Chapter Two
"Oh my God," Jack said, when the guard shoved them through the door of the harem "It's a smorgasbord!"
He stared at the beautiful women sitting on the cushioned floor. By his estimation, there had to be at least forty of them. Jack felt his penis harden at the sight of them. He grunted when the Doctor smacked the back of his head.
"Ahem, we are here to find Rose, not to pick out a date for you!" he said angrily.
"I can't help it if they're all so gorgeous," Jack said, shrugging.
They walked through the women trying to find Rose. The Doctor rolled his eyes when he noticed Jack winking and flirting with the women resting near his feet.
"Hey babe," Jack was saying to the women. "How's it going? Hi, there, cutie! Call me? Oooo, pink looks good on you! Maybe you could give me private belly dancing lessons later?"
He glanced over at a eunuch standing against the far wall.
"Wow, he's not bad looking either. Too bad he's been castrated, we could have had a nice three way with me and him and Ian---"
"Will you quit window shopping and pay attention?" the Doctor hissed at him. "We have to find Rose!"
They stopped and looked at the women lounging around them. There were women of every size, shape, color, and species, and thankfully, none of them were wearing head veils. They could see their hair, if they had any hair, but none of them resembled Rose. The Doctor felt sick when he realized where she might be.
"Oh, my Rose," he whispered as his hearts tore in two. "I've failed you. You've probably been raped by now, and it's all my---"
"Oi! Let go of me!"
The Doctor and Jack spun around when they heard Rose's voice behind them. They watched a guard push her through the open door and slam it shut in her face. She flipped off the door and grumbling, turned away from it and made her way towards the back of the room.
"Bastard thinks he's gonna run his greasy hands all over me, he's got another thing comin'," they heard her mutter, as she walked by them. "Next time, I'll do more than spit in his face; I'll kick his balls up to his brain."
"I see Rose has been busy," Jack whispered, to the Doctor.
They watched, as she found an open spot and slumped down near the wall. Sighing angrily, she brought her knees up to her chest and stared up at the ceiling. The Doctor started to go to her when Jack grabbed his arm.
"Wait, don't tell her who you are, just pretend you're one of the girls and see if she figures it out," Jack whispered to him.
"Oh come on, Jack, Rose is not that dim. She'll figure out who it is as soon as she gets a look at me," the Doctor whispered back.
"Five quid says she won't."
The Doctor considered that.
"Okay, you're on," he said. "Just be sure to pay me as soon as we get back to the TARDIS."
"No, I think you need to pay me," Jack replied.
The Doctor rolled his eyes. He cleared his throat and made his way through the women towards Rose, who was staring at the wall beside her. The Doctor lowered himself down beside her and glanced over at Jack who was watching them intently. The Doctor grinned. His people had a gift for mimicry, and he could imitate a female voice just as well as a man's. Jack had caught him off guard outside, and he hadn't had time to prepare, hence the weird falsetto voice he used. Here though, he was able to relax and focus, and with Rose looking the other way, he was fairly sure that she wouldn't know it was him. He took a deep breath and spoke with a soft, feminine voice.
"What's wrong, my dear?" he asked, concerned.
He glanced back at Jack, and bit back his laughter when he noticed the shocked look on his face. He could tell Jack hadn't expected him to sound so convincing.
As the Doctor had hoped, Rose didn't turn her head to look at him. She sighed angrily.
"I've been kidnapped and forced to be a harem girl, that's what's wrong!" she said angrily.
"Oh, my darling, it's not such a bad life," the Doctor said soothingly. "Balome treats us all well."
"And by well, do you mean he tries to feel you up and force his bleedin' tongue down your throat every chance he gets?" Rose shot back.
The Doctor fought to control the rage and took a deep breath to calm down. He paused a moment getting himself back in control, and that's when his keen hearing picked up Jack's voice. He turned his head and saw him flirting with a couple of the girls. He spun his head back around and sighed angrily.
"I swear, Harkness, if you get me or Rose killed…," he said, in a barely audible voice.
He rolled his eyes when he heard Jack whispering, "Yes, I am dressed as a harem girl, does that turn you on?" to one of them and focused on Rose who was still staring at the wall.
"Is there anything I can do to help you, sweetheart?" he said, in his feminine voice.
Rose sighed angrily.
"You can't help me. The only ones who can help me are the Doctor and Jack."
"Oh, and who are they?" The Doctor said.
"My friends."
"Are they cute?"
"Yes," Rose said tersely.
The Doctor sighed when he heard Jack and the girls laughing. He turned his head back around and saw he now had a small crowd gathered around him.
"I'm from the Boeshein Peninsula, originally," Jack was telling them in a soft, seductive voice. "Do any of you girls know where that is?"
The Doctor rose and walked over towards him.
"I was the Face of Boe. The first one to be signed up for the Time Agency. Do you girls know about time travel and…"
Jack trailed off when he noticed a foot tapping out of the corner of his eye. He looked at it and followed the foot up, and up, and up until he finally saw the Doctor's angry face.
"Do you want to die, Jack?" the Doctor growled at him.
Jack looked around at the small group of women who were hanging on his every word.
"I'm just trying to make polite conversation while you're over there with Rose," he said softly.
