Sirius was grateful it was the weekend because he didn't feel like getting up before noon when James and Remus finally pulled him out of his bed it was to go eat lunch. He looked up once towards the Slytherin table but Severus was missing he saw his brother talking to Malfoy intently but couldn't be bothered to care. At the Slytherin table Regulus was worriedly conversing with Lucius. "Lucius did you see Severus last night he looked terrible, his eyes were red like he had been crying. Do you know what happened I mean you do share a dorm with him." Lucius was worried about his friend too he looked broken last night. "From what I gathered he was seeing someone and it ended badly...I don't know who it was don't bother asking." Regulus was stunned as long as they had been friends never once had Severus ever mentioned seeing anyone the closest thing he knew was of the Ravenclaw who had a crush on him. "I think we should go look for him I mean he didn't eat breakfast and now he's skipping lunch if he was as bad as you said it can't be good for him to be alone." He glanced over as heard the Marauders heading out of the Great Hall "Let's check the Potion's Lab first that's where he usually goes when he needs to clear his head." "If he isn't there then we'll check outside he's usually doing homework or reading by the big tree." Lucius stated as they got up to leave. The gang decided to go outside since it was a beautiful day. Sirius blindly followed the familiar route to their spot as he let his mind wonder. He was shaken out of his revelry by James "Oi Sirius I've got something that is sure to lift your spirits look its Snivellus." He looked towards the direction where James' finger was pointing and sure enough there was Severus reading a book while twirling his wand in one hand. His heart gave a jolt at the sight how he wanted to rush over and just beg Severus' to forgive him for being an idiot. He knew Severus wouldn't have cheated on him he was just so jealous his mind went blank. James on the other hand had other Ideas "Come on let's go play with Snivelly." He sauntered up to the Slytherin without a word of warning he shouted "Levicorpus" flinging said boy upside down in the air. Severus didn't even have to look to know who was again tormenting him he was lucky he had bypassed old world tradition and starting wearing pants. His wand and book fell to the ground as soon as the spell was cast leaving him defenseless and angry at himself for letting his guard down. "What do you want now Potter?" He seethed. Harsh laughter rang in his ear as he was flung around "Nothing much Snivellus just wondering if we could use you as bait to catch the giant squid. What do you think Sirius think Snape here would make good bait?" He looked at the group for the first time at his no not his anymore his ex-boyfriend looking much like he use to before they got together. Face fixed into vicious pleasure at the expense of his humiliation. He knew Severus was afraid of going into the lake after the time he nearly drowned in first year. His face remained the same but something must have shown in Severus' face because his eyes flashed something like sadness. "Nah James even the giant squid has better taste than to want something like a slimy Slytherin." Laughter rang out from the gathering crowd of houses. "Probably right on that one, hmm what should we do to him then? We could hang him outside the one of the girls tower or strip him naked and toss him in the girls shower?" James cruelly suggested. Severus didn't like any of those ideas especially the ones where it meant him stripping since he didn't want anyone to see the scars that littered his back. He knew if James had his way and he usually did that's exactly what would happen. The scars would be more fodder for James to throw in his face, the cruel teen would more than likely spread rumors it was from his Death-Eater meetings or he was a pervert who liked it rough. His mind raced as pictures of snickering faces looked down at him joining in the taunting of the deviant Slytherin. Severus was actually pleading with his ex-lover "Sirius after all we've been through are you really going to let them do this to me? I know we aren't together anymore but you cared for me once didn't you?" Sirius heard Remus gasp and he was sure James was the one making a choking sound he was just too afraid to turn around to see the disgust and disappointment in their faces. He kept his eyes on Severus knowing for sure he had a look of utter horror or was it terror? Severus' face was once again unreadable but his tone said more than words could ever say "Sirius I love you and you loved me too so why must you insist on hurting me?" Sirius was close to panicking would they see the truth in his words he shook that thought from his head soon to be replaced with thoughts of why Severus was even saying any of this, sure he said he wanted to go public but he didn't think he'd go this far. He played the same game he played before hoping Severus would forgive him like he always had. "Why would you say such a disgusting thing Snivellus, I can have just about any girl here and have just yesterday in fact. How could you ever think I'd want to be with a disgusting creature like you...why?" Severus fought the tears that threaten to fall as he choked out "We both know why Sirius 'Cause no one's