lights flashed on, damn! Don't they know I hate bright lights? Why else would I build a whole village underground?
"Surprise! Happy Birthday Lord Orochimaru!"
Funny, even though everyone, was here, only Kabuto said that. Everyone else was just mumbling...
Could this mean...that...I'M LOSING MY HEARING? HOW CAN I HEAR SASUKE'S VOICE ON MY SASUKE CD NOW?
Out of nowhere, the far wall burst down, and a whole bunch a ninjas ran inside! What the hell is going on?
"There's the kid! Get him!"
Then all the ninjas charged, all headed towards um...let me check the notes on my hand...okay, that's Zaku. They all charged Zaku. I wonder what he did...and why does Zaku have a giant boner?
Argh, what the fuck? The cake just exploded!
"What is this nonsense? Where the fuck is Kabuto?"
"Here I am Lord Orochimaru!"
When did he get behind me...HOLY SHIT HE'S NAKED!
"My body is ready!"
OH NO WHAT THE FUCK HE'S JUMPING HE'S GOING TO LAND ON ME NAKED SOMEONE HELP ME OH SHIT!
Almost like a miracle, Kin showed up out of nowhere and punched Kabuto in the face, sending him flying into a wall.
"I finally found you, you fucking pervert!"
Wow, she looks mad...
"Let's see how you like this! Shadow Senbon!"
...
...she threw senbon at his balls...
SHE THREW FUCKING SENBON AT HIS FUCKING BALLS!
...
HAHAHAHA, THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!