Shades of Denial

2 | In Which It Begins

December 25, 2016

Sometimes she hated Christmas.

Maybe not Christmas itself, but definitely her grandparents' annual Christmas party held at the Burrow.

There were always too many people and it was loud. She felt crowded and claustrophobic, and there was no place to get away from it. What made it worse was her best friends Ginger and Harriet couldn't get away from their families to join her this year.

Victoire downed the rest of her cider and set the glass on the closest surface. She was going to find someplace quiet or heads were going to roll.

She heard the door open and then the room chorused, "Teddy!"

Her heart jumped into her throat and she paused on the stairs, turning her head to look. Sure enough, there he was, standing there with his best friend Jesse Walker. She hadn't seen him since the Midsummer party in July, and even then he was only there for a little while. He didn't even come to King's Cross on September 1 because he was too busy working.

There was something different about him, she felt, as her eyes roamed his familiar features. Physically, his hair (which was a vibrant shade of turquoise, meaning he was feeling comfortable) was longer and shaggier. There was stubble on his chin. Yes, he looked different, but that wasn't it. His presence felt different.

But those eyes...They were the same. Relatively speaking, with him being a Metamorphmagus and all. They were midnight blue, her favorite shade. She could swim in those eyes.

Blinking, she realized that she'd been staring at him, and he'd seen. She offered him a small smile and a wave before retreating upstairs.

Luckily, her father's old room was empty and she didn't have to kick anyone out of it. She went over to the window and opened it. Then she stood on the sill and reached for the drainage pipe next to it. Carefully she shimmied up the pipe and sat on the roof above the window, which formed a nicely sized ledge.

She could still hear the noise and commotion downstairs, but here she was above it all. The cold night air also helped ease her headache.

Half an hour later she heard the bedroom door open and someone stumble in. She dangled her legs off the edge so the person could see she was on the roof. The person approached the window and stuck his head out. She smiled when she saw it was Teddy.

"Toire!" he exclaimed, and she wrinkled her nose playfully at the nickname. Most people called her Vic or Vicky, and he was the only person in the world that's allowed to call her Toire.

Teddy held up a bottle to her and she took it, restraining her laughter as he clumsily crawled up the pipe and sat practically on top of her. His eyes, much to her disappointment, had changed to a muddy brown. His hair was dark green tinted with brown, which meant that he was confused. It was always this color when he was intoxicated, which - judging from the mead bottle in her hands and the smell of his breath - she guessed he was.

"Figured you were up here," he drawled, his face far too close to hers. She could feel his breath wash over her face, and it gave her goose bumps. "You never liked loud crowds."

"How are you, Ted?" she asked faintly, turning her face away. "I haven't seen you in a while."

He took the bottle from her hands and took a swig. "I've been..." he started, but trailed off into garbled nonsense and shrugged.

"How's work?"

He grinned.

After graduation last June, Teddy was immediately accepted into the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures in the Ministry, and he chose to work in the Beast Division. He was brilliant at it, but that was to be expected. He got an Outstanding on his Care of Magical Creatures N.E.W.T. Hagrid cried, he was so happy.

"Work is work," he replied. "I love it, but...I dunno, Toire, I'm just not exactly happy."

She frowned and looked at him with worry. He didn't meet her eyes; he was fixed on the stars above them.

"I just feel like I belong somewhere else." He sipped the mead again. "I haven't been myself lately, Toire."

"Why not?"

He sighed, shoulders sagging heavily with defeat. "It's hard. Those people expect...I don't know. They expect so much. They expect me to be a hero, like my parents."

His eyes darkened, but he finally met Victoire's gaze and smiled.

She blushed and looked away again, and he leaned close, breathing in her ear,

"They don't know me like you do. Nobody does."

A shiver ran up her spine and the hairs on the back of her neck rose.

"Not even Jesse?" she asked, her voice tight.

Unexpectedly, he laughed out loud. "I can't burden Jesse with my problems right now."

"Why not?"

He grinned. "He got engaged."

"What?!" she shrieked.

Teddy laughed louder and nodded. "You 'member Divity Loveday? 'Course you do. She's a hard one to forget..."

"I thought they broke up when she graduated last year."

"Well they met up in June, they got together again in August, and he popped the question last week."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

He shook his head agitatedly and his hair briefly turned maroon (angry) before returning to green-brown. "I'm a mess, Toire."

She frowned. "No you're not."

He simply shook his head slowly. "Jess has it all figured out. He's getting married, he has a career. He has his life figured out."

Victoire was speechless. She'd never heard him talk like this. Teddy was always so cool and confident. She never knew this scared, vulnerable side of him existed. And she thought she knew him the best out of everybody.

"You know he asked me to be his best man?"

"That's great," she whispered.

He nodded. "You know, Jesse has always looked up to me. He told me one day, in our fifth year. He said I'm his role model." He chuckled darkly. "Well maybe I should tell him that his role model has turned into a screw up."

"Ted Remus Lupin," Victoire hissed, earning a startled look from Teddy. "You are not a screw up. Don't you ever say that about yourself. You are brave, kind, smart, and loyal. So stop this little pity party and get yourself together."

Teddy blinked and then smiled at her. He leaned his head on her shoulder and she suddenly couldn't breathe.

"See, Toire? You always know what to say."

He nuzzled his face in her neck and her skin was on fire. She impulsively grabbed the mead and took a few swallows. Her heart was beating so loudly that she was sure he could hear it. They hadn't been like this in a long time.

"What happened to us, Toire? We used to be so close."

"We are close," she said, almost inaudibly.

He shook his head. "When was the last time we talked like this?"

She was silent and answerless.

Teddy leaned very close to her again and put a hand on the side of her face, his eyes wild and bright green. "You can't leave me, Toire. I can't lose you."

She nodded and felt lightheaded. "You won't lose me, Teddy."

"I can't, I just can't," he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers and closing his eyes.

"I'm always here," she breathed. "Always."

"Toire..."

And before she even had a chance to respond, his lips were on hers.

The beast within her was released. Her mind went blank and she let the beast's hunger control her. She pressed her body against his and wrapped her arms around his neck as she fiercely kissed him back. Gently, he laid her down, keeping one hand on her face and the other on her hip.

They snogged for several minutes until Victoire accidentally knocked the mead bottle off the roof. It crashed on the ground and they broke apart.

Breathing heavily, they looked at each other for a moment. His hair was a vibrant red-violet. That usually meant he was feeling either violent or horny. She figured it was the latter. His pupils were dilated and his lips were swollen.

"I'm sorry."

Her heart froze at the broken whisper that came from his lips. Without another word – and without looking at her again – he slid down the pipe and disappeared through the window.

She didn't cry until she heard the bedroom door close again. And even then she only allowed half-restrained sobs to break the silence of the night around her. The only other sound she heard was the breaking of her heart.

It was like third year all over again, only this time she knew that they would never be the same again.