WE LEFT THE CAMARO ON THE ROAD LEAVING SINA
written by A. E. Stover
this version is self-edited

.

[02] you're the one who's tipsy, not me

.

.

.

He left the diner with Hanji tagging along.

"You'll come, won't you? I'll even bleach the whole place clean!"

"Your apartment needs burning, not cleaning."

"Are you offering your services? When can you come by?"

Levi was about to tell Hanji off when hushed, angry whispers and grunts weaved over the parking lot to fill his ears. He kept on his path to the car, but gave extra attention to the noises just in case it happened to be something needing his presence.

And to tune Hanji out.

"Ha, Levi— You look like Mike when you do that. It's really cute! All you need is a furry coat… I can get you one, if you'd like! I've got plenty! I dress up like Mike sometimes when I need inspiration, and I've found that it helps a lot, and—"

Levi shoved a wad of napkins into Hanji's mouth. "One," he began tersely as Hanji made a face while pulling them out, "shut up. Two," Levi clicked his remote to unlock their car, "does Mike know you named your dog after him?"

Hanji grinned. "Of course he does! Mike and Mike get along so well."

It was Levi's turn to make a face. He settled with wiping out their conversation altogether and getting into the car. Hanji mimed his motions, though keeping the smile and humming brightly.

"I don't like you drunk."

Hanji laughed. "I'm not drunk! I only had three beers! I'm just a little buzzed, and… Is it just me or are two guys squeezing out the window together over there?"

"It's not just you."

"Ah, okay. Then, yeah. Not drunk. Just buzzed."

Levi grunted and leaned his elbow against the window of his car. He and Hanji sat in silence together, watching the idiot duo squeeze and wriggle themselves out the window together. There seemed to be a big age gap between the two; one looked about fifteen while the other looked to be in his mid twenties. The younger one had on a worn leather jacket the color of shit while the taller one had something wrong with his hair (dye it properly, jackass). They were the ones Levi had heard making those sounds.

The older one got out of the window first; he'd pushed the younger one back in to get out and was now facing his buddy with arms spread open. Jump, he seemed to be saying. Fuck you and your crappy hair, the younger one seemed to answer. Maybe. Levi couldn't tell, really. He was shit at reading lips, and he could barely hear their voices now. The brat's face sure as hell fit; Levi couldn't remember the last time he'd seen a face so furious.

Oh wait, he could. It was this morning, when Erwin told him he'd been re-assigned to tag with Hanji because Mike had other business to take care of.

"Wonder what they're doing… Ah!" Hanji giggled and leaned into him with a perverted grin. "Do you think…?"

"Diner ditchers," Levi sighed and cut in before Hanji could ruin his night with some oddball story.

Hanji sighed too, but dramatically so, dipping face-first into the dashboard. "You're never any fun."

"We're on the job."

"We finished hours ago!"

"I'm still on the job."

"We had beers!"

"You had beers. Three beers. I'm still on the job."

Hanji gave a deep, guttural groan. "You're never any fun."

"Wow. We've come full cycle already."

"Hey, the brown one's getting out!"

"They're both wearing brown."

"Yeah, but one of them's… brown…er…"

"…Okay, sure."

Hanji was referring to the bratty-looking teenager. Said brat was awkwardly hanging onto the windowsill with his legs clumsily draped over the shoulders of the older one with a crappy dye job. The older one grabbed the bratty teenager's legs, and five whole fucking minutes had to pass before said brat could even let go of the window. Mr. I-have-zero-fashion-sense seemed to be verbally directing the teeny-bopper with how to move, since the idiot only let go of things and grabbed onto new things after the mouth on the older one moved. With the way the brat was grabbing onto the older guy's head, Levi guessed the brat had some sort of phobia with heights. That, and the frozen look of terror combined with the teen's refusal to looking anywhere but straight again.

Oh, wait, the brat looked down. And he looks to be hyperventilating. And pulling on crap-styled hair.

Surprisingly, the older guy wasn't yelling or threatening to cut his hands off. Rather, he looked more concerned than annoyed. The older guy spoke for a few moments, looking up at the acrophobic teen. After some odd minutes of speaking and leg-patting, the younger one seemed to finally pull the metal rod out of his spine and relax somewhat. Then, the older guy slowly crouched down to the ground.

The teen was on the ground faster than Levi could blink.

