Stella Dies Free

University: I'm surprised you have time for this.

Me: If I don't do something else sometimes, you'll eat my brain.

University: Hehe. You think I haven't already?

Me: !

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Seed Destiny

Chapter 2: Memories

"Mama, look look!"

Her mother laughed, that gentle, slightly wheezing noise that always warmed her heart. Stella kicked her feet against the sofa and frantically waved the older woman over, all without looking away from the television. It was a figure skating competition; a young girl in a red dress was elegantly sweeping from one end of the rink to the other, to the sounds of beautiful music. Stella had never seen anything so beautiful. "Oh yes. Marvelous, isn't it?"

"She's dancing. On ice!" Stella turned towards her. "Can I learn to do that, mama? Dance on ice?"

She smiled back at her daughter. "You are already my little dancer. Of course you can. You can do anything you put your brilliant mind to."

Stella cheered and wrapped her arms around her mother's stomach, taking care not to hug too hard because sometimes mama had trouble breathing...

Stella woke abruptly. She blinked a few times before the ceiling of the Minerva's infirmary came into focus. Shinn was gone, again, but his jacket was wrapped around her shoulders, supporting her neck and head. The doctor and nurse were talking quietly, bent over a series of charts. For a second she thought they were the Lodonia monsters...but no, she remembered them. They were there when Shinn was there. So they couldn't be monsters.

She let out a tiny, relieved sigh. Then she noticed she was tied down at the wrists and ankles again. Her heart sank. She was always tied down in Lodonia. Being tied down meant the needles were coming...

"Why?" She asked plaintively.

The doctor jumped out of his skin before spinning towards her. The nurse was no less surprised. She hadn't spoken to them at all before. Stella flinched, no less surprised than them when she realized she had spoken, and quickly buried her face in her pillow. She focused on keeping the tears away. Why were they going to give her needles? She had been good, hadn't she?

"What is it?" The nurse asked after a second. Stella tried to brace herself. "Is something wrong?"

Wait. They were talking to her? Was something wrong? Stella blinked, slowly lifting her head from the pillow. Yes, the woman was looking at her and asking her that question.

What should she say? Complaining was never welcome. But if you didn't answer when they talked to you, that made them angry too. Stella stewed on her potential response for several moments, wrestling with her fear and the desire to get out of these stupid binders. Eventually, she settled on pointedly shaking her wrists in the restraints.

"Oh." The nurse looked...what? What was with that funny expression? She seemed sad. "Those are to keep you from hurting yourself."

Stella looked blankly at her. Huh? That didn't make any sense. Hurt herself? Why would that matter? The nurse's funny face intensified, and she looked away for a moment. "If...if you continue to respond positively to the environment and treatment, we can have them removed."

...So they would remove them? It wasn't permanent. Not Lodonia. The monsters would never release her until it was time to break things. She nodded, to show she understood. The doctor smiled for a moment; he seemed pleased.

Stella ceased tugging at the restraints after that, and instead tried to think about her dreams. The dreams she'd been having ever since Shinn rescued her. I had a mother, she thought, I had mother, like Auel back at Lodonia...mother was sick, wasn't she? But...but if I had my mother, why did I end up in Lodonia?

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to summon more images, more fragments that might tell her the truth. Of course, her mind remained a black hole, and trying to draw from within it hurt. Mother wouldn't have sent me there. No. Mother loved me. Mother never would have let them hurt me. Then why? Why?

Maybe she needed to fall asleep again? Stella shuffled on the gurney, trying to get comfortable. Her muscles ached in protest of her every movement; her head hurt, though much less so than yesterday (she didn't know she'd been injected with morphine while she was asleep – in fact, the doctor figured it would be best to give her most of her medicine while she was asleep. Needles were likely associated with the EA doctors, and the less they triggered traumatic memories, the better) and the rest of her body felt numb, like she'd been twisted into a pretzel at one point, left like that for a few hours, and then disentangled in time to run for several miles. She'd been given a blanket during the night, though it had been removed for examination.

Why did everything have to hurt all the time?

Stella bit her lip. She was Extended. She wasn't supposed to care about pain. (She wasn't supposed to care about anything). Why was it bothering her now?

Was Auel in pain? Or Sting? Auel had been thrashing and panicking when she left. Did they fix him? Did they make him feel better?

Stella froze when something occurred to her. Auel and Sting were flying the other two Gundams. What if they attacked the Minerva? Or Shinn or Athrun? She shuddered at the thought, fear prickling in her stomach. They'd never won before. They were Phantom Pain, they weren't supposed to loose, but they never won. Shinn was a hero; Athrun was probably a hero too, if he was Shinn's superior. Heroes never lost. All the stories proved that.

Where were Auel and Sting right now? Were they okay, were they hurting, did they remember her? Were they worrying about her, like she was worrying about them? They were the only people she had been allowed to remember...

"...think it will offset some of the damage to her nervous system, but it's not a permanent fix. I need more information...if only half the data from Lodonia hadn't been deleted..."

