Naboo was trapped under a duvet of babies, watching Labyrinth. Well just two babies, but they both endeavoured to take up as much space as they possibly could and Naboo's lap wasn't all that big to begin with. Howard was hiding his face every time something loud happened in the film. Vince was looking at the screen starry eyed, bouncing up and down.
"Stop pushing Howard, Vince. I don't want to have to separate you," Naboo mildly scolded the more energetic baby.
Howard was slowly being pushed farther and farther to one side until finally Naboo wedged them in on either side of him. Vince whinged for a bit and reached over his lap to try and poke Howard, but then Dance Magic started and he settled right down.
"You wouldn't mind if David Bowie came to take you away, would you Vince," Naboo said with some exasperation, "To be honest I don't know if I'd mind if he took you away and gave me some peace for five minutes."
There was a ring at the doorbell and Naboo left the babies with Bollo to go and answer it. There was a group of goblins with a clipboard standing outside the door.
"Excuse me, but would you like to clarify your previous statement in the form of a wish?" the largest one asked in a high pitched squeak.
"No. Piss off," Naboo said irritably.
"Only doing our job," the head goblin protested.
"Well you've done it, now piss off. I'm not giving Vince away to Bowie. No matter how annoyed he'll be with me later on when I tell him."
The goblins shuffled off, swearing incomprehensibly, into the darkness. Naboo went back upstairs to find Vince and Howard asleep, leaning against each other.
"Bowie'll have to get his own babies, these ones are mine," he muttered and put a blanket over them. "Mind them for a bit, yeah Bollo? I'm going to kip for a bit while their not in the bed."
Bollo nodded silently and Naboo trudged quietly towards his bedroom. He sprawled out on the bed and felt strange. He was so used to sleeping wedged into the very edge of the bed with a hand hovering over the two round little bodies, that he couldn't get used to having so much room. Sighing, he put a pile of laundry on the bed and lay down beside it, letting it take up most of the bed.
~-~-~-~-~-~
"Sleep well?" Bollo asked when he emerged four hours later.
"Like a baby," Naboo replied, "I woke up screaming every half hour and wet the bed."
Bollo was almost certain that this had been intended ironically, but made a mental note to change the sheets just in case. Naboo took Vince from Bollo's arms, who was grabbing at his familiar's face.
"You're the naughtiest baby in the whole world," he said indulgently and Vince gurgled delightedly as thought this was the most flattering thing that he'd ever heard.
"Saboo and Tony haven't been in touch?" Naboo asked distractedly, letting Vince suck his finger.
Bollo grunted and shook his head. Naboo didn't seem to be overly concerned.
"Do you want some diced bananas and yoghurt?" he said dreamily.
"If you're making-" Bollo began before Naboo gave him a withering glare.
"I was talking to Vince. Where's Howard?" he asked, "You have been playing with him too haven't you?" he asked, "You can't neglect him just because Vince makes a fuss."
"Playing with blocks," Bollo replied.
Naboo kissed Vince's cheek and gave him back to Bollo before going over to the playpen. Howard looked up at him with a block in both hands. He was banging them together with a look of deep concentration.
"What clever boy figured out 3 4 time all by himself?" asked Naboo, picking Howard up in his arms and giving him a cuddle.
"You did!" he continued, poking Howard's belly, "Come on, lets make some bananas. You can be my little helper while Vince twists Bollo round his little finger."
He went into the kitchen with Howard resting in the crook of him arm and he mashed overripe bananas with his other hand, placing them into two plastic bowls and pouring yoghurt over them. He'd been giving them some solids over the past few days. When Vince had stolen an entire baked potato off his plate and chewed it triumphantly, he'd thought that they were ready to be tried some proper food. He called to Bollo to bring Vince in for his food.
"Here, we'll swop," he said, holding Howard out.
They both leaned in towards each other sideways and after some manoeuvring, successfully transferred the infants into each other's arms. The last time Bollo had tried to feed Vince, he'd been washing baked beans out of his fur for hours.
Naboo sat down with Vince on his knee and reached for a spoon. Vince batted at his arm and screwed up his face. He spooned a small amount of bananas the spoon and started to go through a succession of mimes to try and get Vine to open his mouth.
"Here comes the aeroplane, nyerm! No? How about Gary Numan's aeroplane better," he hummed the opening few bars to Cars and Vince looked at him with as much disdain as his little face could muster. "I'm doing my best! I'm a shaman not an eighties pop star. How about a train? Woo woo!"
Meanwhile, Howard was graciously opening his mouth for the mashed bananas and swallowing without a fuss.
"Oh no, Vince. I think Howard's winning the race. He's going to see the bottom of his bowl first."
Somehow, this approach worked and Vince dropped his jaw instantly. Naboo sighed in relief and fed the baby gratefully.
His mind began to drift and he thought about Tony Harrison and Saboo. What if they never came back from Xooberon? What if they had to wait for Howard and Vince to grow up in real time? He thought about Vince going through the terrible twos, Howard being bullied in school, Vince being beaten up by chavs for wearing makeup, Vince being looked at by scary middle aged men in the park, Howard going though puberty five years ahead of the other kids in his class.
He couldn't do it. It would break his heart. Time wasn't a problem for him, he'd stay exactly the same, physically, while they grew up and Bollo, as long as he was Naboo's familiar, would live as long as he did. But, he didn't want to see them growing up vulnerable and being hurt by the world. He loved them too much.
Vince squeaked at him and pinched his arm. He apologised softly and spooned him another mouthful of yoghurty bananas.
A/N: I've realised while writing this, that I'm actually basing baby Vince and Howard, almost exactly, on two of my younger sisters. Genevieve, whose the Vince in this scenario, was the naughtiest baby in the world. She once cried so hard and for so long that the doctor thought that she had meningitis. Turned out that she just fancied a cry. Her first word was "no!" and her first sentence was "I want the whole packet!" She actually did steal a potato from my mum as well when she was, maybe, six months old. That was more cute than anything else though.
Beatrice, my basis for baby Howard, was the sweetest, easiest baby. She hardly ever cried, she didn't get nervous of strangers or fuss. She's a complete ghoul these days, though. She's the only ten year old in the world who hates High School Musical, she likes unhappy endings and death in films and HSM just didn't make the cut.