Disclaimer: I don't own it.

You have learned something. That always feels at first as if you had lost something. ~H.G. Wells

Chapter One

May 2010...

"Yo, Jake, you here?" I yelled, throwing my back pack on the floor and kicking off my shoes. Finals were finally fucking over and I was ready to relax and just be lazy and drunk for the next three months.

"In the living room."

I stopped by the kitchen and grabbed a couple of beers before falling onto the couch beside Jake and tossing him one.

"Thanks man," he said, never taking his eyes off the game he was playing. Jake and I had been best friends since freshman year. We'd met during rush week and immediately hit it off. He was laid back, funny, and a genuinely nice guy. After freshman year we got an apartment off campus and have lived here the past two years. Which is why I wasn't looking forward to the conversation we were about to have.

"So uh, you know how Maggie has been bugging me about us moving in together," I started, noticing how Jake's jaw tightened. He really hated Maggie, I just couldn't figure out why. She was a little much to take sometimes and liked to party a lot, but we'd been together for almost as long as Jake and I had been friends. As far as I knew she'd always been cool with him.

"Anyway, I think that when I move back here for fall semester, we're going to get a place together. I just wanted to give you the summer to find another roommate."

Jake popped the top off of the beer I gave him and downed half of it in one swallow. He leaned forward on the couch resting his elbows on his knees before turning his head to the side and looking over at me.

"Dude, I thought you said you weren't going to move in together until you were at least engaged. What changed?"

"Well," I said awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck.

"No fucking way," he deadpanned. He stared at me for a second, obviously waiting for me to tell him that I wasn't going to ask her to marry me. But the truth was that's exactly what I was going to do. We'd been together for years, she wanted to marry me and, fuck, I loved her. I'd never been in love before her, but I figured what I felt was enough. Sure I didn't get those fucking butterflies you hear about in the movies, but that was all bullshit anyway. I was comfortable. I was happy. We never fought; it was easy, familiar.

"Dude, what the fuck are you thinking?" Jake asked, his voice low and controlled, as he tried to remain calm. But I knew Jake, he was about to lose it. And honestly, this shit was getting so old. I was tired of always having to explain myself when it came to Maggie. If it wasn't to Jake, it was to my brother Emmett or his girlfriend Rose.

"I'm thinking that I'm going to ask the girl I've been dating for nearly three years to marry me," I yelled angrily, jumping to my feet.

"But she's not right for you man, you're fucking settling and you know it," he yelled back, slamming his bottle down on the coffee table and matching my stance.

"Fuck you Jake. Just because some bitch broke your heart doesn't mean all girls are like that. I told you Leah was fucking trouble." As soon as I said those words I felt like shit. Jake met Leah our sophomore year and he fell for her, fast and hard. But I knew she was on the rebound and if given chance to get back with her ex she'd drop Jake in a heartbeat. Which is exactly what happened. Which is why when his fist connected with the side of my face I wasn't even mad, I deserved that shit.

I stumbled back, wiping the blood from my lip as Jake stood in front of me, his entire body vibrating with anger. His eyes were hard, challenging, but there was something else there, something darker, deeper, pained. He shook his head at me, screwing his eyes shut tightly before looking me dead in the eye and speaking with such conviction that it made my blood run cold.

"You'll see man. You'll see. She's not as fucking perfect as you think." Then he turned and stormed out the front door, slamming it shut behind him so forcefully that the picture on the wall fell to the floor, the glass shattering. I took a deep breath, resigned to the fact that Jake would never be the same after Leah, and that I was an asshole for bringing it up.

After cleaning up the broken glass I jumped in the shower and got ready for tonight. I really wanted to stay the fuck home and chill, but Maggie was all about going out and partying, and now that finals were over there were going to be fucking parties everywhere.

We'd been at the frat house for about three hours and I was ready to call it a night. Finals had drained me, and my fight with Jake had added to my stress about proposing to Maggie, both my mind and body were ready to collapse.