Stella blinked and tilted her head towards the doctor. He was speaking in a hushed voice to the nurse...he was talking about her. They wanted to fix her? They were going to try to fix her? That was...only Neo had ever fixed her. She closed her eyes, hoping it wouldn't look like she was listening.

"...may be able to reconstruct something from it...at least create a delay...biggest medical facility is in Eurasia, would make contact problematic..."

Eurasia. Wasn't Phantom Pain supposed to have a mission in Eurasia? Stella frowned; Neo had said something like that, she was sure of it...Oh, but she wasn't supposed to tell. Neo wouldn't want her to tell anyone. She bit her lip again.

"...speak to the Captain, when she has a moment."

Stella hadn't seen the Captain yet. She had the odd thought that she probably should have been – what? Interrogated? – by this point. (not that an Extended would have had anything useful to offer. They were expendable suicide bombers, nothing more) Briefly she wondered if the Captain was another Neo, like Athrun.

She wondered if Athrun would come to visit her, like Shinn.

**~Line Break~**

Stella was ready to loose her mind.

She didn't know why; precisely. She'd never been left idle for long; she was always woken for her missions and spent most of the rest of her hours in a drugged up medical coma, to repress her memories and reprogram her. She'd never really been left with hours to herself until the day she met Shinn. And even then, technically, she'd been on a mission – to scout out the island, see what the standing military strength was, and report back. She'd never been left without commands, without a looming threat. Except now, she didn't have any of those things to think about. She should be, if not relaxed, then at least somewhat comfortable.

Instead she felt like she was going to go out of her gourd if she spent another hour stuck to this stupid bed, left with nothing to do but think and drive herself crazy asking questions she had no answers to. (like where is my mother?, or why did I go to Lodonia?, or why did these people look like monsters when they weren't?, or her favorite, what do I do now?) She -could- worm her way out of the restraints again, but that would count against 'good behavior', and she'd be stuck with them for longer.

Resisting the urge to bang her head against the back of the gurney – she was restless, damn it, restless – Stella tried to drag her mind off the looming, dark questions hanging over her to literally anything else. She tapped her fingers against the metal railing beneath the thin mattress, slowly drawing out a pattern. Like the core of a song? A song she'd heard a long time ago...

"...I see the angels, I'll lead them to you door...no escape now, no words no more..."

An image blinked in front of Stella's closed eyes. The little blonde girl – who was both her and not her, because she couldn't remember being her – was swaying in the middle of the living room; the couch had been pushed back and the extra chair removed. The girl jumped to the right, spun in a circle...she was dancing...

"...no remorse, for I still remember..."

Suddenly the room shattered, turning into a small, dark cell where the girl was curled up around something...someone...her hands were hot and sticky with something thick, golden hair slicked red, a wheezing whisper fading away-

"...the smile when you tore me apart."

Stella would have sat bolt upright if it weren't for the restraints, a faint scream escaping her lips. The image faded as quickly as it had dashed across her mind.

She took deep, gulping breaths, ignoring how her chest ached with effort to do so. That was...she shuddered. Her stomach seemed to be twisting itself into a knot. Fear chased the memory away. Not that song. Definitely not that song. She had other songs, didn't she? Trembling, she shifted in her bed again when the doors slid open, revealing Shinn. He had a tray of food with him.

"Dinner," He explained softly.

Stella looked at him in wonder – that was for her? All of it? – as he pulled a chair over and undid the restraints for her arms. She sat up, eyeing the tray; it included water and a dish full of noodles. Soft food, in other words (just in case her stomach rejected it). She tore into it with enthusiasm – she hadn't even realized she was hungry. (when was the last time she remembered eating a meal? Was it when she, Sting and Auel were alone in the house on the island?)

"Sorry I didn't come sooner; after patrol Rey got me talking about something and I lost track of time," Shinn said.

Stella eyed him quizzically. "Rey?" She echoed.

"Oh; Rey is my best friend, and one of the ZAKU pilots. The other one is Lunamaria." Shinn explained. "I met them both at the ZAFT academy, and we've been close ever since. They..." he paused just for a second, "they're here to watch my back."

"I haven't seen them," Stella noted through a mouthful of pasta. Her mind chattered at her. Shouldn't she be worried? Oh, but why would she be? Shinn liked them. They were Shinn's friends, so they couldn't be monsters.

"Well, we didn't want to overwhelm you." Shinn said apologetically. "How does the food taste?"

Stella smiled sweetly at him. "It's good. It's very good, thank you." She finished the tray and took the glass of water, slipping slowly. "I can actually taste it."

Shinn smiled in turn, though it was slightly strained. His fingers tensed and then relaxed, adding this sentence as kindling to the fire that raged in his heart. The rage that was nearly a living thing beneath his skin. Those people would pay for this, would pay for destroying this beautiful girl, if he had to scorch the fucking earth to ensure it. Some people only spoke one language, one that Shinn had learned well after his family died. When the dust finally settled, no one would attempt something like this while he was alive. He could guarantee that.