hurt me more than you, And no one ever will! Even so my heart still belongs to you and yours belongs to me." Sirius was torn between being angry at himself for not just stopping this to being upset that his Sev was hurting to being angry at him for just not playing the game like they agreed on, He went with the easiest emotion anger. "You're delusional Snivelly if you think I could ever love you, No one could care for let alone love a thing like you god just thinking about it makes me want to puke." Laughter rang around him he soon joined in. Severus gaze fell to his once best friend who who looked angry but when he caught her eyes she huffed turning her body away from the spectacle. He felt himself being shaken by the invisible bond that held him upside down for the second time this year. "Oi keep your filthy eyes off my girl you dirty bastard." James shrieked. Severus returned his eyes to his ex-boyfriend he let the tears fall unabashedly when he saw them soften he pleaded for the teen to hear him. "Care for me, care for me, I know you care for me remember the first time you admitted that we didn't talk for a week. I was so scared to let myself believe you were telling the truth. There for me, there for me, Said you'd be there for me I remember when you told me that it was after my last attempt to apologize to Lily I was so ashamed that my embarrassment got the better of me causing me to lash out at her. We had been friends for so long that I didn't think one slip would end years of friendship. You told me even if she never came around that you'd there for me instead." Tears ran freely into his hair as he smiled a small smile. He didn't notice Regulus was running towards them but he didn't register much besides Sirius face. Cry for me, cry for me, You said you'd die for me Remember that was the day after I tried to end it on my own terms but you said we could make it work that you didn't want to be a part from me, like a fool I believed in you. Sirius was pissed that this man would throw his own words back at him in public. He couldn't bring himself to stop the brutal reply that came bubbling out "Why would I die for you Snivelly you aren't worth it...why don't you just do us all a favor and put yourself out of everyone's misery." Severus felt the weight of those words cut into his very core, he was sure Sirius would have admitted it, he claimed to love him but instead he wished him dead. He should have known this was all some sick game Black came up with. He smiled at the man who had made him feel for the first time in a long time only to savagely rip it away for all to see to him vulnerable and weak. His wand had fallen when they first struck out at him but he was lucky to have had a back up plan even if it wasn't used the way he ever intended it to be. His voice was soft but clear as he looked into the grey eyes that had captured his heart saying "If that's what you really want Sirius." He pulled out his silver potions knife funnily enough the one Sirius had given him for Christmas never breaking eye contact even as he heard a familiar scream he sliced one wrist then the other. It must have shocked Potter because he fell to the ground either that or he was laughing so hard he dropped him really he wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. He barely recognized Regulus next to him he couldn't hear him but he must have told someone something because it he turned his head and it looked like he was shouting.
Regulus screamed to Lucius before he could reach them to go get Madam Pomphrey. In a daze he raced back towards the castle shoving any onlookers out of his way. The younger Slytherin pulled out his wand casting a spell that slowed the bleeding but couldn't stop it fully mentally cursing himself for not being good at those kind of spells. He ripped off his robes then began wrapping it around the now too pale teen's wrists. Regulus couldn't stand it he was yelling at the bleeding boy in his arms "Dammit Sev why did you have to do it?! He wasn't worth it he never was and he never will be." He didn't care if the Marauders were still around gaping like the trolls they proved themselves to be. "Please give in to me just this once please...Give to me, give to me, Why won't you live for me?! Care for me, care for me, I know you care for me! There for me, there for me, Said you'd be there for me!" He picked Severus' head up to gently cradle it in his lap tears that had been threatening to fall did so as he bent to kiss Severus' forehead. Black eyes fluttered open as the bloodied hand of the elder Slytherin reached up to stroke the crying boys face. His voice was weak but he felt he needed to reassure him. "Reg I'm sorry...I was weak...a coward, I never wanted you to get hurt and none of this is your fault please never think that. I put my heart in the wrong hands, I fought it for so long Regulus...I knew no one could love me but he was there telling me things no one ever had. You know how my home life was I latched on to his sweet lies like a starving man to a crumb. I knew my life was meant for nothing but hurt and heartache so I finally took the power back the only way I knew how but again I was wrong wasn't I?" Regulus sobbed openly leaning in he kissed Severus' lips with all the love he felt for the man that invaded his life. "You stupid wonderful bastard, you are