"Are you ready to go yet?" I asked, sliding up next to Maggie and wrapping my arm around her waist. She looked up and grinned at me, her eyes glazed over. Pretty sure the sixth Jagerbomb she'd shot had something to do with that. She poked her lip out dramatically and batted her eyes and, fuck, I should have known better than to think I could get her out of here before midnight.

"Just a little longer, please. I promise we'll leave soon, I just want to tell a few people bye since I won't see them over the summer." I rolled my eyes at her but nodded my head anyway, knowing that another hour or so wasn't going to fucking kill me. Plus I still hadn't seen Jake and I was starting to get worried, he should have been here already.

I fucked around with some of the guys in the kitchen, just hanging out and playing cards. I was on my sixth beer, and I needed to fucking stop now if I expected to get Maggie out of here. Carrying her drunk ass back to my place was hard enough sober, we'd both end up in the bushes if I was drunk, too.

"Have you seen Maggie?" I asked Jared, one of my brothers, as I scanned the room.

"Uh, a while ago, she was downstairs talking to a few girls, but I think someone got sick so I'm pretty sure everyone cleared out of there from the looks of all the people crammed up here."

"Okay, thanks man." I started to walk away when Jared grabbed my arm to stop me. "What's up?"

"What's up with Jake man?"

"What do you mean?" I didn't even realize that he was here. I wondered how I missed his big ass.

"He's here, and he's fucking ripped dude. Like I haven't seen him this fucked up since freshman year." Fuck. I knew I shouldn't have brought up Leah today, now he was going to be nursing one hell of a fucking hangover tomorrow.

"He's just stressed, with school and shit, I'll go find him and get him home." I said, walking towards the basement. It was probably him that got sick, he never could hold his fucking liquor.

I walked down the stairs, the smell of vomit assaulting me immediately. Fuck, that shit was rank. I heard someone moaning and pulled the neck of my t shirt over my mouth and nose, fucking light weight.

I maneuvered around all of the empty bottles and cans and random fucking trash all over the floor, making my way over to the couch. I had spent a lot of fucking time down here in this basement; it was probably my favorite part of the house. It was fucking huge with a pool table, foosball table, and dart board when you first come in, then in the back was a couch facing a huge fucking television mounted on the wall.

As I got closer to the couch I realized that the moaning I'd heard was not the kind of moaning I'd originally thought. Fuck, how anyone could have sex down here with that fucking smell was insane. I turned to leave them to it when a voice I'd know anywhere stopped me cold.

"What made you change your mind?" Maggie breathed in a voice that I was so fucking familiar with. She always got so soft and sweet and just fucking girl when we were together. It was one of my favorite things about her. How she could be so tough and strong, but when we were together her hard exterior just fell away and she fucking melted into me.

"I just want to make sure you get everything you deserve," Jake slurred. I felt bile rise in my throat, hurt and anger surging through by body. I spun on my heel, taking measured and calculated steps towards the couch. A huge part of me hoping that I was hearing things, that it was not what it sounded like; that my best friend was not fucking my girlfriend. As soon as I got close enough to the back of the couch I knew that wouldn't be the case as I watched Maggie's naked back move rhythmically over Jake. I stared at them, blinking repeatedly, still hoping that the image in front of me would change, shift, be anything but what I was seeing.

"The fuck," I whispered, or at least I thought I did, but the way Maggie's head snapped up and her mouth dropped open let me know she fucking heard me.

"Ed-" Maggie started before Jake's arms shot up and and roughly shoved her backwards, sending her body to the opposite end of the couch. He jumped up, yanking up his jeans then stumbled, falling into the coffee table sending bottles and cans flying as the impact of his body snapped the cheap wooden frame in two. The cord of a game controller tangled with his body, ripping the console from the shelf and crashing to the floor.

Maggie scrambled to snatch her clothes over her head as footsteps thundered down the stairs, no doubt hearing the loud noises. I watched the scene in front of me unfold like I wasn't actually there, a spectator floating on the edge of this fucked up reality and not in the starring fucking role.

