Chapter 2: Aversion

No one's yelled at me yet… in other words Cuddy hasn't spotted me yet. She's, for once, not looking for me, seeing as I have the week off, but just in case, I'm hiding in the one place she'll never look.

"House! What are you doing in the clinic?" Her piercing voice called across the clinic, already making a scene. Maybe hiding right in front of her office wasn't the best idea, but then again I guess I wanted to see her in a way. It gives me something to do… something to drown out the voice.

"Catching up of course. I've come to miss this place." I declared loudly, while patting the counter for sentimental flare. She frowned… she's always frowning nowadays. Cuddy moved through the crowd of patients, so as to minimize the number of innocent causalities.

"House, you must be sick if you're actually volunteering yourself for clinic duty…" She joked, but her eyes betrayed her deepened worry. She sighed and used gestures to express her exasperation. "What can I do to make you rest?" Cuddy almost-almost pleaded. I, of course, didn't give in to her caring blue eyes.

"Hm…" I pretended to ponder her question and she frowned again. "Nothing I can think of that's legal." I quipped with a smirk.

"House, you were in a coma yesterday!" She exclaimed while on the brink of losing her temper. Even the clinic patients were trying to hide their interest in the newest form of entertainment.

"Actually the day before yesterday." I countered without a wasted breath.

"Same point!" She almost yelled, then realized her volume, and continued quietly yet urgently, "You need to rest. I've let you run around long enough and I won't hesitate to send you home with two security guards this time." She threatened and this time I knew she meant it. "Now please, go home and let your head recover. You can come back to work in a week." Cuddy begged…not almost begged, but really and truly begged. Something about the desperation in her voice threw me off guard and suddenly a word escaped my lips.

"I…" I stumbled, for once unsure of how to proceed or what the hell I wanted to say.

"What?" Cuddy looked at me with renewed interest, knowing instantly that I was hiding something important.

"I can't do that." I answered without much thought. My mind and my mouth didn't seem to be cooperating for the first time in my life.

"Why not?" Cuddy frowned with worry and unshielded concern. She obviously sensed that something was seriously wrong, but how could I tell her? She'd make a huge deal out of it. She might suspend me or, even worse, she'll try to help. I knew she would jump on it immediately and then strive to be my savior by sending me to therapy and prescribing anti-depressants...and that's not what I need.

So how do I tell her?

I don't.

"If you want me to rest… I'll rest here." I leveled.

"House… why do you make everything harder than it has to be?" She asked, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"I promise I'll be good, Mommy." I jabbed, hoping she'd drop her fruitless pursuit.

"Yeah… right." She said sarcastically. "I'm not going to let you sleep in your office all day. First, I don't trust you and second, you need bed rest. If you still refuse to go home then I'll admit you." She meant the last part as a threat, but it turned out to be exactly what I wanted.

"Fine." I replied curtly with a toothy grin. She was surprised; obviously assuming I'd fight the idea.

"Fine?" She questioned.

"Yeah, admit me to the hospital." I shrugged calmly. Now she definitely knew something was up.

"House…" Cuddy started hesitantly, "Are you okay?" She gave me a funny look as if I was a stranger. "If you're experiencing any symptoms of your head injury…you need to tell me." She stated hopefully.

"I'm fine… I…" My mouth was running again and my head was starting to throb. "It's not a symptom of the head injury." I finished, wishing she'd shut up.

"House, you don't look too good…what's going on?" Cuddy asked hesitantly. Her voice sounded distant and suddenly the room was tipping slightly, but I wasn't going to give in yet.

"Look, just… trust me." I pleaded, trying to maintain my balance.

"No." She answered bluntly, her face suddenly contorted in anger. "I'm not going to just take this on faith! If something's wrong I need to know." She pressured forcefully, once again catching me off guard.

"You'll… over react…" The words simply escaped my lips and were suddenly beyond my control.

"House, I'm not going to admit you unless you tell me." Cuddy continued, finding a break in my armor. She reached out her hand helpfully and her eyes were full of worry, but her voice was merciless or at least from my broken perspective.

"Never mind." I finally steadied myself and gained control of my thoughts… or so I reasoned. I was suddenly angry and it was all directed at the dean of medicine. My voice came out in a rush, but was brimming with hate. "How bout I drive myself to the nearest bar, get drunk, and then maybe I'll kill your boyfriend this time?" I spit out the words. So much for having control… "Then you'd wish you'd trusted me." I sneered while turning on my heel and heading out the double doors.

So that was what this was really about.

She's dead because of you.

"House." I heard her voice call out from behind me. She was following me, yet her voice was distant again. I couldn't distinguish the word, only the familiar tone, "House!" The second time she called out more forcefully, but my mind still couldn't process the word. My mind couldn't process anything. I wasn't sure where I was or even where I was going. Damn concussion.

"No." I said, not sure what I was answering to. "I just… just needed one damn favor and you couldn't even-even do that for me." I stumbled, both in thought and movement. Great now I'm delusional, I thought trying to focus on where I was.

"House… I'm sorry." I turned sharply to face her and found my world suddenly spinning in an episode of vertigo.

"Go to hell." I couldn't really hear her anymore… suddenly my cane was beyond my grip and a hand was clasping on to my shirt for dear life. I didn't have control and it scared me. I had no idea where I was or what I was doing and I began to panic. I shut my eyes and held on to the figure beside me, who I guessed was Cuddy. I hoped it was Cuddy.

I knew someone was watching. It's that strange unexplainable feeling that tells you that you're the sole focus of someone's attention. You don't even need your eyes open to know it. In this case, I was barely lucid and I knew it. I opened my eyes to identify the person and was overwhelmed by déjà vu. Wilson was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, his eyes hiding any emotion. I knew I had to be dreaming, but I had no strength to think or ponder reality. My eyelids became heavy very quickly and I was unconscious again.

He wishes you were dead instead of her. I saw it in his eyes when he came to visit you in the hospital. You saw it too.

I saw it too.