Chapter One:
I stood rigidly next to my ada watching the majestic ship sail west carrying naneth towards Valinor. I still could not believe that she chose to leave. Why would she leave me? Even after she explained her reasons and motivations for doing so countless times, I still could not understand why. Ada only said 'we do not have to understand her reasons for doing so but we do have to accept her decision'. Standing here I contemplated his words. I know his words are wise, many come to ada exclusively for his advice and wise words, but I could not help and think that today he was sorely mistaken. How can I accept her decision to leave us? Did she not care for us, love us? 'No, I would never accept her decision.'
We stood there on the docks of the Grey Havens watching as the ship grew smaller for some time. I did not wish to leave, but the weather would not permit us to stay any longer as it had begun to rain quite heavily.
"Come, Cassiopeia let us retire for the day," Ada said. "Can't we stay a little longer, please ada. Maybe she will come back" I called after him as he started walking back towards where we would be staying for the night. He turned around and sadly shook his head "I don't think she will sweetheart." Slowly I walked towards him finally letting the tears I had been holding back fall. "Trust me, Cassiopeia, it is for the best. We cannot keep her here with us against her will." "But Ada, I will miss her so much. And who is going to take care of me while you work and spend time with me and play with me" I said. "I will miss her also, but we have to keep moving on." Ada wrapped his arm around my shoulder and started walking again.
When we finally arrived at the house ada turned and knelt in front of me. "I promise I will always be here for you, no matter what." He kissed me on the forehead and whispered "And promise to make time for you, nothing is more important to me than you. I want you to be happy Cassiopeia. I will do my best, I promise." I did not know what I was expecting him to say, but I was glad to know that he would never leave me like nana did. I hugged him and started crying even more until I fell asleep still in my father's arms.
The next day we began our journey back to Imladris bright and early. I have always enjoyed traveling and getting to see even more of Middle-earth, but not today. I was not in the mood to talk with anyone or even muster enough energy to hold a conversation with ada. I know ada was greatly displeased by this, but I would not budge. I was not happy nor was I sad. I was simply numb.
The hours turned into days and my mood remained the same. I knew I was being a brat and selfish but I could not bring myself to care. "Cassiopeia will you please eat something. You have hardly eaten anything, it's not healthy," called ada from the center of our campsite having just finished cooking the evening meal. "I am not hungry," I whispered back knowing he would have heard given our superior hearing especially compared to the race of men. "Cassiopeia you need to eat something, now come here and sit," ada answered while simultaneously raising his eyebrows in that way of his that told you that it was not a request but an order. "Fine," I answered while complying. Ada sighed but chose not to comment on my disrespectful tone.
As I forced myself to eat, I took the time to observe my ada. What I saw was shocking to me. I had never seen him like this before, so worn and tired. Somehow I knew it was my fault, that I had done this to him. I knew that he was sad for my nanas departure, but not devastated, it was no secret after all that he was not in love with my naneth. So his worn appearance had to be because of me. In that moment, I could not hold back the guilt for the way I had been behaving towards him all these days since nanas departure. I launched at him and started to cry all the while asking him to forgive me that I would try harder for him. Ada hugged me back fiercely his shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs. "It's alright sweetheart, it's alright, everything is going to be alright, you'll see," he kept whispering in my ear.
In that moment, I vowed to work harder that I would not let my bleak emotions affect anyone else. I would not allow my sadness and despair to transfer to the only parent I had left.
The next morning I felt better. I let my father rest for a while more while I played with the horses. Caspian, my father's faithful stead, was especially playful and even stood patiently while I braided his hair.
"I'm pleased to see you smiling and laughing Wilwarin."
"Argh," I yelled. "Ada you scared me." I ran to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "When will we get home, Ada? How much longer Ada?" I asked enthusiastically. "I reckon we will be there by this evening," he answered. "Excellent, I can't wait to have a bath." Ada just laughs but I can see it in his eyes, he is relieved.