"How can I be of assistance gentleman?" Asked Dumbledore not entirely sure how the two American wizards had gotten into his office.
"Well..." Said Squirrel as he was picking his bellybutton.
"You see we was wonderin where your breaker is." Finished Zeke as he took a swallow of corona.
"I am afraid that I must inform you that we do not have a breaker at Hogwarts." Stated a mildly confused Dumbledore.
"Now look here Dumbledude you're being a Dumbledick!" Retorted Squirrel as he smashed a beer bottle on the ground.
After a rather heated argument where Squirrel had attempted to eat Faukes the two found themselves angrily storming through the halls of Hogwarts. As they were passing through the halls leaving a trail of empty beer bottles behind them they happened upon an argument between Mcgonagall and Umbridge.
"Hey there De-lorean you leave Professor Mcgoggles alone she's nice!" Shouted a very irate Squirrel.
"This does not concern you two!" Shouted Umbridge her face reddening in rage.
Zeke stepped forward and poured the remaining half of his beer over Umbridge's head who stood there in shock for a moment before pulling out her wand and pointing it at the Drunken American who in one fluid motion brought up his knife and cut Umbridge's wand in half. Umbridge stood there stunned for a moment then tears came to her eyes as she ran away.
"The minister will hear of this you too!" Shouted Umbridge as she retreated down the corridor.
Squirrel and Zeke turned around to a gathered applause and loud cheering.
"That was rude, brash, and tactless…but I couldn't be more grateful" Stated Mcgonagall.
"Well seeing as how you're so grateful and what not could someone please tell us where the breaker is?" Asked Zeke as he fished another beer out of the case.
"I'm sorry gentlemen but I am afraid that Hogwarts does not run on electricity." Said Mcgonagall almost sympathetically.
"So what you're saying is, you've never watched the television box?" Replied Squirrel in a tone of complete shock.
"I don't even know what that is."
"Ah-ight look here, if you can give us permission we will gladly install electricity in this sumbitch."
Dumbledore sat in his office contemplating the situation with the death eaters when he heard a loud crash and felt a mighty tremor that knocked him out of his chair. He got up and quickly scrambled to the source of the commotion. When he arrived he joined a group that consisted Snape, Umbridge, Filch, several students, and now himself. They watched in awe as the two Americans backed a large bulldozer out of the corridor each taking a sip of their ever present beers.
"Don't worry it's cool y'all we just needed a good spot to start electrifying the up the castle!" Shouted Squirrel over the noise of the dozer.
"WOO!" Shouted Zeke at no one in particular as he staggered off and sat on a piece of the rubble.
"Enough!" Shouted Dumbledore causing the rest of the group he was standing in to take a few steps back.
"Hey Dumbledouche we tried to be civil with yee, but you wouldn't have it." Retorted Squirrel Angrily.
"I am the Headmaster of this school and I will not permit this kind of activity on these grounds!"
"I ain't got to listen to you your from cat-chicken house"
Dumbledore brandished the elder wand and cast a fire ball at the young wizard who in turn pulled out a super soaker and extinguished the flame.
"Now that wasn't very nice but being *hic* the reasonable man I am I can see why you might be a little upset so let's compromise." Stated Zeke as he walked up next to the bulldozer.
"What kind of compromise do you suggest?" Asked Dumbledore.
"The Fuck's a compromise?" Interjected Squirrel
"Get us a generator and we'll leave you folk to your stone-age life style, sound like a deal?" Asked Zeke ignoring Squirrel's question.
"Under a few conditions."
"Ah-ight, what's the conditions?"
"You must attend classes sober and refrain from picking fights with your teachers."
"That ain't any kind of fair, and we ain't never picked a fight with no teachers." Spat Squirrel before puking violently on Ms. Norris who ran away quickly. Squirrel couldn't help but smile at this he knew how cats had to clean themselves.
"If I'm not mistaken you two assaulted professor Flitwick then trapped him in a trash can and rolled him within range of the womping willow."
"He started it."
"In what way could he have possibly merited that type of treatment?"
"He said trailer house weren't a legitimate house."
"It isn't one of the four houses that make up Hogwarts."
"Hey! Don't get all high and mighty Hogwarts ain't all that great look at your houses, ya got Chicken cat house, snake house, Jigglypuff house, and bird foot house."
"What the hell's a hufflypuff anyway?" interjected squirrel.
"The houses were named after the men who founded Hogwarts and their names are-"
"Look point bein that you have a magical hat that sorts out everyone by reading their minds, and all the ones in a certain house end up being like serial killers and criminals and you still teach em to do crazy magic shit."
"We here at Hogwarts believe in freedom of ch-"
"We got a deal or not Dumbledude?"
Squirrel and Zeke walked back to the trailer triumphantly toasting a pair or Coronas to the generator they would soon have. As they were walking back they encountered Luna Lovegood petting a young Thestral.
"Hi crazy girl." Greeted Squirrel
"Oh, good evening you two, how are you tonight?" Asked Luna
"We're good, how bout you?" Asked Zeke
"I'm well simply enjoying the night, you two are rather odd though."
"In what way?"
"Well you do bad things, but the two of you aren't bad not really. And I suspect that's why Dumbledore lets you continue to stay here."
"Ya know we're getting a generator soon, you should visit some time."
"Yes, that might be fun, well goodnight."
With that Luna skipped off back in the direction of the castle and Squirrel and Zeke continued their walk back to the trailer.
When they arrived at their trailer they were greeted by the sight of professor Mcgonagall sitting on the steps.
"Hey there Mcgoogle you wanna come in for some drinks?" Asked Squirrel and Zeke in unison.
"Even though I'm from Chicken-cat house?" Asked Mcgonagall with a chuckle.