Angry? Yes… very much so. You always hear about the girl in high school getting knocked up. Well, I might not have had to walk down the halls of high school, but I did have to walk around in my new town as the 18 year old that just moved here, pregnant and waiting on a baby daddy that would never come.
Looks, stares, whisper, and judgment, I knew I had made a mistake, I knew I had to live with what I had done. I sure don't need your 'helpful' comments. Yeah, I maybe a mother who had a baby at the age of 18, but you don't know me; you don't know what I have been through.
It's not only the teen mothers fault.
If you see a pregnant girl you think, what a slut, but you don't see her and think, wow the dad is a just as much a slut. That is really unfair.
I waited, and waited for Edward, but I never got anything. As the months went along I used to go to my doctor appointments alone, my mother was working all the time. I had a full time job at a book store every day, I was grateful for it.
It wasn't fair that Edward wasn't here to watch his child grow, like he should h ave, and it wasn't fair that I was going through this alone. But who said life is fair? Life isn't fair, life is hell, with moment of heaven that make it worth living.
I had no trouble with my pregnancy, I gave birth to a wonderful little boy, I named him Levi Edward Cullen. Even if Edward wasn't going to be here to play daddy, he is the dad and that will never change.
I remember the night Levi was born; he was asleep at my side. I had brought a book, and a new notebook to write in. I looked at the notebook, and then at my new son. I careful wrote on the front, 'You missed'. I took the picture they gave me of moment after Levi was born and put it in the back of the notebook. Then I started to write.
Edward- I don't know why I am even doing this, you don't care about me or your son. Yep, it's a boy, like you always wanted. Levi Edward Cullen. My mom told me not to give him your name, but I wanted him to have some part of you and you're the dad whether you want to be or not.
He hasn't been here long, just 5 hours, he is asleep at my side. You would never believe how much he looks like you, and you would never believe how much that hurts me. I knew when I first seen him that this would be hard if he looks like you. Now that the shock is over I am thinking about in 20 years having to see his face and being reminded of you. It might kill me, but Levi didn't ask you to be his dad, or not to have you here.
I didn't ask not to have his daddy here, believe it or not, we both wanted you here. It's the most wonder thing, I love him so much already. You said you wanted a little boy that looked like you and a little girl that looks just like me. Well, you got half your wish. You told me you would always be there for your kids, not matter what, that you would be the best dad. You know what; I believe you could have been.
I have chosen to write in here to tell you when anything important happens, Someday you will read this. I am going to tell him about you. I will tell him the truth, I will show him pictures of you and he will know who his father is.
-Bella and baby Levi