"No, you are stroking that enormous ego of yours by trying to get the whole harem to fall in love with you. You are aware that if they find non-eunuchs in here, they torture and kill them?"
"Yeah, but none of these lovely ladies will tell anyone," he said, winking at them.
The Doctor pointed over to the eunuch standing against the wall.
"No, but he might! He is supposed to tell the guards if men are in here because if he doesn't, it means he loses his head, and I don't mean the one he lost before they put him in here. If you don't want to lose your head, then I suggest you keep your big gob shut!"
Jack sighed.
"Fine, I'll come and keep you and Rose company then," he said, getting to his feet.
The Doctor glared at him before turning and walking back towards Rose. Jack shrugged when the women let out disappointed moans.
"Sorry, gals, duty calls," he said softly.
He made his way through them towards Rose who by now had her head in her hands while she stared at the floor. The Doctor settled down beside her and Jack sat down beside him. The Doctor took a deep breath and switched back to his feminine voice.
"Still thinking about the Doctor and Jack?" he asked her.
"Yes," Rose whispered.
"Missing them?" the Doctor asked.
"Yes."
The Doctor grinned at Jack.
"Well, you never know, dear, they might turn up to save you," the Doctor said.
"Yes," Jack said in his high falsetto voice. "In fact, they might be closer than you think."
Rose jerked her head up when she heard the unnaturally high voice and looked at them. She stared at them in confusion before the Doctor winked at her.
"Hello there, angel, having a fun day in the harem?" the Doctor said, in his normal voice.
Rose's eyes bugged out of her head.
"Doctor? Jack?" she said, staring at them. "Is that you?"
The Doctor nodded. Rose put her hand over her mouth trying not to laugh aloud while she stared at their outfits.
"You have got to be kidding me," she finally said.
She stared at the outfits.
"Wow, this is…really disturbing," she said shaking her head. "You two look weird like that."
"Weird? There's nothing weird about me!" the Doctor whispered to her.
Rose reached into his bra, pulled out a tissue and rolled her eyes, as she stuffed it back in.
"You really think you're gonna get away with looking like this," she asked them.
"We got in the gate, didn't we?" Jack said softly.
Rose raised her eyebrow.
"How'd you manage that? Get a couple of blind guards at the front or something?"
"No, Jack tried to charm one of them, and he got so nauseated that he finally let us in."
"I wouldn't call it nauseated, I think he was just captivated by my beauty, and he fell under my hypnotic spell and let us in."
"No, trust me, Harkness, he was nauseated," the Doctor said.
Rose giggled when Jack flipped him off.
"So, my little harem girls, how you gonna get us back out?" Rose asked. "You know that they are guarding this room really well, and they're not about to let the three of us go swanning out the front door."
"Leave it to me, I'll come up with a brilliant plan as always," the Doctor said.
"Really? I was under the impression that disguising ourselves as harem girls and breaking in here was my idea."
"Yes, like I said, I come up with BRILLIANT plans. This plan was anything but," the Doctor replied.
"You know, if you weren't so darn cute, I'd take that veil of yours and stuff it down your throat."
The Doctor rolled his eyes. He watched while Rose looked around her, confused.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Lady was here a moment ago, trying to comfort me, and she was asking about ya. I wanted you to meet her, she sounded nice," Rose said.
"Oh you mean this lady?" the Doctor said, in his feminine voice.
Rose stared at him, shocked, while he snickered.
"That was you?" Rose said. "Oh my God, I didn't know you could do a woman's voice."
"Yup," the Doctor said, in his normal voice. "Just one of the many talents I have."
"Why didn't you do it at the gate then?" Jack asked.
The Doctor sighed.
"Because I can't do it if someone puts me on the spot. I have to focus on what I'm doing and control my voice, which was why I had to do what you were doing and end up sounding like I'd just escaped from a helium factory."
"I do not sound that bad," Jack said, indignantly.
The Doctor leaned in close to Rose.
"No comment," he murmured to her.
Rose giggled when Jack eyed him.
"But, I think that's enough chit chat for now," the Doctor said, reaching into his bra and pulling out his sonic screwdriver. "Time to get out of here."
"Can't come soon enough for me," Rose replied.
The Doctor helped her to her feet and held her hand. He looked at Jack, who was staring thoughtfully at the other women.
"No, Jack," the Doctor muttered.
"Aw, come on, can't they come with us?" Jack asked.
"Jack, it's gonna be difficult enough for the three of us to escape, let alone forty of us, now come on."
"Well, can't we stop this Balome guy?" Jack whispered, gesturing to the women. "I mean, these women are being held against their will."
"And I suppose you wanna liberate them, so you can have a huge orgy back on the TARDIS."
"Well, now that you mention it…"
"Jack!"
"Alright, no, I just think we should get these women out of here."
"Okay, do you have any plans then for getting forty women out of the palace unseen?" the Doctor asked.
Jack looked around at the women. As he did, an idea came to mind, and he grinned at the Doctor.
"As a matter of fact, I do," he said.
The Doctor looked at Rose.
"Okay, now I'm worried, because the last time he got an idea, I ended up looking like this, so this can't be good," he said, to her.
He sighed.
"Okay, Harkness, what's your plan?" he said, leaning in.
Jack grinned and began to whisper to them.