"Oh shit," someone from behind whispered as Jake slowly rolled from his side in the middle of the busted coffee table to his feet. He grabbed the arm of the couch to pull himself up as he swayed from side to side. Maggie hadn't attempted to speak, but her quiet sniffles were loud pulsing drums beat in my ears in the deadly quiet room.

Jake's face was remorseful, but there was something else there, too. He looked almost triumphant, like he'd won, that he'd proved himself. In a way I guess he had, he'd just shown me that Maggie was no different from Leah or any other girl, but that didn't mean I wasn't about to kick his fucking ass.

I didn't speak as I walked around the edge of the couch and stood in front of him. Words were pointless, there was no need to talk shit or build up the fucking drama for everyone around us. He was my best friend and he fucking betrayed me. My arm swung back then snapped forward, hooking around to the left side of his face and connecting with his eye.

He fell back into the broken table once again before I was on him. I don't know how many times I hit him, or how many people it took to pull me off, but I did know among the chaos and blood and shrill screams from Maggie that I'd just lost my best friend and girlfriend in one night. And as angry as I fucking was, I was fucking devastated.

"I told you Edward, they're all the same," he slurred as two guys lifted him from the floor. He wiped the blood running down the side of his face with the back of his hand, staring at it for a beat before wiping it against his jeans.

"She's fucking trashed, Jake!" I yelled, pointing at Maggie. I knew what I heard, but fuck, people did stupid fucking shit when they were drunk, right? I needed this to make fucking sense for me right now.

"She's been trying to get on my dick for over a year, dude. Why the fuck do you think I hate being around her ass? If she's trying to fuck me, who else is she fucking?" he asked, jerking his body away from the guys still holding on to him.

"You're lying." But there was no heat behind my words as I looked over at Maggie. She was shaking her head back and forth quickly, mouthing the word 'no' over and over again. But there was something in her eyes, a wild cornered look that made her look desperate, caught.

"I'm not."

"So, what? You had to fuck her? Here? Like this?" I asked, throwing my arms wide. There were people everywhere, I could not possibly have been humiliated any fucking more than I was now. If his intention was to hurt me then he fucking did so, spectacularly.

"No, I-" he stuttered, looking around the room, seemingly taking in the scene around him for the first time. I shook my head at him, chuckling. I'd had enough of this shit.

"You know what? It doesn't matter. Fuck you both." I turned and walked up the stairs, pulling out my phone and calling my brother Emmett. He was a year younger than me, but lived with Rose in an apartment off campus. It rang twice before he answered.

"Sup, bro?"

"Hey, Em, can you come pick me up?" I didn't want to go back to the apartment, and I knew that Em and Rose would leave me the fuck alone and give me space until I was ready to deal with all of this shit.

"You okay, man?" I didn't know how to answer that shit so I didn't.

"Meet me at my apartment in twenty?" I answered instead.

"On my way."

"Thanks." I closed my phone, turning it off and walked back to my apartment to grab some shit and get out of there. I didn't want to hear apologies or condolences or people's mock outrage at what happened tonight just so they could try and get more details. I was so done with this shit, with these people. Three days and I'd be back home and I could forget this shit and let the dust settle.

June 21, 2010

Yesterday was my birthday, not that I remember much. Emmett rode my ass until I finally agreed to go out for a while. I woke up in some chick's shitty apartment naked and hungover. I didn't know her name, didn't really give a fuck either. I grabbed my shit and left without waking her. It didn't matter, she wouldn't care, they really are all the same. Happy fucking birthday to me.

A/N

Holy crap! I am BLOWN away by the number of alerts and favorites and tweets I've gotten in response to this story. I am humbled that you take the time out of your day to read and share with me. Meg and Oh Werd beta like machines and I couldn't do this without them. Jules pre-reads and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. And to top it off TwistedInMasen made me a BEAUTIFUL banner that you guys have to check out on my profile. Thanks for reading! Puffies!