But not fast enough. "That was cute! I'm sending this to Mike!"

Levi pretended not to hear Hanji's cheery humming and resolutely continued his ignoring even as Hanji read aloud the caption that would be sent to Mike along with a photo of the idiot duo.

"Two cute brunets… No, two sexy brunets… Just your type…"

"One of them's, like, fifteen. That's pedophilia."

"That's what makes it hilarious!" Hanji declared, and started to giggle.

Levi started the engine, hoping to drown out the giggling. It worked a little too well; the car fell silent save for the steady rumbling of the car. Levi chanced a look to the side.

Hanji was not smiling anymore.

The phone lit Hanji's face with an eerie blue light; Hanji's mouth was drawn in a tight line. All evidence of Hanji's previous glee was gone.

Levi turned to face Hanji fully just as Hanji looked up from the phone to stare at him.

"You won't believe what Mike just sent me," Hanji said, turning the phone toward him.

Levi peered at the screen. It was a picture of a student ID from Trost High School. A young teen with neat brown hair and bright green eyes shone on the screen. EREN JAEGER, read the name printed on the card.

[Kidnapped. Stay on him. Keep me posted.] read Mike's message underneath.

Against his better judgment, Levi shot out of his car. He'd opened his door a little bit too noisily, and his movements were a little too jerky to not be noticed, but it turned out not to matter.

The two from earlier were gone.

Levi slammed the door shut as he re-entered the car.

"You won't believe what Erwin just sent me about the other guy."

"Let me guess. His best friend," Levi drawled. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Don't tell me the Jaeger brat's got Stockholm. What the fuck. What the fucking fuck—"

"Actually, it's not."

Hanji shoved the phone in his face again.

An old photo of a young man in a military uniform from the forties showed on screen. He was standing with a young blonde woman by his side, and with two other men about his age in the background.

[Jean Kirschstein. Deceased, December 1944.]

Levi stared at the message. "So… is Jean supposed to be that guy's father, or what?"

Hanji pulled the phone away with a scowl. "You know that's not possible! If his father died in '44, how could he be here? And in his twenties?"

Levi narrowed his eyes. "So, what is this? Some kind of joke?"

"I… don't know? Let's ask him!"

Levi pinched the bridge of his nose. "No, let's — Let's just leave this be." He switched on the headlights to the car and began to pull out of his parking space.

"But what about that kid? What if he was really kidnapped?"

Levi braked at the lot entryway and gave Hanji a long look. "Left or right?"

Hanji blinked. "Hah?"

"Left. Or right. Pick one. If we see them, we'll pull them over and have a chat. If we don't, then whatever."

"Levi! That Eren kid could really be in trouble!"

"Didn't look like it to me."

"You don't know that! You said it yourself — it could be Stockholm! Don't you care about—"

Levi reached over and grabbed Hanji's face. His fingers squeezed fleshy cheeks and, while that normally would have reduced his idiot partner into a fit of giggles, Hanji was not laughing in the slightest. "There are over two thousand kids being reported missing on a daily basis. There's a department that handles that, and it's definitely not ours. We have our own cases to deal with, and taking care of some teenage brat is not on our list of priorities. Did you forget we're already on a case?"

Hanji shoved Levi's hand off and furiously turned away. "I haven't forgotten," Hanji snapped. "I just thought—"

"We can't save them all."

Hanji didn't respond.

"You know that. I know that. But we have to pick our battles. And we're already face-deep in a shitty one."

"…I know."

Levi gripped the steering wheel with both hands. "So? Which way do we go?"

Hanji sat with crossed arms and a face full of defeat. "Just go left. We can't be late again."

"Left it is, then." Levi turned the car to drive south toward Trost. He flicked on the lights to humor his partner, and Hanji's arms uncrossed a few minutes into the drive. They remained silent, and for once Levi found himself missing Hanji's inane comments and oddball stories.

The hesitant peace cut short however, when Levi caught sight of two males shoving each other against a yellow car. The idiots from the diner, Levi realized with a start. He saw Hanji straighten up out of the corner of his eye.

"Looks like they're part of our case now, Levi," Hanji said, voice oddly soft and not at all mixing well with the ominous glint appearing behind wire-rimmed glasses.

Levi grunted his response, watching the way the diner ditchers froze upon catching sight of their flashing lights. He braked and cut the engine some distance away from them.

Hanji was out the door before he can kill the lights.