Secrets and Shadows
The show is fascinating but longer than I expected. By the time it ends, it is nearly one in the morning. The crowds stand to leave and so do I but Steve remains in his seat.
"I saw a pub next door," I smile warmly down at him, "want to go get a drink, or maybe something to eat, before we head home?" His eyes are distant though and I feel as though he is seeing right through me as though I were but a ghost. Snapping back into reality he turns to me with one of his classic smiles, instantly erasing my displeasure.
"Why don't you go ahead and get us a table," He glances over at the long line of people crowding to buy merchandise from the freak show.
"I'm going to pick up some souvenirs for the guys," he explains rising to his feet.
"I'll wait with you then," I offer. He tries to play it cool, making it hard to catch the brief flash of annoyance in his face. I do not want to anger Steve. As much as I like him, he is quick to anger and scary when he is.
"No," he shakes his head, "go on ahead. This might take a while and you're in heels. I don't want you to be uncomfortable just because of me." He kisses me on the forehead. Others may have been convinced but I sure as hell was not. I nod slowly but do not question him. His reasons are his own, if he wants to be alone, let him be. I walk away my heels clicking along the way as I watch him separate and take his place at the end of the line. I turn and take one last look at him before exiting the room. Shaking my head at his silly behavior I find my way out and go to the pub next door. It is a dim place but not entirely a hole in the wall. Clean from what I can tell and sparsely populated mostly by the remnants of the crowd still buzzing about the show. I take my seat as a man with blonde hair and an apron approaches my table.
"Hello, what can I get for you love?" He asks me and I cannot help but smile once more.
"A pint would be nice," I tell him picking up a menu from the table.
"Certainly, what kind?" he asks me.
"Surprise me," I say glancing up from the menu with a wink. From the corner of my eye I see him nod and walk away towards the bar. Moments later he brings me a glass of room temperature ale. I smile taking a large gulp from the glass. Time crawls along, my glass empties and so does the bar leaving me impatiently waiting for my boy friend. Fed up, I finally get up ready to curse Steve from here to the end of the universe. Swinging back the door in a fury, I run straight into a large warm mass. The air expels from my lungs and I look up into the face of my long lost boyfriend.
"What the hell Steve!" I raise my voice, quickly drawing in another breath, and shoving my palm into his chest forcefully. I am small and he does not even flinch from my effort.
"What is wrong with you? You've been acting strange all night! If you didn't want to come then you should have said so!" I rant but he just stares at me with a far away expression, a small box tucked away under his arm. He grabs me by the arm with a roughness I have never seen and begins dragging me out of the bar towards my car.
"Where are your keys?" He asks sharply ignoring my resistance as he strides towards the car.
"In my purse," I say quickly trying to pull out of his firm grip, "What is wrong with you?!" He releases me and swipes my purse instead, taking my keys. As angry as I am at him I rush after him as he climbs into the driver's seat. My heel snaps causing me to falls forward catching the car for support. Ripping the passenger's side door open and falling into the seat. As soon as the door shuts, the car is cranked and we are speeding off down the street. My ankle throbs dully and I subconsciously rub it knowing that it will soon swell and turn purple. Steve is intent on his driving.
"What is going-"I start to say.
"Shut up," he snaps at me hatefully thrusting the box in his hand towards me, "put this in the floor board." I do as he says afraid of what he will do if I disobey. I honestly thought that he would hurt me if I tried to do anything right now, so I stayed silent as we drove to my apartment. We pull into the drive way and he parks the car; shutting off the engine with a loud click. The air is thick with the tenseness of the situation.
"I'm sorry," He apologizes softly, "I got into a fight with someone at the cirque. I wanted to get out of there quickly. Are you ok?" I look down, I do not want to forgive him but I am not about to risk upsetting him. Silently, I nod rubbing my ankle.
"I need some ice," I whisper quietly opening the door to the car. I hear him follow my lead as I begin to limp towards the door.
"Here let me help you," He whispers taking my arm causing me to flinch. He walks me inside without another word. As soon as I am in the door I collapse on the couch, and begin tending to my swollen ankle. It is not too bad and I know that after some ice and rest it will be good as new. Steve gets the ice for me and kneels down in front of me removing my broken shoe and wrapping it gently in the ice pack. My heart melts as he takes care of me and I can no longer muster the energy to fight about how he treated me. Weak I know, but I cannot help it. For now at least.
"I'm sorry," he whispers again, shame in his voice.
"It's alright," I mutter, "I just want to go to bed. My brother is coming in the morning with my nephew." I pull myself up with Steve's help and he eases me to my bed room. Setting me gently on to my bed, I remove my other shoe.
"I should stay to make sure you're alright," it sounds like a question at first but I know that it is not. I nod and he climbs into bed on the other side. I lay back and Steve curls up next to me, warming me. I close
my eyes but my mind lingers on the night's event refusing to accept that Steve was telling me the truth. Eventually, I fall into a fitful sleep still mulling the night over.