loved why can't you see how much I love you! I'd be lost without you...never think of yourself as a coward or weak you were just pushed to the edge by children who are no better than murders! If your life is heartache let me help you heal if you're starving let me feed you please Severus let me love you the way you deserved to be love." Long fingers wiped traces of tears off his face as he reached the other cheek his hand slammed to the ground. Regulus panicked not knowing what to do he shook the stilled form of his beloved. "Don't do this to me please..." Suddenly he was pulled off not realizing who it was he began to fight back but the soothing voice of Lucius broke through. "Regulus calm down its me, shhh its me look Madam Pomphrey has him." He stopped flailing to see her tend to his wrists while Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore were questioning people. He snapped to quickly "Lucius please go with Severus while I tell them what happened I'll be there soon." With a nod the silvery blonde man headed off with the no nonsense Medi-witch as soon as he saw them heading closer to the castle he shakily walked to the elders. His voice was harsh from crying but filled with a burning hatred he never knew before "It was your precious Marauders who caused this! You let them get away with so much but they have gone too far this time." They turned from the crowd with stunned looks on their faces whether from what they found out or that a student tried to take his life he didn't know nor did he care. Dumbledore was the first to speak his voice ever so calm "What do you mean they caused this everyone said he slit his wrists, while it is no less a serious event I don't see how they played into it." Regulus laughed a bitter laugh "Of course YOU wouldn't..." Professor McGonagall bristled "Now look here young..." He cut her off shouting "NO YOU LOOK HERE...ASK THEM go ahead ask them what they were doing to him to make him snap finally!" Again Dumbledore spoke in his calm tone that infuriated the younger man "I suggest we all head to my office now." Regulus shook his head "I won't be going anywhere with you all I don't trust you and I don't trust myself not to curse someone...I'm going to the hospital." He didn't even wait for a reply or reprimand he just ran to the Hospital Wing as fast as his legs would take him.
As soon as he was inside the wing he frantically searched for his love's form as soon as he found it he was wracked with uncertainty he didn't' know if he could make it if Severus didn't. Breathing harshly he ran to the bed where Lucius' head was bowed onto his friend's hand, popping up to the sound of footsteps. The words he spoke hit Regulus like a ton of bricks "He's weak but alive Reg...He's alive." Tears fell from beautiful grey eyes as he held out a hand to his younger friend who took it and allowed himself to be guided to the lying boys free hand. He didn't realize he was shaking so badly until he took the freshly healed wrist in his smaller hand. Madam Pomphrey bustled towards them speaking softly "He's going to be just fine gentlemen, I've given him a blood replenishing potion and a sleeping drought since he needs his rest." She really didn't like other students around her patients but didn't have the heart to kick out either boy. "If you insist on staying trough the night you may sleep on the bed next to him. I intend to keep him for a few days because he will need to be under intense observation, please believe me when I say I'm sorry if anyone doesn't deserve to have a hard life it's him." Pain etched onto all their faces even the usually aloof masked Lucius as they nodded their head in agreement. She left them to be with their classmate but raised a privacy ward before she entered her office. Lucius gently set down the boy's hand and tucked it under the blanket, he sniffled then cleared his throat "I'm going to give the news to the other snakes since we both don't know the full story I'll just give them what I can. I'll tell them not to visit until tomorrow although I'm not sure I can stop Narcissa, I'm relieved he is going to be ok. What did the Headmaster say?" Regulus' expression clearly showed his distaste of the Headmaster. "He didn't say much of course he wanted to know what his fucking golden boys had to do with it. I told him to ask them when he wanted to usher us into his office I refused coming here instead. I swear if nothing happens to them I'll have my father speak to the Board of Governors!" "Don't worry I will too and I know I can get others to as well...I'm off try to get some rest I'll see you in the morning." He nodded once to the still shaken boy before heading out he whipped out his wand to enlarge the bed so Regulus could be closer to Severus without another word or a glance back he walked out with an air of the Pure-blood he was. Regulus didn't waste time he transfigured his clothes into pajamas, slipping off his shoes, and climbing into the bed to be near his best friend the man he loved. Wrapping him up in a protective embrace he slipped off into oblivion never noticing the Medi-witch who had a small smile playing on her lips. As warned Regulus became conscious to the sound of Narcissa Black sniffling as she scolded Severus in a loving manner "Why would you do that you silly boy don't you know how much we care about you, I know