Stella took another drink and then looked contemplative. "Shinn? I think I remember my mother."

Shinn nearly jumped in surprise. "You do?"

Stella looked morose. "I...see things when I fall asleep. Little pieces of me I thought were long gone. And I see a woman I called mommy. She breathes funny, but she cared about me. But I don't know..." She frowned down at the floor. "I don't know where she went."

She's starting to remember things? Must go hand in hand with the drugs wearing off... The thought worried him; there was so much trauma at Lodonia he hoped that "Can you remember her name?"

The blonde sadly shook her head. "No." She looked pensive. "I wanted to dance, when I was little. Dance on ice. Mother said I could, it made her smile. ...I haven't had the chance."

He gently took her free hand and said, "Hey; when you feel better, there's no reason you can't." Her eyes brightened.

"Shinn? Can...Can I have music?"

"Yeah, of course. No problem."

**~Line Break~**

"Look to him," Lunamaria whispered from her place in the doorway. Shinn had brought Stella out of the hospital up to the deck; they were sitting together at the railings near the water, sharing a mobile music device. The female Extended was so sedate around him that the Captain was willing to allow her free roam as long as he was right beside her at all times. Shinn had thanked her profusely and immediately gone to Meryin, asking if she could let him access her music playlist. "It's like he's a totally different person."

"Not different...just calm." Rey corrected her, regarding Shinn with an odd expression on his face. "For some reason, when he's with her, the anger he's always fighting with dies to a simmer." His brow furrowed. "Perhaps it's because she's so vulnerable? Is it just that he can and will protect her?"

"You think it has something to do with what happened to his family?" Lunamaria asked in a hushed voice. Shinn, for all he was sincerely affectionate towards them both, immediately turned to stone when the subject came up. Luna still didn't know exactly what had happened to them – just that it had happened on Onogoro island, and it was the root reason for his prickly-at-best attitude towards his former home and the Princess.

"He doesn't treat her like family." Rey mused, watching them. Lousieer had started bobbing to the beat of whatever song they were listening to, and while he couldn't see Shinn's face he had a feeling his friend was smiling. From the description of how they met, Rey was fairly confident Shinn had fallen in love the moment he laid eyes on the girl. It didn't even strike the clone as that strange; Shinn was a creature of emotional extremes.

"Heh, I'm surprised you noticed," Luna said playfully. Rey started out of his thoughts and turned towards her. "Oh, don't look at me like that. You're usually completely blind and deaf when it comes to this. You never even figured out Kristen from Statistics had a crush on you until I told you, two years later." She grinned at him. "It's both refreshing and kind of ridiculous, you know."

"I..." Rey was taken aback for a second, before recovering. "It's not like that. I just know Shinn; he's not a hard man to read." I had noticed, he added silently, but a damaged clone who will die before his twenty fifth birthday has nothing to offer her. So I pretended I didn't.

Lunamaria sighed. "I wish Athrun was that easy to understand," She said ruefully. "I think he's still not sure what to make of any of us. ...And I have a feeling I don't really know him yet, either."

Rey felt an odd prickling feeling in his heart. "Commander Zala is a legendary pilot," he said, "but that doesn't mean he doesn't have his weaknesses. Luna, I know you admire him, but you have to remember that he is a legend, but also a man. And men can be laid low by any number of things."

Lunamaria opened her mouth to say something, hesitated, and then furrowed her brow. "I...huh. I wonder...can I just ask? Would he accept that?"

Some small part of Rey wished she wouldn't. He didn't acknowledge it.

**~Line Break~**

Stella lay back down on the bed, peacefully allowing the doctor to strap her back down. Shinn frowned, not liking the idea of leaving her tied up, but seeing her accept it without visible fear helped his nerves. She was still humming one of Meyrin's songs, an old country tune about a girl trashing her cheating boyfriend's truck. She didn't really understand the lyrics but she enjoyed the tune and the tone. She squeezed his arm before lying down to go to sleep.

As he left the infirmary, Shinn made up his mind to try and track down Stella's mother. It would be difficult with all of Stella's personal data eliminated (standard procedure when it came to Extended) but there was probably something, somewhere, that still existed. The Internet was a formidable opponent, after all.

She was playing in the garden, practicing the steps the dance instructor had shown her. She was so excited at the thought of the recital; hopefully her mother would feel well enough to go to it. She hopped over the fence and spun in a circle, tapping her shoes against the ground. She didn't see the black van with an interchangeable license plate pull to a stop a few feet away or the man who stepped out of it until a hand wrapped around her mouth and lifted her off the ground, dragging her into darkness.

Faintly she heard her mother crying out. Then there was nothing.

End Chapter

I figure the kids who were in the Extended Program were either street rats no one cared about, or kids abducted from lower income areas so no one would wonder where they disappeared to, if anyone. Stella falls into the latter catagory; Sting was probably a street kid. Auel was unique in that his mother was actually involved with the project itself.

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