"Oh no you didn't!"
"Oh yes I did, whatcha gonna do about it?"
"Mate, you wanna go, I'll fight you with my Happy Meal toy and win!"
"I'd like to see you try."
Looking the impish guy right in the eye I ripped off the head of my newest toy. My smile turned maniacal when it grew into a golden spear. My own little pony armoury! Valdez just looked confused for a moment then we sprang into action. Vaulting over the table I slammed the butt of my spear into his place of tacos.
"Not my TACOOOOOOOOS!"
"Fear the wrath of my taco destroyer Valdez, fear my ponies"
"Never! Ponies don't scare me. YOU WILL NEVER WIN! I HAVE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF TACOS! VIVA LA TACOS!"
Valdez reached into his tool belt and pulled out more tacos. It was an awesome belt, all magical and shit. Then the taco throwing started. I'm surprised an entire camp of ADHD kids didn't immediately join in but I guess they were too stunned but my taco dodging prowess. I had him cornered, he was tiring and I still have my secret weapon, my ability to create weird situations on cue. MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.
"Not bad Valdez but I shall unleash my secret weapon."
I threw my spear away and dived for a plate of nuggets a Harpy was holding.
"Prepare yourself Valdez, the nuggets are coming!"
Plates full of nuggets were exchanged between us but my weeb powers kept me strong enough to destroy this baka.
"I surrender to your battle prowess, great nugget thrower, please spare me, just a humble taco lover."
We both collapsed into laughter, a stunned camp our audience. Chiron did not look impressed but Leo and I did not look to impressive covered in taco and nuggets either. Chiron led us to the big house. It was a boring lecture my brain decided to skip. I spent my time being lectured in the big house removing chunks of food from my hair and face. I'm gonna need a shower after this. I returned to my cabin late after saying goodbye to my impish new friend Leo.
Hours later I was awoken by a loud blow horn. I peered through squinty eyes to see Leo grinning down at me.
"Rise and shine sleepy head, the sun is up."
"Urg go away Leooooo, m'tired."
"Breakfast is in the pavilion."
I shot out of bed faster than a speeding bullet, threw on a random orange shirt and raced to the pavilion, Leo at my side.
"How did you get into my cabin?"
"No door is locked when you're a son of Hephaestus."
"Nice to know."
Food glorious food. Mmm, do they serve Maccas with breakfast, I could really go for a McOz right now. All the beetroot and cheese and tomato and MEAT. SOO MUCH MEAT. My stomach decided to tell me to hurry up and hurry I did. At the pavilion I consumed everything in sight. Practically inhaling my food.
"So, what are our cabins doing today?"
"I think we were both assigned to sword fighting with Ares."
"Joy! Don't you have any friends at this camp?"
"Yeah, but they're all currently in New Rome or wandering the country."
"Oh, sounds like fun, why aren't you with them."
"I like my limbs attached, ALL OF THEM."
"Reasonable. Noooo, no more food" cries
"C'mon, we gotta run to the arena."
Sighs. Sport. Active. Urg.
The arena was not fun. Bitch fucker Ares chick went all commander on my ass. She wasn't even on my level. Level 69 Death Knight that is. She made me do stuff, WITH OTHER PEOPLE. Shudders. It was saddening. I am no athlete. At least she hasn't broken any bones yet.
CRACK. Spoke too soon.
"LEO! The fuck was that for wench. You can't just break his arm! Psycho crazy bitch!"
"Now I wish I went with them, then the limbs would be removed and not STICKING OUT AT ODD ANGLES! CLARISSE FUCKING WATCH IT!"
"Leeeeeeeeeeo, let's leave this wench and see what Apollo has to offer."
"Not a bad idea newbie."
"We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz."
"Shut up McShizzle or your arm won't be your only broken appendage."
Aah, the infirmary, domain of those that shine like the sun, Apollo campers. Bleh, too much light if you ask me. The sun it burns.
"Hey Leo, you feline down. Get it, Leo and Lion. Ha."
"Please leave. Currently dying."
"Take some nectar wimp, see you at dinner."
What a partay pooper. Won't even let a guy he's known less than a day laugh at his pain. Eh, I'll just find a dark place to sleep and plot murder of my little ponies. Hehehe, all the ponies.
Sleep. Dream. Mmm nuggets, mmm burger, mmm wrap, murder pony. My dreams are awesome! Best dream ever! I was a level 69 death knight stabbing all the ponies who were defending Happy Meals. I broke through enemy pony lines to consume ALL THE HAPPY MEALS. What time is it? Best head to the pavilion for dinner. Mmm. Leo, what's he doing here?
"You missed dinner, idiot."
"WHAAT NO! Did you save me a Happy Meal?!"
"Yes and you better be happy for it, almost lost my arm saving it from Nico."
"Who?"
"Doesn't matter, you'll see him soon…"
"Why so ominous?"