we aren't good at showing our emotions I just wish you had seen what you mean to us. How could you let them break you this bad I don't understand. I want to throttle that blood traitor cousin of mine and his cronies, don't worry Sev I'll protect you." Regulus spoke softly not wishing to wake the boy next to him or startle the blonde girl next to him. "I know bits and pieces but from what I gathered he fell for the lies my traitorous brother said tricking him into loving him." Narcissa breathing in but he continued "I gather today was the last straw because I ran up hearing him speaking so brokenly just one phrase 'Cry for me, cry for me, You said you'd die for me' Black of course cruelly replied 'Why would I die for you Snivelly you aren't worth it...why don't you just do us all a favor and put yourself out of everyone's misery.' I still wasn't close enough to stop him as he smiled a defeated smile...oh Cissa I hope you never see that look on him. He pulled out something I was too late to get to him as he told him 'If that's what you really want Sirius' then sliced his wrists so fast they just dropped him in with no care for his well being. Lucius was right behind me as soon as I reached him, the rest well I'm sure you know by now." He took a shaky breath risking a glance to the girl, her face was a mix of horror and ire. They talked for a while until she had to go back to her dorm room, she promised to only tell Lucius until Severus gave the whole story to inner circle of snakes if he chose to.
It had taken another day before Madam Pomphrey would let him have visitors besides Regulus who flat out refused to leave he had even went as far as to bind his arm to Severus' bed which thankfully caused Severus to chuckle as well as the nurse. She consented to letting him stay as long as his friend stayed she secretly hoped it would help him recover faster, she was sincerely worried to let him leave fearing he would try again. When he was allowed visitors he wasn't thrilled but he was reassured by Regulus that they needed to see he was ok. Lucius came accompanied by a Narcissa who were please to see him awake. Severus was anxious to the questions he knew were coming but hid it well behind his mask. Narcissa walked over to him placing a delicate kiss on his cheeks next Lucius clapped him on the back gently. They seated themselves next to him thankfully asking him the safe questions which he answered as honestly as possible. They both thought it best to not mention anything to do with the incident which worked out well until they got ready to leave then they saw a red haired girl coming through the door. Severus visibly flinched away picking up a book to read willing away the pain her presence brought him because as much as she hurt him he cared for her. Narcissa held up her hand to let them know she would handle it, she felt like a mother snake protecting their young. She gracefully glided to the other girl "Is there a specific reason you are here girl?" Lily clenched her fist making herself remain calm "I'm here to see Severus not that it is any concern of yours." Narcissa gave a condescending chuckle "That's where you're wrong see Severus is my friend, so I have every right to ask. You gave up any rights to him the day you turned him away for a slip of the tongue, How many times did he apologize for it? If you thought he wouldn't tell us you were mistaken as much as his relationship with you sickened us and make no mistake it did we were happy for him enough to encourage him to seek you out. You know what I think...I think you took the first chance you could to make a break from him while still making yourself look good. Your little blood traitor boyfriend was more important than a childhood friend in the end you couldn't stand being in the presence of a powerful Slytherin. You make me sick Mudblood just leave before you cause him more pain." She turned her back on the Gryffindor who was in tears when the doors opened and closed she smiled making her way back to the trio. She brushed back the hair of her little serpent "I've taken care of it Sev she'll never bother you again but I'm afraid we have to leave before classes start if you're bored I'll have a first year deliver your school work. Regulus you will be getting your homework regardless...don't pester Sev to help you either." She chuckled hoping it would lighten the mood, it worked Regulus blushed causing the other boys to laugh even if Severus' was a small laugh it warmed her heart. It was a week before he was allowed to leave the whole time the only ones he allowed to visit were Lucius and Narcissa. Lucius told him the next day the not so shocking news that the Marauders had only gotten their Hogsmead visits revoked and detention for the rest of the year that's when Lucius started in on how Dumbledore would get his in the end thankfully his fiance had the good sense to place the Muffiliato spell Severus had taught her to keep their conversation private. The three Pure-bloods made it there mission to get him on to their way of thinking. Since it was a holiday coming up Lucius invited him to spend the week at his Manor along with Regulus, he accepted quickly any reason to avoid hiding away in the common room or running into a Marauder, Regulus happily accepted hoping to get some alone time with his crush to prove him he was loved.
When school resumed after the holiday Severus was forever changed as he made his way to the Great Hall he was flanked by Regulus and Lucius with Narcissa's arm wrapped around her fiance's arm. They sat facing the Gryffindor table much to everyone's surprise they didn't know it was only Narcissa's insistence that he face the scum holding his head high that he did so. Across at the Gryffindor table Remus looked up scanning till his eyes sought what he was looking for his heart clenched at the sight of the lanky black haired teen who by all appearances looked better but his eyes shone hints of suffering. He tore his eyes away unable to bear the guilt he felt for never speaking up against the things his friends did to the Slytherin. "It seems you got your wish James." At the sound of his name he looked up confused "What do you mean Moony?" Peter and Sirius turned to their friends to see what was going on. Remus gave an irritated sigh "I mean he isn't happy anymore that IS what you wanted right, So congratulations you got your wish." "If you assume I wanted him to off himself you're mistaken but I never saw you doing anything to stop the pranks we pulled on him did you Remus!" Peter of course tried placating both of them to no avail "Come on guys let's not let Snivellus come between us...we've been through too much." They didn't stop glaring at each other when they both said "Sod off Peter!" Sirius took the time to look at his ex-lover for the first time since that fateful day, not a day went by that he didn't kick himself for not being brave enough to admit what his heart screamed for him too. He saw as his brother who leaned into his Severus' ear whispering to him. Back at the Slytherin table Lucius glanced away from his group to see Sirius looking towards them causing him to give a disgusted sigh "What the hell is Black staring at?" Severus glanced up from his plate to meet Sirius' eyes and knew right away it was him he was staring at. He felt the need to shake the man up so he cast a wandless Legilimency forcing images in Blacks head. Sirius was bombarded with memories that weren't his but that of Severus ~Severus walked into a scarcely lit room with Regulus and Lucius at his side as he met with The Dark Lord he was scared but thankfully his outward appearance was calm and confident. He got on his knees brandishing his left arm The Dark Lord recited an incantation then held the tip of his wand to pale flesh. Pain shot through Severus' body mentally screaming but the only sign he showed was gritting his teeth and slight quickening of his breath. His fellow Slytherins held on to his arms for physical and moral support. When he was done he was escorted to his room where he requested to be alone for the rest of the night. After casting a silencing spell he stared at his arm thoughts of Sirius entered his mind causing him to let out a loud wail. He collapsed on the floor still staring at the marred flesh sobbing out "Sirius...Care for me care for me You said, You care for me! There for me there for me Said, You'd be there for me!...Where were you when I needed you...Where were you?!"~ The images stopped as fast as they came when his came back into focus the sight that greeted him was a cruel smirk on Severus' face but what was worse was the screaming pain in his eyes. He jumped up running from the Great Hall his friends were startled out of their silent fight to follow him. The last thing they heard as they left was rich deep laugh followed by a few others. When they caught up to the fleeing animagus he was in their dorm room hyperventilating, The softhearted wolf sat next to him rubbing his back speaking in soothing tones "What's the matter Padfoot, Why did you run out?" Sirius shrugged off the arm opting to pace the dorm soon a sob tore from him "I..I lost him, He's in a place I can't ever reach him...OH GOD what did I do...He was right when he said Loving you is like a battle, and we both end up with scars..." Remus stepped in front of him grabbing a hold of his shoulders he said "Pad you're not making any sense who did you lose?" Once again he ripped himself away to pace he let out a broken laugh "Cause no one's hurt me more than you And no one ever will..." James and Peter clapped hands over their mouths with horrified looks on their faces but Remus was shocked "He was telling the truth Sirius, Severus wasn't lying when he indicated you were together." Sirius made no sound he just kept pacing when a sharp sting across his face broke him out of his reverie he looked up to see the faces of his friends with mixtures of shock and anger. "How long Sirius, How long were you together with Severus?" The normally kind wolf yelled. Holding his cheek he spoke barely above a whisper but loud enough for them to hear "Five months...I lied when I said I didn't love him." Lupin roared "Five fucking months you didn't think to tell us or ease up on the pranks you and James played on him...how is that love?" Sirius shook from rage "I did love him we both wanted to keep it a secret...You never once stopped us from our pranks did you Remus..." Remus cut in "And I'll have to with that for the rest of my life how I was too quiet too scared that you all would turn on the freak wolf to speak up, How I was a part of making a poor boy almost end his own life! I'll never be able forgive myself nor would I deserve too but I wasn't his lover either..." At this Sirius cut him off "What would you have had me do walk up with him hand in hand announcing our dating? Think that would have gone over well do you, think everyone would be so accepting?" He gave a pointed look at James who would looked like he was going to argue but he didn't give him a chance. "Oh please don't play me for a fool Prongs you hated him at first sight, I'm not going to say I didn't but that was one of the reasons I couldn't confide in you at all." They all made their way to their own beds just sitting there no one saying anything none barely doing much but breathing. Sirius tried to close his eyes but the memory of what he saw plagued his mind, curling his knees to his chest he gave a raw sob. It tore their heart to see him that way even if some thought he deserved to be broken hearted no one liked hearing the pain he was in. James was torn between being angry that he was with Snivellus of all people to sad that he was hurting so much. His voice was unsteady as he asked "Padfoot what did you mean He's in a place you can't reach him?" Tears streaked his face if it was possible it contorted into even more anguish "I can't say, I may not be with him anymore but I can do this last thing to protect him." James sighed "Siri we won't tell anyone promise..." He stopped him with a hand up he knew he needed to confide in them but how could he trust them with a secret this big. Remus saw the struggle in the handsome face of one of his best friends face "We'll make a Wizards Vow if that will ease your mind." Peter gasped at that next to the Unbreakable Vow the Wizard's Vow was the most serious vow you could make, to vow on your own magic was not a vow to be taken lightly. James agreed so Peter spinelessly agreed too when the vow was complete they locked and silenced the dorm. He wrapped his arms around his knees tighter to stave off some of the shaking when he spoke it was just as shaky "We not only pushed him to suicide but we gift wrapped and handed him right to Voldemort, He must have cast a wandless Legilimency because as soon as his eyes met mind he showed me him being escorted to some chamber the fear coming from him was so strong even if he never showed it. When he took it he didn't make a sound but I could hear him mentally screaming from the pain after he went back to him room, I could almost smell the rank odor of burnt flesh..." Sobs once again ripped from him he was breathing harshly but forced himself to finish "He cast some kind of silencing spell then dropped to the floor his cry will never leave me but...but what he said was worse he called my name." His breaths were coming out pants now "he said Where were you when I needed you...Where were you?! And Merlin help me I did promise to be there for him Oh GOD I betrayed him!" Remus ran to the bathroom to throw-up, Peter silently cried, James punched his trunk till his hand bled, all the while Sirius hugged his knees his hands were white from the force he held them replaying the words in his mind 'Where were you when I needed you...Where were you...Where were you when I needed you...Where were you...Where were you?!'
I hope you enjoyed my latest fic, I know I'm really rusty since it has been years since I attempted to even think of a fic but something about Harry Potter draws me to want to write. I hope my writing style improves as I turn out a couple more song fics. I know they aren't the favored fic but I hope you liked it regardless. I ship Slash fics only If you want a pairing message me and I will try to make it happen. Please review I don't mind constructive criticism but don't just say it sucked for the sake of being mean. Thank you for taking the time to read this :)